Who pays for the wedding...What's the American rule?

[Dancing Fire]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?
How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

 

[Rhea]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
The couple unless someone else volunteers to pay for it.

Did your parents pay for your wedding?
My parents paid for about 1/3 of it and gave us a couple of casserole dishes from our registry as a gift to us. His parents paid for about 1/10 of it as a gift to us.

Did your wedding cost $30k +?
Not even close. We couldn't have afforded it. We set a budget as a couple and planned the wedding we could afford. When our parents gave us money that was a nice gesture.

How many guests did you invited?
Invited around 100 and had 45 to one wedding and 22 to the other, including us. DH is English, I'm American and we had a small wedding in each country, mostly for the various sets of grandparents and our parents who were unable to travel.

Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..
Yes, DH's great aunt and uncle. His mother invited them. She said that we were free to invite whoever we wanted and wouldn't get involved. I'm not entirely clear on how it happened, but in a weird series of Chinese whispers they were invited by her. Rather than confronting them we did the thing where we laughed it off and told them their invitation must have gotten lost in the post.

 

[cflutist]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding? No, but my dad helped later
Did your wedding cost $30k +? no
How many guests did you invited? 100
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?.. none, we had the opposite problem where we paid for 4 no-shows @ 65 = $260 wasted

You are lucky DF to have a daughter, my dad paid for the entire Chinese Banquet for my brother.

For us, we were going to pay for our wedding and reception, but my dad said "You have to invite all of your aunts/uncles/cousins". We said why since we were paying and we were not close to any of them? He said I give you some money ... ok, but then we had to buy flowers for all of them to wear.

Reheasal Dinner for us was pizza at our place, cheaper and more relaxing than a sit-down dinner at a restaurant. Hubby's dad paid for that.

 

[madelise]

If you don't help contribute, please don't be the parent that forces the couple to invite YOUR friends. I think that's why Asian parents pay for it... because they always want to invite every single "aunty and uncle" from Hong Kong that they've ever met in the supermarket.

Is your daughter getting married, DF?

 

[msop04]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?

There are really no "rules" anymore, but traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding and reception, and the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon -- I've also read where the groom himself is expected to pay for the honeymoon.

We paid for our wedding (destination) and reception (back home) ourselves. Our parents paid for both bride's and groom's cakes and additional floral/decor for the reception.

Did your wedding cost $30k +?

Yes and no... We had a destination wedding/honeymoon combo and a separate reception once we returned home. Altogether, it would be... but separately, it would not be as much.

How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

Wedding: 13 guests... 11 relatives, 2 friends
Reception: approximately 120 guests

I don't think we had any uninvited guests -- thank goodness!!

 

[kenny]

In American the one with the nicest watch collection pays for the wedding.

 

[cflutist]

In American the one with the nicest watch collection pays for the wedding.

Good one Kenny, let's add the Octavia to it too.

 

[ForteKitty]

Most of my ABC friends paid for their own weddings, and they did have $30k+ weddings. Think most of them had between 100-150 guests? One couple had a $90k+ wedding in SF and they paid for everything themselves. Most of them were around 30-33 when they got married, so they were financially stable by then and didn't want to accept any money from parents.

Personally, I find weddings to be annoying and a big waste of money, so we eloped. We were also too lazy to plan a wedding. Took the money and went on vacations!

 

[Sky56]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?

Yes.

Did your wedding cost $30k +?

No, it cost $1,200 total and it was beautiful and perfect. My wealthy parents told me I could choose whatever I wanted for them to spend on the wedding and I chose an inexpensive wedding and a down payment on a house. My favorite restaurant only charged me $500 for great food and venue rental, my non-wedding gown dress cost $200 and the minister and the photographer were the same person. It was back in the 1980's when cost was less but it was still unbelievable how nice it was. We also had flowers and a friend made the very professional-looking wedding cake.

How many guests did you invited?

About 95 but only 65 showed up. It wasn't a surprise because it was a week before Christmas. The weather was atrocious. The greyest, rainiest, foggy day you could imagine.

Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

No, but there was a memorable guest. An old acquaintance of ours was invited. She used to have a nice job working in State road construction. We found out later she was in a new career...Hooker/Dominatrix. She showed up at our wedding in a leopard-skin catsuit. People approached me and asked if I was offended. I wasn't; I thought it was funny. (I knew it would make a good story to tell years later to the kids and grandkids we never had.)

 

[momhappy]

I don't believe that there are any rules any more about who pays for what. Sometimes family contributes in different ways and sometimes they don't. I'm sure it varies from culture to culture. I think that many couples pay for their own weddings these days. I paid for mine, but had a couple of random contributions from a couple of relatives (like my mom wanted to contribute to my dress purchase, etc.).

 

[Dancing Fire]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding? No, but my dad helped later
Did your wedding cost $30k +? no
How many guests did you invited? 100
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?.. none, we had the opposite problem where we paid for 4 no-shows @ 65 = $260 wasted

You are lucky DF to have a daughter, my dad paid for the entire Chinese Banquet for my brother.

For us, we were going to pay for our wedding and reception, but my dad said "You have to invite all of your aunts/uncles/cousins". We said why since we were paying and we were not close to any of them? He said I give you some money ... ok, but then we had to buy flowers for all of them to wear.

Reheasal Dinner for us was pizza at our place, cheaper and more relaxing than a sit-down dinner at a restaurant. Hubby's dad paid for that.

That's the old Chinese tradition.. but mostly like we'll end up paying part of the Chinese banquet b/c I'll invite a lot friends. I told my daughter that she won't lose money for inviting my friends, you know lots of "red envelopes"..

 

[monarch64]

Parents paid for my first wedding. I don't think they spent $30k. I think my mother mentioned once it was getting close to $25k but that was with all the expenses they themselves had incurred with their own accomodations, etc. (I got married in Chicago and they lived in Indiana). We invited 150, and I think we had 115 in attendance. No uninvited guests came--we offered all single guests a "Plus One."
We paid for the DJ and like an additional 2 hours of open bar or something like that. Maybe a few little extras that my parents thought were unnecessary. Groom's family paid for a very nice rehearsal dinner at a somewhat formal restaurant. It was a great day--too bad it all went downhill from there!

 

[Dancing Fire]

If you don't help contribute, please don't be the parent that forces the couple to invite YOUR friends. I think that's why Asian parents pay for it... because they always want to invite every single "aunty and uncle" from Hong Kong that they've ever met in the supermarket.

Is your daughter getting married, DF?

Yes, her bf proposed to her on Friday.

 

[Autumnovember]

120 people and it was 40k. We paid for it on our own.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?

this is pretty much exactly what happened, but then we also paid for our honeymoon so we ended up more like 1/2 us and 1/4 1/4 each family.

Did your parents pay for your wedding?

In part

Did your wedding cost $30k +?

No, about 11k in 2008

How many guests did you invited?

130, 110 showed up

Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

nope!

 

[distracts]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Bride's side, traditionally. I have only ever seen the couple pay for it themselves if they are estranged from their parents or if they are 30+ and successful and have parents who aren't so successful (DF you are not in this category). Groom's side only if they volunteer, which I've literally never seen happen. Traditionally they pay for the rehearsal dinner - in our case they didn't, due to previous estrangement.

I know PLENTY of people who have started out planning to pay for the wedding themselves, but none who actually have.

I do have the sneaking suspicion this may vary in different social groups though.

Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Yep. We started out planning on paying for it but between rehearsal, wedding, and honeymoon, we'd have to do less-than-100%-mind-blowing versions of everything to pay for it all, and my parents won't accept second-best soooooo they ended up paying for the wedding.

Did your wedding cost $30k +?
Yep. We all like to throw parties though and that was the most rockin' party we've ever been to, let alone thrown. Worth it.

How many guests did you invited?
200ish, we had about 150 at the actual shindig. Our family does extended family rehearsal dinners, so there were 65 at the rehearsal dinner (this is when we do the toasts).

Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..
HAhaha NO. Well, one friend brought an exgf of his I specifically told him NOT to bring - I am decent acquaintances with her, but good friends with him, and they have been off and on dating for yeaaaaars and it is horrible for him because she always ends up cheating on him and then there is heartbreak and drama, and so I told him not to bring her because under no circumstances was he supposed to get back together with her for the millionth time. Well guess what happened? Brought her to the wedding, got back together with her, six months later found out she was cheating on him and heartbreak and drama ensued! She was fun to have at the wedding - it's always a delight to hang out with her - but it probably would have been better for him if he'd not brought her! So she wasn't technically uninvited because she was his +1 but I thought it was really stupid of him to bring her due to predictable consequences for him.

 

[Rhea]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Bride's side, traditionally. I have only ever seen the couple pay for it themselves if they are estranged from their parents or if they are 30+ and successful and have parents who aren't so successful (DF you are not in this category). Groom's side only if they volunteer, which I've literally never seen happen. Traditionally they pay for the rehearsal dinner - in our case they didn't, due to previous estrangement.

I know PLENTY of people who have started out planning to pay for the wedding themselves, but none who actually have.

I do have the sneaking suspicion this may vary in different social groups though.

My sister and I were discussing this the other day. We're 3 years apart and went to the same school, but she hung around the popular and wealthy kids and I didn't. Her friends have all had nice, expensive weddings their parents paid for. My friends mostly had smaller registry office type weddings which they largely paid for. Even within the same family our experiences of weddings are so different!

I'm far from estranged, but at ages 22 (dh) and 24 (me), the choice to marry and have a wedding was deemed to our own and our families contributed, but not pay entirely for our roughly $10k our two weddings cost us. My parents also paid for their own wedding in 1974 bar the $300 they were given. I don't come from a wealthy family

It's been made clear that my sister had her wedding money when parents spent 3xs the amount paying off credit accident than they contributed to my wedding. My parents, and sister, expect, at this point, for my parents to contribute nothing her wedding. I believe that can and will change, but wouldn't be surprised if they set strict limits, such as we'll pay $x for x.

 

[zoebartlett]

My husband's parents, my parents, and my husband and I all contributed towards different expenses. My parents paid the majority though. My dad is old fashioned in that way and he wouldn't be talked out of it.

Aside from the wedding, we had a rehearsal dinner the night before, and we wanted to invite family from out of town. I think there were about 25 or 30 people there, maybe. My husband paid that expense ourselves.

I can't quite remember how many people were on our final head count, but it was somewhere around 115-120. Yes, we did have one or two uninvited guests. I remember thinking at the time that it was weird to have people I didn't know or had only met once attend our wedding, but it wasn't really a big deal.

So many little things that you think about, plan for, and possibly stress over totally do not matter the day of your wedding.

I would have had a very hard time telling my parents that they couldn't invite so and so, especially since my parents paid for most of the wedding. Also, I think it's a time for parents to celebrate with those who mean a lot to them. If that meant that my husband and I didn't know a few of the guests well, so be it. I definitely had a way more traditional wedding than I had wanted, and we did get talked out of a few ideas, but I'm okay with it. We still had a great time!

 

[missy]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?
How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

My parents paid for the whole wedding. 99 guests invited 97 guests showed up because one couple went into labor that day so almost 100% of the invited guests showed. Wedding cost about 25K. No uninvited guests showed. Wow I cannot believe people do that.

There is no rule these days for weddings. Brides side, Grooms side. I find that the majority of older adults (over 30) getting married pay for it themselves. We never expected or wanted my parents to pay but they insisted. Which was very very generous of them. My dh's mother didn't even offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner but oh she had a lot of requests as to who she wanted invited haha. We invited exactly who we wanted to and I was happy to have my mom ask a few of her close friends because I grew up with them and the fact that they paid I wouldn't think of not letting her invite them. And even with that we only invited people we were close to and really wanted at our wedding.

 

[Niel]

In our circles traditionally the brides family pays for everything except the rehearsal dinner and the bar bill. It was always the agreement that if I was over 30 I would foot the bill.

No our wedding wasnt anywhere near 30k

My parents did pay for my wedding (except r. Dinner and bar tab)

No uninvited guests. Some close friends of my parents came but I didn't mind a bit. They had always come to graduation parties and whatnot. Plus, I didn't pay for the party, I was happy to let my parents have some fun with their friends too (it was their dime!)

I think we had 160

 

[AprilBaby]

American rule: brides parents pay for wedding, grooms parents for rehearsal dinner, groom pays for honeymoon. Sons wedding was $34,000. I thought that was nuts! Brides father bartered lots of services and we had a horrible argument about expenses. After five years we still don't speak. In the end we gave $7000 and rehearsal dinner. About 150 guests, maybe 25 were ours. Son number three is getting married next year. This one better go much better.

 

[Dancing Fire]

There will be no rehearsal dinner for our daughter's wedding b/c their planning to go to the county recorder and then have a Chinese banquet dinner a few months later.

 

[TC1987]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?
How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

Tradition is bride's parents pay. Groom's family picks us the tab for the rehearsal dinner, maybe.

New-style is anything goes. Bride & groom can pay, or the bill can be split any way possible. Some people win a contest for a full wedding extravaganza sponsored by local TV station and area businesses.

No, my wedding didn't cost any $30k. More like $3k for wedding and reception with catered food. I didn't want to have a wedding, actually. We both preferred to elope, and when we said that, both sets of parents were crestfallen and then insistent that we do the wedding + reception, so we complied. Number of guests, I don't recall, maybe between 40 and 50 invitations were sent, and most were couples. Probably 3/4 accepted. No uninvented guests. Everyone dressed appropriately, too.

I made my own wedding gown. Hand beaded Alencon lace that I beaded myself, with pearls, satin roses, satin rosebuds, big Alencon lace boder around the hem, because I like textures. Chapel train because anything longer would be too much money for me and also, y'know, a big waste of money and materials. Total cost for materials was in the $375-$400 ballpark, and it looked like a $7000 gown. neener neener

We skipped the honeymoon. We took all the wedding gift money and made a down payment on a house.

 

[Dancing Fire]

American rule: brides parents pay for wedding, grooms parents for rehearsal dinner, groom pays for honeymoon. Sons wedding was $34,000. I thought that was nuts! Brides father bartered lots of services and we had a horrible argument about expenses. After five years we still don't speak. In the end we gave $7000 and rehearsal dinner. About 150 guests, maybe 25 were ours. Son number three is getting married next year. This one better go much better.

 

[Gypsy]

We didn't follow many rules.
We did what made sense for us.

We paid for the majority of the wedding but our families helped.

• 
  My grandparents gifted us our photography (very generous as it was around 4K).
  My parents paid for all of their friends that they HAD to have attend, BUT we put a limit on the number of those friends to 12. We wanted a smaller wedding and weren't willing to have a bunch of people we barely knew attend.
  My MIL paid for the rehearsal dinner (but we planned it and kept it VERY affordable) and she also paid our car insurance for two years so we could save that money for the wedding.

Altogether our wedding came to over 35k (including the contributions)
Why did we pay for the majority of it?

We were in our 30s.
Our parents were too close to retirement.
And we didn't want ANYONE but us to have control over wedding decisions. We had a very specific vision and wanted to maintain control of that.

 

[Gypsy]

Opps forgot to answer some of your questions:
1. We invited 95 people, but many were DH side of the family that we knew wouldn't be able to come out to CA.
2. We had 68 people attend.
3. No uninvited guests.

 

[perry]

The wedding it self was only a small part of the cost of getting married....

So; Here is how it all played out:

Legal cost (prenups, wills, power of attorney, etc, immigration, resolving legal issue in home country), rings, wedding, and assorted cost associated with getting married and being in country legally. About $32,500 (wedding & Reception cost was about $4000 of that - food & drink was per order in a nice restaurant so no unpaid food). Major cost was getting Princess legally into country and resolving home country issue

Invited family and close friends - I think 28 attended (only a few of the invited did not attend). No uninvited guest showed up.

I paid for the whole thing.

Perry

 

[Lulie]

Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?

No. No.
As tradition dictated, the bride's family would cover the costs for Reception, Bride's dress, Bridesmaid's luncheon and Photography. Groom's family was traditionally responsible for Rehearsal dinner, accommodations for their family and Honeymoon.
TG All that has changed!
It's the norm that each family cover the costs for the number of guests it invites. Bride and Groom pay for the rest. I could honestly say that most of my friends have paid for their wedding entirely since they're marrying much later
I weep at the excess and financial pain so many families put themselves unnecessarily through to have a 'lovely-fantasy' wedding
I paid for my own dress and accessories, the rest of expenses were covered between us w/o regrets. His parents paid for the honeymoon. My father gave me the key to his old house, a major fixer upper [now a rental].

 

[LaraOnline]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?
How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

Just as Lulie says, the tradition is bride's family cover Reception, Bride's dress, Bridesmaid's luncheon and Photography. Groom's family responsible for Rehearsal dinner, accommodations for their family and Honeymoon.

Our personal take on that was that Mum gave me 1k towards my wedding dress, wrote a 5k cheque for my reception and also paid for flowers. My mother was also interested in inviting her friends to my wedding, which I didn't mind too much. She also was celebrating!

My m-i-l also wrote a cheque for the reception, which was very sweet of her. From memory she only invited one or two sets of friends, which she arranged through discussions with my DH when we were drawing up the guest list.

We paid for everything else.

 

[monarch64]

There will be no rehearsal dinner for our daughter's wedding b/c their planning to go to the county recorder and then have a Chinese banquet dinner a few months later.

You've said that in Chinese culture the groom's family pays for the wedding. So.........................why are you even asking? It seems like you don't have to pay for anything???

Is your daughter's fiance non-Chinese? I need clarification, DF.