When you know he has the ring...

[elephant]

Ok, ladies, how do you cope when you know he has the ring and has had it for over a while and nothing....

It''s driving me nuts....

Any strategies I don''t go INSANE and make my boyfriend hate me?

 

[jellybean]

I didn''t have this experience but my girlfriend did. Her now-husband had her ring for almost 6 months before he gave it to her! He said he was waiting for a very special moment and didn''t want to just give it to her on her birthday or a holiday. I thought 6 months was a bit excessive; she was driving all of us crazy every day that would go by and she didn''t have it!

What worked for her, believe it or not, was that she took up a hobby. I know that sounds kind of silly, but her hobby was taking a couple of massage classes at the local community college. The classes kept her really busy and it was something she had wanted to do for a while anyway. That of course didn''t help her when she was at work or alone with him, but it kept her pretty busy all those other times when she wasn''t with him or her friends. She also worked out a lot - again to keep her busy and to also get a head start on getting to her goal weight before their wedding.

I''m sorry I''m not much help since I didn''t go through that experience, but my sister who did told me she just tried to keep her mind busy so she didn''t think about it.

 

[gingerBcookie]

Hmmmm....I actually just went insane --- sorry no help here!

I think the hobby thing is a good idea. Try to be patient, vent on pricescope, and keep telling yourself your time WILL come!

 

[cutes814]

Ele,

I know it''s so much harder said than done, keep yourself busy so you won''t think about it, but how can you right?

How long has it been?

 

[Blue824]

Ahk, how long has he had the ring for? Horrible, don''t boys know what that does to us?!

I agree with everyone else, keep yourself busy...go out with your friends, shop, spa, SOMETHING to get you off thinking about it.

Good luck - fingers crossed that this wait is over soon!

 

[WTNLVR]

If he''s like my husband pretend (I know it''s hard) that you don''t know he has it and that it is the furthest thing from your mind. Then and only then will he give it to you. Men are impossible

 

[MissAva]

yup! Boys will be boys and they dont want it to be expected....I vote you buy a gun and hold him up.

 

[BrightSpot]

My ring or your life?

 

[elephant]

I swear -- it might just get down to that....

I think he's had it for a couple of months.... For sure since mid-May.

I would love to study massage therapy -- if it meant I got free massages from other people. Hmmm.... Not a bad idea!

Maybe he'll be so jealous about the cute boys that are giving me massages.... He'll find a way for that ring to make its way onto my finger....

I KNOW I'm definitely making my friends insane.... I feel bad, but I don't really think this is how stressful for me this is!!!

They will someday, I'm sure.... I tried to explain to HIM and he SEEMED to understand, but you know how guys are.... Sometimes they are just awful at understanding girl feelings!!

 

[Matata]

Withold sex; it''s a great motivator

 

[velouriaL]

I''m in that postion now, too!

I *know* it''s coming in the next couple of days or weeks, because it HAS to be before we move at the end of the month... his parents already have an engagement party planned!

It''s SOOOO hard not to snoop around since we live together! Ugh!

I almost think I should take a little PS vacation since checking in here does NOT help me stop thinking/agonizing about it!

 

[Erin]

since April 29th








2004!

No amount of hinting, crying, sex-withholding, sympathy, pity, leading the witness, indifference, denial, hopefulness, etc. has brought it to fruition. Just stay busy, try not to think about it and definitely do not HINT as to when it is coming. Boys want you to go about your life like you forgot about it so they feel more comfortable about surprising you. (As if we can forget about it) but hey, it''s all in perception. I''m pretty sure if you act like it''s the furthest thing from your mind for days upon days, or weeks upon weeks (whatever it takes for your bf to feel like you can be surprised) then it will come sooner than if you slightly hint every three days or so. Be calm, be patient, and enjoy the last few days of singledom - celebrate them with friends.

 

[ky6]

I hear ya sister! I am in a very similar situation and it drives me freaking nuts. I cannot offer any words of advice because no amount of "pretending" or "ignoring" or "busying myself" seems to help. I have just officially turned into a spaz. My 29th birthday is this weekend and I was told long ago that the engagement would take place long before my 29th bday. I know the designer has the diamond, but I do not know how much longer it is going to take to complete the setting and get my sparkly onto my finger. So I have been a passenger on the emotional roller coaster lately and I know I must be driving EVERYONE nuts. So again, no advice, just letting you know you are not alone.

 

[BrightSpot]

I think I''m in the same situation too now. The ring was supposed to arrive by last weekend, but my bf said there''d been a delay & it should arrive this week. He hasn''t said any more about it either way, so I assume it''s arrived. (though he has taunted me a bit about saying how I''d never find it, if he had it, of course

...also, when I put in a not-so-subtle hint about little silver ring boxes, he hinted that it took 2 weeks to get one. Hmm...)

It''s tempting to search the apartment (we live together too), but I haven''t done it b/c 1. I don''t think I''d actually find it & 2. I don''t know that I''d want to anyway. I think I''d feel bad if I saw it before he proposed & would just wind up spoiling the surprise for myself.

Elephant, don''t worry about driving your friends insane--that''s what your PS friends are here for! I don''t think someone who isn''t in a similar situation truly understands. I know my best friend was getting sick of hearing me talk about the ring. It was fortunate for both of us that I found PS! Hang tight--I bet it''ll be soon for you!

Velouria, there''s nothing like a pre-planned engagement party (by your bf''s parents, no less) to keep a proposal on schedule!

I know it''ll be soon for you, though--your bf has been itching to propose for so long!

I know what you mean about PS, though. It''s hard not to think about your *own* ring when you''re looking at everyone else''s. (and pictures of your own to boot!)

That''s good advice, Erin! It does seem that the boys want to think we''ve forgotten about the ring (like we could do that...) before they can surprise us & one hint seems to set the clock back to zero. Silly boys...

Hang in there, Erin.

ky6, maybe he''ll propose on your birthday? Sometimes these custom-designed projects take longer than expected. I know how you feel, though. I just turned 30 (much scarier than 29!) and was really wanting to get engaged before my birthday in late May. But things w/ the ring weren''t settled by then. And it was ok. As much as I was dreading that birthday, nothing bad happened. No anvils fell on my head.

And I felt much more relaxed about this whole process once that milestone had passed. Maybe you''ll have a similar experience. Or maybe you''ll get engaged this weekend! Either way, have a wonderful birthday!

 

[velouriaL]

Sooo funny:
My best friend and our roommate (she''s technically on the lease with the boy and I, but really lives at *her* boyfriend''s house) is moving to CA today. She got to see the ring before me, but REALLY wanted to see it on my finger, so last night, my she covered my face with a pillow while he got the ring from its hiding place and put it on my hand so she could see it, then, of course, he put it back in its secret location. It was torture, but a lot of silly fun in a way.

 

[BrightSpot]

LOL--that''s hilarious! What fun!

So, tell us......how did it feel?

 

[velouriaL]

Haha... It felt, well, comfortable. Well-made-- not too thick and not too thin. MAYBE a little big and POSSIBLY prone to spinning. My fingers tend to swell, though, so we''ll see what the practical implications are when I can wear it for longer.

Heh... Is that the answer you were looking for?

 

[ashby]

Oh my gosh, velouriaL, that is the cutest thing I have ever heard!!!

 

[BrightSpot]

Hee hee--that is indeed adorable! Do you have a better sense of his secret hiding place now? (10 paces straight ahead, then open the door....)

It if were me, I''d probably have been trying to feel all of the angles, stones, etc. You know, like a blind person touches your face to try to "see" it?

It won''t be long now...

When is the engagement party, btw?

 

[Erin]

Okay - total confirmation of what I said earlier......

We did nothing, absolutely nothing but hang out all Saturday night into the late hours and all day Sunday. Even had food brought in Sunday so we didn''t leave the house.

We were playing a card game and he always takes way to long to play his turn so I always have a scratch doodle pad to keep me occupied while he''s thinking/strategizing. So I start practicing writing my name - his last name. Then we got into a ''penmanship'' conversation with illustrations. He chose to write "The future Mrs. ______" for his penmanship example. Awwww.

Later, watching a tv program which sparked my statement, won''t it be weird when you introduce me, "This is my wife, Erin."
His reply?

Goooooooood, why can''t you just leave it alone. It''s always something. As often as you bring that stuff up you''re never going to get it.

Then shortly thereafter apologized for snapping at me.

Okay, I''ve been waiting for this ring for almost 15 months. My thirtieth birthday is in a few days and my clock just got set back to zero