Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

What will you (or won''t you) talk about with your friends?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
kiett98

kiett98

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
177
Kenny''s thread on tanning got me thinking...

I am black, so consciously tanning wouldn''t normally apply to me, but it is something that I talk about with some of my friends. So my question is, when you have friends of a different race, do you talk to them about "race issues" that tend to relate to one race more than another? Or do you avoid these topics?
 
I talk to my friends about everything. With real friendship, I don''t think there are any "race issues." We just talk about whatever comes to mind. If I felt I had to walk on eggshells to not offend, I wouldn''t have that friend. I''m very direct and honest and most of my friends are too. We don''t skirt topics because of race, money, religion or anything else.
 
Great question. I am white, but have friends from different races, religions and nationalities. I have to admit that there are certain topics that we don''t really discuss when we get together that may be "touchy," but the one that comes most to mind is, say, not discussing the conflict in the middle east with my Persian or Israeli friends.

I find that if it is just a group of white friends getting together, there will be comments sometimes made that probably wouldn''t be said in "mixed" company. E.G., I teach piano lessons to one of my Korean friend''s daughters. I mentioned when we were out with another white couple what a great job the little girl was doing practicing, and mentioned that her mom really encouraged her to work at it, unlike the parents of some other students I have. My friend''s husband said, "Oh, you know how Asians are - they''re always pushing their kids to be the best." Maybe not exactly a derogatory comment, but I''m not sure that he would have said it if our Korean friend was sitting there.
 
I am white. At this time in my life I have all white friends. Not because I choose it to be this way, but because where I work everyone is white and where I live everyone is white. I wish it were not this way. When I was going to school there was a more diverse group and I was able to be around alot more people. I never see Asian people. Very few black people. Even religion is all the same. Everyone is Christian. To me it is boring. I like being able to meet new people and talk about different things. I guess I really never get a chance to get exposed to things. It is not that this area is racist or anything like that. It is just prodominently white.

When I had friends of a different race we talked about everything. We didn''t care. When I used to tan a lot in my younger years I had a black friend that would put her arm next to mine to tell me when I was tan enough. lol
 
I honestly have never thought about it. I'm white and I have close friends of different races. I talk to my close friends about everything. However, I don't talk about overly sensitive topics like religion and politics with fringe friends.

Vespergirl, what your friend's husband said would make me uncomfortable. I'm very up front, in similar situations I've always told that person a couple of things: 1. your comment made me uncomfortable, 2. you have a right to your opinion, 3. please don't talk like that in front of me. I've been in situations where people have said much worse things about other ethnicities and I absolutely don't put up with it from anyone, even family.
 
I find it really interesting to talk about stuff like that. Obviously I wouldn''t if it made somebody uncomfortable, but I think we only enhance each other''s perspectives when we talk about things that are typically thought to be ethnicity/nationality-specific.
 
I don''t think I tak about "race issues" with my friends because to us they don''t feel like "issues". We talks about or differances related to race, our cultures and belifes but I don''t think anything if out of bounds. There are different difficulties relating to a persons race or religion which some of my friends want to talk about, like asians feeling pressure from their parents to do extremly well or some very christain friends finding it difficult to respect their parents wishes and not have sex. I like asking questions when I don''t understand somthing and I feel like that''s ok, just like I may ask my vegaterian friends about being vegatarian. Other then that, asking questions and learning about other peoples cultures and history, I don''t think race is much of an issue.

I think this casualness towards race and religious differences is a product of where I live. In my city, a huge proportion of people living and working here are not born in New Zealand so it''s very diverse. I know this is not the case in other parts of the country.
 
I feel like I discuss race-related issues more with friends of mine who are of a different race, religion, or country. DH and I both have a lot of Greek and Serbian friends, and I have a lot of Asian and Mexican friends, and it seems like race and nationality come up more when I''m with these friends than when I''m with friends who are Caucasian and were born in the U.S.
 
My close friends from childhood (same race) and I talk about race related issues, and I think it''s because most of grew up in a small town where everyone was the same race, so as we''ve grown up and had different experiences, moved to different places, taken different jobs, etc, it makes sense to talk about how we see and view the world and how we''ve come to understand who we are and how we fit into the grander scheme of things.

With newer friends, there seems to be less discussion of race-related issues (along with not talking about money, sex, religion, or politics).
 
I''m white and have a pretty diverse group of friends. I talk about race (and really everything) with all my friends. For example, when President Obama won the election my friend and I had a great conversation about how it made him feel as a black man to have a black president. I think it''s silly for my friends and I to pretend there aren''t any differences between us when obviously we''ve all had very different experiences depending on our race/ethnicity/nationality or even our socioeconomic status growing up.
 
Oh we talk about everything under the sun. With the girls, we dish like girls do.

With the girls and guys, I have to admit, my group is pretty open-minded. In fact, since moving to NYC, I''ve noticed that almost always race/religion will make their way into the conversation. I think it''s sort of hard not to when you have such a diverse group of people closely connected to their roots. I have a couple very close Hispanic friends (like myself), but most are either white (Euro & American), Middle Eastern, Asian or Black, all of different nationalities and religions. Whenever we get together I notice someone will bring up a race/religion/ethnic customs discussion. And sometimes it''s not politically correct, but it is always between friends, comfortable, interesting and a lot of times really funny!


Oh, and we talk politics, and yea, it can get heated, but it''s always fun and friendly.
 
One of my best friends is a black man from Antigua. We've known each other for 20 years, and love each other like sister and brother; I can't imagine that either of us would feel 'uncomfortable' talking about race.

My sister married a Hispanic. My nieces are half-and-half.
28.gif


What I won't talk to my friends about is sex. The good, the bad, the ugly, the spectactular. Nada. It's nobody's business, 'cept mine.
 
I'm white and so are most of my friends. I'm not even sure if we talk much about race or not. . .among the friends I have of other races, some of us do talk about diversity and others, we do not. No big deal. Also, some of my friends of other nationalities speak their native language at home and sometimes around me (when they're talking to their children), so there isn't any sort of discomfort because it's wide out in the open. . .yes, she is spanish. It's not taboo to acknowledge that.

That aside, among my friends, certain ones I talk about certain things and others, do not. Race isn't a biggy to me. I think more along the lines of sex, finances, and politics is where I have to think more carefully about who I talk these issues to.

One of my friends DID complain that because her husband is of a certain nationality (not going to say to avoid offending anyone), he is too conservative for her and she was upset because he didn't believe in divorce. I didn't know how to respond to her stereotyping their customs.
 
No personal sex talk and no personal finance talk.
 
My closest friend since kindergarten has become, as an adult, an extremely conservative Catholic (she was raised Lutheran, as I was). I don''t tend to discuss this much with her, not because I couldn''t, but choose not too...as my views tend to be different, and some of her choices baffle me. So, we just talk about all else...but I know that if I really do want to discuss this with her, it would be okay. There just has been sort of a mutual unspoken understanding that we don''t talk about it much. And I find I am okay with that.
 
I''m biracial(Caucasian and African American), but people only find out when I tell them as I don''t have any African American features. I was raised in a suburb that was over 98% white, so I have a hard time with race. I always have.

I actually have a slightly funny story from something that happened yesterday. I had a friends over and we were making sandwiches, and she noticed that I eat mayo. She was like, "You eat mayo? I thought black people didn''t eat mayo?" She kind of posed it as a question, but I thought it was hilarious as I had never heard that before. Apparently, she saw a movie that gave her that idea. After a bit of googling, I learned that the movie was Undercover Brother. I''ve never seen it, and to be honest, I was surprised that she had.
 
I'm white, one of my closest girlfriends is black. Well, her mom's Caucasian actually, but she doesn't think of herself as half-and-half. She says she's black. End of story. lol We talk about everything, pretty much, except personal finance. I don't talk about it with any of my friends. I find it distasteful.

I also have friends and acquaintances of different religion and culture. I think that trying too hard to be politically correct (e.g. meticulously avoiding topics like race, religion, culture, etc. when having a conversation) is more often offending than not. I know I'd feel offended if my friends treated me differently according to my skin colour and beliefs. We have to value and respect our differences, yes, but not build walls out of them.
 
Date: 9/22/2009 4:26:08 PM
Author: radiantquest
I am white. At this time in my life I have all white friends. Not because I choose it to be this way, but because where I work everyone is white and where I live everyone is white. I wish it were not this way. When I was going to school there was a more diverse group and I was able to be around alot more people. I never see Asian people. Very few black people. Even religion is all the same. Everyone is Christian. To me it is boring. I like being able to meet new people and talk about different things. I guess I really never get a chance to get exposed to things. It is not that this area is racist or anything like that. It is just prodominently white.

When I had friends of a different race we talked about everything. We didn''t care. When I used to tan a lot in my younger years I had a black friend that would put her arm next to mine to tell me when I was tan enough. lol
Click to expand...
Radiant, what state do you live in... if you don''t mind my asking?
 
Date: 9/22/2009 5:29:38 PM
Author: thing2of2
I''m white and have a pretty diverse group of friends. I talk about race (and really everything) with all my friends. For example, when President Obama won the election my friend and I had a great conversation about how it made him feel as a black man to have a black president. I think it''s silly for my friends and I to pretend there aren''t any differences between us when obviously we''ve all had very different experiences depending on our race/ethnicity/nationality or even our socioeconomic status growing up.
Click to expand...
Thing, I wouldn''t have known the election results coming in the next day if I hadn''t watched them myself- lol. I live in South Carolina, I work in R&D at corporate headquarters for my company, and I am the only black in this department out of about 55 people. The next day not ONE person made any mention of the election. It was the huge elephant (tee hehe... get it? lol) in the room.
 
Date: 9/22/2009 5:52:42 PM
Author: MC
I''m white and so are most of my friends. I''m not even sure if we talk much about race or not. . .among the friends I have of other races, some of us do talk about diversity and others, we do not. No big deal. Also, some of my friends of other nationalities speak their native language at home and sometimes around me (when they''re talking to their children), so there isn''t any sort of discomfort because it''s wide out in the open. . .yes, she is spanish. It''s not taboo to acknowledge that.

That aside, among my friends, certain ones I talk about certain things and others, do not. Race isn''t a biggy to me. I think more along the lines of sex, finances, and politics is where I have to think more carefully about who I talk these issues to.

One of my friends DID complain that because her husband is of a certain nationality (not going to say to avoid offending anyone), he is too conservative for her and she was upset because he didn''t believe in divorce. I didn''t know how to respond to her stereotyping their customs.
Click to expand...
MC, she didn''t know notice his nationality before they married? lol. Or did she develop this steretype concerning his nationality during the course of the marriage based on his actions?
 
It really depends on the friendship and the person for me. My best friend is Phillipino, and she is dating an African American. She and I talk about everything, including race and the related issues. I have no problem discussing things with people who I have a very close and open relationship with. There are others that I would never discuss things like that or other private things with. To me it depends on how your relationship is.
 
My husband is mexican and I find that actual "race" issues are not an issue at all, but cultural differences can be huge. I don''t know if some people combine culture with race but I differentiate between them because I know some people out there are racist purely based on color and I can assure you other than a little jealousy over tan skin, color has never been an issue for us. I think for most people culture though can have a lot of issues associated. Different values, different socioeconomic stratas, different religions, different levels of education - I think all of these are much more highly impacting and we are much more likely to judge and get away with judging based on those criteria. I live in an area with a lot of hispanic population and a white community that detests it and I get so many comments about "the mexicans" and people have no idea that my own children are half. All they see is white girl must understand all these brown people leeching on us and how it pisses us off. Well no, this white woman is married to an engineer with a master''s degree. Now granted - there are 11 people living in my inlaws house that is about 1300 square feet and they have about 9 cars half of which don''t work... so yeah sometimes the stereotype fits and you just have to laugh... but the cultural issues that pop up for us have to do with family hierarchy, educational expectations, distribution of wealth upon demise, and the fact that they eat some really weird foods lol
 
Date: 9/23/2009 8:01:11 AM
Author: kiett98
Date: 9/22/2009 4:26:08 PM

Author: radiantquest

I am white. At this time in my life I have all white friends. Not because I choose it to be this way, but because where I work everyone is white and where I live everyone is white. I wish it were not this way. When I was going to school there was a more diverse group and I was able to be around alot more people. I never see Asian people. Very few black people. Even religion is all the same. Everyone is Christian. To me it is boring. I like being able to meet new people and talk about different things. I guess I really never get a chance to get exposed to things. It is not that this area is racist or anything like that. It is just prodominently white.


When I had friends of a different race we talked about everything. We didn't care. When I used to tan a lot in my younger years I had a black friend that would put her arm next to mine to tell me when I was tan enough. lol
Click to expand...

Radiant, what state do you live in... if you don't mind my asking?
Click to expand...

This isn't directed at me - but I wanted to say that I'm from California and I never really saw racism until I moved to the east coast... in Florida and Georgia it was horrible as well as in upstate NY. I didn't live in NYC, but in upstate... ugly. To clarify - racism against blacks wasn't publicly spoken in CA around me anyway, but racism against hispanics isn't even hidden - not even now. It's right out in the open and no one seems to give a crap.
 
Date: 9/22/2009 3:41:10 PM
Author:kiett98
Kenny''s thread on tanning got me thinking...

I am black, so consciously tanning wouldn''t normally apply to me, but it is something that I talk about with some of my friends. So my question is, when you have friends of a different race, do you talk to them about ''race issues'' that tend to relate to one race more than another? Or do you avoid these topics?
Click to expand...
One of DH''s best friends is black (we''re white). DH & I grew up in a very mixed neighborhood, and he''s known this guy since he was born (they were neighbors). They talk about everything, race issues included. They even make ''off-color'' jokes... if they were to say these things to strangers, they''d probably get into fights. It''s an interesting dynamic, to say the least! One time they got into a good debate about the ''fairness'' of programs for minorities only. So yeah, race issues are definitely not off topic, for them.

Most of my good girlfriends are white (I really only consider 3 girls ''good girlfriends''), but I work with a bunch of girls of various ethnicities (I''m a nurse). We go out to eat as a big group at least once a month, and I''d say we are fairly open about things that could be considered ''race issues'' with each other.
 
I'm black, but have grown up in predominately white contexts for most of my life. I've spent a lot of time 'demystifying' blackness to non-black folks, people asking about my hair (and touching it without my permission, which makes me FUME), etc. I majored in cultural studies and sociology, so I am very comfortable taking about most topics, but I agree with others that I avoid topics with people with extreme or fringe beliefs. My friends tend to be pretty irreverent about things like race, so we can speak freely and comfortably with no hard feelings or awkwardness.

I got angry yesterday because a friend and I were a store, and my friend picked up a package that was in spanish. The black woman beside her told her that she should get a different brand, and not buy anything that was from Mexico.
33.gif
It's the same food lady! That really peeved me. (this was in CA)

In NC, I always feel like racism is simmering right under the surface, but people are usually very nice and polite, moreso than even in other places, so it's a very odd dynamic. I think my least racialized experiences were in the Midwest, less than the East Coast, West Coast, or the South. (I've lived in all of those places)
 
Date: 9/23/2009 1:04:23 PM
Author: trillionaire
I''m black, but have grown up in predominately white contexts for most of my life. I''ve spent a lot of time ''demystifying'' blackness to non-black folks, people asking about my hair (and touching it without my permission, which makes me FUME), etc. I majored in cultural studies and sociology, so I am very comfortable taking about most topics, but I agree with others that I avoid topics with people with extreme or fringe beliefs. My friends tend to be pretty irreverent about things like race, so we can speak freely and comfortably with no hard feelings or awkwardness.


I got angry yesterday because a friend and I were a store, and my friend picked up a package that was in spanish. The black woman beside her told her that she should get a different brand, and not buy anything that was from Mexico.
33.gif
It''s the same food lady! That really peeved me. (this was in CA)


In NC, I always feel like racism is simmering right under the surface, but people are usually very nice and polite, moreso than even in other places, so it''s a very odd dynamic. I think my least racialized experiences were in the Midwest, less than the East Coast, West Coast, or the South. (I''ve lived in all of those places)
Click to expand...

Have you ever had someone tell you you aren''t really black because you''re educated? I''ve SEEN people say that to my husband''s face that he''s not really mexican because he''s educated. Oh - and you know... I guess I never noticed it (I must be oblivious) but now that we''re moving to China I see a lot of ignorance and racism against the Chinese. Not a day goes by that I don''t hear some flip ass remark about them and maybe I just didn''t take note before or something, but now I''m very sensitive to it.

Just as a kinda funny aside - in my group of friends most of the women are white but most of the husbands are not... The hubbies are pakistani, chinese, black, mexican, and we definitely talk about cultural issues - my friend with the pakistani husband lives next door since we moved back to the states (she said ooh move next door so we did lol) and we joke all the time comparing his culture with my husbands. There are a lot of similarities. And of course being middle eastern after 9/11 he has all kinds of stories to tell. But he''s not a bitter man, he''s a funny man. Another friend of mine in NY who converted to Islam is very very bitter about the things that happened with her husband and she after 9/11. No jokes allowed!

One last ridiculous story... when we were newlyweds we were moving from california to florida and we stopped in alabama at this gas/grocery and we went in separately and didn''t say anything to each other - for whatever reason... and the guy smiled at me a few times but was following my husband around and glaring a lot... so my husband went up to the counter and the guy looked me straight in the eye... blue eye to blue eye... and kinda nodded at me like "yer onea us" and when my husband came up aside him he glanced at him and his face changed to, "oh yer onea them that marries ''those''" and then my husband said something, in perfect english (eyeroll) and the guy''s face just totally shifted in an instant and he smiled and laughed (obviously to some joke in his head) with total approval on his face, aw this is just a tan american. I know it doesn''t seem like much in a way but the body language was so strong, the tension was so thick and immediately replaced... some people really do base it all on skin color and that''s sad.
 
Great topic.

I noticed that my husband''s family are very racially insensitive. For example, one of his aunts lives in Quebec city and she said, "Oh I saw a chinese girl yesturday in Quebec city. Was that you?" It implies we are all the same, clones, and if she sees an asian girl it must be me. Also they often talk about all the gross things chinese people eat. Like bugs, cats, and dogs (they always ask me if I''ve eaten stuff like that). I find that really annoying. First because I''m not chinese, and second, because I was born in Canada (as they well know) and my cats have their own rooms, so the thought that I''m grooming them for dinner is annoying. I get annoyed that they aren''t even sensitive enough to NOT talk about that at the dinner table.

Incidently, when I am alone with my sister, we do talk about some of the values that French Canadians hold dear, that we look down upon. Yes, there''s a lot of stuff. And we are pretty darn superior about it. My husband is aware of the things I think (mostly because he agrees with a lot of them). I''m sure it is pretty racially insensitive (or maybe value-insensitive) if a french Canadian was sitting in the room.
 
My friends and I talk about literally everything - my close circle of friends that is. I don''t think I''ve ever thought twice about what pops out of my mouth around my girls!
 
I guess I've never really thought about it. I can't think of an ethnicity-specific topic that I'd want to discuss that may not be appropriate for all audiences.

I've gotten into religious discussions with friends before... and don't care to ever again. Pretty much anything else is fair game. Though, almost all of my friends are also friends with my hubs, so I have to watch myself a little bit...
11.gif
3.gif
9.gif
 
Date: 9/22/2009 5:29:38 PM
Author: thing2of2
I''m white and have a pretty diverse group of friends. I talk about race (and really everything) with all my friends. For example, when President Obama won the election my friend and I had a great conversation about how it made him feel as a black man to have a black president. I think it''s silly for my friends and I to pretend there aren''t any differences between us when obviously we''ve all had very different experiences depending on our race/ethnicity/nationality or even our socioeconomic status growing up.
Click to expand...
love talking politics with my "left" friends
9.gif
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top