What's the ideal age to become pregnant?

[diamondringlover]

Between 25-30 is what I think is good...I had my first one at 24 (spent 25th birthday in the hospital having him) and my second one I had at 36...

 

[Gussie]

I had mine at 32, 35, and 37, financially stable, happy marriage. Perfect time? No such thing.

 

[Jambalaya]

Times...they are a’changin’ and I think it’s more difficult to begin so young today.

It's harder today than it's ever been to have children young in the US. The costs of education and childcare are just astounding, not to mention the cost of healthcare on top. Childcare can be many thousands a month for two children in a good daycare, if you're in a major city.

Fewer and fewer people are having children, or are only having one, and I put that down to the government making zero effort to create family-friendly conditions. In Quebec, there is government-subsidized childcare for $125 per month, per child. In my city, it's $2,500 a month for one child, so you're paying almost FIVE THOUSAND A MONTH for daycare, even with a slight discount for the second child. With costs like that, how are ordinary people supposed to also save for college, and save for retirement? These costs drive women out of the workforce because childcare costs are so prohibitive.

I don't think we've ever lived in a time where policies for families are so woefully lacking, combined with high costs of living, education, and healthcare. The birthrate is lower than it's ever been. No wonder women are opting out, with such non-existent family-friendly policies. Usually when governments want to up their populations, they roll out a bunch of incentives, but these days they just up the immigration. Nothing wrong with that, but it sure would be nice if the government had some family-friendly policies like other countries do, so people could have children younger if they want to, instead of feeling that they can't possibly manage all the costs until they're in their late thirties/early forties. By that time fertility problems kick in.

I strongly feel that successive governments have let mothers and families sink or swim. (Mothers specifically bc the cost of childcare often drives them out of the workforce.)

 

[MamaBear]

I had baby #1 at 23 and decided to stay home with him. We owned a home and made our financial decisions with the goal of me being a stay at home mom. Baby #2 I was 26 and babies # 3 and #4 (twins) when I was 27. That was perfect for us! The youngest are now 19 and we are young and healthy and looking forward to the next phase in our lives! I don’t think there is a “perfect” age, as everyone’s different

 

[chrono]

Age is a number. For me, it depends on financial stability, self maturity, and having the time to devote to the new family dynamics and family member.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I’m in my mid/late 20s and the idea of a child of my own scares me so - I voted 30s I think I’ll be ready to start trying at 31 or 32. I’d like to be done by 35 (and I want max 2 kids) which will mean that I’d be 53 max by the time my kids leave for college and not too old to enjoy my life / hopefully also early retirement.

 

[Queenie60]

I'm currently pregnant with my first at 32.. turning 33.. I think for me ideally around 30 but I just graduated from my postgraduate degree and started working. I recently upsized my house so I think now is a good time.

Congratulations to you! Wishing you well through this most joyous time.

 

[GoldenTouch]

With all the above mentioned reasons taken into consideration - I would say ages 26-35.

Although my wife was 34 when Finn was born and the nurses were jokingly calling her a geriatric mother, so what would I know anyway?

They aren’t joking about being a geriatric mother.

It’s a true medical term.

I was one as well. I heard it constantly from my doctors etc.

 

[partgypsy]

I would say the best time is when the parents want the baby and have the time, maturity, etc to be able raise the child. That's going to be a different age for different folks. My younger brother got his first real girlfriend pregnant, and so he became a dad at 19? 20? OTOH I had my first kid at 35, and 2nd at 39 because of career logistics (I shouldn't have been so fussed; my boss fired me for getting pregnant anyways). Anyways, we both did it "wrong": him too young, me too old. But yanno the longer you live the more you realize that you can't control everything.
So, my brag this eve; my nephew (who was an oops baby) finished the last of his ARE tests and after a bit of paperwork is a licensed architect! My oldest is super smart and in the process of deciding which college she going to attend, and my youngest, OK yes she is not an academic superstar, but is an awesome loving, creative person and will be graduating 8th grade and starting HS next year.

as far as "geriatric" mom, when I was pregnant with my first kid when I was 34-35, I was told I was considered "at risk"/geriatric because of my age. Then 4 years later I am pregnant again, and I went to the clinics with the rest of the pregnant ladies and got no special attention/label. Maybe it has to do with both being older AND being a first time mom?

 

[wildcat03]

I would have loved to have kids in my early 30s, but wasn't ready to be a single mom by choice at that point. I finished training and got my first attending job at 33. Met my husband 6 months later. We dated for a year and were engaged for 8 months, so married at 35. We struggled and even tried IVF (which didn't work) and then got pregnant with my daughter. I was 37 at delivery. It was/is very important to me to nurse my child(ren) for at least a year (and spacing of pregnancies is best for both mom and baby). Started trying again at 38 for a second and it's been even rougher than the first time (shocking...apparently fertility does not improve between age 36 and 39...).

 

[Mreader]

I had my first and only at 40. I was unsure if I wanted kids at first, and my husband and I travel a lot, so we waited. I got very lucky in that it wasn't difficult to get pregnant and the delivery was fine. I realize that doesn't always happen with "older" moms. I don't think there is any right age. On the one hand you have more energy in your 20s but less maturity and perhaps less patience. Major sleep depravation sucks no matter what age!! I don't think there is any "right" age.

ETA - I did suffer quite a bit with PPD after giving birth, but I don't think age has to do with that.

 

[seaurchin]

I had mine at mid to late twenties and was happy with it. But I think it's also about where you are in your life. For ex. having a stable life situation and being satisfied that you had your chance to establish a career, have fun or whatever your other big life desires are.

That said, for many people, too young and you might resent the heavy demands of parenting or be more likely to not have adequate money. Too late and you might have a hard time conceiving or be more likely to not have adequate energy.

 

[Christinak]

Well I would have loved mine at 30ish but.... 11 IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages and one failed adoption meant I had my first one at 38 and another 4 IVF cycles and miscarriage of twins meant my second was born at 41. This was not my plan. And that’s my point. Everyone is different, everyone’s journey is different, and there are absolutely no guarantees about any of it. Just like the rest of life.

 

[Mreader]

Well I would have loved mine at 30ish but.... 11 IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages and one failed adoption meant I had my first one at 38 and another 4 IVF cycles and miscarriage of twins meant my second was born at 41. This was not my plan. And that’s my point. Everyone is different, everyone’s journey is different, and there are absolutely no guarantees about any of it. Just like the rest of life.

Wow it sounds like you have been through so much. I am glad that you have your two babies to love.

 

[susiegrneyes]

Definitely no perfect time. I had my LO at 32. I think she might be an only child because now in mid thirties, I'm too tired to go through the newborn phase again.

 

[wildcat03]

Well I would have loved mine at 30ish but.... 11 IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages and one failed adoption meant I had my first one at 38 and another 4 IVF cycles and miscarriage of twins meant my second was born at 41. This was not my plan. And that’s my point. Everyone is different, everyone’s journey is different, and there are absolutely no guarantees about any of it. Just like the rest of life.

15 IVF cycles? You are a warrior!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Well I would have loved mine at 30ish but.... 11 IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages and one failed adoption meant I had my first one at 38 and another 4 IVF cycles and miscarriage of twins meant my second was born at 41. This was not my plan. And that’s my point. Everyone is different, everyone’s journey is different, and there are absolutely no guarantees about any of it. Just like the rest of life.

How much dose it cost? Does your insurance cover it?

 

[jaysonsmom]

I had both of mine around 30 (29 and 31), and for us it was perfect timing. We were done with grad school, launched in our "careers" and we will be empty nesters by 50! More time for furbabies!

 

[nala]

When the stars line up—bc sometimes you have no control over it no matter how much you want it and sometimes you think you don’t want to get pregnant but It happens and it was for the best!

 

[seaurchin]

When the stars line up—bc sometimes you have no control over it no matter how much you want it and sometimes you think you don’t want to get pregnant but It happens and it was for the best!

ITA. What the ideal age is often doesn't have much to do with someone's individual situation.

 

[Sparkles88]

Well I would have loved mine at 30ish but.... 11 IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages and one failed adoption meant I had my first one at 38 and another 4 IVF cycles and miscarriage of twins meant my second was born at 41. This was not my plan. And that’s my point. Everyone is different, everyone’s journey is different, and there are absolutely no guarantees about any of it. Just like the rest of life.

My situation was very similar to yours. I’ve always dreamed of having 2 children, we started trying to conceive at 28. But then life threw us curve balls! After 14 years of endless IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages, the last one was particularly difficult for us as I was carrying twins and thought that the pregnancy was progressing well.

I finally became a mum at 41 and my second child I was 46! Both via adoption. I’ve felt truly blessed, sometimes life doesn’t go to plan but we got there in the end.
Luckily my DH and I are very active, fit and have lots of energy for two young kids and due to the extra time working before having children we are financially secure which gives us more freedom with our time.

 

[Christinak]

Wow it sounds like you have been through so much. I am glad that you have your two babies to love.

Hello @Mreader yes it was a journey and I am grateful, always, for both my children

 

[Christinak]

15 IVF cycles? You are a warrior!

@wildcat03 yes and probably a bit of a lunatic!

 

[Christinak]

How much dose it cost? Does your insurance cover it?

@Dancing Fire a lot and no, insurance doesn’t cover it. I would estimate we spent £150-200k. However this was nothing compared to the emotional investment! The money is long forgotten.

 

[Christinak]

My situation was very similar to yours. I’ve always dreamed of having 2 children, we started trying to conceive at 28. But then life threw us curve balls! After 14 years of endless IVF cycles and 3 miscarriages, the last one was particularly difficult for us as I was carrying twins and thought that the pregnancy was progressing well.

I finally became a mum at 41 and my second child I was 46! Both via adoption. I’ve felt truly blessed, sometimes life doesn’t go to plan but we got there in the end.
Luckily my DH and I are very active, fit and have lots of energy for two young kids and due to the extra time working before having children we are financially secure which gives us more freedom with our time.

@Sparkles88 I am so sorry for your losses and your journey but I am so very pleased you have your children now.

 

[Sparkles88]

@Sparkles88 I am so sorry for your losses and your journey but I am so very pleased you have your children now.

Thank you @Christinak
I also meant to say, I’m so happy for you too, it’s a long journey to get there, but for some reason it was meant to be that way for some of us Xx

 

[KKJohnson]

Never an ideal time, so many unknowns

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

It worked out to be 26 and 29, respectively.
There really is no perfect time.

 

[GliderPoss]

I think physically early 20's are "peak" but realistically any time up to 40 is actually fine. I never had any success either way so it's totally a personal choice.

Strangely enough now in my mid-30's I think it might be easier to get child raring done & out of the way (YKWIM) in your 20's so you can focus in your 30's on your career. I see many women in my field just hitting their peak or starting management roles in their 30's then really getting hit hard by taking maternity leave, they seem to struggle to catch up (for obvious reasons) but it's unfair to be so disadvantaged in that way.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Early 30s, as by that stage youve likely finished a lot of the dramatic changing you are going to do in your 20s and there is a reasonable chance you have found the right person to raise them with through your 30s/40s. On the flip side of things, your job may be less stressful than it will be later and your ability to carry the pregnancy seems better. Im about to have my second in my mid/later 30s and there are definitely far more problems this time round, both in terms of energy and impact of the pregnancy, and in the fact that I cant step away (or scale back responsibilities) as much at work.