What would you do??

[kmystery]

Apologies if this is long winded, but I just want to get some advice/input from the forum about a dilemma I find myself in.

A couple of years ago, I saw, and my lovely husband bought for me, my dream right hand ring. It is a crushed ice radiant, but is super sparkly and a lovely bright ice colour, exactly what I have always lusted over. It is not big (0.51ct) but packs a punch in my opinion.

It took ages to find this gorgeous ring and I almost gave up. In fact, we almost bought a 0.5ct East-West oval diamond which has a totally open side profile (difficult to explain, I will try and take some photos later). This ring was lovely but then we found the ring mentioned above so I thought no more about it.

Anyway, we are coming up to our 5 year anniversary and I know that my husband has bought me a 5 stone ring. He knows that I will alternate between wearing my radiant and the 5 stone. The 5 stone is very blingy so might be more of a dressy ring, whereas the radiant will be a day to day one. Or I might wear the 5 stone sometimes instead of my engagement ring (which is a 3 stone ring, purchased before Pricescope from a UK B&M shop, so really not sure about the quality although sentimentally it is perfect to me).

Well, my lovely hubby surprised me on valentines day and presented me with.....the oval ring that we almost purchased before.

Whilst this is the most lovely gesture from him and I am truly grateful, I find that I do not love the ring. It is very pretty, and I especially like the open profile side view, but radiants are where my heart is at and this to me always seems like a second choice.

I do not want to sound ungrateful, but I just don't want such a pretty ring sitting in my jewellery box unworn. I am currently looking at buying a DBTY bracelet (previous posts about this on the site) and thought that the money could be better used towards this, or perhaps towards some diamond studs which I would wear every day.

I just feel bad for hubby though, he has been so wonderful with this (and patient during the radiant search) and I don't want him to think it is not appreciated.

Finally, I think that the ring was purchased some time ago and is therefore not in a returns period. I am not sure whether selling on the second hand market, we would recoup enough of his outlay.

Can you grow to love jewellery, or is it a gut and automatic feeling?

Anyone had similar experiences or have any advice? Again, apologies for the long post.

Thanks

 

[MarionC]

Not an easy thing to figure out! I had this happen on more than one occasion and it was disappointing. I have no answers for you. I'm afraid I handled my situations badly. Nice & honest but still hurt my spouse, and I still can't understand why he bought what he did when we discussed it beforehand. They can be so mysterious! Hopefully someone here can tell you a good way to handle things. Best of Luck.

 

[tyty333]

I can sort of understand what you are saying. I think maybe the first thing to do is to try to get out of your sweet husband
whether the ring is still within it's return period. If it is not, then you might as well hold on to it for a little while
and try to appreciate it. At a later date you might bring up that you are not getting much wear out of it and it competes with
you e-ring and ask if he would be ok with you letting it go to get something else (perhaps the studs like you wanted...something
besides another ring). At this point you would have to find out how much you could get for it on the second hand market which
may be rather low compared to what he paid for it.

If it is within the return period then you might as well bring it up now that while it is lovely, and at one time you were quite
enamored with it, that you pretty much forgot about it when you found your beautiful radiant. Tell him that you have
your heart set on studs...a 5 stone, etc. and ask if you can exchange it.

Good luck!

Please post pictures. I love a pretty oval!

Edit - I forgot to say that from the consensus on PS it doesn't seem like you can fall in love with something you dont really love
from the start. Everyone here says to be honest up front wish I agree with except for if it can't be returned.

 

[kmystery]

Thanks for the replies. I will try and subtly find out the returns period. In the meantime, here is a picture of the side profile, its all I could get whilst my husband was out (I am not good at taking photos!!).

 

[junebug17]

Yeah, this is a tough one, I guess your husband figured you really liked the ring since you were considering buying at one point. I don't really have a good answer, but I think I'd probably just keep it and wear it on occasion. It looks like a lovely ring.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Tell him the truth!

 

[tyty333]

What about resetting the oval as a pendant? Not sure how much he paid for the setting. It does look very much like another
engagement ring and less like a RHR (but nothing wrong with that...just something you might be able to use in your favor).
Can you post a picture of the top? The side view is very pretty!

 

[Missy]

I always vote for the truth. In the long run I feel this is usually the best option however as with all things YMMV. Of course if you feel you could love it as a reset in a pendant as tyty suggested since you already have rings you love perhaps that would be a better option than reselling and losing money. Unless you are within the return period that is and then most likely that would be my choice.

And as with most things, when sharing something potentially unpleasant with your dh (or anyone for that matter) it is all in the delivery. There are so many ways to soften what you want to say and it can make all the difference in how he feels about it.

In any case what a sweet, thoughtful and loving husband and I bet he would rather you get and enjoy something you love than keep a gift you do not love.

Good luck!

 

[motownmama]

Well - IS it within the return period?????? That's the first most important question. Personally I would call the store and inquire. It's not like they're going to hang up and tell your husband you called. It makes a BIG difference if it can be returned and you can get earrings or a bracelet, than if you OWN it now and would have to sell it at a loss.

 

[EvangelineG]

This is a tough one. I agree with finding out whether it is still within the return period, and if so, consider bringing it up as tactfully as possible...depending on your husband and the dynamics of your particular relationship. If the return period has lapsed, then I would carefully consider if you can learn to love it, especially if your H has been holding onto it for a long time cherishing the idea of presenting you with it. No bling is worth hurting a loved one over IMHO, but only you know whether this would actually create hurt for you guys.

There are gifts that I know my H has put his heart and soul into and would be gutted if my reaction was less than warm, and others that are just a nice present and he'd be totally fine, and even prefer me to be vocal and get exactly what I want for the money spent. So I guess my advice is to try to figure out how big a deal this one is for your H.

 

[junebug17]

^yeah, I think it depends on whether you think his feelings would be hurt…this just seems like one of those gifts that was bought with a lot of sentiment and thought behind it - I don't know, I can picture him being pretty excited about giving you this ring, it is such a sweet gesture…I'm all for using bling money wisely and for getting what we want, but sometimes there are other things to consider. Again, this is tough, I can see both sides and if you don't think he would be hurt, maybe you should talk to him about it.

eta - agree with motownmama, big difference between returning and getting something else, and selling it at a loss. I'd find out asap.

 

[kmystery]

thanks so much for all your responses. I managed to find out that it is not in the returns period, but having worn the ring for a few days now, although it is not my favourite piece of jewellery, all I see when I look at it now is the love and thought that my hubby put into this and the sentiment that it was given in.

For me, that really puts a different swing on it and I do smile when I look at it.

I think I just needed to talk to someone about it and know that my reaction is understood and not judged

I also think that sometimes, I worry about having all these lovely bits of jewellery. no one else in my friendship group really cares or would spend money on jewellery so I do get a bit of guilt about having (and wanting) these lovely things.

thanks Pricescope