When did you realize he/she was the "one"

[missy]

We have lots of discussions on PS about how do we know the diamond/gem/ring is the "one" and if we even want just one the "one" or a few (or many).

But when did you know your SO was the "one"? What happened that made you realize yes, he/she is a keeper. This person is my soulmate. My life partner.

And when did you realize it? How far into the relationship?

 

[Austina]

DH said it was the moment he saw me, he turned to his friend and said “that’s the girl I’m going to marry”, me, I took my time. It was about 3 weeks after our first date, that was nearly 41 years ago

 

[missy]

DH said it was the moment he saw me, he turned to his friend and said “that’s the girl I’m going to marry”, me, I took my time. It was about 3 weeks after our first date, that was nearly 41 years ago

Awwwww

 

[Matata]

We've been together 23 yrs and I'm still not sure

 

[missy]

We've been together 23 yrs and I'm still not sure

It's good to keep them guessing. Keeps our men on their toes yanno?

 

[Matata]

Maybe that's why we work @missy, we're still auditioning rather than relaxing because we got the part.

 

[missy]

Maybe that's why we work @missy, we're still auditioning rather than relaxing because we got the part.

Yup. Never taking each other for granted. I think that is an important part of most successful relationships.

 

[Ally T]

After our first date. I was staying back at our family home as I was getting back on my feet after moving back to the UK & I went home & said to my mother “I’m going to marry that man.” We had lunch every day after that for a week, which was when he told me “I think i’m in love with you...” I moved in 3 weeks later, we bought & moved into our home 6 months on (where we still happily live), he proposed 2 months on from that & we were married 7 months on from that. So 17 months from first date to wedding day & almost 12 years of marriage later, we’re still happy.

I’m not sure I could articulate why I felt he was The One immediately & he has said the same. It was just a really deep, inner feeling & it was very comforting. I always poo-pooed those who believed in The One & Love At First Sight, as I was always fairly hard & icy when it came to romance. But with him, I literally just knew

 

[JPie]

I’m not sure I could articulate why I felt he was The One immediately & he has said the same. It was just a really deep, inner feeling & it was very comforting. I always poo-pooed those who believed in The One & Love At First Sight, as I was always fairly hard & icy when it came to romance. But with him, I literally just knew

I think you just articulated it pretty well.

I knew my husband was The One after about a month or less. There's a profound connection between us and it feels as natural and essential as breathing to be together.

 

[Ally T]

I think you just articulated it pretty well.

I knew my husband was The One after about a month or less. There's a profound connection between us and it feels as natural and essential as breathing to be together.

Yes, this! Being with him feels as essential as breathing! As much as he can be annoying at times, he’s my best friend & there is nobody else I would rather be with. Except Magne Furuholmen from the Norwegian band A-Ha. If he rocked up in my village, all bets would be off

 

[JPie]

Yes, this! Being with him feels as essential as breathing! As much as he can be annoying at times, he’s my best friend & there is nobody else I would rather be with. Except Magne Furuholmen from the Norwegian band A-Ha. If he rocked up in my village, all bets would be off

I think Paul Rudd would be my freebie.

 

[Bron357]

I was “wrapping up” a painful divorce. My first husband after 7 years had admitted that he most certainly didn’t want children and if I “accidentally fell pregnant, I was on my own” - he was summarily “kicked to the kerb”.
I also went through a work retrenchment and refinancing the house mortgage to pay ex husband out was incredibly stressful. Not happy times.
I had started a new job and over a few months had started to social a little with a group of them. One included another newish employee who had moved down from Brisbane to Sydney. After a few months of “group” activities, he asked me out. I was shocked! He was rather handsome, tall, totally single and 8 years younger than me (lots of other girls were “crushing on him”)
So I told him very bluntly that I wasn’t interested in the slightest in “dating”. I was nearly 40, recently divorced because my husband hadn’t wanted a family and if he wanted to take me out, I would expect to be engaged by the end of the month and trying for a baby right away! Oh, and the engagement ring had to be a pink diamond!
Ha, I thought, that will send him running! Like sprinting in the other direction.
Um, 20 years married next year. One “miracle” child (I had a number of medical issues that would preclude falling and/or maintaining a pregnancy) and no pink diamond, but the Art Deco 4.35 emerald cut of my dreams.
Very happy.

 

[pearlsngems]

On our first date, a day trip, I thought, "Wow, a man who can share his feelings!" That was a good start. (He says he thought, "Wow, someone I can spend 11 hours with and never run out of things to talk about!"

After we'd been dating one month, I needed to find a new apartment. He volunteered to come along for moral support. Later that month he helped me move! I think that's when I knew.
He proposed 2 months later. Married going on 27 years.

 

[jaysonsmom]

My husband was a rebound....a 21 year long rebound relationship
Dating my DH was just easy (despite being total opposites). We were on the same pace, wanted the same things at the same time. I dated men my own age, and no one besides my husband was ready to settle down and start a family in their 20's.

What sealed the deal was when a random stranger sitting at the same blackjack table in Vegas told me I should marry my "boyfriend" (we were just casually dating coworkers at the time) because he has never seen a guy so "in love" and attentive to his "girlfriend"! I knew then that if strangers can see/feel the love, it must be true love!

 

[Dancing Fire]

When I found out she was loaded...

 

[lyra]

I got married at 21. I couldn't have possibly known anything, lol. I think we have so much in common and are both so easygoing that it just worked. In all honesty, I hadn't planned on being a married a year after we met, but his mother was so against living together, we mostly got married just to meet her standards. I can't imagine expecting that kind of thing today! Still and all, my wedding day was one of the best days of my life. I can't speak for my husband. I don't want to know his truth now and risk shattering the illusion 36 years later.

 

[lovedogs]

I feel like I knew he was the one the first time I met him. We met at a small social gathering, talked for a while, and ended up sitting next to each other holding hands like kids. I wanted to spend the night (nothing happened other than kissing and sleeping), and told him I couldn't' stay unless I took out my contacts, which meant I couldn't see anything and needed him to walk me home the next morning. He said ok, let me borrow his pjs, and walked me home the next morning.

When he left after walking me home, he kissed me on the forehead. Pretty sure I fell in love then.

We spent every night after that together, and he proposed 8 months later. It didn't feel like the *fireworks* I had been expecting (which was a relief after years of abusive relationships that felt like rollercoasters all the time). It just felt natural and comfortable. He has always felt (and still feels) like home to me. I feel safest when he hugs me (and I don't let anyone hug or touch me except him). When I'm scared, I tell him I want to crawl into his chest where it's safe.

Hard to explain in words, and I think what I just wrote sounds insane. But now I'm crying, because I can't even talk about how much I love him without crying. We've been together since 2009, married since 2012.

 

[strawrose]

When I told him about an incurable medical condition and he welcomed me with open arms.

 

[Calliecake]

When I realized how genuinely kind he is and how safe he makes me feel. I had never felt as safe as I did with him.

Nothing you wrote sounds crazy @lovedogs . It made me cry because it’s how my husband makes me feel.

 

[Calliecake]

Is he a liberal too?

We have voted differently thru out the years in an election once in a while. We have been together for 30 years. We both vote liberal on social issues and consider ourselves to be fiscally responsible. My husband views Trump the way I do.

@Dancing Fire , Does your wife support Trump?

 

[Austina]

We got married 7 months after our first date, I was 19. Plenty of people thought it wouldn’t last.

 

[Dancing Fire]

@Dancing Fire , Does your wife support Trump?

Yes she does!...

 

[missy]

Love reading your falling in love experiences . Touching and sweet and heartfelt. And I am in awe of how quickly so many of you knew. Impressive.

I cannot answer this with an exact moment/date or time that I just knew my dh was the "one" but I know the exact moment I realized I could not live without him and it was years into our courtship. What can I say I was (am?) a slow learner I guess. I did not know a great thing when it was right in front of me.

We had been dating exclusively for a couple of years and spent every weekend (friday night through Sunday night) together at my place and saw each other during the week too but he didn't stay over during the week generally. His workplace was within walking distance of his apartment and my apartment was closer to where I needed to be during the week. Anyway I remember one Sunday night he got ready to leave and all of a sudden I felt this huge emptiness and ache that he was going. An intense feeling of missing him and being so sad he was leaving. Before that I always felt OK when he left though we always had the best weekends together. But this time I was like oh no I'm so sad he's leaving to go back to his home. And then I knew right there and then Uh Oh I am in trouble.

Up to that point I had cherished and protected fiercely my independent single life. I thought (with complete certainty) I did not want a relationship leading to marriage. I had my own apartment in a great neighborhood, my great friends and my great job and I loved my life. The freedom to do whatever I wanted when I wanted with whom I wanted. I really loved it so much and the way my life was at that time was perfect for me.

You could say our courtship (for me) was more of a slow burn that deepened with time. And that love slowly melted away my resistance towards marriage. Even when my dh proposed to me I was still not sure and in fact hesitated before I answered and it was the sweetest most loving proposal yet still I was scared and apprehensive about getting married. I answered yes but because he said he wanted our relationship to move forward and he was not going to be OK with just dating for the rest of our lives. I did not want to lose him and so I said yes but I wanted a long engagement to get used to the idea of marriage (he had been ready to propose for a very long time and was just waiting for what he felt was the right time and had the ring in his car for over 8 months lol) which he was not thrilled with but acquiesced and it all worked out perfectly. In fact later on when I asked him were you certain I was going to say yes he said not at all. He had thought and hoped I would but was nervous I might not .

I asked my dh when he knew I was the "one" and he said pretty much from the second date. And I remember what he said to me that second date that made me go whaaaat??? inside my head. He said he couldn't find anything wrong with me that I was perfect (for him but he didn't say those words "for him" I silently added them going over what he said in my head later lol). To which I responded you don't even know me so how could you say that?

I will add from our very first date I knew he was special. Different from any other boy I had dated. He was just different. Yes he was incredibly thoughtful and sweet and kind and funny and sharp. But I had dated boys with those qualities before. Just something about him. A quiet maturity and wisdom and je ne sais quoi. Looking back on it I realize we just fit together so well. Similar where it counts but so different in many other ways. This sounds corny but he is the yin to my yang. We balance each other out and are greater together than apart. He always makes me want to be a better person and I am a better person when I am with him and I think he feels the same way.

We spent the entire first date just walking in Central Park getting to know each other. It was romantic and simple and just the most lovely way to get to know someone. At the end of the date he kissed me on the cheek which I thought how sweet. I remember after that first date I felt giddy and I thought wow I am crazy about him. But of course I did not know him and I went more by my brain than my heart even when I was younger. So I analyzed things more than necessary (and probably still do) and well it took a long time to realize I was in love with him. But by our second date I knew I wanted to be with him and only him for as long as this worked out and I ended my other dating relationships. He was not dating anyone else at the time and had ended a very long term relationship so I was his rebound. Who says rebounds don't work out.

On our third date he brought up marriage and kids and wanted to know where I stood on these issues. I told him negative for both. He did not let that phase him lol and asking him much later about that he said he was confident I would change my mind. He knew me better than I knew myself even at that early time in our relationship. But he didn't realize how stubborn I was because less than a year into our relationship he started talking about marriage. We were at the River Cafe and it was Valentine's Day. He brought up marriage and I suddenly felt faint (literally almost fainted) and had to excuse myself to the ladies room where I remained for about 15 minutes. When I returned we changed the subject.

You could say I was a tough nut to crack and I am so glad he stuck with me and didn't give up on me. I had boys I dated before tell me they wanted to get married and I broke up with them. But with Greg somehow subconsciously I think I knew he was the one I was supposed to be with and spend my life with but consciously I did not even admit it to myself. I had another serious boyfriend (a gentle kind sweet soul...really another gem but not the "one") a few years before Greg say unless the man took me yelling and screaming to the alter I was never going to get married and at the time I thought you are so right. Now I realize I was just waiting (albeit subconsciously) for the "one" because if I had gotten married to any of the (very suitable and very lovely) boys I had dated before Greg I would not have been available when Greg entered my life.

I honestly don't get why it took me so long to know but I think it had something to do with my stubbornness about not wanting to get married. If I analyze myself I guess I would have to say it had something to do with my huge fear of change (I was a naive silly girl) and the fact that my parents had the best marriage of anyone I knew and I did not think it possible to find anything like their relationship with anyone. Clearly I was wrong.

Sorry for the long winded post but it's hard for me to put into words when I knew and why it took me so long to know but all that matters is I realized it before it was too late and Greg was patient and stubborn enough to hold on and not give up on me and move on to someone else. Thank goodness. Because in my heart of hearts I know he is the only one for me. No one else exists in this world who would put up with me. And take such good care of me. And love me unconditionally. And I love this man so freaking much I cannot believe it.

Thanks for reading if you got to the end of this.


ETA: I will add my parents had the opposite courtship. After 3 weeks my dad proposed and they were married 6 months later and are now into their 56th year of a blissful loving marriage.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

He was giving me a lift home and asked me if I wanted to put on some music. I opened his glovebox and found Britney Spears, *Nsync and Backstreet Boys CDs in it. That sealed the deal for me and this completely trivial event really summarises everything about our relationship with each other. While we have very different (but complimentary) personalities, we love and find joy in very similar things. It makes life easy.

 

[missy]

*altar

So the grammar police thread reminds me I need to proofread my posts before hitting send. Mainly because of autocorrect. Darn autocorrect. Autocorrect needs a grammar/spelling lesson.

Also please excuse my run on sentences. I post like I think. Sometimes it’s a lot of thought contained in one long run on sentence.

 

[Austina]

It’s very obvious that you are perfect for each other @missy, I don’t think I know a more devoted couple

When I met DH, he was one of several people I’d spoken to that evening, so I didn’t think too much of it. A few days later, my best friend at the time, rang me to ask if she could give him my number. I said no. She rang me every day for almost a month, saying he really wanted me to go out with him, so I eventually gave in, and said yes. He rang me, and asked me out to dinner, then to a party. We went to dinner, then to the party, and I got home at 5am

Our next date was with our friends, we went out for a drink, and although I thought he was very nice, I decided I wouldn’t go out with him again. He rang the next day to say I’d left my jacket in his car, and he’d got tickets to the theatre.

So, I went to the theatre with him, and bam! I realised I’d fallen in love with him. After that, I imagined being together forever, so when he asked me to marry him 3 months later, I said yes. The rest is history Almost 41 years later, we still make each other laugh

 

[missy]

It’s very obvious that you are perfect for each other @missy, I don’t think I know a more devoted couple

When I met DH, he was one of several people I’d spoken to that evening, so I didn’t think too much of it. A few days later, my best friend at the time, rang me to ask if she could give him my number. I said no. She rang me every day for almost a month, saying he really wanted me to go out with him, so I eventually gave in, and said yes. He rang me, and asked me out to dinner, then to a party. We went to dinner, then to the party, and I got home at 5am

Our next date was with our friends, we went out for a drink, and although I thought he was very nice, I decided I wouldn’t go out with him again. He rang the next day to say I’d left my jacket in his car, and he’d got tickets to the theatre.

So, I went to the theatre with him, and bam! I realised I’d fallen in love with him. After that, I imagined being together forever, so when he asked me to marry him 3 months later, I said yes. The rest is history Almost 41 years later, we still make each other laugh

Thank you Austina.
And you and your DH are clearly a perfect match too.
We loved meeting you two in person and look forward to going on a proper double date.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

We balance each other out and are greater together than apart. He always makes me want to be a better person and I am a better person when I am with him and I think he feels the same way.

Omg, @missy, this is what I told my 9 y/o daughter when she asked me how I knew I wanted to marry her dad. Word for word!

For a little educational background for a 9y/o girl I also added, that someone who truly loves you will never push you to do things you're truly not comfortable with and share the same values and outlook on life.



And this is coming from a girl who was known to say she wanted to be "single" from 5 years old and didn't want to get married until I had met DH. Never wanted to have children. (Meaning I never felt the urge to have children, but didn't feel strongly /passionately about the topic.) I'm expecting our 6th baby this summer. We're a great team. We trust each other and rely upon other.

 

[missy]

Omg, @missy, this is what I told my 9 y/o daughter when she asked me how I knew I wanted to marry her dad. Word for word!

For a little educational background for a 9y/o girl I also added, that someone who truly loves you will never push you to do things you're truly not comfortable with and share the same values and outlook on life.



And this is coming from a girl who was known to say she wanted to be "single" from 5 years old and didn't want to get married until I had met DH. Never wanted to have children. (Meaning I never felt the urge to have children, but didn't feel strongly /passionately about the topic.) I'm expecting our 6th baby this summer. We're a great team. We trust each other and rely upon other.

Love this! Congratulations on your upcoming newest addition. So exciting! Wishing you an easy and healthy pregnancy

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Love this! Congratulations on your upcoming newest addition. So exciting! Wishing you an easy and healthy pregnancy

Thank you, missy, so sweet of you! Yet another reason to expand my bling collection.... I'll have five girls. We don't want them fight over my stuff, right?