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When do you plan to start a family?

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PearlDahhhling

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FI and I are fairly young (22 and 23) and so we plan on waiting a while before we start a family. But it seems like people always associate getting married with having kids right away and when people find out I''m getting married in June they immediately ask if we plan to start trying for a baby asap. (Why it''s any of their business I have no idea...
) While we would love to start a family right after we get married, we know that we wouldn''t be financially ready yet, and we also want to enjoy time as a young married couple before we start having to deal with poopy diapers and sleepless nights! So I was curious what everyone else''s plans were as far as how long you plan to wait before starting a family. (And yes, it IS my business!
) TTC on the honeymoon? Or waiting a few years to get settled into married life? What''s YOUR plan?
 

taovandel

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Mar 22, 2008
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1,434
We''ve discussed this a lot already. Originally we were getting married in June and were going to wait til December to go off birth control. Now we are getting married in October, we have the same wait period of 5 months. So this time next year, We will be TTC.

We both can''t wait to have kids, and have already picked out names and everything.
 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
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5,543
I will be 30 when we get married he will be almost 36 so we will most likely wait a 6mths-1yr till we start trying I don''t won''t to wait till I get much older.
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
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I''ll be turning 26 this year, and Mr. Kama will be turning 27. We''ll be TTC-ing in another 3-4 years or so. I''d like my first baby at around 30, and second at around 34 (+/- 1 year). We would like to enjoy being married, travel and experience as much as we can before we "settle" down, buy a house and have kids!
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 15, 2008
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I''ll be married at 29. I don''t think we''ll start TTC before I''m 32. Ideally, I''d like to be a younger mom than that, but with career plans and trying to have a few solid years married without kids, I think it will take a few more years.
 

Izzy03

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Joined
Dec 10, 2007
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613
I think 2-3 years, but the baby-itch comes and goes so we''ll see! I KNOW we are not ready yet (I will be 24 in three weeks so I have plenty of time) but FI will be 30 this year, and he doesn''t want to be 40 with a 2 year old. I think he will be the first to want kids, and a man being excited about kids can rub off on his woman easily!
 

SarahLovesJS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2008
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5,206
Our goal is somewhere in-between ages 27-29 (before 30). Who knows if we''ll meet it, but in other words we are aiming for waiting at least 5 years (I am 22 right now and FI is 23 as well).
 

MissDimity

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 31, 2008
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209
We have talked about it and FI says that when I decide to have kids, I should go off the birth control and not tell him. We both dislike the idea of "trying to have kids" as it will take away from the enjoyment of intimacy. However we both agree that within a year of being married would be a good time to have kids. At that time I''ll be 27/28 and he will be 36/7 and we would have lived together 6 years
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
I''m 23 and will be 25 when we get hitched and my FI will have just turned 33 by then. We would ideally love to start TTC right away, but 3 months before our wedding we will be moving back to the US, finalizing wedding stuff, hopefully buying a house, figuring out my job situation, buying 2 cars so a lot depends on that. If all the ducks fall in a row house wise and we are ok financially I would love to have a honeymoon baby. We will have toured Europe and done a lot of things people try to do before starting a family so we are lucky that way. So if everything goes as planned, right away but in the sense I will go off the pill and we will just see what happens. If that happens and no luck for 6 + months we would probably start actively trying to conceive with charting and things.
 

Dandi

Ideal_Rock
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DH and I always thought we''d wait 2-3 years before TTC. We''ll be married 2 years this November, and I don''t feel at all ready yet! DH will be 34 at the end of the year but I''m only 26, so he''s feeling the pressure, I guess. I just love life the way it is right now! We always thought things woiuld get in the way, ie. studying, new cars, house etc. We now have all that and only a small mortgage left, so I''m kinda running out of excuses!
Which sounds terrible, but I really just want to hold onto this time together, just us and the dogs.

I get your frustration too, with people quizzing you all the time! I get hounded left, right and centre from friends and collegues. I understand that people care and are genuinely curious, but sometimes they also need to mind their own business!
I can''t understand why some people flat out ask questions like that, when they aren''t even sure if we can conceive a child... I''M not even sure if we can, seeing as we haven''t tried yet!!

I just tell people we will when we''re good and ready, life is just good the way it is right now!
 

Sabine

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
3,446
Our plan had been to wait about a year or so before trying, and let me tell you, that FLEW out the window after the wedding! Within a MONTH of the wedding, we were actively trying!
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/28/2009 11:44:02 PM
Author:PearlDahhhling
FI and I are fairly young (22 and 23) and so we plan on waiting a while before we start a family. But it seems like people always associate getting married with having kids right away and when people find out I''m getting married in June they immediately ask if we plan to start trying for a baby asap. (Why it''s any of their business I have no idea...
) While we would love to start a family right after we get married, we know that we wouldn''t be financially ready yet, and we also want to enjoy time as a young married couple before we start having to deal with poopy diapers and sleepless nights! So I was curious what everyone else''s plans were as far as how long you plan to wait before starting a family. (And yes, it IS my business!
) TTC on the honeymoon? Or waiting a few years to get settled into married life? What''s YOUR plan?
How long have you guys been together?

Our original plan was to TTC a few months after the honeymoon. We would have been together at that point almost 8 years, living together for 4. There wasn''t anything else we felt we needed to do as a married couple before a baby arrived.

I think that considering you are fairly young (your words not mine!!!) and if you have only been together for a few years, then I would hold off and just enjoy being married for a couple of years first.

What I would suggest is to go get yourself checked out thouroughly. Not necessarily with a fertility doctor but maybe just ask your gyno how everything looks so that when you do start trying, there are no surprises. You have a situation where you can really prepare well for the future so you might as well take it.
 

booswim542

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 19, 2008
Messages
121
I like this thread! It''s fun!

I am 23 and FI is 25 (we''ll be 24 and 26 when we get married). We are in no way ready for kids. I still have 2 years of med school, then residency. He also still has 3 years left in his PGA golf program.

I think we will aim for kids after I have completed my residency and part of fellowship. I will be 31. He will be 33. I would ideally like to be a little younger when I have my first child, but I will be so busy (never home, working nights...) that I don''t think it would be fair for the child to have to live in those uncertain conditions. That said, some med students and residents do have kids and it works out just fine, so who really knows.

The real issue here, is that I have never once felt that baby itch. The closest I came was when I was working in a peds office, cuz there were a lot of cute kids. But what''s wrong with me? My biological clock has obviously not kicked in yet...
 

buttercup80

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 12, 2006
Messages
451
Here''s some hindsight:

I''m 28 and DH is 31. Our original plan was to wait to try until about 6 months after the wedding... My Dr. said that it would probably take about 6-9 months of TTC. Well, DH decided he didn''t really want to wait, so we decided not "to try," but to stop "not trying."

I got pregnant a month after we got married! We are very happy, but it happened much quicker than either of us expected - so don''t "pull the goalie" until you are *really* sure - we will have a 2 month old by our first anniversary!
 

vetrik

Rough_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 6, 2008
Messages
82
I found with our families, they were very understanding of wanting to wait for kids, especially since we were on the younger side when we got married too. We were very fortunate never to get much pressure! DH''s parents were married 10 years before they had their 1st, so they were definitely in favor of waiting.

I was 23 and DH was 25 when we got married. I''m due in July with our first baby - I''m 28, he will be 30, and we''ll have our 5th wedding anniversary in May before the baby comes. We bought our house 3 years ago, and now feels like a pretty good time to start a family. I''m planning on at least 5-6 years before we have a 2nd child, so it made sense to get started now in that regard.
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
5,393
When people ask how long we're going to wait for kids, I generally say "As long as I can!" Haha. Honestly, I have no desire to have a kid any time soon, but I'm confident that my time will come. It may be in 10 years when I'm 35 and I have to TTC before my time runs out. Or I could want a baby in just a few years and that would be ok too. And my FI feels the same way, so it's nice that we're on the same page.

I also find it weird that so many of you girls have stories of people asking when you're going to have a baby. The only people who ever ask me are women I'm fairly close to and even then it's probably only been less than 5 people. And since I feel close to them, I don't mind at all when they ask. It's interesting to hear from the ones who do have kids when they knew they were ready. I guess I'm lucky that most people I know see that question as none of their business.

ETA: My parents didn't think they wanted a kid when they got married. They ended up waiting 10 years before TTC and are so glad they did. They definitely understand how we feel! No pressure coming from them, which is nice.
 

mayachel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2008
Messages
1,749
during my college years I always thought I''d get married soon after graduation, and start ttc around 25/26. Well, the right guy wasn''t in the picture, and truth be told I wasn''t as settled as I thought. I''ve been a doula since graduation, so I''ve attended somewhere around 60 births, taught childbirth classes and all around helped women and their partners become parents. It really curbed my baby-clock, but it also helped define when and how I''d like to have kids. Now, at 28yo my df (who is 29) and I have been together for 4 years, living together for 2 officially, and own a home together. Because I am doing my MS, we are waiting till 2010 to throw our wedding, and I won''t graduate till 2011. At which point I''ll be 30.

I am concerned about my own fertility, and as a fertility counselor who works with women who only started in their late 30''s or early 40''s am aware of how sharply it can decline for SOME (but not all) women. DF has known from the get go (and thankfully is now on board) that married or not, assuming we were still together I wanted to be ttc the year I turn 30. This is lousy career timing, but I figure we''ll manage. My parents married young, 20/21 and then waited 10 years before having their first. They have a strong marriage going on 40 years and feel like having so much time together w/o kids helped to cement that.

DF feels that we are traveling and exploring and living together now, by the time we are married we''ll have been together for 5+ years so starting within a year doesn''t feel like a rush. (Though if it were allll up to me, I''d have gotten the two of married sooner
and kept the ttc timeline the same).
 

Blair138

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
Messages
1,207
Ideally we want to start trying a year after our wedding which is July. I am 25 and FI is 28. I am currently completing my Master''s so I want to be done with it and be able to teach one year full-time so I get my salary bump. We are going to get a dog this summer and we''ll probably see how things go from there!
 

PearlDahhhling

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Joined
Apr 1, 2008
Messages
1,167
Date: 3/1/2009 8:02:53 AM
Author: fieryred33143
Date: 2/28/2009 11:44:02 PM

Author:PearlDahhhling

FI and I are fairly young (22 and 23) and so we plan on waiting a while before we start a family. But it seems like people always associate getting married with having kids right away and when people find out I''m getting married in June they immediately ask if we plan to start trying for a baby asap. (Why it''s any of their business I have no idea...
) While we would love to start a family right after we get married, we know that we wouldn''t be financially ready yet, and we also want to enjoy time as a young married couple before we start having to deal with poopy diapers and sleepless nights! So I was curious what everyone else''s plans were as far as how long you plan to wait before starting a family. (And yes, it IS my business!
) TTC on the honeymoon? Or waiting a few years to get settled into married life? What''s YOUR plan?
How long have you guys been together?


Our original plan was to TTC a few months after the honeymoon. We would have been together at that point almost 8 years, living together for 4. There wasn''t anything else we felt we needed to do as a married couple before a baby arrived.


I think that considering you are fairly young (your words not mine!!!) and if you have only been together for a few years, then I would hold off and just enjoy being married for a couple of years first.


What I would suggest is to go get yourself checked out thouroughly. Not necessarily with a fertility doctor but maybe just ask your gyno how everything looks so that when you do start trying, there are no surprises. You have a situation where you can really prepare well for the future so you might as well take it.

We''ve been together for 4 years but definitely are still young and I think we''re planning to wait until 26/27-ish but it really depends on fiances/schooling for us. But that''s a really good suggestion to get checked out every now and then just to make sure there are no surprises down the line. It''s been a little while since I''ve seen my gyno... But it''s definitely something important. It''s always devastating to hear of a couple who waits until the "perfect" time to get pregnant and then can''t for whatever reason.

And apparently I haven''t been paying attention but from the looks of your avatar, a huge CONGRATS is due!
 

PearlDahhhling

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Joined
Apr 1, 2008
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Date: 3/1/2009 9:38:18 AM
Author: buttercup80
Here''s some hindsight:


I''m 28 and DH is 31. Our original plan was to wait to try until about 6 months after the wedding... My Dr. said that it would probably take about 6-9 months of TTC. Well, DH decided he didn''t really want to wait, so we decided not ''to try,'' but to stop ''not trying.''


I got pregnant a month after we got married! We are very happy, but it happened much quicker than either of us expected - so don''t ''pull the goalie'' until you are *really* sure - we will have a 2 month old by our first anniversary!
That makes me smile.
 

PearlDahhhling

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Date: 3/1/2009 10:08:46 AM
Author: elrohwen

I also find it weird that so many of you girls have stories of people asking when you''re going to have a baby. The only people who ever ask me are women I''m fairly close to and even then it''s probably only been less than 5 people. And since I feel close to them, I don''t mind at all when they ask. It''s interesting to hear from the ones who do have kids when they knew they were ready. I guess I''m lucky that most people I know see that question as none of their business.
Yeah, it IS weird. I''m a receptionist at a chiropractic clinic and so I interact with tons of patients every day, mostly older people (65+.) I think they kind of look at some of us younger girls in the office (one of whom is also engaged) and think about their own experiences with life and marriage and kids and so that''s maybe why they''re interested. But it''s still odd.
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
We''ll be 27 (me) and 30 (him) when we get married, and plan to wait at least a year before we start trying. FI is already baby-crazy, but we both have some career stuff to figure out before I''ll feel comfortable starting a family.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
We''ll be 27 (me) and 28 (D). Our plan is to wait until we''re about 33 to TTC. I will be finished Veterinary at 29 and I want to work for a few years before we have children.
 

february2003bride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2005
Messages
3,545
Date: 2/28/2009 11:44:02 PM
Author:PearlDahhhling
FI and I are fairly young (22 and 23) and so we plan on waiting a while before we start a family. But it seems like people always associate getting married with having kids right away and when people find out I''m getting married in June they immediately ask if we plan to start trying for a baby asap. (Why it''s any of their business I have no idea...
) While we would love to start a family right after we get married, we know that we wouldn''t be financially ready yet, and we also want to enjoy time as a young married couple before we start having to deal with poopy diapers and sleepless nights! So I was curious what everyone else''s plans were as far as how long you plan to wait before starting a family. (And yes, it IS my business!
) TTC on the honeymoon? Or waiting a few years to get settled into married life? What''s YOUR plan?
Be prepared because you''ll get asked a hundred times over AFTER you get married! It goes like this:

Dating someone 6+ months? You''ll get asked "when are you getting engaged?"
Engaged? "When is the big day?"
Married a few months? "When are you thinking of starting a family?"
Have a baby already about 1 year or older? "When are you going to give little Jane/Jack a brother/sister?"



I went off the pill a week after our wedding and I got pregnant a couple of weeks later! It''s what we wanted even though some relatives and friends were surprised we tried so fast. What did they want us t odo? Consult with them first?
Unless they were planning to offer free babysitting, it was none of their business
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,938
as soon as we are financially able to have a kid which will probably be about 2 years from now or so. we''d like to get rid of as much debt as possible so we can spend it on fun toys that will make lots of noise and keep us up at night haha we''re used to it, the cat already does that!
 

kittybean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
4,125
We are 25 (me) and 28 (him), getting married in June, and I think we''ll probably start TTC in about 3-4 years. Neither of us feels we''ll be ready anytime soon!
 

ilovethiswebsite

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Joined
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Messages
1,788
I will be 27 and my FI will be 30 when we get married. We are going to wait 3-5 years because I want to be done my PhD and get a job... Also - we are both living away from our families and I want to move closer to them before we even consider having children. There is no way we can do it without their help since we are both going to be professionals.... Sometimes I get the urge to quite school and start a family ASAP because I love children so much - but then reality sets in... I also want to travel a lot more before we settle down - and we still need to buy a house (we are renting until I get a job and we settle on where to live).
 

ilovethiswebsite

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Joined
Jan 13, 2008
Messages
1,788
This post actually just had me thinking - not to go off topic or anything - but for those of you who are pregnant and have been pregnant - how long were you on the pill for before? I am nervous that being on the pill for so long (10+ years) is going to negatively effect my fertility one day....
 

Steel

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
4,884
Date: 3/1/2009 3:07:22 AM
Author: MissDimity
We have talked about it and FI says that when I decide to have kids, I should go off the birth control and not tell him. We both dislike the idea of ''trying to have kids'' as it will take away from the enjoyment of intimacy. However we both agree that within a year of being married would be a good time to have kids. At that time I''ll be 27/28 and he will be 36/7 and we would have lived together 6 years
Awh, that is soooo cute. I love that idea.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
LOL, we started TTC on our wedding night


I'd charted for a few months before as I had a tight time-frame for financial reasons so I wanted to max our chances to get KTFU by xmas.

I was pg within 6 weeks.


I'm 36 and DH is 34 - bebe is due in May...

We already owned two properties, were financially ready and had lived together for 4 years and didn't feel the need for any more time as a twosome or for travelling etc so the time was right.


Had I got married in my 20's I still wouldn't have wanted children until now. Even when I wasn't engaged or even dating anyone I was asked about having kids. Right up until May last year my response was always that it was likely I'd remain child-free by choice but that I reserved my right to change my mind.

I'm already getting grief about our plans to either stop at 1 child or to wait at least 5 years before having a second.

You can't win on this one!

ETA: Half the time people ask just because it seems like something to ask not because they really care or have a real interest.

ETA: I was on the Pill for nearly 17 years - my cycle was back to normal and clockwork from the day I stopped taking it (and I used to run 4-6 packets together at a time). Some people take 6 months plus to get their cycle straightened out, others find it is normal from the beginning and get pg the first month off the Pill.

(Those who are going to let nature take it's course rather than actively TTC, keep away from the TTC thread, I guarantee you will own BBT thermometers, OPKs and have signed up to Fertility Friend - to say nothing of having shares in the companies of HPT manufacturers if you're not KTFU in the first month. It's way too addictive for most people - and especially if you have even a hint of control freakery about you
)
 
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