When to ask the father....? Experiences plz!

[smartwater]

Hello,

I need a little advice. I''m planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 4 years in January. I have know her family that long, and have grown very close to her parents and siblings. I was wondering, when should I ask her father for his blessing to marry his daughter? The "when" refers to how far in advance from my January proposal date.

Should I talk to him a week before? A month? tomorrow?

What are some experiences you''ve had in the past?

Thank you!

 

[cammy85]

My scenario was a little different, but my now DH asked my parents a good 5 months before he actually proposed - even before he began making the ring. The main reason was the fact that this would have been the only time before his intended proposal date that he would be able to talk to my parents in person. I don''t really know if there is a timeline that works for everyone, but if it''s important to the both of you, I''d just suggest sometime before you pop the question.

Congratulations on your impending engagement!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

My FH asked my folks about a month before he asked which incidentally was the day after he bought the ring

Do what feels right for you and congratulations!!

 

[lulu66]

my FI called my father the day he proposed; he asked my father who said yes but he needed to ask my mom too & she said yes. now my mom can''t keep a very good secret & told all her co-workers & some family friends before i even told her that FI asked & i accepted. i joke that it''s a good thing he didn''t ask them too far in advance b/c i might have found out about the proposal from someone other than FI!

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 10/21/2009 5:26:48 PM
Author: lulu66
my FI called my father the day he proposed; he asked my father who said yes but he needed to ask my mom too & she said yes. now my mom can''t keep a very good secret & told all her co-workers & some family friends before i even told her that FI asked & i accepted. i joke that it''s a good thing he didn''t ask them too far in advance b/c i might have found out about the proposal from someone other than FI!

Which is why I don''t think you should wait too far in advance.. some people can''t keep secrets or just GIVE IT AWAY with a smile.... I would say a week in advance if you are sure he will give you his blessing.

 

[smartwater]

Ok, well let me throw in another side question to my initial one...maybe I''m completely naive about this situation...but, do girls normally like to be around family when the proposal happens? Like, would it be nice (because she does have a great relationship with her family) to let her family know when I''m going to do it so they can book flights, etc. and surprise her the day I pop the question?

Just trying to get my head wrapped around this stuff! The more I know, the more I realize I dont know.

 

[CNYHopeful]

My family lives in another state, so my FI asked my parents for permission several months beforehand (supposedly over Thanksgiving). They were really good at keeping the secret from me, which was a surprise because my mom tends to tell everyone everything, but she bottled it up good!

FI had a surprise engagement party for me right after he proposed at dinner. We went back to his house and it was wonderful to have the opportunity to share our joy with loved ones.

It depends upon your gf''s preferences, but I loved spending our engagement evening with friends -and the only thing that would have made it better would''ve been having my family there as well. I say, you should do it!

P.S. (January is a great month for a proposal. We got engaged on January 31, 2009)

Best wishes to you!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

My FI asked my mum if he could marry me the day we went looking at rings. He proposed a few months later.

I think only you would know the answer to your second question. Do you think she would like it if her family was there? Do you think her family would fly over for the proposal or do you think they would want to wait until you had a e party organised? Do you think she would prefer it to be intimate with just the two of you?

I recently asked my soon to be step daughter to be my bridesmaid and although i knew it was a 99.99% chance of a yes i was still a nervous wreck and i now have a new found appreciation / sympathy for guys who have to propose so good luck! I am sure she will love it however it happens.

 

[cleokizzy]

i found out that FI asked my dad the day before and my mom a few minutes before he proposed (my mom has been hinting that we get married for so long so that''s probably FIs reasoning). he popped the question at home and it was the perfect place for me because after shouting YES, the first person i yelled for was my mom to show her my ring! lol

as for proposing with her family around, imo, it would be a great idea! i suddenly remembered this really nice commercial some time ago - i couldn''t remember for what brand it is but maybe some of the ladies here would know? it''s a couple walking in a plaza where the center is a fountain and there were a lot of people sitting on the steps. most were reading newspapers, etc and when the guy was going to propose and the girl accepted - it turned out that all of the people there was their family! (i have to search for that online now...if i find it, i''ll repost the link)

if you could pull something similar to that, i think your gf (and her family) would definitely never forget something like that! or maybe you could have your side of the family there too!

 

[charbie]

first, i want to commend you on thinking so much of what would be important for the proposal. there are a lot of guys out there who do not go through the fuss of asking the family for permission for various reasons, and i appreciate that you know it is an important part.

if your future fiancee is very close with her family, all the more reason to have them around for the proposal. i know a number of people who have gotten engaged in private, but then had a "surprise" party with their families directly following the proposal, which would be so nice! my mom came down the next weekend after our engagement because she was dying to see us, the ring, and the puppy my now husband proposed with

also, take into consideration if her family can keep a secret. my mother cannot keep a secret from me for the life of her, so my husband didn''t tell her until 3 days before. he called my father a week before. he only met him twice...for very short times...before the engagment. but he knew i really wanted him to ask for his blessing before the engagement. if her family can keep a secret, i''d let them know now that you are hoping to get their blessing to plan a proposal. just make sure that over the coming holidays no one spills the beans!

either way, her family will be very touched!