When should mental health outweigh financial goals?

[Lauren8211]

FF and I have goals to buy a house, likely early next year. After 4 months in his new job, he''s frustrated. There are a million reasons why he''s unhappy in the job, and I KNOW he''s frustrated. He comes home and just wants to crawl into bed. He''s not the type not to speak up, so he''s definitely voicing his concerns (about management, and his pay), but they''re not dealt with. He''s basically got an office space job where he reports to 5 managers, all tell him different thing, and they all get mad when he doesn''t put a specific manager''s priorities first. He''s a PHP programmer, and now that they know he has Photoshop skills, they fired their graphic designer, and have him doing both jobs. When he got his review a few weeks ago, he was told they couldnt afford to give him a raise, unless he found a way to make/save them money. Well... for starters... he''s doing two people''s jobs! Everyone has health benefits right now, and he was promised health care, but now there are "issues" and they can''t cover him. They won''t tell him the "issues" and they say his wage concerns don''t matter because "they''re a family" and he should just do what he''s asked without concern for wage.

Ehh.. it''s a job... wage is pretty important...

Regardless... we still want this house--SOON-- and job stability is really important for him right now because he got fired from his last job.

So I was pushing for him to stay at the job (I''m a tough-it-out type person), but... he''s not happy. I want him to stick it out for another year, but I don''t want him to be miserable, either.

I guess this is a half-vent and half give-me-perspective post.

Do you stay at a miserable job to meet your short term goals, or do you always put mental health first?

 

[Loves Vintage]

In an ideal world, yes, he would be able to stay at this job for one year or more, but given the situation, I see no problem with him looking for another job asap. What are the prospects like where you live? I don''t think he should leave this job (even if it is miserable), until he has a new offer and has accepted; however, I don''t think that''s what you were asking.

 

[D2B]

I have seen a really bad job destroy a persons confidence, create depression and erode their self worth.

If he is truly miserable, why cant he work there and look quietly for a new job, this way income is comming in, and he has the hope of a better more suited job.

Mental health is critical. If you push him to stay and this job destroys his self worth, etc he may blame you in the long run. JMHO
Hope it works out, but I would take his complaints seriously (assuming he is not the type to complain about everything all the time iykwim)

good luck
d2b

 

[fieryred33143]

I would probably tough it out and in the meantime do some job hunting. But then again I''m a workaholic and can''t be without a job. Quitting one job without having another lined up isn''t in my DNA. I would go into direct panic mode.

If he does decide to stay, tell him to document everything and to CC all managers when one requests something. That way they are all aware of what the others have requested and why he is doing whatever it is that they assigned him to.

But if I were him, I would definitely stay there until he can find another job and move on.

 

[iheartscience]

Wow, that sucks. If he''s been there less than a year, the no raise thing wouldn''t bother me too much, although he is doing two jobs. The health insurance, on the other hand, is ridiculous. I think he should push for that since he was promised it when he was hired.

My thought is if he can get hired at another job, he should, but if not, he shouldn''t quit this job on principle. In this job market I think it''s better to hang on to a crappy job than have no job.

And I think he should really work on not caring when they get mad at him for stupid stuff or get on his nerves. It''s a lot easier than getting riled up and making yourself miserable every day! And it''s easier than it sounds-I''ve had to do it before in previous jobs. He can just try to repeat something to himself. "Let. It. Go., Let. It. Go., Let. It. Go." works for me!

 

[Lauren8211]

Just to answer the initial question about job prospects -- we''re in Michigan. Sigh.

Probably one of the saddest areas.

I guess my big concern is how big of a difference in getting a mortgage does job stability make? His last job was only 5 months. Before that, he was doing on/off contract computer work. We have savings to live off of for maybe 3-4 months... and he''ll start quietly searching, but I don''t know how much more he can take of the job.

 

[Lauren8211]

LV: The prospects are not good. I don''t think he''ll leave without having something lined up, although we could last a few months if he had to.

D2B: I know how it is with bad jobs. My job before last, I''d cry every morning before I went to work it was so bad. I was depressed because of it, and went to therapy. But I just "had to stick it out" yanno?

Fiery: I''m with you, I''m a stick-it-outter. I''ve told him to email/cc/bcc... whatever it takes. It just seems like when he brings things up they just blow it off.

Thing: Ohh my gosh I''ve told him so many time to let it go! He gets one little complaint, and suddenly he hates his job because they don''t appreciate him. I told him no raise in 4 months isn''t a big deal -- Most people only get them one time per year.

 

[Bia]

Unless you and he have funds to support him indefinitely, it might not be a good idea for him to quit just yet. Right now is not the easiest time to find a job and if he quits before he has something else lined up, he might find himself 4 months from now with nothing (just comfy place on the couch equipped for channel surfing). I would encourage him to quietly look for something else. Its hard working in a place you hate, especially when it affects you outside of the workplace. But Elle, times are tough right now, and many people are taking anything they can find.

Having said that, NO JOB is worth your sanity/mental health. If he''s getting sick over it, then he needs to act fast. You''re wonderful so I''m sure you can help him find some interesting prospects. And of course, be there to boost his ego and make him feel good about himself, so that in the meantime he can cope.

(((hugs))) babe.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/4/2009 12:43:21 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Thing: Ohh my gosh I''ve told him so many time to let it go! He gets one little complaint, and suddenly he hates his job because they don''t appreciate him. I told him no raise in 4 months isn''t a big deal -- Most people only get them one time per year.

Yeah, no one gets raises after 4 months! I only get them once a year, and most places are like that!

And there are always going to be annoying people anywhere he works...I don''t mean to preach, but he just needs to learn how to deal with them! You can''t quit a job every time someone gets on your nerves...we''d all be unemployed if we did that!

As for the appreciation thing, I get that it''s nice to feel appreciated, but they pay him for his work-that''s all the appreciation I need!

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/4/2009 12:30:23 PM
Author:elledizzy5
FF and I have goals to buy a house, likely early next year. After 4 months in his new job, he''s frustrated. There are a million reasons why he''s unhappy in the job, and I KNOW he''s frustrated. He comes home and just wants to crawl into bed. He''s not the type not to speak up, so he''s definitely voicing his concerns (about management, and his pay), but they''re not dealt with. He''s basically got an office space job where he reports to 5 managers, all tell him different thing, and they all get mad when he doesn''t put a specific manager''s priorities first. He''s a PHP programmer, and now that they know he has Photoshop skills, they fired their graphic designer, and have him doing both jobs. When he got his review a few weeks ago, he was told they couldnt afford to give him a raise, unless he found a way to make/save them money. Well... for starters... he''s doing two people''s jobs! Everyone has health benefits right now, and he was promised health care, but now there are ''issues'' and they can''t cover him. They won''t tell him the ''issues'' and they say his wage concerns don''t matter because ''they''re a family'' and he should just do what he''s asked without concern for wage.

Ehh.. it''s a job... wage is pretty important...

Regardless... we still want this house--SOON-- and job stability is really important for him right now because he got fired from his last job.

So I was pushing for him to stay at the job (I''m a tough-it-out type person), but... he''s not happy. I want him to stick it out for another year, but I don''t want him to be miserable, either.

I guess this is a half-vent and half give-me-perspective post.

Do you stay at a miserable job to meet your short term goals, or do you always put mental health first?

ME TOO. In a previous life I worked in a job that I hated. Mgt threatened layoffs all the time and they created an environment of fear. The hour drive to work and the hour drive home from work added to the misery of this 9 hour day... I was overworked and would work through lunches. I went looking for a new career, and started interviewing. I never would have left had I not been offered so much more money. But here''s the kicker. I love my job, I am challeneged, motivated, and I leave work at the door. I now know if I had been offered this job for MUCH MUCH LESS than I was making before... I would take it in a heart beat.

Look at it this way....using my example
30-45 minute drive to work
9 hours at work
1 -1 1/2 hour drive to the gym
Work out 1 1/2 hours and then drive home
cook dinner... and eat,
walk the dogs and maybe some tv?
Sleep 8-9 hours.

If you add drive time, work and sleep 20 hours of your day are gone w/ only 4 to you.
So only 4 of those waking hours are you happy... but most of the time I was miserable because I knew I had to get up and work the next morning.

Now THAT SAID... sometimes you can''t take a pay cut, you CANT find a job, economic times are tough right now... but, I took the leap, and I am MUCH MUCH HAPPIER. So is my DH. He likes that I am happy, I LIKE driving to and from work... and I am just much happier. We can walk the dogs and talk about vacations.. and not my crummy work day.

I used to always work towards short term goals. But after this job''s eye opener, my DH and I always keep our debt in check so that we own our things and not the other way around. There is a certain freedom to knowing everything will be okay if only one of us works. (Which is our goal for when we have kiddos.)

I just wanted to share the difference it has made in my life and those around me. I didnt think it mattered, it was a means to get what I wanted DURING those 4 hours a night... but now knowing the freedom, wow, I can NEVER go back. I know things will work out for you guys... just do what is best.

My husband discovered this freedom when we first started dating. I thought he was crazy when he just up and quit this job w/o anything backing him up. He just quit, and was soo happy he was GIDDY. I was TERRIFIED. How can you just quit? Can I date someone that can do that? But, the following monday, he went in to a temp agency that specialized in his field and he got a GREAT job in less than a week. It actually built the foundation for his career... and he is SOOO delightlfully happy now.

I am not advising he just up and quit... but yes, it makes a difference, and it is tremendous. Best wishes. I totally understand how he feels. ((HUGS)) to you both!

 

[Porridge]

Yup, start job hunting, pronto. I wouldn''t quit though without having another one lined up. Meanwhile, your job is to keep his confidence up - we all know how sensitive the male ego is

PS his bosses sound like total a$$es...it''s not a family, it''s a business. Seeing as they''re a "family", he should take days off when he pleases, feel free to show up whenever...and suddenly deciding no health insurance? Nooo no no no. He''s being taken advantage of here.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Ugh, so sorry you''re in this situation, it stinks! We were going through something similar about 8 months ago.

We''ve been saving for a house for about 8 years and were getting to the point where we were ready to buy. Unfortunately, my husband was very overworked and exhausted in his job and we completely re-evaluated our goals. We decided to put the house on hold until he figured out his career, so he quit his job (nothing lined up) and took some graduate courses.

When the market took a massive tumble and we took a big financial hit, D decided that he would go back to work. His old company approached him and offered to change anything that made him unhappy, so he negotiated with them (and interviewed with a couple of other companies) and ended up going back, but is 100x happier now than he was 8 months ago. We pushed the house-buying back for at least a year, but that gives us time to make up some of the money we lost in the market.

I think a big factor in D deciding to quit was that the market was fine then...I''m not so sure he would have done the same today. But he literally just couldn''t take the misery anymore. He woke up on Monday mornings nearly in tears, he was depressed when he got home at night, it was really wearing on BOTH of us. After taking a break and changing his environment he is completely different and we are SO MUCH happier.

If buying a house is a very important short-term goal, then it''s probably best to stick it out. In our situation, however, even taking out a small mortgage made me feel like D was going to feel forced to stay in a job he didn''t like. In our case we gave up the short-term goal until we were happy with our careers, but that is never a guarantee, you know?

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 2/4/2009 12:54:52 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 2/4/2009 12:43:21 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Thing: Ohh my gosh I''ve told him so many time to let it go! He gets one little complaint, and suddenly he hates his job because they don''t appreciate him. I told him no raise in 4 months isn''t a big deal -- Most people only get them one time per year.

Yeah, no one gets raises after 4 months! I only get them once a year, and most places are like that!

And there are always going to be annoying people anywhere he works...I don''t mean to preach, but he just needs to learn how to deal with them! You can''t quit a job every time someone gets on your nerves...we''d all be unemployed if we did that!

As for the appreciation thing, I get that it''s nice to feel appreciated, but they pay him for his work-that''s all the appreciation I need!

Ha, yeah, you''re preaching to the choir! I hold on to jobs as long as possible!

Sometimes I just think he was not cut out for the 9-5.

I think he''s more pissed that they said he deserves a raise, but that they can''t afford one right now. And I agree -- that is pretty lame. He''s especially POed because the owner just bought a brand new house with a 2-story Garage

(I honestly dont even know what that would look like) and heated marble floors. FF realizes that it''s his company, but it''s kind of salt in the wound when he can''t afford a raise for him, when his raise wouldn''t even equate to a few square feet of heated marble flooring!

He''s pretty sensitive about being acknowledged, I know it''s hurting him... so I''m feeling a bit selfish about wanting him to stay and tough it out. I would absolutely still support him if he felt like he really needed to leave, though.

 

[Lauren8211]

Bia: Yeah, I don''t think he''d quit without something else unless it got *really* bad. I keep reminding him that he''s lucky to have a job, but that only gets us so far... after 5 minutes of "whew, thank goodness I''m making money'' he''s back to whining again. Poor guy. I will work on supporting his ego, since I''m a broke @$$ college student and I can''t support much else.

TLH: It''s crazy how much of a difference it makes when you love your job! Thanks for the support. I could NEVER quit a job without having something lined up. I''m a planner! I need stability! Glad your job switch made you so much happier. To be honest though, I was hoping for a "nookie" reference in your reply.

Porridge: I will work on the ego! I know he needs it right now. His company is just... weird. LOL. I don''t know how to explain it any better than that, but it''s clear that they''re walking all over him. He needs OUT.

NEL: I swear, you are always one step ahead of me in life. You always have a story and advice that relates to me, and I love it! I guess I wanted perspective because I''ve been so house-oriented, I felt like maybe I was putting my need for a house above his need to be happy. I suppose pushing a house back 6 months isn''t the worst thing in the world if he''s happier, right? Maybe we need to sit down and really evaluate where we are and where we''re going, and make sure he''s heading down the right road in his career. The ultimate goal is to be happy, and not just to own property.

 

[coatimundi_org]

I usually believe that mental health comes first, but this economy changes the game a bit. We own a house, but if we were in danger of losing it, I'd take a job I did not like for sure. I left a career that was making me really unhappy, but I'd go back to it in a heartbeat if I really needed to.

 

[Lauren8211]

FF just got out of a 2 hour meeting about how he needs to prioritize his work better.

He says "Well if 5 managers tell me to do something right away, and I do 1 right away, 4 managers are upset, and I''ve done something wrong. How am I supposed to pick what to do first?

They say (completely missing the point) : "Oh, it''s not about YOU doing anything wrong. Why are you so defensive? You just need to prioritize better."

FF repeats question again.

Apparently he is supposed to check in with every manager every day, multiple times per day, to see if priority has changed. So if someone says "No, that can wait until tomorrow" he still has to check in with that person to make sure it''s still OK that it waits until tomorrow. Shouldn''t the person whose work it is tell you if priority changes?

Sounds like they''re trying to push him out of there, IMO. ugh.

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/4/2009 1:12:52 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Bia: Yeah, I don''t think he''d quit without something else unless it got *really* bad. I keep reminding him that he''s lucky to have a job, but that only gets us so far... after 5 minutes of ''whew, thank goodness I''m making money'' he''s back to whining again. Poor guy. I will work on supporting his ego, since I''m a broke @$$ college student and I can''t support much else.

TLH: It''s crazy how much of a difference it makes when you love your job! Thanks for the support. I could NEVER quit a job without having something lined up. I''m a planner! I need stability! Glad your job switch made you so much happier. To be honest though, I was hoping for a ''nookie'' reference in your reply.

Porridge: I will work on the ego! I know he needs it right now. His company is just... weird. LOL. I don''t know how to explain it any better than that, but it''s clear that they''re walking all over him. He needs OUT.

NEL: I swear, you are always one step ahead of me in life. You always have a story and advice that relates to me, and I love it! I guess I wanted perspective because I''ve been so house-oriented, I felt like maybe I was putting my need for a house above his need to be happy. I suppose pushing a house back 6 months isn''t the worst thing in the world if he''s happier, right? Maybe we need to sit down and really evaluate where we are and where we''re going, and make sure he''s heading down the right road in his career. The ultimate goal is to be happy, and not just to own property.

Nookie production has increased levels parralel to that of job satisfaction.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think it''s okay to cry uncle when things are really working out badly...

First of all they are not a "family". No one loves their employees more than I do, but we all know we''re working...ergo, they get paid their honest value.

I would suggest he proactively look for new employment, and in the mean time find a head hunting firm to help him along.

So sorry, and ((big hugs))

 

[lyra]

It sounds like they are treating him like crap. Welcome to the corporate world. Seriously, my advice would be for him to start looking for a new position immediately, put the house buying idea on hold for now, and see what happens. If Michigan is not good, then be willing to move to another state. I wouldn''t be looking at real estate when the economy is really bad, but definitely save as much as possible. And yes, if it means a better life, he should be willing to take less pay if the job might offer more room for advancement in his career. The new job could just be another stepping stone to a better job too. We''ve always found that it''s much easier to find a job when you''re still employed, you have a bit of leverage. Good luck!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well, you're probably not going to like my advice but here: Your husband needs to stick with his job regardless of how much he hates it and go job hunting on the side. Sure, his job isn't his cup of tea and his managers/employers are jerks, but it cannot be as bad as working at McDonald's, and even at that establishment, with the job market being so bad, it's difficult to find a position! I read in the paper, that there was one 7-11 that got over 100 job applications for a $8.00 job. My MIL told me that at her local espresso stand that they got 30 applications in one day and one of them was from a college professor. People are desperate.

Yep, you're DH is lucky to have a job and FWIW, you said that the company told your DH they cannot afford to give him a raise. What if that truely is the case? What if the company is barely hanging in there.

Oh, also, my other downer. . .with the bleak job market and the chance that just about anyone can be laid off, possibly put the idea of buying a house entirely on the back burner.

I know I sound so pesimistic about the situation, and I'm very sorry to be so, but I am only this way because I live 45 minutes from Microsoft and friends of friends are being laid off (my friend and I had a long talk about this a few days back) and who knows if they can afford their mortgage payments on one salary. Not to mention WAMU, Starbucks, etc. . .

Best of luck to you and your DH, Elle! Hang in there.

 

[kcoursolle]

Normally I would say leave if you are unhappy or depressed, but in this current market it''s not necessarily smart to leave a job even if you hate it. I don''t see anything wrong with discretely looking for other jobs though in hopes that something else better is out there.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Economy aside I would ALWAYS put my mental health first. Without question if you are depressed, stressed, anxious, NOTHING (even your first home) is worth it. Sounds like his boss is taking advantage of him BIG time! He should look for another job on the side.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 2/4/2009 3:11:44 PM
Author: MC
Well, you''re probably not going to like my advice but here: Your husband needs to stick with his job regardless of how much he hates it and go job hunting on the side. Sure, his job isn''t his cup of tea and his managers/employers are jerks, but it cannot be as bad as working at McDonald''s, and even at that establishment, with the job market being so bad, it''s difficult to find a position! I read in the paper, that there was one 7-11 that got over 100 job applications for a $8.00 job. My MIL told me that at her local espresso stand that they got 30 applications in one day and one of them was from a college professor. People are desperate.


Yep, you''re DH is lucky to have a job and FWIW, you said that the company told your DH they cannot afford to give him a raise. What if that truely is the case? What if the company is barely hanging in there.


Oh, also, my other downer. . .with the bleak job market and the chance that just about anyone can be laid off, possibly put the idea of buying a house entirely on the back burner.


I know I sound so pesimistic about the situation, and I''m very sorry to be so, but I am only this way because I live 45 minutes from Microsoft and friends of friends are being laid off (my friend and I had a long talk about this a few days back) and who knows if they can afford their mortgage payments on one salary. Not to mention WAMU, Starbucks, etc. . .


Best of luck to you and your DH, Elle! Hang in there.

Ok, MC I completely agree with you on everything you said.
I''m so sorry he is having a hard time at his job. Hating going into work everyday would be horrible. In this economy and especially in your area, I think he should stick with it until he finds something else. As far as the house goes, please think loooong and hard about buying a house together before you are married and especially if you are not even engaged yet. You said you are a college student. What would happen (and not saying it will, but things happen) if you guys break up and you can''t sell the house right away, which is very likely in this market? I just hope you take the time to think things through. Good luck to you both!

 

[elrohwen]

I have hated my job for the past year (out of the 3 years I've been here) and it has made me miserable. I can tell that it's having negative mental health effects. However, I haven't found a new job so I'm still in this one. I'm a tough it out person as well and I think he just needs to suck it up for a while and look for a new job at the same time. I think part of being an adult is just sucking it up and dealing with crappy situations because it's likely you'll be in one again throughout your life and you need to learn how to deal. He can certainly look for a new job, but I don't think that now is the time to quit and live off of savings.

Once he's been there a year or two and he's still miserable, maybe you can discuss quitting without having anything lined up (big maybe), but I think 4 months is way too early. So I agree with you and I don't think you're pushing him to do something unreasonable by staying at least another year. I can absolutely sympathize with him though since I'm in a similar position.

ETA: I agree with some others that if he finds another job where he's happy, even if it pays less and you have to push the house off a bit, that's worth it. I absolutely think mental health is more important than buying a house. However, I absolutely don't think he should quit before finding another job.

 

[BlueSki231]

Date: 2/4/2009 4:20:52 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Economy aside I would ALWAYS put my mental health first. Without question if you are depressed, stressed, anxious, NOTHING (even your first home) is worth it. Sounds like his boss is taking advantage of him BIG time! He should look for another job on the side.

I agree.. mental health ALWAYS ALWAYS comes first for me.

I think when you are miserable, nothing else in your life seems to work out.
There''s nothing worse than hating your job and I really feel for him. He needs to get out of there as quickly as possible.

I dunno what else to say - I have taken a chance and left two different jobs without anything else lined up, but I had no doubt in my mind that I would find exactly what I was looking for. When it''s time to go, it''s time to go.
I''m actually kinda crazy in that I prefer to leave a job without something else lined up cause it''s such a freeing feeling, and it really makes you more inspired to find a job you truly love. At least that''s what it does to me...
You gotta have at least a little bit of savings to fall back on though...

 

[purrfectpear]

To me he needs to tough it out for the year. Not because you''re saving for a house, but because it will look like crap if he leaves this job in less than a year.

He''s not being beaten or sexually harrassed. He just needs to man up

This about his career progression long term. He can start looking around after 12 months.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/4/2009 3:11:44 PM
Author: MC
Well, you''re probably not going to like my advice but here: Your husband needs to stick with his job regardless of how much he hates it and go job hunting on the side. Sure, his job isn''t his cup of tea and his managers/employers are jerks, but it cannot be as bad as working at McDonald''s, and even at that establishment, with the job market being so bad, it''s difficult to find a position! I read in the paper, that there was one 7-11 that got over 100 job applications for a $8.00 job. My MIL told me that at her local espresso stand that they got 30 applications in one day and one of them was from a college professor. People are desperate.

Yep, you''re DH is lucky to have a job and FWIW, you said that the company told your DH they cannot afford to give him a raise. What if that truely is the case? What if the company is barely hanging in there.

Oh, also, my other downer. . .with the bleak job market and the chance that just about anyone can be laid off, possibly put the idea of buying a house entirely on the back burner.

I know I sound so pesimistic about the situation, and I''m very sorry to be so, but I am only this way because I live 45 minutes from Microsoft and friends of friends are being laid off (my friend and I had a long talk about this a few days back) and who knows if they can afford their mortgage payments on one salary. Not to mention WAMU, Starbucks, etc. . .

Best of luck to you and your DH, Elle! Hang in there.

i agree with MC. jobs are hard to come by these days.

 

[whitetulips]

I would look for a new job. I don''t think it is worth it to compromise happiness and health over a job- ever. Yes, getting the house is an important goal to reach, but in the long run you won''t necessarily remember that it took you an extra month or even six to get to where you wanted to be if he takes a different job; however, if he is stuck in a job that wears him down day after day it will begin to take its toll and the result is not something that will soon be forgotten. This isn''t an issue of him just being bored or feeling like his job isn''t what he wants- he is being treated like crap and the whole situation just sounds off to me. I hope he finds something else soon.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I''ll give you an answer based on personal experience.

My mother has always been the primary breadwinner in our family. When I was born she moved up in the company in order to make more money. She was doing a job she hated, but in order to give me the education my father wanted she had to stay there. The horrible truth is, that no matter how miserable she was, once you make the money, it''s almost impossible to back off, and make less. It''s like a vicious cycle. I''ve grown up watching as this job has virtually sucked the life out of her.

I feel so guilty that it''s my fault that she has had to stay in this job as well. Even though I know she doesn''t see it that way.

Just my two cents that it''s not just him who will be affected.

This may not be the case for your situation. So feel free to ignore.

 

[rainwood]

Mental health is important, but the stress of dealing with a job that makes him crazy is a lot less than the stress that would come if he quits, doesn''t find another job, the 3-4 months of savings gets spent making ends meet, and you end up broke. Nothing is more stressful than that. If you''re a student and don''t have an income then I agree he has to man up and stay with this job until he finds a better one.