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What's the DUMBEST Thing You've Ever Said?

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
I'm talking foot-in-mouth blunders, things you wished you could have taken back seconds after they popped out of your mouth. We've all got them, let's hear it! :appl:

Here's a couple of mine;

When I was in high school speech class, we had to give a ten minute speech about a law that helped society. I got up and spent the ten minutes talking about "drinking while intoxicated". I just went on and on. People actually stopped me and asked "Are you sure you mean DRINKING while intoxicated?" Of course I was sure, what kind of question was that?

Yup. Major brain fuse. Afterward, when it is was explained to me, I was so embarrassed. :oops: I got a D on the speech.

Here's another one:

We're all sitting at the dinner table one day, and my 13-year-old DD looks at her peas and says "I would what's IN peas?"

And I say "I don't think there's much in there beyond the essential pea-ness."

It took me a full minute to figure out why they were laughing . . . :o

:lol:

Blunders of your friends, SO, family, are all fair game for this thread. Your turn! :wavey:
 

UnluckyTwin

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 16, 2010
Messages
317
Many dumb things come to mind throughout my 25 years, but the one that embarrasses me the most when I think about it is when I ran into Taylor Hanson at an airport 3 years ago.

I am a big Hanson fan and I think often about "what if I ran into Taylor Hanson here?" wherever I am. So there I am in the Dallas airport, having arrived at my gate way early. I went and bought one of those celebrity magazines and sat down to read it. Mind you I am actually wearing a Hanson shirt that day (as I am most days). After a long while I finally realized that we should be boarding, but we weren't--and when I looked up, there was almost no one there! The screen above the gate said there had been a gate change, so I hauled butt to a different terminal to catch my new gate before I missed the whole dang flight.

As I rounded the corner into a sort of empty corridor that really had nothing but those big Arrival/Departure screens, something in my body told me to just stop and look at who's around. IT'S TAYLOR! All I could think was, "It happened." So here I am, moments before rushing at the speed of light, now completely stopped. He sees me out the corner of his eye, does a second glance, sees my shirt, and subtly shifts his body weight to sort of turn away from me. Do I take the hint and leave the poor man be! NO! Regret #1. Regret #2 comes in with, "what do I say to him?" At the time, Hanson was doing a campain partnered with TOMS shoes, and they'd been wearing the shoes often. I noticed he wasn't wearing TOMS though, so what do I go with instead of "hi" or "I just wanted to say thanks for the music"? I go with, "Where are your TOMS?" WHAT! HOW AWKWARD and maybe even a little rude! Poor Taylor, nice guy that he is, skips the answer, says hello, asks where I am flying to, and even agrees to my request to take a picture with me!

I've met Hanson before and normally I am calm and collected, but it was so strange to see him in an unexpected place, and I got all weird and my hands were shaking and stuff. Then of course I had to leave in a hurry and run to the gate and directly into my seat on the plane because I was so close to missing it. What a crazy day! When I think of that "where are your TOMS" question I always feel so dumb.

rachel taylor in airport.JPG
 

kelpie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2008
Messages
2,362
Unlucky twin, that is pretty hilarious!

I was on the first day of a temp job for a high flying oil lobbyist and my boss said that he was from Jackson, MS. I said, "Oh Wow, I've never been to the south but I love the country!". :roll:
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
8,087
I'm 15 years old, on some "fancy" cruise around Manhattan with my high school class, talking to one of the smarter kids I know, whom I respect, but am not that close with.

As we pass the Statue of Liberty, I say, "I wonder what it looked like originally ... when it was bright green."

And I realize the thing is made of copper right around the point when he says "Ummmmmmmm ...."

Yeah. This is why I go easy on anybody suffering foot-in-mouth disease - it happens to the best of us!
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
I'm famous for saying dumb things because sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain.

One of my best - I was out with a bunch of friends and we drove past a Ford dealership and I said, "Whoah, the entire parking lot looks like it's full of Fords." Before anyone could say anything, I realized how utterly stupid that was. This is what happens when your yap moves faster than you can think!
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
Oh, and I have one for DD. She's 16 now and about two years ago, a friend of mine was in from out of town. DD was so excited that she was coming over so when she heard DH and I talking about it, she had to join the conversation. I said to DH, "I think I'm going to make a strawberry and spinach salad. A said she's bringing hummus and pita." DD shouted, "Who are hummus and pita?". We still haven't let her live that one down.

Fiery, I was so excited when my nephew was born and I asked my brother and SIL if I could send one of the pics I had taken out to our mutual friends officially *announcing* his birth. He said to go for it. We had a weight and due date pool so I was sure to include all of the important stats. When I sent the email, I said that nephew weighed 7lbs16oz...about ten minutes later, I got me first response stating the obvious. "Uh, wouldn't that be 8lbs?" In my defense, it was a typo - he was 7lbs13oz. :lol:
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
22,510
One of my dumbest...

My parents were buying new furniture for their formal living room. Mom showed me the quote which was around $11k
(which was way higher than I thought they were going to spend). I said "What? Do they think they have a couple of
suckers?" My mom just kind of looked at me. They had already signed the contract and written the check. Boy did
I feel bad/stupid :oops: . Its nice furniture...but guess what? My mom regrets spending that much on it because
they basically never go in that room. Oh well.
 

JewelFreak

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
7,768
Ohh, Puppmom, I laughed so hard at your Ford comment! Too close to something I'd say, it's a relief when it happens to somebody else too.

iLander, I lost count of my gaffes long long ago! There aren't numbers that high.

When I was about 10 we had neighbors who were extremely prissy & precise; no one knew them well, not especially friendly, kind of a geeky pair. After 15 yrs of marriage, shezam, they had a baby. Yow, chuckled all the mothers, this will change their exact schedules & tidy ways of doing things -- not gonna be an easy adjustment. My brother missed them one day on his paper route & deputized me to take the paper to them. I'd never even seen them before & was part fascinated to see these exotic creatures, part nervous. The wife opened the door with the new kid in her arms & Smooth Laurie handed up the newspaper & said helpfully, "Here's your baby!" You can't say, "I mean...I mean..." at that point so, suave again, I scrammed down the sidewalk.

--- Laurie
 

MrsBettyBoop

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
559
So I LOVED the show Newlyweds with Nick and Jessica. I always joked the chicken/tuna is something I would totally say.

When my husband and I were in college he would always ask me vocabulary/spelling questions (I used to be good at it) because I read a lot. Well, one day we were having a fun little disagreement over something and the smarty pants I was said 'albeit' but I said it all fancy like albait (with some fancy accent and everything.) DH goes WHAT?! :lol: and laughs for a good 2 minutes. We do not miss any opportunities to laugh at one another... Then he finally says, "You mean all be it?" :lol: Well I didn't know because I never heard someone say it before. :???: I did at least use it correctly tho! :bigsmile:
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
I have strong opinions on so many things (bet you wouldn't have guessed that! ;)) ) and I'm not afraid to share them...without looking around to see who's listening. One of my best was at a party at my sister's house with all of our close friends and I said "I hate beards SO MUCH" and 3 of the 4 guys in the room had beards at the time. They were all like "WTF thing?!!!" So I said "Oh ummmm yours all look good!" I guess since I didn't mind their beards I didn't even think they had beards? :cheeky:

Another time I was taking a class and the teacher asked us to share our favorite movie as an icebreaker. I said my favorite movie was The Royal Tenenbaums and he said "Why, do you have a thing for Owen Wilson?" I immediately said "No way, I like Luke Wilson." And he said "Why, is it the nose on Owen Wilson?" and I said "No I'm just really not into blond dudes." Aaaand of course my teacher was blond. So I recovered quickly and said "Um no offense!" :cheeky:

The most recent one was when I was at Barney's trying some boots on. I was just going to try them for size and then order them online because the black ones on display had white contrast stitching, and I absolutely HATE contrast stitching. When the saleswoman opened up the box with my size it had no contrast stitching and I said "YESSSSS I HATE contrast stitching SO MUCH." Aaaaand I looked down and she had on black leather shoes with a ton of white contrast stitching. :oops:

I never learn my lesson, apparently!
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
LOL! :lol: :lol: You guys have such great stories!

Reminds me of this one;

I was in a store dressing room once, and this girl and I were both trying things on and standing in front of the 3 way mirrors.

She asked me "Do these pants work?"

and I said "Yes, I like the pants, but that shirt has got to go. It's just terrible on you".

She blinked at me a couple of times and said

"This is my shirt. I came in with it . . . "

:o

In my lame defense, the shirt was just awful . . .
 

Lottie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
701
My husband keeps giving me suspect looks because I keep laughing at all of these.

The house opposite me is being completely remodelled, two weeks ago, maybe a bit longer they were replacing the roof and a team of workmen were doing this. My sister was struggling to get her son in to the pushchair outside and he gave out a huge frustrated growl which made them all look over and laugh at the noise. It was quite a funny moment so I decided to make a witty comment. What I meant to do was make a little joke that they could borrow him for an hour and my sister and I would go for a walk in peace. What I actually said was "hey, why doesn't he go over there and you come down here!" WHY!!!!!!!!! HOW did I manage to word it so badly!!! :oops:

My sister was laughing so hard at my accidently making a move on the builders she was wheezing and I spent the next five days walking along the road with my head bowed in shame and embarrasment.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
iLander|1317586246|3031391 said:
LOL! :lol: :lol: You guys have such great stories!

Reminds me of this one;

I was in a store dressing room once, and this girl and I were both trying things on and standing in front of the 3 way mirrors.

She asked me "Do these pants work?"

and I said "Yes, I like the pants, but that shirt has got to go. It's just terrible on you".

She blinked at me a couple of times and said

"This is my shirt. I came in with it . . . "

:o

In my lame defense, the shirt was just awful . . .
All of these stories are great! iLander, that one's just priceless though. :bigsmile:

I say dumb stuff all the time. I feel like I'm always putting my foot in my mouth. I can't think of any now though.
 

JewelFreak

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
7,768
[quote="iLander|1317586246|3031391" I said "Yes, I like the pants, but that shirt has got to go. It's just terrible on you".

She blinked at me a couple of times and said

"This is my shirt. I came in with it . . . "
[/quote]
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

sonnyjane

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,476
iLander|1317586246|3031391 said:
LOL! :lol: :lol: You guys have such great stories!

Reminds me of this one;

I was in a store dressing room once, and this girl and I were both trying things on and standing in front of the 3 way mirrors.

She asked me "Do these pants work?"

and I said "Yes, I like the pants, but that shirt has got to go. It's just terrible on you".

She blinked at me a couple of times and said

"This is my shirt. I came in with it . . . "

:o

In my lame defense, the shirt was just awful . . .

Oooh I have a similar one. At work I found a pair of giant Ed Hardy sunglasses on the ground outside our building so I brought them in. I put them on as a joke and I looked ridiculous. "These are hideous!!! I look so bad!!!" I shouted out, and then a few of my other co-workers came around and we were all continuing to laugh at the huge bejeweled-skulls-and-roses sunglasses that I was donning, all of us exclaiming how dumb I looked. Well, then one of my other co-workers that was in the room pipes up and says "Oh, those are mine!". I thought she was joining in on the joke and being sarcastic, so I laughed really heartily. Then she said, "No, seriously, those are mine." and for some dumb reason, I kept laughing, thinking she was still joking, and even asked "Oh god, why would anyone want these glasses????". Then she curtly stated "No, really, you can check my bank statement, I just bought them a week ago, give them back". :oops: :oops: :oops: When she took the glasses and walked away, my co-workers just laughed at me hysterically and said they tried to get me to shut up but I just couldn't be stopped lol.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
sonnyjane|1317599508|3031600 said:
iLander|1317586246|3031391 said:
LOL! :lol: :lol: You guys have such great stories!

Reminds me of this one;

I was in a store dressing room once, and this girl and I were both trying things on and standing in front of the 3 way mirrors.

She asked me "Do these pants work?"

and I said "Yes, I like the pants, but that shirt has got to go. It's just terrible on you".

She blinked at me a couple of times and said

"This is my shirt. I came in with it . . . "

:o

In my lame defense, the shirt was just awful . . .

Oooh I have a similar one. At work I found a pair of giant Ed Hardy sunglasses on the ground outside our building so I brought them in. I put them on as a joke and I looked ridiculous. "These are hideous!!! I look so bad!!!" I shouted out, and then a few of my other co-workers came around and we were all continuing to laugh at the huge bejeweled-skulls-and-roses sunglasses that I was donning, all of us exclaiming how dumb I looked. Well, then one of my other co-workers that was in the room pipes up and says "Oh, those are mine!". I thought she was joining in on the joke and being sarcastic, so I laughed really heartily. Then she said, "No, seriously, those are mine." and for some dumb reason, I kept laughing, thinking she was still joking, and even asked "Oh god, why would anyone want these glasses????". Then she curtly stated "No, really, you can check my bank statement, I just bought them a week ago, give them back". :oops: :oops: :oops: When she took the glasses and walked away, my co-workers just laughed at me hysterically and said they tried to get me to shut up but I just couldn't be stopped lol.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA CLASSIC. Hahaha ouch!
 

oneam

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 25, 2008
Messages
147
sonnyjane|1317599508|3031600 said:
Oooh I have a similar one. At work I found a pair of giant Ed Hardy sunglasses on the ground outside our building so I brought them in. I put them on as a joke and I looked ridiculous. "These are hideous!!! I look so bad!!!" I shouted out, and then a few of my other co-workers came around and we were all continuing to laugh at the huge bejeweled-skulls-and-roses sunglasses that I was donning, all of us exclaiming how dumb I looked. Well, then one of my other co-workers that was in the room pipes up and says "Oh, those are mine!". I thought she was joining in on the joke and being sarcastic, so I laughed really heartily. Then she said, "No, seriously, those are mine." and for some dumb reason, I kept laughing, thinking she was still joking, and even asked "Oh god, why would anyone want these glasses????". Then she curtly stated "No, really, you can check my bank statement, I just bought them a week ago, give them back". :oops: :oops: :oops: When she took the glasses and walked away, my co-workers just laughed at me hysterically and said they tried to get me to shut up but I just couldn't be stopped lol.
Ok, well you get a pass on this one - she needed to hear this for her own good.
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
I grew up on an island with tidal salt marshes. Theres a causeway that goes over/through one on the way to the bridge that goes to the mainland. One day my father and I were driving along the causeway and I blurted out, "Oh look, they mowed the marsh." The grass looked relatively short and even.

The words had just left my lips when I realized that it was HIGH TIDE so the grass looked shorter than any other time when the water level is lower. They still haven't let me live that one down. I think it happened 14 years ago.
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
Once, when I was in my mid-teens, my parents were talking about the dog one of our neighbors had gotten, and I chimed in, "oh, I'll bet it's an Alaskan Marmalute." They immediately started laughing at me (because, of course, it's Malamute...don't know what I was thinking!) and still bring it up sometimes. Recently, I mentioned that my DH really wants to get a dog and my mom was like, "hmm, what kind? A marmalute?!?!? Hahahaha." :rolleyes:
 

jewelerman

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,101
in 1993 a close friend was selling his 1 bed 1 bath ( in a very desirable location )condo to buy a larger unit in the same community.He told me that he would offer his condo to me for the $25,700 he paid for it if i wanted it...i told him that it was way to expensive and i would wait for prices on the condos to go down! He sold the place for alot more then he paid and today the same condo goes for $99,000. :lol: He still reminds me of that today as i am shopping for a condo in today's market! :shock:
 

MichelleCarmen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2003
Messages
15,880
Okay, well, mine...DH and I had decided on the first name for our son and it's a regular top-20 common name so we wanted something unique for his middle name. We had been joking about using Jupiter as his middle name but really it wouldn't be the nicest thing to do to a child (as in this would be added to those posts of horrible kid names!). lol!

So, anyhow, we had sort of figured out what we were going to name him. I went into labor, had complications, and eventually had to be wisked to the OR for a c-section. I was awake during the operation but SO messed up by then - exhaustion, sleep deprivation, meds, etc., so I blurted out while the room was filled with drs. and nurses that we should name him Jupiter. I was too zonked out to notice, but my DH said EVERYONE in the OR stopped and stared at me like I was the nuttiest mom they had ever encountered. lol

They must have been relieved when his birth certificate included a nice normal boys name. ;-)
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
9,296
I was a junior or senior in high school and organizing volunteers for the dunk-tank fundraiser the Key Club was doing at some celebration in town. I'd already signed up several students and a couple of teachers but REALLY wanted to get the choir director to participate too. (I'd been in at least one choir each year and he was my aunt's choir director too and friends with my grandparents.... how hard could it be?)

I asked him if he'd be willing to take a 30 minute slot but found that he had plans already that weekend. So, wonderfully social and articulate as I am, I said "Oh. That's too bad. So many students hate you that we'd have a huge line waiting to dunk you!"

Yeah.....


(In my defense, he was a super strict director AND taught English classes -- there really were very few people in the school who wouldn't have paid $$$$ to watch him fall in a dunk-tank)

I never did fill that slot --- had to do it myself..... Did I mention my absolute fear of water and that I had a sprained ankle at the time?
On the up side, my entire drafting class (including teacher) showed up and took turns dunking me... repeatedly :rolleyes:
 

PositivelyPeanut

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
132
Add me to the list that is laughing so hard! I'm trying to come up with my own stories (oh, I have them, many of them...I think I've blocked them out though as they're too painful). The only one comes to mind is one of my son and misheard lyrics...

Husband, son, and I were all in the car together. ACDC was playing and my teenage son decided to sing along with the song...

"Dirty deeds and the thunder chief"

("Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap" is what the lyrics really are...)

Hubby and I still ask him who the thunder chief is. He hates us for it. :)
 
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