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What will change..?

K

kagordo4

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2009
Messages
339
after you get married? Tigarlily1 posted https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/whats-changed.142842/ this thread in Newly Weds. I'm just wondering what you ladies expect or think/hope will change.

We already live together, and I know things will change but I don't think it will be as drastic of a change for me as it could be.

So what do you ladies think? If you don't live together have you talked about the silly things that people get frustrated over? I know my biggest pet peeve is SO not-putting-down-the-freaking-toilet-seat, there is nothing worst than a cold, wet suprise at 5am when you aren't wearing glasses or contacts. And for him, the way I squeeze the toothpaste drives him crazy, so we have two different tubes. : )

Is this too personal, to ask?
 
It's incredibly superficial, but one change I am totally looking forward to is my last name -- his is a million times easier to pronounce/spell/remember.

We already live together, so the day-to-day probably won't change very much. One thing that will be nice about being married is that when his company wants him to move (inevitable in his field...if you want a promotion, you change location), he'll be able to put "[his] wife's career" on the table as a determining factor for the next location (doesn't seem to work as well with "girlfriend").
 
As for now, i dont live with my SO(yes im there all the time) so that will change. I see a lot of his quirks, but ill find out even more. I know one thing we are trying to firgure out is, the situation with our doggies, and my cats. Theres quite a difference, and i cant give up my babies. Also, its a situation do to us having a water bed, and cats having claws :o .

Also, like MK said, but taking his last names. We currently get mail in for Mr & Mrs. N.....but it will different. His name isnt really easier since we both have uncommon last names. As stupid as it may sound, i want to add on his in a way. I hate tot hink about giving up my Daddy's name.

Also, the sharing of the bills will be different. We have already worked out what we plan on doing, but its still going to be a bit different. Espically like groceries and what not.

Also, we have discussed it, but im thinking a joint account and than two seperate ones. I dont know. :confused:

Ladies, do any of you have joint accounts already, and how does that work out? Ive never shared ana ccount with anyone, so pleae fill me in, if you care to share. :?:
 
Since we don't live together, we're both excited to be living together after we're married. The other thing that will change is that I will be under his work's health insurance. I only have the government one though, which doesn't cover dental/eye care. I don't know about joint account. He will be contributing more to our monthly bills.

Other that those, I don't know what else will be changed.
 
We have seperate accounts and a joint account for the apartment stuff, bills, groceries, etc etc.

Honestly he contributes a lot more than I do to "our shared" account. But that is our situation.

We just agreed on how to split the rent and the bills and then went to the bank. We both had wachovia so it was really easy. He is also cosigning my car loan for me.

I think it's good that you've talked about that already though : )

I also really want to take SO's last name : ) I have zero attachment to my own, other than my mommy. But I will have a very common Spanish last name (SO says because there are a billion of them in this area alone it's cool if I post it : O ) it'll be Sanchez. Yeah so I 'll be the whitest Sanchez pretty much, ever. I'm pasty : )
 
I'm hoping not much will change. Maybe a little depth and more of a feeling of being a team....that'd be cool. And I'd be able to take a job transfer overseas and bring him with me. That'd be fantastic. Other than that, I don't really want anything to change. I like our life right now.
 
We don't live together now but will be in the next couple months so that won't change after we're married. I don't think very much will change once we're married except I guess that "feeling" of really being committed. We already act like we're married except for living together (but, like I said, that will change soon) so other than us being legally a family, taking his last name, and getting on his insurance, not much will change!
 
hmmm...

Well, first, we already live together in a house, however, we do not pay for rent or utilities. (Its his grandmas old house, and his grandfather passed so his gram now lives with his parents, and she gave us the house to live in until we saved some money and got on our feet, which I am so very blessed for!) When we marry, we plan on building our own house, which will be in about a little over a year. The only thing that will change will be bills, mortgage, utilities etc. It will be a much added expense between us so there might be some issues in the beginning with figuring it out. But I am sure that we will be just fine!

As for bank accounts.. I have mine and he has his own as well. We have a shared savings account and we deposit money when we can, but we always put money in every paycheck no matter what.

The most important change and positive change, is that I'll be his wife and I will be able to call him my husband :))
 
o, i totally frogot. He has SUPER good insurance, and MUCH cheaper than mine. He pays maybe 75 Bucks a month( and i know it will go up once we are married), whereas i pay almsot 200 a month. Just for myself. So i cant wait for that.
 
Princesss, what field do you work in? I've always been really curious since you've mentioned your travels before! Are there any specific countries you'd want to move to? (sorry for the threadjack! Do you have a Who's Who?)
 
Jessie702 said:
o, i totally frogot. He has SUPER good insurance, and MUCH cheaper than mine. He pays maybe 75 Bucks a month( and i know it will go up once we are married), whereas i pay almsot 200 a month. Just for myself. So i cant wait for that.
Click to expand...

$200 a month?!! just for you?

I'm on SO's health insurance through work, but when we get married I'll be added to his military benefits, so I guess that will help.
 
IndyLady, I do have a Who's Who floating around somewhere (I think!). I work in shipping (big container ships) and my company has offices all over the world (heck, just my department has counterparts in Dubai, Panama, the Netherlands, South Africa, Singapore, China, and Spain), so there are plenty of chances to go exploring if you want to! Plus it's kind of limited if you want to stay in one place - you definitely won't have the kind of chances available if you decide to stay in one city that you would if you're flexible about moving. My dad works for another company under the larger umbrella company that I also work for (if that makes sense - it's like Banana Republic and Gap), and that's mostly how I've traveled so much - he took a job in Thailand when I was young and my family never stopped moving around. I'm hoping for something similar, lol!
 
I hope its ok that I keep chiming in here since I'm not a LIW anymore. But I'm not yet married either...

I thought I was looking forward to changing my name. I have the number one most popular last name in the states and FI's is less common while not being difficult. When we were waiting I was counting down the days to change my name. Now...I'm having mixed feelings. I've been this name for 30 years, its who i am. I'm not the biggest fan of hyphenating so I believe I will take his but mainly now so that if we are able to have kids I will be able to share the same last name. I will use my maiden as my middle.

The joint account thing...yeah I was all for it, now...I'm not so sure. I'm guessing based on how feel we will do hers, his and ours thing. It's not that I have anything to hide from him, other than the 15 trips I take to walgreens to find the perfect nail polish or mascara or hair color that drives him so freaking crazy. I mean there have been times where he has been like do you really need another nail polish? Need? No. Want? Yes. It shouldn't be a big deal and I don't hide it but it would be nice to be able to buy those piddly things with my own money without him looking at the bank statement and giving me the rolly eyes. :rolleyes:

I'm with princess in that I hopes it gives us a little more of a feeling of being a team. We already do feel like a team but to me when we're married it will no longer be that we feel like a team but that we after the wedding really would be a team.

And insurance...I don't have any! So when we say I do I will be covered and can finally get my thyroid removed! Woot! :appl:
 
Yes the insurance will be a great thing for me as well. Especially with my Diabetes and the pancreas transplant I plan on having within the next two years. Woohoo to insurance!
 
Honestly my name and my bank account number. Oh and his family will include me in "family pictures".

We live together, definitely function as a team, and split expenses. I guess it may seem naive but I'm not expecting anything to change after we get married. Obviously dynamics will change as we get older, but I don't think that's a function of marriage so much as aging.
 
I've been married for 1 year now and this is what I have found:

Changing names - I've kept mine because I don't like his last name. It may be a bit cruel but as a health professional, my name matters.

Joint Bank Accounts - We have a joint bank account and he has his individual one for business. However I have the passwords for it and most of the money gets moved into our joint account except his tax money. He has his own business one to keep track of business outgoings/incomings/tax purposes etc.
I will be getting my own business account soon due to changes in my working structure for the same purposes.

Do I recommend sharing an account? It really is up to you and your partner's personalities.
DH is easy going with money when it comes to me. If I spend money, he doesn't even bother asking what I got or how much things were. I do have expensive taste but DH knows that I'm not a frequent shopper and I don't tend to buy little things. I actually don't enjoy shopping. Any big purchases - we talk about it before buying it.

I think if your partner is going to be controlling of your finances, it is best to have your own account.
It's nice to have spending money without someone watching you or counting how much you spend.
I have been advised by ladies who have been married for longer that I should have my own account to do what I please.
At this stage, it isn't needed because I already do that with our joint account. In the future, who knows. :)
 
Hmm...this has definitely been something I have been thinking about. My boyfriend and I have been living together in an apartment for two years now and when we end up getting married I do not think much will change. I have not decided what I will do with my last name (his just does not fit with mine) and I think our bank accounts will stay the same. The credit union we use gives us our own accounts but there is an option to link accounts with someone else. So we can put money into each others seperate accounts, but not take money away from the other. It works very well for us and I do not see why we would change that.

On the other side, we have been together for so long and he is accepted as one of their own in my family and vice versa. They all know we'll get married and it's just a matter of when. A lot of people refer to me as his wife and him as my husband (which irks me). Honestly, besides better insurance and something on my left hand, I do not know see what will change. We can see ourselves being married (we practically are anyway) but not the whole shibang of a wedding and sometimes we perceive it as a piece of paper that just makes official what we already know. We split finances, share burdens, discuss important decisions as well as small ones...so I am not sure. I think that one of the reasons why my boyfriend has not proposed yet because it is not an earth shattering event and I am set on him turning to me while watching TV on the couch one night and saying "ya wanna do this?" ;))
 
princesss said:
IndyLady, I do have a Who's Who floating around somewhere (I think!). I work in shipping (big container ships) and my company has offices all over the world (heck, just my department has counterparts in Dubai, Panama, the Netherlands, South Africa, Singapore, China, and Spain), so there are plenty of chances to go exploring if you want to! Plus it's kind of limited if you want to stay in one place - you definitely won't have the kind of chances available if you decide to stay in one city that you would if you're flexible about moving. My dad works for another company under the larger umbrella company that I also work for (if that makes sense - it's like Banana Republic and Gap), and that's mostly how I've traveled so much - he took a job in Thailand when I was young and my family never stopped moving around. I'm hoping for something similar, lol!
Click to expand...

Very cool! That sounds like an awesome job. I would love to visit, or live in any of those places. Living in Thailand as a child sounds amazing as well! Wow. I'd really like to travel and live abroad for the next few years, though I have no idea where. This fall will be my first time truly living out of the country--eek! I am so excited.
 
We don't live together now, and I don't know if we will before engagement/marriage. I used to be strictly against it, but now it depends on circumstances. But, buying a house is something I will only do while married. I'm excited for that, almost more than anything!

I think being married will make things feel more official and solid, for lack of better words. For example, SO and I just opened a safety deposit box together and when the clerk asked me for my relationship to him, I had to say *cringe* "girlfriend". It was a little awkward. She thought we were engaged or married. My dad also hates calling us "girlfriend and boyfriend". He says, "you don't call someone you date for 6 years your boyfriend, I don't care how old you are!" Well... what do I call him then? :roll:

So, to me, getting married gives us the go-ahead to get our lives started together. Live together, join bank accounts, buy a house, start TTC, etc. Right now it sometimes feels like we are in limbo.

Anyone feel the same?
 
fuzzers said:
We don't live together now, and I don't know if we will before engagement/marriage. I used to be strictly against it, but now it depends on circumstances. But, buying a house is something I will only do while married. I'm excited for that, almost more than anything!

I think being married will make things feel more official and solid, for lack of better words. For example, SO and I just opened a safety deposit box together and when the clerk asked me for my relationship to him, I had to say *cringe* "girlfriend". It was a little awkward. She thought we were engaged or married. My dad also hates calling us "girlfriend and boyfriend". He says, "you don't call someone you date for 6 years your boyfriend, I don't care how old you are!" Well... what do I call him then? :roll:

So, to me, getting married gives us the go-ahead to get our lives started together. Live together, join bank accounts, buy a house, start TTC, etc. Right now it sometimes feels like we are in limbo.

Anyone feel the same?
Click to expand...

I will say I've found the word "partner" to be very helpful for the bolded situation. When I first moved here I had to set up an emergency contact at the hospital when I had some test done and she asked the relationship to me and I said, "Boyfriend."
"Oh, we can't do that. What about a parent?"
"Not in the country."
"Sibling?"
"Not in the country."
"Aunt/uncle?"
"In California and Colorado." (I'm in North Carolina.)
"Anybody else?"
"Nope, he's the only person I really know here."
"Oh....."

The next time I went I just said, "Partner," and they said, "Okay."
 
IndyLady said:
princesss said:
IndyLady, I do have a Who's Who floating around somewhere (I think!). I work in shipping (big container ships) and my company has offices all over the world (heck, just my department has counterparts in Dubai, Panama, the Netherlands, South Africa, Singapore, China, and Spain), so there are plenty of chances to go exploring if you want to! Plus it's kind of limited if you want to stay in one place - you definitely won't have the kind of chances available if you decide to stay in one city that you would if you're flexible about moving. My dad works for another company under the larger umbrella company that I also work for (if that makes sense - it's like Banana Republic and Gap), and that's mostly how I've traveled so much - he took a job in Thailand when I was young and my family never stopped moving around. I'm hoping for something similar, lol!
Click to expand...

Very cool! That sounds like an awesome job. I would love to visit, or live in any of those places. Living in Thailand as a child sounds amazing as well! Wow. I'd really like to travel and live abroad for the next few years, though I have no idea where. This fall will be my first time truly living out of the country--eek! I am so excited.
Click to expand...

You'll have so much fun! It's an amazing experience. Of course you'll get frustrated and angry and exhausted and a whole host of other not so fun feelings, but in the end it's so worth it. I love that fish out of water feeling - figuring out someplace new is such a challenge and I'm always so proud of myself when I figure things out. As a kid the joke was that the instant we knew how to find our way around without a map it was time to move!

I really can't wait to be able to move abroad. Once we get married (to bring this back on topic, lol!) we can really start figuring out where we want to go. I think the rule about bringing domestic partners on overseas transfers is you have to commit to getting married within 6 months, so it's not something we can just do willy nilly. So that's the biggest thing I'm looking forward to. I've been in NC for 2 years and in the States for 6 years - I'm getting antsy to leave again and go somewhere new.
 
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