What''s up with women who comment...

[panda08]

on the wedding dress you''re trying on? I''ve been on two trips so far and both times, other women felt free to comment on my dresses.

The most obnoxious was today. I was standing on the "stage" waiting for the saleswoman to help me take my dress off. She had gone to the front of the shop to answer the phone. I chatted with my girlfriend while I waited. A woman was standing next to me on the same stage while her mother, grandmother, and MOH looked on.

At one point, the MOH turns to me and says: "excuse me, do you have your heart set on that dress?"

Me: "No."

MOH: "Oh good, because I think you can find something that''s more flattering on you."

My friend and I uncomfortably chuckle and are like:

MOH: "Have you considered something with lace?"

Me (politely): "No, I''m having a destination wedding and I''m looking for something simple."


First of all, I hate lace. Second, why on earth would you say anything to a stranger shopping for a wedding dress, much less something negative? Third, that dress WAS flattering on me (and I''m not just saying that because I''ve tried some other stuff that looked bad) but it was just not what I was looking for!

 

[Winslet]

Ewwww, how tacky and rude!

 

[Rhea]

I actually didn''t mind it. I often went wedding dress shopping by myself (or with DH) so the comments were more helpful than not. I hated when people gushed so it was a good balance when someone was honest about what didn''t work.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Wow! That is insanley rude. There was only one other person in the shop the day that I bought my dress. She was there picking up her bridesmaid dress for her brothers wedding she happened to be a girl that was on my cheerleading team in college. She was super nice but of course, I knew her. So, I can''t say that I''ve been in that situation before.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I''ve been on the opposite side of this argument. There was another girl trying dresses on next to me and they found the one they were going to buy so my mother, i and my bm complimented her on how beautiful the dress she picked was. They actually ended up staying around and chatting with us while I was finishing up. It''s not always a negative thing I asked for her honest opinion, she gave it and i appreciated it. I only add this because it seems like people don''t like comments from strangers positive or negative in this thread. I''m also from the midwest so ya know, we talk to everyooooonnneeee lol, even strangers in the grocery store haha

 

[MishB]

That''s very rude, to make an unsolicited negative comment.

I''ve been guilty however, of complimenting people in stores out of the blue, if I think something looks especially good on them.

I was in a shoe store yesterday and there was a woman next to me trying on shoes, her friend was telling her they didn''t look good, so she asked me what I thought, and I told her I honestly agreed with her friend.

 

[bee*]

Ouch-that''s not very nice. Personally I wouldn''t mind it too much though-I think that you get more honest responses from strangers.

 

[parrot tulips]

It''s one thing if you''re asking for an opinion, but to offer an unsolicited negative comment seems beyond rude!

When I went dress shopping, there was one other girl with her mother trying on dresses in the same area as me. Her mother would rave about the dresses I was trying on, and barely had a word to say about the ones her daughter was trying on. It was awkward and seemed quite insensitive.

 

[panda08]

I can understanding making an unsolicited compliment, but not a negative one. If I was shopping alone and asked for a stranger's opinion, I would want an honest one. But since I was shopping with a friend, who has no qualms telling me my a** looks fat in something, I didn't need or want a stranger to comment, positive or negative.

UGH, maybe I just have to get used to this but I can't stand the whole process of having to come out in the open in a bridal shop to "model" a dress for all to see

ETA: Sorry for sounding redundant, PT and I were posting at the same time!

 

[Tuckins1]

Oh my... Some people just don''t have a filter, and they think that EVERYONE MUST want to hear what they have to say...

 

[BigDiamonds]

Date: 1/10/2009 8:50:52 PM
Author: panda08
I can understanding making an unsolicited compliment, but not a negative one.

EXACTLY what I was thinking! If someone asked for honest feedback, I would consider saying something like "It''s not my favorite on you," but I would never never ever say that without being asked. I would definitely give someone a random compliment, but that is totally different IMHO.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 1/10/2009 9:55:00 PM
Author: BigDiamonds

Date: 1/10/2009 8:50:52 PM

Author: panda08

I can understanding making an unsolicited compliment, but not a negative one.

EXACTLY what I was thinking! If someone asked for honest feedback, I would consider saying something like ''It''s not my favorite on you,'' but I would never never ever say that without being asked. I would definitely give someone a random compliment, but that is totally different IMHO.

I am a random compliment giver as well. I wouldn''t go out of my way but if I am just standing there waiting for the SA I might offer a compliment but probably only if I am sure that the bride likes the gown.

 

[neatfreak]

I am also guilty of the random compliment...but only if the bride looks happy and the dress really looks gorgeous on her! And I would never ever say anything other than "that dress looks gorgeous on you" or another feel good comment if it really was beautiful on her.

 

[Nocturnius]

To those who comment positively...

I''m sorry. You think it''s flattering, but it''s awkward and embarrassing. Some people are shy (myself being such an example) and comments like, "oh, you look so BEAUTIFUL in that!" really embarrass us. That''s why you get a very awkward, quiet "thanks" in response. I find most people who give such comments are the ones who actually appreciate such comments being made to them. But some of us are put in a very unnerving position by it. You might think you''re being nice, but we find it very disconcerting.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

I couldn''t stand when people made comments. I never really got any bad ones, though. I was my own worst critic there.

 

[frillylace]

I'm actually quite shy and I love getting compliments. I am a little embarrassed about it and might be quiet about my thanks, but it makes me feel good about myself and if they are earnest I love to know that others think I look nice.

However, when it comes to a wedding dress I really only want to hear from my invited friends and family. If some stranger suddenly compliments me on a dress I like a bunch but not as much as my chosen dress I start second guessing myself. It's silly of course, I should just brush it off and know that the dress I picked was perfect for me. But it puts a hint of doubt in my mind. If they compliment me on the dress I CHOSE then it is all good!

So in summary for me:

--Good compliments on my chosen dress is fine and dandy and welcome.
--Good compliments on a dress I am okay with but don't like as much can make me nervous about my choice.
--Good compliments about a dress I DISLIKE are fine because I will ignore them and laugh it off.
--Bad comments on a dress that truly looks hideous is okay but this has to be utterly obvious like as if I tried on a dress with a giant butt bird and was already laughing and making comments out loud about how silly it looks on me.
--Bad comments on any other dress I try on is totally unacceptable.

 

[Nocturnius]

It''s different for everyone, frilly. My point was, it''s best to keep your mouth shut when it comes to strange brides and their wedding dresses. You never know what they''re thinking or how your comments are going to make them feel. Be considerate and, unless you can absolutely tell she is the boisterous, "ohmygod compliment me and my dress NOW and tell me what a beautiful bride I am!" type or she ASKS you for your opinion, then just keep it to yourself.

I was absolutely mortified by comments like, "oh my, I wish my waist was as tiny as yours!" "Oh, you look stunning!" "Oh, you''re going to be soooo beautiful!" "Oh, I wish I was as thin as you!" "Oh!" It just made me want to leave. I don''t like that kind of thing, and a lot of women don''t. I''m a swimsuit model; yes, I''m tiny; yes, I''m tan; no, I don''t want to hear it from you and all of your bridesmaids. We don''t all want compliments.

And as for NEGATIVE comments, they''re even worse. Can you imagine how the world would be if every one of us told every single person how ugly we thought something of theirs was? I''m not saying you can''t have your opinion - I''m saying you need to learn when to be polite and keep it to yourself.

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/11/2009 9:42:06 AM
Author: neatfreak
I am also guilty of the random compliment...but only if the bride looks happy and the dress really looks gorgeous on her! And I would never ever say anything other than ''that dress looks gorgeous on you'' or another feel good comment if it really was beautiful on her.

Me, too. But I''m really friendly and open, and I probably talk to several "strangers" on a daily basis. I''d never say anything negative to anyone, though.

I hate the way our society has evolved into an "every man to himself" thing in public, and I think that it contributes to many of the problems we see today, but that is another thread.

Anyway, a comment (positive or negative) from a stranger seems like a silly thing to ruminate about for any time at all, let alone to allow it to bother you. I would just let it go.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I would never say anything so rude to someone I didn''t know. But I have also been guilty of giving a compliment on a fellow bride''s dress hunt. LIke when I was shopping for a dress, there was another bride there by herself and she seemed to be wavering between two dresses, and when we made eye contact I told her that the first one suited her more. She agreed and it helped her pick the dress.

However most of the time I try to keep my comments to myself because people tend to get really touchy about all things wedding.

 

[BeachRunner]

If I saw a bride that tried on a dress and the dress looked AMAZING on her, I''d be sure to tell her that! The only way I''d ever say something critical, is if she ASKED me for my honest opinion, then I would state my honest opinion, without being rude/mean. So, I believe the woman was out of line, no one asked her for her opinion!!

 

[EyeElle]

I understand perfectly. Everytime I go with my friend to try on dresses, a few people comment. But the post popular comment tends to be "Sorry, but I just have to say how beautiful you look in that dress" So its a good comment.

What bothers me, is how everyone scopes you out and talks about you to their family/friends, or whoever they brought with them. You tend to feel like an animal in a cage on parade .... although at least that''s how I would feel like (I am not trying on dresses ... soon I hope lol) But I don''t think its something you can get away from .... unless you are alone in the place, which I don''t think happens often lol

 

[musey]

I dunno, maybe I'm a weirdo, but it sounds to me like she was just trying to be helpful

"I think you can find something that's more flattering on you" does not sound like an insult to me. If she had said "I don't think you can pull that dress off" or "You don't have the figure for that dress" then yes, I would be livid, bu just saying that she thinks something else would be more flattering? She also did ask before if you had your heart set on it, so she wouldn't be insulting a dress you'd already decided on. How is she to know that you don't happen to like lace, or that you're looking for a very specific type of gown for a very specific type of wedding?

People who go dress shopping with a bride are commonly asked to give brutal honesty, and once you get in that mindset, many people would let that float on to other brides around them. A lot of it is in the tone, for sure, but what she said does not automatically sound rude or insulting to me.

Then again, I'm quite used to getting random comments (positive and negative) from strangers while I'm shopping. Maybe it's an LA thing? Especially when I'm shopping alone, I appreciate the random "Oh honey, those jeans do NOT do your a** justice." Yes, it's a negative comment toward the jeans, but not toward me... and I interpret this strange MOH's comment in the same way.


All that said, I am not a random comment giver. The chance of offending someone, even with a positive comment, is too high to be worth it to me

I'm just saying that people should be given the benefit of the doubt, because the vast majority of the time, they're just trying to be helpful.

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/11/2009 12:59:19 PM
Author: BeachRunner
If I saw a bride that tried on a dress and the dress looked AMAZING on her, I''d be sure to tell her that! The only way I''d ever say something critical, is if she ASKED me for my honest opinion, then I would state my honest opinion, without being rude/mean. So, I believe the woman was out of line, no one asked her for her opinion!!

I totally agree.

 

[kittybean]

Unless my opinion was solicited, I would never give random negative opinion to a stranger. I am, however, definitely a random compliment-giver. Although I realize it might make some people uncomfortable, I like to think that it also makes some people''s day; that''s a risk I''m willing to take. I''ll always compliment strangers on their shoes, clothing, bag, hair or nails if I truly like it. Most people smile and accept the compliment gracefully, and some even start up a conversation, which I love. I consciously try to be friendly to everyone I run across, whether it be someone in line with me at the bank, or a barista at Starbucks--it just makes the world a friendlier, happier place, IMO.

 

[princesss]

Ditto Musey.

Though I am a random compliment giver. But I see a difference in commenting on a *thing* and commenting on a *person*. I love talking to people, and getting random compliments, but it does kind of bug me when it''s about me body. It just bothers me. But "Oh, that''s a great dress on you," "Oh, I love your wedding set," etc. is usually what I stick to. I''m sorry if it annoys some people, but it makes far more people happy (in my experience) that it makes them uncomfortable.

 

[CNOS128]

I agree with Musey - I really appreciate honest opinions. Especially when I''m in a relatively high-end store, and the sales associates are just gushing about how great I look (they have a conflict of interest!), I want to hear from someone neutral!
If I really love something, I''ll buy it regardless of anyone else''s opinion.

That said, I certainly wouldn''t comment negatively on clothing another person was trying on unless they asked first.

 

[Sparkalicious]

I am such a compliment giver! I love letting people know if I think that they look fantastic ... I''m much less eager to share a negative opinion b/c, in the scheme of things, who cares about my opinion if they don''t know me, right? I figure that a compliment is just like a random act of kindness - who couldn''t use hearing something nice about themself every now and then?

I hope that that lady wasn''t trying to be mean but then again, there is no accounting for taste, is there? She may have thought that the dress looked dreadful on you but if you would have seen a dress on her, that she liked, you may have been horrified, right?

Even though her choice of delivery might have left your intention up for interpretation, I do have to say that I have to commend her on sharing instead of just sitting there and giggling and saying mean things with her friends, goodness knows that there are also those people out there who are equally as gifted at raining on parades. I think that these types are worse sometimes.

I hope that you find your perfect dress, panda and that you think it looks fabulous on you!!

 

[frillylace]

Date: 1/11/2009 12:22:55 PM
Author: Nocturnius
It's different for everyone, frilly. My point was, it's best to keep your mouth shut when it comes to strange brides and their wedding dresses. You never know what they're thinking or how your comments are going to make them feel. Be considerate and, unless you can absolutely tell she is the boisterous, 'ohmygod compliment me and my dress NOW and tell me what a beautiful bride I am!' type or she ASKS you for your opinion, then just keep it to yourself.

Yes, actually, we agree. And it also depends on how "chummy" you get with them. For example while trying on dresses I ended up talking with another girl and her family who was there at the same time. My mom and aunt chatted with her mom and sister and everyone got along well. In that case more comments were made than would have otherwise, and because we were on friendly terms it was okay. Still, no one said anything looked bad.

Date: 1/11/2009 12:22:55 PM
Author: NocturniusI was absolutely mortified by comments like, 'oh my, I wish my waist was as tiny as yours!' 'Oh, you look stunning!' 'Oh, you're going to be soooo beautiful!' 'Oh, I wish I was as thin as you!' 'Oh!' It just made me want to leave. I don't like that kind of thing, and a lot of women don't. I'm a swimsuit model; yes, I'm tiny; yes, I'm tan; no, I don't want to hear it from you and all of your bridesmaids. We don't all want compliments.

Okay THIS bothered me A WHOLE lot. I don't consider myself tiny but the sales people and random others were saying the same thing. "Oh I love that dress but I can't wear it because I'm not as tiny as you". Or "Wow your so small, let me get the curve fitting dress to try on you even though you said you wanted ball gowns". Or even just a random "you have such a small waist!". Those things BUGGED me to no end.

First of all, I was fitting into size 8 dresses (some 6's). Is that really tiny? No. Not at all. I consider myself average! Goodness! And secondly, I hate when people put themselves down. Just because we are differnt sizes doesn't mean you don't look just as good. These comments made me self conscious and guilty feeling.

Date: 1/11/2009 12:22:55 PM
Author: Nocturnius

And as for NEGATIVE comments, they're even worse. Can you imagine how the world would be if every one of us told every single person how ugly we thought something of theirs was? I'm not saying you can't have your opinion - I'm saying you need to learn when to be polite and keep it to yourself.

Ha, I did have a friend tell me the dress I picked was "so not to thier taste". Well no, it was to my taste. She and I are opposites!

 

[frillylace]

Date: 1/11/2009 1:33:01 PM
Author: EyeElle

What bothers me, is how everyone scopes you out and talks about you to their family/friends, or whoever they brought with them. You tend to feel like an animal in a cage on parade ....

Lol, yeah I got that feeling. More so I was missing out on some weird bonding my mom and aunt were having with the friends and family of the other brides. It was like the brides weren''t even there sometimes. But we did get to meet some nice people and nice brides.





As a side note, come to think of it, most of the positive comments we got had to do with my flower girl! Lol!

 

[cbs102]

i actually went wedding dress for the first time yesterday. there was a girl also trying dresses on... she was a toothpick with tatoos all over her back... she decided on her dress..a short little number..when my sales associate brought the same dress to show me because i am getting married on the beach in jamaica... she looked over and said "i look so much better in that dress than that girl"... i had to pysically hold my friend back from saying something... people ARE so rude!

 

[Bia]

I guess, if it were me, I''d assume she meant it in the best possible way--but hearing peoples opinions doesn''t usually bother me.

In life, you''re always going to get one of "those" types of people, so don''t let them (or their comments) get inside you. Who are they really?

Can''t wait to see the dress you eventually do choose though