When did you tell people you were pregnant or adopting?

[Logan Sapphire]

We adopted, and told people after we''d already waited 7 months for the homestudy and referral. Our families and close, close friends knew right away. Once we got the referral, it was another 3 months before we got permission to travel. Those 3 months were some of the most agonizing moments of my life, and people kept asking daily if I''d heard anything. I know they were excited too, but it got really annoying b/c I didn''t know anything, and was fully dependent on the Korean and American governments to do their thing.

What about when you''re pregnant? Do most people wait until 12 weeks? What about after you see the heartbeat?

 

[lover in athens]

i can''t even imagine what it must have been like during those 3 months!!

dh and i told our families RIGHT away (i think i was technically 3 1/2 weeks), and almost everyone else after we saw the heart beat (at about 6 weeks)... i''ve heard so many sad stories about losing babies even after the heart beat was seen, that i think i might wait longer for the next one...

 

[somethingshiny]

During my many miscarriages, we hardly told anyone. I would tell my boss so I could skip out of work for my tests all the time, but other than that, I never even told my mom. When we got pregnant with our son, it just felt different. I knew I was going to carry and told my family and best friend immediately. Then I had to tell my bosses due to my testing and it got through work VERY quickly.

 

[packrat]

With our 1st, I told people right after I found out. I suppose I was about 4 weeks along or so. We had a miscarriage in between our 1st and 2nd kids, and we''d decided to wait to tell people-I wanted to run around and surprise everyone with ultrasound pictures etc. Turned out to be a good thing we waited. We did wait until we had u/s pictures when pg w/our son. I also paraded London around in a shirt that said "Big Sister March 2007". My parents and best friend knew (and my coworkers at Dr''s office) right away.

It''s hard to wait-it''s so dang exciting!

 

[D&T]

when I couldn't fit into my normal pants/skirts anymore

probably almost at four - five months

My first one, I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 11 weeks (I still had auntie flow visiting me) until one day I threw up in my sleep

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am not good at keeping good news to myself. We found out REALLY early (3.5 weeks) and we e-mail them a picture of the positive HPT. We then called each and had them check their e-mail on the phone so we could hear their reaction. My dad started telling everyone ASAP being the proud grandpa he is. DH and I waited until my first u/s around 6.5 weeks where we got to hear the heart beat. My MIL insisted on waiting until I was 12 weeks to tell her friends. The funny thing is to the best of my knowledge my MIL has never had a m/c and I know my mom has had one. Not sure why she was so fearful. In hindsight I think we should have waited to tell our families until I went to the doctor but if something did happen and I experienced a m/c I would want and need their support.

 

[anchor31]

We were going to wait until 12 weeks, but I started having morning sickness and I felt really crappy when my mom called and I lied to her about not feeling good. So we told my parents on our next visit, at 8 weeks, and DH''s parents at 10 weeks.

 

[gailrmv]

We told our parents and best friends after we had known a couple weeks... so when I was maybe 7 weeks? we told other close friends and relatives around 10 weeks, and work plus anyone else after the first trimester.

 

[fieryred33143]

Found out I was pregnant on Oct. 31

Told mom Nov 1

Told his family Nov 5

Told my coworkers/friends/family Nov 12


I figured even if I had lost the baby, I''d rather have a world of support than suffer in silence. Just my preference

 

[MustangGal]

We had been trying for 5 months when I got preggo, and all our family/friends/co-wrokers knew that, so they kept asking around that time. We told right away (1 was 1 week late), even before having a doctor confirm. My MIL wouldn''t believe us until I went to the doc 2 days later

 

[vespergirl]

With my first child, I really wanted to wait 12 weeks to tell everyone, but we decided to elope 7 weeks after we found out I was pregnant, so we had to tell close family and very close friends who we wanted to invite to our destination wedding why we were getting married so quickly. I was up for a promotion and raise at work, though, so I decided to hide it at work for as long as possible. I didn''t tell anyone until I was 4 and a half months along and already got my raise and promotion - even then I had only gained about 10 pounds, so everyone couldn''t believe that I was pregnant, or that far along.

With this baby, everyone knew that we had been trying for 10 months to get pregnant, and that I was taking Clomid, so every conversation started with friends/family asking if I was pregnant yet. When I found out at 5 weeks, I told close family & friends. I don''t work anymore, so I don''t have to worry about colleagues finding out. I am 8 weeks now, but I plan not to announce it to the "peripheral" people until I''m at 13 weeks.

 

[Kaleigh]

We told my parents and Hubby''s parents after I took the pregnancy test... We were sooo excited and couldn''t wait to share our happy news. I know many people wait. I totally understand that...

 

[puffy]

with our first son, we didn''t tell anyone until 14 weeks or so. but with our second, we told our immediate families right way and then the rest of our family and close friends after the doc had confirmed it. and the news just spread itself from there.

 

[Pandora II]

My parents, best friend and SIL - within an hour of the definite BFP, so 3.5 weeks

Other family and his parents - within a week

Most friends - By 5 weeks

Work - 7 weeks (I had hyperemesis and there was no hiding it!)

I can''t keep my own secrets at all, I''m an eternal optimist and if anything had gone wrong I wouldn''t have had a problem with people knowing...

 

[mtjoya]

My husband was the first one to know. I told my mom the night when I took the hpt. My mom texted everyone to tell them! It''s her first grandbebe and she had to tell EVERYONE!!! lol..I have told a couple of good friends and only a few people at work. I really don''t want to say anything to my other coworkers because I work with gossipy & jealous girls. I don''t know what to do or say since this is my first bebe.

 

[natalina]

Told DH immediately. Then told both sets of our parents at about 13 weeks. We didn't tell anyone else (including work) until 16weeks.

 

[swimmer]

It is great hearing what others did/are doing in this situation.

DH and I found out simultaneously (after over a year of medically assisted TTC) and we have told a few very close friends. I'm at 6weeks and we haven't told our parents yet. I feel guilty for not telling my mom, we talk everyday. But once we tell her, we have to tell my FIL who will make me miserable with constant "helpful suggestions" and excruciatingly intrusive questions. He can't help himself, I swear he is just on the spectrum, but it hurts and makes me angry so not a great combo. If we have another m/c I do not want anyone's pity. I also don't want to freak out my mom who is opposed to us TTC in the first place because of my previous bouts with ovarian cancer. It seems like it should be such a wonderful thing to share, but really a minefield to navigate. I'd appreciate anyone who has any suggestions on what to do. I am no good at keeping secrets.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I don''t even remember exactly when we told everyone! Close/family & friends knew we were trying. . .I knew the ''rule'' was to wait three months, but we probably told everyone sooner than that.

 

[drk]

DH first with the phone call from the IVF clinic (he works from home). Mom (who gave us money for the IVF) found out that afternoon. I think I emailed Dad and stepmom that evening, since they''d known we were doing IVF. My Mom told my brother. One close friend who''s also struggled with infertility and miscarriages found out almost right away, and my cousin''s wife who miscarried shortly before our first miscarriage also found out around then. Mom told one of her friends when I was around 7 weeks, and was promptly told to quit blabbing to everyone.

We didn''t tell DH''s family until after 11.5 weeks and we had another good ultrasound - he thought his Dad would be religiously opposed to IVF, so none of them knew we were doing that level of fertility treatments.

A couple more friends found out at the 13 week mark, and DH is now starting to tell his close friends. No one at work knows yet (I''m now 15 weeks). I''m waiting till the department chief comes back from vacation when I''m 16.5 weeks to tell him, and then I''ll slowly tell the rest of them. I thought my two layers of lead aprons when there are Xrays in the OR would have given me away by now, but apparently I hide the bottom one well.

I had to tell people earlier the first time we got pregnant, since I was going to have to make major changes to my residency program schedule. Then when we lost the baby, everyone found out too. I''m a fairly open person, so that didn''t bother me as much as it might some. By time #3 (after 2 losses), I was getting sick of having to tell people so I could get special consideration at work (or because I was put on house arrest while bleeding and waiting to see what would happen), so I''ve kept it much quieter this time around.

 

[packrat]

Swimmer, congratulations to you and your husband!

Just tell people when you''re ready. The "helpful suggestions" will come from a lot of people, in my experience. I don''t have a lot of advice about that part..my MIL was the worst offender, and I finally started telling her that I already talked to Dr. about it and she recommends X, so that''s what I''ll be doing. Or I''d just smile and say thanks for the tip, and then completely disregard it. Intrusive questions, don''t feel like you *have* to answer them. It''s nobody else''s beeswax, frankly.

 

[phoenixgirl]

We told family within a few days. We''re just not the type to keep that thing to ourselves. I would want to tell people if we had a loss, and DH gets over-excited and can''t keep it to himself (he keeps blurting out our baby''s name by accident even though he''s the one who wants to keep it a secret!).

I told my closest girlfriends right away too. Just couldn''t keep it to myself. But with our big group of friends, we waited until after we saw the heartbeat at 9.5 weeks. I wound up telling my department chair at 9 weeks because she asked me to take on a new class that involved attending a summer conference, and I just felt like I needed to be honest. I told my newspaper kids maybe around 12 weeks because I knew they''d be excited, and I let my other students just find out here and there.

But get this . . . DH''s brother called on Friday night to tell us that they''re expecting a baby . . . six weeks after us! She is 28 weeks pregnant! 28 weeks! No one in the family understands this brother. He had this excuse about how they wanted to wait until the glucose test, as if not passing your glucose test is some kind of terrible predictor that your pregnancy isn''t going to work out????? This same brother has never met his 4 and 2 year old nieces and never comes to visit.

He always has the lamest excuses. This summer he did a summer internship in another city and he told his dad and brothers that he didn''t have a moving date, then he didn''t have an address, and no he wouldn''t be getting a phone . . .

To be fair, DH''s mother is dysfunctional, but the rest of the family isn''t, and his parents are divorced, so it''s easy to maintain a different level of intimacy with her than with the rest of the family. And even though we live in the same city as his mother, she isn''t some psychopath who needs to be kept completely in the dark about your life in order to maintain healthy boundaries. It''s really very hurtful. So everyone''s reaction to the news is just to be annoyed that for some reason BIL didn''t care to share the news with us until now instead of happy to share in the joy. I mean, DH is trying to be happy, but it''s hard not to be hurt at the same time because whatever his reasons for pushing us away, the truth is that he doesn''t want to be close to us. OK, fine, but still, would it kill you to admit that you really do have an address or a phone number or to tell your family at the same time you tell your friends?

Maybe it''s because I''m a teacher, but my least favorite part is the lame excuses. When students give me those, I''m like, oh please, don''t make things worse by insulting my intelligence and wasting my time with your completely nonsensical excuses . . . just be honest and we can take it from there. I''d rather he say, "Look, we''re just so private that we don''t feel comfortable giving out our address. I know that''s unusual, but it''s what we feel comfortable with, so we hope you can respect it." Then we''d have to say, ok, well, we''re disappointed, but ok.

 

[Jas12]

Phonenix--wow, 28weeks is certainly a loooong time

. I agree, don''t make up some excuse, it''s transparent and kinda rude.
...

I told DH seconds after catching my breath following the positive HPT
I told my sister (who was out of the country and at some party where i tracked her down) later that same hour
Told my parents a couple of weeks later
Everyone else (including inlaws and close friends) when i was 13 weeks

For #2 i think we''ll tell everyone around the 8 week mark. I honestly think i''ll be too obviously pregnant by 13 weeks since i was already looking different by 13 weeks for # 1

& apparently you show faster for the second....
Plus, I think a real suprise is more exciting than ppl thinking/speculating: "hmm, she looks ''bigger'' and her boobs have grown WAY too much this month, what''s up?"

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 9/11/2009 2:26:11 PM
Author: D&T
My first one, I didn''t know I was pregnant until I was 11 weeks (I still had auntie flow visiting me) until one day I threw up in my sleep

In your SLEEP? Omg! How awful! I thought only happened to drunk people lol.

I told everybody right away, but I work at the place they drew my blood, so it was pretty hard to hide. I told my family about a week or two later.

 

[Burk]

Phoenix~That''s crazy about your BIL!!

With our first I told DH within minutes, my mom within hours and my sister within days. We told the rest of our family at 12 weeks and friends shortly after that.

With our second I told DH, my mom and my sister within the same time frame but then told family right around 9 weeks after our first ultrasound looked good and I was so sick I felt pretty confident I was still preggo.

We then told most friends shortly after that so around 10 or 11 weeks.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 9/11/2009 10:40:25 PM
Author: vespergirl
I am 8 weeks now, but I plan not to announce it to the ''peripheral'' people until I''m at 13 weeks.

Vespergirl, we''re pretty much on the same schedule. I''m 9.5 weeks along myself, so we''re going to have April 2010 babies!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Logan congrats on being preggo! I didn''t know you two were thinking about having another! I remember some threads asking about it, and then now voila! Does your daughter know yet?

Peonix What a kook. DH has a brother like that, he picked up and moved accross the country and hasn''t told anyone where he lives, but he makes sure to mention how great the police are they don''t even both you when you sleep on a park bench

We have all stopped pressing him for details, what can you do?

***

As for me, told DH immediately, and my 4 closest girlfriends who knew we were trying about a couple days later.

Told my mom a week later and DH''s parents about 2 weeks later. Swore them to secrecy until 12 weeks but my mom blabbed before then

. After the positive NT scan at 11 weeks they told everyone on our family.

I didn''t want work to know until I was about 16 weeks or so because I most certainly wouldn''t have wanted them to know if I m/c. I actually shut down my facebook page for the 6 weeks between family knowing and work knowing, so that word wouldn''t leak out.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 9/16/2009 7:53:15 AM
Author: Logan Sapphire

Date: 9/11/2009 10:40:25 PM
Author: vespergirl
I am 8 weeks now, but I plan not to announce it to the ''peripheral'' people until I''m at 13 weeks.

Vespergirl, we''re pretty much on the same schedule. I''m 9.5 weeks along myself, so we''re going to have April 2010 babies!

Logan, what''s your due date? Mine was recently changed to April 19, so I''m nine weeks now. I have a pregnancy buddy!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 9/16/2009 9:49:47 AM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 9/16/2009 7:53:15 AM

Author: Logan Sapphire

Date: 9/11/2009 10:40:25 PM

Author: vespergirl

I am 8 weeks now, but I plan not to announce it to the ''peripheral'' people until I''m at 13 weeks.

Vespergirl, we''re pretty much on the same schedule. I''m 9.5 weeks along myself, so we''re going to have April 2010 babies!

Logan, what''s your due date? Mine was recently changed to April 19, so I''m nine weeks now. I have a pregnancy buddy!

Mine is April 16! You''re in the DC area too, right? I live in Fairfax County.

Dreamer, um, it''s very embarrassing, but the baby is a total surprise!

As you could probably tell from my thread about having more than one, we were definitely leaning towards not having any more. I actually had made up my mind on one Sun after taking DD shoe shopping and seeing how all the other families with more than one seemed so stressed out, and then lo and behold, that Tues, we found out that I was almost 8 weeks along. I''ve mostly recovered from the shock, but still can''t say I''m 100% thrilled at the moment. Casey will be only 23 months older than this baby, which I guess isn''t too bad, but remember that since she was adopted in April, we''ll become parents twice in exactly one year. Neither my husband nor I want a newborn, but I guess we don''t have too much say in the matter!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Logan That is a cosmic joke as they say... the timing is so eerie! Sometimes it seems that things happen for a reason, and this seems like one! I think 23 months is a great age difference, and now you will have experienced the whole gamut of parenting! Newborns are probably easy compared to jumping right in with a toddler

They basically just need to be fed and have a diaper changed. Piece of cake

Congrats! I was an only child and didn''t mind as a child, but as I get older I notice the absense of siblings, and nieces and nephews, and realize then when my mom and aunts and uncles are gone and I am old, I won''t have any family save my own children. So I can say that now I miss having siblings, esp. seeing DH''s relationship with his. Obviously, there is no guarantee that Casey will be close with her new sibling when they are adults, and she may hate him or her a little when they are little

, but there is a chance they will be close, and that is a special gift to give to her I think.

Anyways, congrats!

 

[KimberlyH]

We told my parents at 7 weeks (they came to visit and there was no way I could hide it). I told two supervisors (2 jobs) and another woman I am friends with at at about the same time (I spotted from weeks 6-10 and my job can be quite pyhsical so I needed them to know why I wasn''t able to do some of what was required of me, and the friend was able to step in and help). We waited until 12 weeks to tell family and close friends, the news has sort of trickled out since then. A co-worker guessed at the end of 13 weeks and I had decided I wouldn''t lie about it, but I wouldn''t be forthcoming either, so when she asked I was honest.