Which venue? (long)

[zoebartlett]

I just returned from a weekend away with my mom, where we went to the White Mountains in NH, then to the southern Maine coast to look at venues. Although I really loved the places in the mountains, we basically decided that it was too far to ask our guests to drive. We have many guests flying in, and I''d feel bad asking them to land at the airport and then drive 2-2.5 hours up north to attend my wedding.

So now that that decision has been made (phew!), we''re now deciding between a few places. We''re planning on a July 5 or 12, 2008 wedding, ideally. We''ll keep an open mind about a Sunday wedding, but for people working the following day, Sunday may not be the best option. I''d love your thoughts or opinions. Here are the three my FI and I are now considering (in no particular order):

1. My parents backyard. They live in a small, picturesque town with a center of town known as "the village." It''s the historic area of town and the houses are beautiful and it''s just a very quaint place. I grew up in this town (I''d rather not name it) and my parents have lived in their house since I was in eigth grade. Next door are the town tennis courts, a hop, skip, and jump down the road is a baseball field, and behind my parents'' house is an elementary school with a playground. This is important because it is kid-friendly.

If we have it on the 5th of July, OOT guests could arrive early and if they arrive before Friday, they could come to my parents'' house and watch the Fourth of July parade, which goes right down their road. It''s the most "famous" parade in the state I believe and it''s one in which during campaign and election years, many politicians walk the parade route. After the parade, there''s an art show and food/drinks on the town common. It''s fun to walk around and see the houses decorated in red, white, and blue, and take part inthe festivities. I imagine it could be a fun way for OOT family and friends to spend some time before the big day. That night there would either be a big BBQ at home under the tent instead of a traditional rehearsal dinner OR a more traditional rehearsal dinner at a restaurant for family (local and OOT) only.

The Big Day would include a simple ceremony at home, followed by the reception under the tent.

2. Clay Hill Farm, York (Cape Neddick), Maine (www.clayhillfarm.com): This is a beautiful bird sanctuary and restaurant on the coast of Maine (not right near the water though). Basically, if you hold a wedding there, they close the place down and it''s yours for the day or evening. We''d have a daytime wedding. It''s so quiet and pretty and peaceful at Clay Hill Farm, and a plus is that they do everything there for you. Yes, you''d provide a photographer, flowers, musicians, and any other "extras" but they handle all the food, desserts (or wedding cake, which we''re not doing), and alcohol. This is a big plus because we wouldn''t have to worry about that stuff. It''s also in an area that has a lot to do: downtown Portsmouth, NH is a historic town with shops and restaurants; nearby Wells and Ogunquit have the beaches, shops, adn restaurants, and even York Wild Animal Kingdom. The surrounding area is kid-friendly but not necessarily the venue itself. The cost for kids is the same as it would be for adults, which is outrageous in my opinion.

3. the Bedford Village Inn (http://www.bedfordvillageinn.com/) in Bedford, NH. This is a beautiful inn and wedding/reception venue, complete with a gift shop and really pretty gardens. I''ve never seen the guest rooms but I''ve heard (and seen from the website) that they''re very nice. I''ve been there to eat both in the formal dining room and in the more casual, pub-like atmosphere of the tavern, and I know the food is really good. The atmosphere is not really kid-friendly, as there''s not really open space to run around, either indoors or out. I don''t know if they charge the same for kid food as for adult food.

I know will probably come down to cost, and having kids (other than family''s children) could be dependent on cost. If it''s doable though, I''d love to have all kids come.

If you''re eyes aren''t glazed over by now, I''d appreciate any thoughts you may have. Thanks for reading this far!

 

[basil]

Well, here are my thoughts:

Parents'' backyard could be pretty cool, considering the 4th of July festivities and all in your town. I think that would sort of add something to the wedding, plus there''s a certain "meaning" to having your wedding at the house you grew up in. On the other hand, it would probably be more work than doing it at a more pre-made venue. Definitely price out things like costs for the tent for a few days, renting enough tables and chairs, etc., it may not be that much of a cost savings, especially considering the extra effort.

Between the other 2 venues it''s hard to say...you might make a spreadsheet of your number of guests, plus the things you would need to pay for there, including "hidden costs" like a ceremony fee, service, gratuity, etc. Just from your descriptions, it sounds like you like the first place better. Any chance of negotiating on the kid meals, do you think?

If you are going to have your wedding on July 5th, I would try to be aware that hotels and airline tickets might be more expensive on that weekend because it is a holiday weekend, and that might be an issue with your out of town guests.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks Basil! I hadn''t really thought of the possibility of rates going up since the Fourth is a holiday weekend. Good point to keep in mind. I''ll also keep in mind trying to negotiate the cost of the kids'' food at Clay Hill Farm if we go that route. It''s not so much that I prefer the other places to the Bedford Village Inn but I haven''t met with the wedding coordinator there yet. That''s why I couldn''t go into greater detail in my description of the venue. Thanks so much for your thoughts!

 

[surfgirl]

zoe, how important is it to get married at your childhood home? I ask because you sound very sentimental when describing it and therefore, it would be my first choice provided the aesthetics (garden, etc.) are to your liking for your wedding day. That said, it doesn''t have to be a hassle if you hire a wedding coordinator to assist you with a home wedding. I think the idea of getting married at your parents home and partying under a big white tent is so classic and beautiful. My friend got married that way and I thought it was such a lovely way to get married and celebrate.

The last option doesn''t sound like an option if you want to accomodate alot of kids. The second one sounds nice but you need to decide if getting married/celebrating at your childhood home out weighs having the wedding elsewhere.

Lastly, I would opt against a holiday weekend wedding. I know people think its nice since people get a long weekend anyway but many times people have things/trips they really want to take over holiday weekends, not to mention the traveling headaches of traveling over a holiday weekend~ So you might want to think about a non-holiday weekend, both for lowered costs as well as less congested traveling for your guests.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks for your thoughts surfgirl! I am pretty sentimental when it comes to my hometown and the area my parents live specifically. Although it wasn''t really ever a dream of mine to get married in my parents'' backyard, the sentimental thought (and fun of the holiday festivities) is growing on me. I can certainly understand the potential hassle of having a wedding during a popular weekend for family vacations. I''ll keep that in mind. We''re not set on that weekend either. We''re also thinking of the 12th as a possibility. Actually, we''re pretty open to any weekend in July but I thought it might be better to have a wedding earlier in the summer after school gets out rather than later. I''m not sure why I think that though -- maybe the weather (heat and humidity) has something to do with it.

Good point about having a wedding coordinator even if we get married at home. I hadn''t really thought of that.

As far as the aesthetics of having a backyard wedding, it is a pretty yard with a garden on the side of the house. It doesn''t quite compare though to the gardens at the other two places (sorry mom!).

It''s a lot to think about isn''t it?

 

[hikerchick]

Hey Zoe,

I would love to hear about all the venues you visited. Sounds like the job of narrowing down the options is moving along nicely. I agree with PP that your parent''s backyard sounds the best. Your words convey a certain sentimentality for that option that is missing from the others. If you decide against that, then Clay Hill Farm looks like a GREAT option. I actually had them on my initial list only to realize that they wouldn''t allow outside catering.

FI and I also did some looking around at venues (5 of them) this weekend. We keep coming back to the same one . . . so we might be real close to a decision as well.

Good Luck and let us know what you decide.

- hikerchick

 

[hikerchick]

I just read your last reply . . . and agree that you need to consider the extra work of taking care of all the details yourself. A wedding coordinator might work but that might also be a good reason to have it somewhere else. How many people are you expecting and are you on a tight budget? I might have another option for you, I will go dig it up and be right back.

 

[hikerchick]

http://www.massaudubon.org/Nature_Connection/Sanctuaries/Habitat/facilityrental.php

This place looks so nice and it doesn''t work for us cause it only holds 100 . . . it is right near Boston so your guests could fly in and out of Boston. Just a thought. I think it is $2500 for 5 hours.

All the venues I have been looking at are probably too far away for you but I would be glad to give you more info on some of those if you are still interested in looking around some more . . .

GL

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks hikerchick! I just looked at the link to the MA Audubon Society and it''s gorgeous! We''d like to make a decision by next week though, and I''m not sure we''d be able to make it down there for a look. My FI and I used to live on the seacoast in NH (very close to York, ME), and that''s an area that has meaning to us -- we got engaged at Nubble Lighthouse in York, too.

Yeah, I agree that it is kind of nice having a major event at a place where virtually evrything (or most things anyway) is done for you at one location. That''s one of the reasons I liked the Bedford Village Inn and CLay Hill Farm -- we wouldn''t have to think about bringing in alcohol and the liability or responsibility of having it at the house, a tent, linens, a trailer for the bathrooms, etc.

I''ll let you know if I have more insight to the BVI after meeting with their wedding coordinator.

I''m putting together a rather long post (sorry) with my reviews of the places I looked at this weekend. I''ll start a new thread.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Hikerchick,

I was just rereading this thread and I realized that I didn''t answer your questions. While my side alone could easily go to 110, we''re hoping to keep the invite list to 100. That''s the figure we''re using when working on the numbers. We are on a budget but I''m not actually sure that that''s been decided yet. My mom and my FI are putting together the figures and we''ll see where we are. If there''s a "must have" aspect, I don''t want to rule it out because of cost, but I can''t go overboard either. We''re working on it.

 

[eks6426]

A lot of people rent beautiful venues for weddings, but not many can hold it in their parents yard in quaint little town. I see it being more special if you do that. 20 years from now if you have children and you show them how you got married in "grandma & grandpa''s back yard", I think it will mean a lot. Everyone will remember the "feel" of the event. I do agree with hiring a wedding coordinator if possible but realistically the details are that bad if you hire a good caterer.

 

[hikerchick]

Zoe,

Island dreams makes a very good point as far as the caterer. If you hire a "full service caterer" . . . one who has had experience in providing the nuts and bolts and not just the food, they will take care of all the details.

 

[firebirdgold]

If I had a wedding to attend on the forth of July weekend I''d far rather go to one that was making an ''event'' of it then one that was just another wedding. In other words, I think the wedding at your parents house would be FUN!!

Not only would the wedding be very memorable but if I were a guest I''d make sure to come early for the forth of july and it''d probably be one of my most memorable holidays ever!
Hmm. Would it be possible to have the ''rehearsal'' bbq at a local park? That way you wouldn''t have to worry about cleaning up for the wedding the next day.
Ooh, this sounds like so much fun! Please invite me!

I agree on hiring a coordinator if you''re having it at your family''s house. Just to make things less stressful. Unless your mother wants to deal with making sure everything shows up when it''s supposed to, etc...

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 6/4/2007 9:20:22 AM
Author: IslandDreams
A lot of people rent beautiful venues for weddings, but not many can hold it in their parents yard in quaint little town. I see it being more special if you do that. 20 years from now if you have children and you show them how you got married in ''grandma & grandpa''s back yard'', I think it will mean a lot. Everyone will remember the ''feel'' of the event. I do agree with hiring a wedding coordinator if possible but realistically the details are that bad if you hire a good caterer.

I think island dreams said what I tried to say, but better! Go with your parents home. It will be "an affair to remember" for sure. And if you make a weekend out of it then I take back what I said about holiday weekends...

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks ladies! I appreciate your comments and the more I think about it, the more I like the fourth of July weekend. Yes, that would mean that if people want to attend the parade and the art show, etc., they''d really have to arrive on Thursday (the parade begins around 10:00 and the art show follows). For some of my relatives and friends, that won''t be a problem. For others, they can just come on Friday evening and that''s okay too. Hmmm, lots to think about.

IslandDreams, I like your point that plenty of people get married at certain venues but how many people get married in their parents'' backyard. It would be unique to us, that''s for sure. Thanks for that point! I will also take into consideration a full service caterer and a wedding coordinator. Thanks for the suggestions!

Indie, you''re invited!

 

[zoebartlett]

Okay, I''ve been thinking about this for a while, or at least since my last post. A pretty big negative with having my wedding at home is the weather. What if it rains? Yes we''d have a tent but then I can imagine how hot and stuffy it could get if everyone''s hiding inside because of rain. It also gets pretty hot and humid at times, even in NH, and that wouldn''t be fun either, to be roasting outside. I DO like the idea of people having an option to go outside or stay inside with air conditioning if that would make people more comfortable. THere could be more options that way. I know a few people (my FI being one of them) who are very fussy and easily annoyed about being uncomfortable weather with no options of cooling off. I know I''m totally overthinking this and maybe I''m just "thinking out loud."

To be honest, tents (to me) take away from the beauty of the scenery you''re surrounded with. I''d LOVE not to have a tent at all but that''s not at all an option.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 6/4/2007 4:29:19 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Okay, I''ve been thinking about this for a while, or at least since my last post. A pretty big negative with having my wedding at home is the weather. What if it rains? Yes we''d have a tent but then I can imagine how hot and stuffy it could get if everyone''s hiding inside because of rain. It also gets pretty hot and humid at times, even in NH, and that wouldn''t be fun either, to be roasting outside. I DO like the idea of people having an option to go outside or stay inside with air conditioning if that would make people more comfortable. THere could be more options that way. I know a few people (my FI being one of them) who are very fussy and easily annoyed about being uncomfortable weather with no options of cooling off. I know I''m totally overthinking this and maybe I''m just ''thinking out loud.''


To be honest, tents (to me) take away from the beauty of the scenery you''re surrounded with. I''d LOVE not to have a tent at all but that''s not at all an option.

All of those reasons you just posted are exactly why we decided not to do an outdoor reception, too many variables. We will do an outdoor ceremony as a compromise between our desire to have it outdoors (we are hikers who met while hiking) and the real issue of keeping our guests happy should Mother Nature decide to toy with us. I don''t think you are overthinking this. It is a VERY important decision and you need to consider all your options from all angles before making a final decision.

Maybe you can have the ceremony in your parents'' backyard and the reception at a nearby banquet hall? This way you can still have the sentimental part, the ceremony at the sentimental place and then have the more logistically sticky part, the reception, somewhere where they will take care of everything. The tent needed for a ceremony will be much smaller and cheaper, the cahirs for a ceremony will also be less expensive and it it doesn''t rain, you can just opt out of putting up the tent? Anyway, just an idea. Let us know what you decide.

 

[basil]

Date: 6/4/2007 4:29:19 PM
To be honest, tents (to me) take away from the beauty of the scenery you''re surrounded with. I''d LOVE not to have a tent at all but that''s not at all an option.

To be honest, definitely call up a tent company and price out a tent before you get your heart set on the idea. I love the look of tented weddings, but a "bare bones" tent was going to run ~$2500 including tables and chairs but no linens, etc. I''ve heard that having a tent with full flooring is better because the ground could get soggy if it''s raining or been raining, and you''ll definitely need at least a dance floor. Plus you can rent sides, etc., if it''s going to actually be raining, but that''s extra too.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks Basil! I''ll start calling tent rental places to see what they have to offer. I actually just got an e-mail from my mom who estimated that a tent could cost about $3500, using 100 people as her hypothetical total. I''m not sure if she looked into a floor or not -- I''m sure she included at least a dance floor. I do like the idea of a full floor but we''ll see. I''ll look into it as well.

I really do appreciate everyone''s thoughts and suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to reply and "listen" to me babble away.

 

[eks6426]

Zoe--Outdoor weddings and alternate plans can definitely be a bit tricky. What I would do is to try to rent a shelter at a local park that could handle the number of guests. Usually park shelters are not that expensive to rent. You will already be renting tables & chairs...just change the delivery location if the weather turns out to be rainy. And then you won''t have to rent the big expensive tent that you might not need anyway. I agree that the tent takes away from the beauty of the yards.

Some of the best weddings I have been to have been outside in the rain. Hard to believe I know. There is something romantic about being sheltered with the rain falling all around you. It can actually add to the mood of the event...You could also buy umbrellas for everyone in your colors (and keep the receipts so you can return them if you don''t need them.)