What will you (or won''t you) talk about with your friends?

[kiett98]

Date: 9/23/2009 4:30:36 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 9/23/2009 1:04:23 PM
Author: trillionaire
I''m black, but have grown up in predominately white contexts for most of my life. I''ve spent a lot of time ''demystifying'' blackness to non-black folks, people asking about my hair (and touching it without my permission, which makes me FUME), etc. I majored in cultural studies and sociology, so I am very comfortable taking about most topics, but I agree with others that I avoid topics with people with extreme or fringe beliefs. My friends tend to be pretty irreverent about things like race, so we can speak freely and comfortably with no hard feelings or awkwardness.


I got angry yesterday because a friend and I were a store, and my friend picked up a package that was in spanish. The black woman beside her told her that she should get a different brand, and not buy anything that was from Mexico.

It''s the same food lady! That really peeved me. (this was in CA)


In NC, I always feel like racism is simmering right under the surface, but people are usually very nice and polite, moreso than even in other places, so it''s a very odd dynamic. I think my least racialized experiences were in the Midwest, less than the East Coast, West Coast, or the South. (I''ve lived in all of those places)

Have you ever had someone tell you you aren''t really black because you''re educated? I''ve SEEN people say that to my husband''s face that he''s not really mexican because he''s educated. Oh - and you know... I guess I never noticed it (I must be oblivious) but now that we''re moving to China I see a lot of ignorance and racism against the Chinese. Not a day goes by that I don''t hear some flip ass remark about them and maybe I just didn''t take note before or something, but now I''m very sensitive to it.

Just as a kinda funny aside - in my group of friends most of the women are white but most of the husbands are not... The hubbies are pakistani, chinese, black, mexican, and we definitely talk about cultural issues - my friend with the pakistani husband lives next door since we moved back to the states (she said ooh move next door so we did lol) and we joke all the time comparing his culture with my husbands. There are a lot of similarities. And of course being middle eastern after 9/11 he has all kinds of stories to tell. But he''s not a bitter man, he''s a funny man. Another friend of mine in NY who converted to Islam is very very bitter about the things that happened with her husband and she after 9/11. No jokes allowed!

One last ridiculous story... when we were newlyweds we were moving from california to florida and we stopped in alabama at this gas/grocery and we went in separately and didn''t say anything to each other - for whatever reason... and the guy smiled at me a few times but was following my husband around and glaring a lot... so my husband went up to the counter and the guy looked me straight in the eye... blue eye to blue eye... and kinda nodded at me like ''yer onea us'' and when my husband came up aside him he glanced at him and his face changed to, ''oh yer onea them that marries ''those'''' and then my husband said something, in perfect english (eyeroll) and the guy''s face just totally shifted in an instant and he smiled and laughed (obviously to some joke in his head) with total approval on his face, aw this is just a tan american. I know it doesn''t seem like much in a way but the body language was so strong, the tension was so thick and immediately replaced... some people really do base it all on skin color and that''s sad.

Since I''m black, I can answer for Trillionaire... just joking!

I haven''t had someone tell me I''m not really black because I am educated, but I have gotten the "you are the exception" to the rule sort of thing. And I also hate the "you don''t talk black" comment... whatever that means. I guess because I enunciate my words and speak in complete sentences?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 9/24/2009 8:16:51 AM
Author: kiett98

Date: 9/23/2009 4:30:36 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 9/23/2009 1:04:23 PM

Author: trillionaire

I''m black, but have grown up in predominately white contexts for most of my life. I''ve spent a lot of time ''demystifying'' blackness to non-black folks, people asking about my hair (and touching it without my permission, which makes me FUME), etc. I majored in cultural studies and sociology, so I am very comfortable taking about most topics, but I agree with others that I avoid topics with people with extreme or fringe beliefs. My friends tend to be pretty irreverent about things like race, so we can speak freely and comfortably with no hard feelings or awkwardness.



I got angry yesterday because a friend and I were a store, and my friend picked up a package that was in spanish. The black woman beside her told her that she should get a different brand, and not buy anything that was from Mexico.

It''s the same food lady! That really peeved me. (this was in CA)



In NC, I always feel like racism is simmering right under the surface, but people are usually very nice and polite, moreso than even in other places, so it''s a very odd dynamic. I think my least racialized experiences were in the Midwest, less than the East Coast, West Coast, or the South. (I''ve lived in all of those places)

Have you ever had someone tell you you aren''t really black because you''re educated? I''ve SEEN people say that to my husband''s face that he''s not really mexican because he''s educated. Oh - and you know... I guess I never noticed it (I must be oblivious) but now that we''re moving to China I see a lot of ignorance and racism against the Chinese. Not a day goes by that I don''t hear some flip ass remark about them and maybe I just didn''t take note before or something, but now I''m very sensitive to it.


Just as a kinda funny aside - in my group of friends most of the women are white but most of the husbands are not... The hubbies are pakistani, chinese, black, mexican, and we definitely talk about cultural issues - my friend with the pakistani husband lives next door since we moved back to the states (she said ooh move next door so we did lol) and we joke all the time comparing his culture with my husbands. There are a lot of similarities. And of course being middle eastern after 9/11 he has all kinds of stories to tell. But he''s not a bitter man, he''s a funny man. Another friend of mine in NY who converted to Islam is very very bitter about the things that happened with her husband and she after 9/11. No jokes allowed!


One last ridiculous story... when we were newlyweds we were moving from california to florida and we stopped in alabama at this gas/grocery and we went in separately and didn''t say anything to each other - for whatever reason... and the guy smiled at me a few times but was following my husband around and glaring a lot... so my husband went up to the counter and the guy looked me straight in the eye... blue eye to blue eye... and kinda nodded at me like ''yer onea us'' and when my husband came up aside him he glanced at him and his face changed to, ''oh yer onea them that marries ''those'''' and then my husband said something, in perfect english (eyeroll) and the guy''s face just totally shifted in an instant and he smiled and laughed (obviously to some joke in his head) with total approval on his face, aw this is just a tan american. I know it doesn''t seem like much in a way but the body language was so strong, the tension was so thick and immediately replaced... some people really do base it all on skin color and that''s sad.

Since I''m black, I can answer for Trillionaire... just joking!

I haven''t had someone tell me I''m not really black because I am educated, but I have gotten the ''you are the exception'' to the rule sort of thing. And I also hate the ''you don''t talk black'' comment... whatever that means. I guess because I enunciate my words and speak in complete sentences?

have you ever gotten flack from other blacks for "talking white" or something? My husband has... told he turned his back on his culture and turned ''white bread''. some people are so ignorant.

 

[kiett98]

Date: 9/24/2009 2:25:57 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 9/24/2009 8:16:51 AM
Author: kiett98


Since I''m black, I can answer for Trillionaire... just joking!

I haven''t had someone tell me I''m not really black because I am educated, but I have gotten the ''you are the exception'' to the rule sort of thing. And I also hate the ''you don''t talk black'' comment... whatever that means. I guess because I enunciate my words and speak in complete sentences?

have you ever gotten flack from other blacks for ''talking white'' or something? My husband has... told he turned his back on his culture and turned ''white bread''. some people are so ignorant.

Yes, I have gotten the "talking white" comment, too. That was usually in middle or high school, from the slackers whose opinions didn''t matter to me.

 

[that_someone_special]

We talk and joke about EVERYTHING. Farting, pooping, peeing, bills, money, periods, std's, miscarriages, mental health, physical health, relationships, boys, girls, dating... EVERYTHING.

So race is never an issue. They always joke I'm the whitest white chick they've ever met- which was started by one of my black friends

 

[elrohwen]

One of my very best friends is Chinese (Taiwanese actually) and we talk about Asian issues all the time. We even crack jokes; we''re very laid back. I''m the same with one of my Indian friends, a Hispanic friend, and a black friend. I think I tend to save these kinds of conversations for people I know are not easily (or ever) offended (they usually tend to be men; it seems more off limits with women for some reason). Some people seem to get very personal about race issues, while others are comfortable cracking jokes and talking about it openly.

I think the younger generation tends to be more open about this stuff (at least in my experience) and doesn''t feel any embarrassment talking about it. Especially if they''ve been exposed to many races and cultures throughout life.