When you make a mistake re: your child...

[fieryred33143]

How do you get over it?

I made a really stupid mistake. I decided to get DD some puffs so that she can start eating finger foods. I grabbed two: one cylinder of banana and a bag of apple. When I got home, I decided to give her the apple first because she''s had a lot of bananas over the past three days. I tried it first and it seemed soft enough so I gave it to her. She started chewing on it and then gagged as if she were choking. I panicked, patted her back, and realized she swallowed it whole. Her face got a little red but afterwards she was playing, laughing and babbling.

Here is where the stupid mistake came in. I grabbed the wrong thing. What I gave her was a mini fruit (dried apples) that is made for toddlers. It says 12+ and I tried it again and it isn''t as soft as I originally thought. I grabbed the wrong thing

I cannot shake this. I keep thinking to myself that she could have chocked and it would have been my fault for not double-checking. I have been staring at her for the past 3 hours and checking her breathing. I don''t know how I''m going to sleep tonight. I have a huge lump in my throat and feel so stupid

How do you shake that feeling?

 

[somethingshiny]

This is mom guilt. You will suffer from it for the rest of your life. We aren''t perfect but we feel we are supposed to be because we are responsible for another life. Your mistake was just that. From now on you''ll look twice at labels. You''ll get over the feeling of "what I almost did to my baby." Look at how happy she is, listen to her voice, watch her play. You''re doing so many things right, this mistake amounts to nothing.

btw- Sleep tonight. Nothing will happen at this point.

 

[E B]

Oh, fiery. HUGE hugs.

It happens to every parent in one way or another. Like the parent (me!) who left her son's car seat on the dining room table while she *thought* he was sleeping, and watched in horror as he almost rocked himself off of the edge. Or the parent (my mom) who turned her back on baby (me) in an exersaucer, and baby walked the exersaucer off of the porch and into the bushes below.

The good news is that this event will be in the back of your mind every time you buy her something to eat. It isn't a mistake you're likely to make again.

Whenever I do something boneheaded, I say to myself, "Live and learn." It's a great motto for new parents, because we're learning every day, sometimes from our mistakes. You're such a great mom to that baby girl...please don't beat yourself up over this.

 

[TravelingGal]

Happens to everyone. My awesome moment was driving my kid around in the car...without buckling her properly into the carseat. I was out with friends and undid the buckles for a bit to give her some breathing room, and forgot to buckle it back up because A) I usually never undo the things no matter what and B) she had a blanket over her.

That was ages ago. Ages. I still remember it. Even more, I remember Jas12 did the same thing the same week with Co (because I didn't feel so bad afterwards).

The way I see it, if my kid's still alive, I'm doing a swell job.

ETA, EBree, what the heck happened to the rest of your user name??

 

[mtjoya]

Dont feel stupid, fiery. It was an honest mistake. I think that you are a great mother to be worrying so much and caring for your baby. So don''t feel bad, many hugs to you!

 

[Pandora II]

Aww, big hugs Fiery. I still haven''t forgotten nearly dropping Daisy when she was 3 days old!

If it makes you feel better, there is a good chance that she didn''t actually choke but that her gag reflex kicked in. Daisy used to do this all the time at the beginning of having solids and still does once in a while. The first few times I grabbed her and patted her back, turned her upside down etc convinced she was about to expire whereas she''d just got the food a bit too far towards the back of her mouth.

The book I have on BLW said that they will sort it out better themselves, so now I just keep an eye on her and it''s true. She just gags and coughs a bit, then carries on merrily chewing away or swallows it.

It is a reason why ithe book recommends to give large pieces of food rather than very small ones - then they are less likely to choke and if they do, they are less likely to aspirate it.

 

[Maisie]

I beat myself up a lot when I make mistakes. I have a list as long as your arm of my mistakes over the past 20 years. Here are a few examples:

When my son was about 7 months old he was lying on my bed. I turned my back to get something and he wriggled off the bed. He landed on something hard and got a black eye.

When he was 12 months old my sockets in the kitchen weren''t working. I shut him in the front room while I boiled a kettle on the dining room floor. He managed to get out of the front room, crawled up to the kettle and poured it over his foot just as it boiled. I was in shock for days. Couldn''t even speak. Worst experience ever. He has a massive scar on his foot now.

My daughter was playing in the garden and fell over something and knocked herself out. I was devastated. I know it was an accident but I still blamed myself.

I''m hoping these things will make you feel a lot better about what happened with your little one. Actually, I am lucky that my kids are still living with me!

 

[jewelz617]

It's guilt. And it won't go away until your child grows up and moves away and probably not even then.

You're human. Humans make mistakes. You didn't hurt your child and you certainly didn't give her the wrong thing on purpose. It's ok. Shake it off and move on because parenthood is filled with bumps in the road. You might feel better taking an infant first aid course if you haven't already, if just for the peace of mind.

ETA: This might make you feel better. When my brother was 3 years old, my mother was letting him play in her closet while we packed for a trip. Somehow he managed to drink an ENTIRE bottle of perfume. She called an ambulance and they had to basically pump his stomach. Did she feel guilt over it? Ohhh yes. But life moved on and she learned a mommy lesson. And my brother was fine

 

[Sha]

Awwww.....

I know how you feel. I had an accident with Dalila at my parents'' house last weekend. My parents kept telling me to put her in the middle of the bed for naps, so that she wouldn''t roll off, but I kept saying "Oh, y''all worry too much....she can''t even roll over completely yet!" Last Saturday I set her down on the bed again while I went to brush my teeth. She started to cry..... I let her as I told myself I''d be done in a few minutes. When I went back out to pick her up the bed was empty - I rushed to the other side of the bed and there she was - face down on the TILE floor!!

It was one of the worst feelings I''ve ever had....

So much guilt! I swooped her up and kissed her and kissed her.... She was crying a lot and her face was swollen on one side.

But other than that, thankfully seemed ok. I felt so bad because it could''ve been avoided...and it could''ve been worse, too. Thankfully she only seemed to hit the side of her face - not the front or back.

What helped me was remembering that it was an honest mistake ( I had never seen her roll all the way over before), and that even the most perfect mother makes them. It helped to remember that even my mother made mistakes with us - she once told us that she locked my sleeping brother, who was about 3, in the car on a hot day (I live in the Caribbean), while she made a quick run to the Post Office. My brother woke up and started to wail....She felt horrible when she came back and there was a collection of people around the car.

I''m sure your mother can tell a few stories. Asking her may help you feel better, in realizing no mother is perfect, as hard as we try to be.

Look also at the positives in this experience. It''ll prompt you to double-check next time, so that you can be protected from future episodes. That''s a good thing!

 

[Jas12]

Yep, Firey every mom has a list of ''bad momemts''. Like Tgal mentioned i drove my kid home without being buckled in, and my other terrible, terrible moment is when i turned my back while doing something in my living room and Co was just learning to crawl. He crawled up the stairs in a flash and when i realized where he''d gone he was already up about 12 of them. I shudder to think if he''d turned around or slipped and fell down a big flight of stairs. I cried several times that day and never made that mistake again.

You get over it by knowing that truly, you made a mistake. case closed. You would never intentionally place your kid in harm.
And if it makes you feel a bit better--those fruit things dissolve, they are dehydrated and go to mush really quickly so she wouldn''t have choked. She just gagged.

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks ladies for understanding.

I felt so bad, still do. I even called Gerber to ask about the process once it is swallowed

. The poor lady said "you''re a new mom, right?"

 

[steph72276]

Awww, don''t beat yourself up. We all do it. In fact, I did the seatbelt thing not too long ago. Good thing Andrew is old enough and realized it and said "umm, mom did you mean to leave me unbuckled?" And then proceeded to buckle himself

. It probably won''t be the last time you mess up, but it''s okay, we''re all human and it happens!

 

[MonkeyPie]

I think this is something every mom has to go through to realize that the majority of the time, you are an AWESOME mommy. And your kid will survive through a lot of things that make you feel terrible!

My brothers ex had a daughter that learned not to walk, but to run. She would tear full tilt under the dining room table and around into the living room, over and over. But she was growing...so inevitably, she had the day where she ran under the table and didn''t clear it. She fell flat on her back and her eyebrow split open. She was just laying there stunned, and my brother didn''t panic - he just picked her up and set her on her feet, and she was fine, until her mom saw the blood and FREAKED OUT. And then the baby started freaking out, of course. Once we convinced her mom to relax, the baby was fine again, back to laughing and being happy.

Moral of the story - unless they are truly mortally wounded, their feelings will be hurt more than anything. And they won''t remember that we messed up! Fiery, you are a great mom, and it shows in your happy baby.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 2/26/2010 8:52:42 AM
Author: Sha
Awwww.....

I know how you feel. I had an accident with Dalila at my parents'' house last weekend. My parents kept telling me to put her in the middle of the bed for naps, so that she wouldn''t roll off, but I kept saying ''Oh, y''all worry too much....she can''t even roll over completely yet!'' Last Saturday I set her down on the bed again while I went to brush my teeth. She started to cry..... I let her as I told myself I''d be done in a few minutes. When I went back out to pick her up the bed was empty - I rushed to the other side of the bed and there she was - face down on the TILE floor!!

It was one of the worst feelings I''ve ever had....

So much guilt! I swooped her up and kissed her and kissed her.... She was crying a lot and her face was swollen on one side.

But other than that, thankfully seemed ok. I felt so bad because it could''ve been avoided...and it could''ve been worse, too. Thankfully she only seemed to hit the side of her face - not the front or back.

What helped me was remembering that it was an honest mistake ( I had never seen her roll all the way over before), and that even the most perfect mother makes them. It helped to remember that even my mother made mistakes with us - she once told us that she locked my sleeping brother, who was about 3, in the car on a hot day (I live in the Caribbean), while she made a quick run to the Post Office. My brother woke up and started to wail....She felt horrible when she came back and there was a collection of people around the car.

I''m sure your mother can tell a few stories. Asking her may help you feel better, in realizing no mother is perfect, as hard as we try to be.

Look also at the positives in this experience. It''ll prompt you to double-check next time, so that you can be protected from future episodes. That''s a good thing!

Ouch! Daisy''s fallen off ours three times so far (onto hardwood flooring) and doesn''t seem the worse for wear - they bounce pretty well! I now have rubber matting all the way round and bed guards - although she just shakes them and hangs over the top...

 

[waxing lyrical]

Ditto the other ladies. (((hugs)))

When dd2 was 7 months old was she fell off our bed face first onto hardwood floor. It was a few feet off the ground. We woke up as we normally do. She wanted to nurse, and I nursed her in bed. I had to use the bathroom. I told DH that I was going to the bathroom and to watch her. Well, I guess he didn''t hear me. I was in the bathroom when I heard a very loud thud and wailing. I saw her on the floor and scooped her up. I was a wreck. I was balling. I had never seen DH cry like that. We did take her to the ER because he face was a little swollen. She had a busted lip and bloody nose.

She gets minor nose bleeds every now and then and I''m convinced it was from the fall.

Her crying and wailing was just heartbreaking. I felt awful. I still don''t like to think about it.

 

[february2003bride]

Fiery, it happens to every mother! When DD was 5 years old we were on vacation in the Outer Banks. We had a beautiful beach house with a pool and we went with two other families. We''re all at the pool and DD was standing next to it playing with the pool brush. I walked over to DH about 8 feet away and sat down. Stupid stupid stupid. I heard a splash and DD had fallen into the 5 feet deep end! I ran over, pulled her out, wrapped her in a towel and ran upstairs to our room. I literally cried for hours knowing what the outcome could have been had I not heard her splash. I still picture her panicked wide eyed faced under the water and I still get sick to my stomach and beat myself up. It kills me even more because I am "that mom" who is hypervigilent about carseats, booster seats, chokeables, baby proofing, everything.

But don''t guilt yourself too hard. Sophia IS ok and even the most attentive, hypervigilant mothers make mistakes! And dads make TONS of mistakes and they don''t seem to dwell on it for too long

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 2/26/2010 12:44:06 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Happens to everyone. My awesome moment was driving my kid around in the car...without buckling her properly into the carseat. I was out with friends and undid the buckles for a bit to give her some breathing room, and forgot to buckle it back up because A) I usually never undo the things no matter what and B) she had a blanket over her.

That was ages ago. Ages. I still remember it. Even more, I remember Jas12 did the same thing the same week with Co (because I didn''t feel so bad afterwards).

The way I see it, if my kid''s still alive, I''m doing a swell job.

ETA, EBree, what the heck happened to the rest of your user name??

When my 3rd daughter was almost 1, I went to run errands with her, and buckled her safely in her car seat. Only problem was, the car seat wasn''t buckled to the car, so when I took a left turn, she went tumbling across the back seat, attached to the car seat! She was giggling the entire time and yelling "Uh-Oh" so I think she thought it was fun.

Here are some of my other mommy happenings (not all the same child at least):

19 months broke her leg and I didn''t know it for 8 hours. Yes, she was still attempting to walk on it.
3 yr old broke her arm and I didn''t know it for an entire day.
2 yr old faceplanted off of the breakfast bar onto the tile kitchen floor-broke her nose, fractured her skull, 2 black eyes
4 month old flung herself out of her car seat carrier while I was strapping her in, onto the coffee table and then the floor.
An absolutely horrifying "bathroom" event with a 4 year old that required an ambulance ride to the hospital and emergency surgery.
8 month old got hold of a tube of Desitin and proceeded to suck half of the tube down before I could wrestle it out of her mouth.

I''m sure there have been many more minor incidents, but these are the ones that are top of the list still with me.

As a mom of 4, I can only tell you that you it happens, they are accidents, it''s not intentional, and it comes with the territory. You learn from your mistakes, (you will take the time to read every box of food before giving her something now), and you move on.

Don''t beat yourself up about it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We are all just doing the best we can and b/c we are human mistakes happen. Even to the BEST moms. Just forgive yourself. It was an honest mistake, she did not get hurt, lesson learned. If you do try puffs don''t panic but every kid I know has gagged on them the first few times. Not REALLY but it sounds like it. I think the tots aren''t used to the texture but they were a FAVORITE in our house. T LOVED them and probably still would if I bought them.

 

[iluvcarats]

Awww, Fiery, don''t beat yourself up.
I remember feeling that way many times, but now I don''t even remember why

It''ll fade.
People make mistakes - even moms.

In my experience, Sophia will inflict plenty of unnecessary guilt on you later on, so cut yourself some slack.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 2/26/2010 12:18:32 PM
Author: iluvcarats

In my experience, Sophia will inflict plenty of unnecessary guilt on you later on, so cut yourself some slack.

LOL. Just wait for those teenage years!

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 2/26/2010 12:19:52 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 2/26/2010 12:18:32 PM

Author: iluvcarats


In my experience, Sophia will inflict plenty of unnecessary guilt on you later on, so cut yourself some slack.

LOL. Just wait for those teenage years!

I''m just trying to get through the tween years

(HELP

)

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 2/26/2010 12:22:37 PM
Author: iluvcarats

Date: 2/26/2010 12:19:52 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 2/26/2010 12:18:32 PM

Author: iluvcarats


In my experience, Sophia will inflict plenty of unnecessary guilt on you later on, so cut yourself some slack.

LOL. Just wait for those teenage years!

I''m just trying to get through the tween years

(HELP

)

Just learn text speak and you''ll survive haha!

Thanks everyone again for sharing stories. I''m feeling a lot better. It wasn''t the first oops I''ve had with her but the choking motions really scared me. We''re going to an infant safety class next weekend. We had taken a course during pregnancy but I want a brush up now that she''s eating food.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/26/2010 10:15:40 AM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 2/26/2010 8:52:42 AM
Author: Sha
Awwww.....

I know how you feel. I had an accident with Dalila at my parents'' house last weekend. My parents kept telling me to put her in the middle of the bed for naps, so that she wouldn''t roll off, but I kept saying ''Oh, y''all worry too much....she can''t even roll over completely yet!'' Last Saturday I set her down on the bed again while I went to brush my teeth. She started to cry..... I let her as I told myself I''d be done in a few minutes. When I went back out to pick her up the bed was empty - I rushed to the other side of the bed and there she was - face down on the TILE floor!!

It was one of the worst feelings I''ve ever had....

So much guilt! I swooped her up and kissed her and kissed her.... She was crying a lot and her face was swollen on one side.

But other than that, thankfully seemed ok. I felt so bad because it could''ve been avoided...and it could''ve been worse, too. Thankfully she only seemed to hit the side of her face - not the front or back.

What helped me was remembering that it was an honest mistake ( I had never seen her roll all the way over before), and that even the most perfect mother makes them. It helped to remember that even my mother made mistakes with us - she once told us that she locked my sleeping brother, who was about 3, in the car on a hot day (I live in the Caribbean), while she made a quick run to the Post Office. My brother woke up and started to wail....She felt horrible when she came back and there was a collection of people around the car.

I''m sure your mother can tell a few stories. Asking her may help you feel better, in realizing no mother is perfect, as hard as we try to be.

Look also at the positives in this experience. It''ll prompt you to double-check next time, so that you can be protected from future episodes. That''s a good thing!

Ouch! Daisy''s fallen off ours three times so far (onto hardwood flooring) and doesn''t seem the worse for wear - they bounce pretty well! I now have rubber matting all the way round and bed guards - although she just shakes them and hangs over the top...

Yeah, my paeditrician says they''re pretty resilient....well, actually, he said ''their heads are hard'' - so in most cases a small fall won''t hurt them.

Good to know.

 

[Girlrocks]

Someone else mentioned a strong gag reflex. I just wanted to add that one of my kids had (and still does) a VERY strong gag reflex. She could not eat any finger foods until 11 months old because she would gag/choke/throw up just as you are describing that your daughter did. She could never do those chunkier baby foods, only stage 1 until well after her 1st birthday-she would have 4 or 5 jars per meal because they are so small!

She has gotten better, but now even at 5 years old, she is a puker-just randomly throws up quite a lot. If she gets a hair in her mouth-look out, it''s coming!

 

[Puppmom]

You''re such a nice momma, Fiery. I once tossed the carseat back in my parent''s car without buckling it. It landed upright so no one noticed. My dad picked up DD from daycare and, when he hit the brakes, the whole carseat fell forward! DD is now 15 and I STILL think about that. You won''t forget but your guilt will lessen.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Girl, you will make many bigger mistakes than that! I let Hunter fall down the stairs, he fell off a table, I fed hims strawberry jam before I planned to

The list goes on and on. I think perfectionism is the enemy of happiness in all areas of our lives, and it goes double for parenting.

 

[Blenheim]

As everyone else said, stuff like that just happens. You just need to forgive yourself, learn any lessons that there are to be learned, and move on.

I think it''s a great idea to brush up on your infant safety skills. G has needed the Heimlich maneuver twice in the last few months and I am so glad that I knew how to do that without really thinking.

 

[janinegirly]

Agree with everyone, it was a one time thing and not the most uncommon mistake! Just be thankful it was fine (as things are in most cases..we just are all so cautious b/c we fear that rare times it does go horribly wrong) and hug your cutie -- I love the avatar photo.

 

[kama_s]

Fiery, I'm not a mum, so I can't fathom what you're going through right now. I just wanted to add two quick things. 1- you're SUCH a wonderful mum. You're doing an amazing job! Kids are crazy, you're bound to have accidents. But it doesn't mean you aren't the best thing that's ever happened to your baby! and 2- my brother was a disaster waiting to happen as a kid. In a span of one year, he broke his nose twice, needed stiches thrice, fell off the bunk-bed and various other spots at least 5 times, burnt his hand by grabbing the lightbulb thrice and dropped a HOT iron onto his foot (he was with the nanny, she stepped into the kitchen to prepare his bottle and the little bugger pulled on the iron cord - no idea where he got that strength from, he was a pretty tiny little thing). And he survived. Seriously, I dont know HOW he survived...but he did. Kids are so damn resilient.

Actually, I do remember once when I was around 10 (so my brother must've been 2), I was cutting him little chunks of watermelon. The crazy kid wanted to grab the knife out of my hand, so I raised my hand up thinking it would be well out of his reach. Out of no where he jumps into the air to get it - literally all hands and feet wide in the air - grabs the serrated part of the knife (which had been sharpened the very same morning) and cuts THREE fingers. He needed 5-7 stitches on all three fingers. I remember blood rushing everywhere. I yelled for my mum who drove him to the hospital. I had to stay home and get a hold of my dad. And honestly, there was blood all over the floor, the carpet, the sink....I was sobbing looking at all the blood. For months after I had nightmares about the incident, wondering what would have happened if the knife had hurt him elsewhere. But hey, he's turning 19 next week!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 2/26/2010 4:35:29 PM
Author: kama_s
And he survived. Seriously, I dont know HOW he survived...but he did. Kids are so damn resilient.

This makes me think of my husband. As a child he was bitten numerous times by black widows, had a flesh eating bacteria on his left foot as a teenager (he had it for SIX MONTHS before his mom took him to the doctor, and somehow didn''t die from it infecting his blood stream), had a blood clot in his calf that was visible it was so big, and once had a fever that literally put him into a coma when he was 5, that was unexplained. He also had viral meningitis a year after we started dating. I honestly don''t know why he is alive!