What will become of your stuff after you pass?

[ForteKitty]

That thought has been nagging at the back of my mind lately. I'm 30 this year, and 99.99999% sure I do not want kids. I love my jewelry and have collected a pretty decent amount. When I die, what happens to it?

On the other hand, having kids doesn't guarantee that your stuff will be well loved either. I see a lot of yard sales where the children have absolutely zero interest in their mom/grandma/mil's jewelry and stuff, and they just toss them in a bin. I found some nice stuff that way... and it made me really really sad. while it may not mean much to their kids, i can see these things were well taken care of and well loved at one point.

Recently, my bf's family had to help a deceased family friend clean up the house and sell it. In the basement, they found really old Babe Ruth cards!! The family friend had no children, and left all the collectibles to my bf's grandma and my bf's dad. They have no idea what it's worth, so my bf (who collects sports cards) told them "DO NOT TOUCH OR SELL ANYTHING!". When I heard the story, i nearly cried. How sad is it to have collected all these things all these decades, and have it just distributed after you die.

My grandmother recently started passing out her jewelry to the grand kids. She is 83 years old, and says it's time to distribute it so there wont be any fighting in the future. While i had to smile and thank her, i bawled my eyes out when I got home.

Have you ever thought about it?

 

[Circe]

Yep. I'm the only child of only children, and I'm, a) not really looking forward to sorting through my folks stuff when the time comes (for multiple reasons, the most obvious being first and foremost), and b) wondering about what to do in terms of my own eventual passing, too.

So, going in order ... I think when my folks bought stuff, they really did so with the notion of "heirlooms" and "inheritance" and "continuity." But the sad thing is, we have completely different styles. So someday, all of that hard-bought furniture will be ... useless. It does make me very sad to consider.

On point b ... I do want kids, but I'm having some issues on that front. The only child of only children thing makes inheritance pretty straight-forward, one might think: since I have no relatives, it should all go to any nieces or nephews we have by my husband's siblings, right? Except ... well, so far we've got two nephews. I can't really picture them doing much with a bunch of jewelry except selling it (perhaps this will change as they grow up, and meet girls whom I will be thrilled to have at family gatherings). So, rather than selling it, I'm planning to make friends who are younger, and leave it to them.

This hopefully doesn't sound too weird. Two of my close friends are a couple in their 50s who are like ... fairy godmothers, I guess. Always generous, full of advice, totally awesome. So, when I get older, I want to be like them ... and, if I find some honorary god-daughter who loves jewels, she'll get the lot when I go. That, or I'll just leave it to a good cause to be auctioned off. And in the meantime? I'll get what I like right now instead of planning for a future that might be totally different from anything I can imagine ....

 

[Arkteia]

Having two sons one of which already hates jewelry... I hope he'll get married and his wife treats him nicely and she likes nice things.
But I doubt that anyone will really understand the beauty and rarity of alexandrite, or even spinel. I hope that my boys will be happy, I guess that is all I have to ask for.
My father said, "don't listen to anyone, if your jewelry makes you happy, then buy it!" It makes me happy!

 

[ForteKitty]

i guess i'm just thinking... do i really need all these things? ha, coming from someone who just bought a bunch of gems recently... bad me!

shouldn't i just go on nice vacations instead?

 

[TravelingGal]

i guess i'm just thinking... do i really need all these things? ha, coming from someone who just bought a bunch of gems recently... bad me!

shouldn't i just go on nice vacations instead?

Well, everything in moderation, my dear!

I have a few nice things, but that's it. And they'll go to my daughter, who can do with it what she pleases. But what you just said is the reason why I believe in travel...if you're lucky enough to die in a care center surrounded by loved ones, you most likely won't be wearing your bling (my dad was swollen from drugs, so no ring). When you close your eyes, I imagine the last thing you have are your memories if you are of sound mind. And your children...the best things they have are their memories of you. So instead of gifts during the holidays, we'll splurge and do a family trip. Amelia will hate them at first, I know, but she'll get used to it.

 

[that_someone_special]

Ugh.. this post makes me really sad.
Before my grandmother passed last June she started giving her stuff away. I refused a lot of it because she was supposed to be around much longer... well.. she got sick and passed shortly after.

Since her and I LOVED jewelry, I know which pieces were supposed to go where. Her jewelry turned into the family just taking whatever they damn well pleased. A few of her pieces that were supposed to go to me, did not. I am VERY upset by this because A) I am not positive who has it and B) I am not sure if they sold it or will keep it in the family..

When I die, everything will stay in family. I have already talked about the pieces that I do have, and who they would go to if I passed... tomorrow.

Ugh When I browse ebay or craigslist for OEC's or vintage stuff I have to wonder whose history I'm buying. I have to admit, I did email one guy from CL urging him not to sell his grandmothers ring

 

[ForteKitty]

Circe- the fairy godmother idea is pretty good. I will definitely keep that in mind! I would much rather give my stuff away to someone who will love it as opposed to relatives who will sell it.

Tgal- we do travel quite a bit, but i'm planning on traveling even more this coming year. i have a "things i need to see before i turn 40" list, so i better get started!

Bean- I am really very sorry to hear about how the family behaved after your grandma's passing. I do not understand how people can behave so ugly.

I have also emailed people on CL to reconsider selling certain items. i think it's really sad, especially when they aren't having money issues.

When i started working, i drew up a will just in case. As of right now my mom is my primary beneficiary, my brother and sister are secondary beneficiaries. My bf and i had this talk before. He collects sports cards, and has many nicely graded ones. He has two nephews who are 1 and 3, and we wonder if they would even like this stuff.

 

[Dancing Fire]

my wife's jewelry will be divided evenly b/t our two daughters.

 

[rosetta]

No kids yet, so now it will be willed to cousins, nieces etc.

It will go to the ones who appreciate jewellery only, relative or not.

 

[AprilBaby]

I have three sons and one daughter. I am leaving all the jewelry to the one daughter to dispense with as she sees fit. One son is married to a girl whose mother has LOTS of jewelry she will inherit. The other two are not married. I have discussed with DD about being generous with future DIL if they don't have mothers who are passing items down to them.

 

[atroop711]

I have 3 children (2 girls and one boy). I already decided that my wedding set will go to my daughters. I showed them my pieces (my e-ring and my eternity ring) and each surprisingly pick a diff. piece that they wanted. My oldest will get the eternity band (she's def. more simple) and my younger daugher at age 6 already loves big BLING so she wants the e-ring. As for my son...he will get my black tahitian pearl and diamond earrings (he can pass it to a daughter or a wife) and the matching ring.

I have 2 more sapphire and diamond rings that I will give to each of my daughter's on their 16th bday.

 

[Jennifer W]

All my things will go to my daughter, to do what she wants with.

Funny, my mother bought the world's ugliest item of furniture a few years ago, at vast expense. A sort of display cabinet for china and crystal that she keeps in her dining room. The thing is horrific, all twiddly bits and unattractive carving. Last week, she said something along the lines of "when this is yours, will you turn it into a bookcase?" The expression on DH's face when the penny dropped and he realised that as an only child, I'll inherit all her stuff was absolutely priceless.

Jen

 

[Callisto]

My great grandmother died when I was in middle or high school and she had some nice pieces of jewlery and it just caused drama in the family. When I have enough stuff to warrant having a will I'll be sure to make my jewlery inheritance VERY specific so that no heirs will have any say in the matter really. I also like the idea of giving things away before you pass if you know that your time is coming soon, even if it is a little morbid, it just makes things simpler. Unfortunately my late great grandmother was the only one in the family with any desire for jewelry so none of my other family members really have any jewelry to pass down so it won't be an issue for them.

 

[decodelighted]

I do think about this. We're not planning on kids & DH is an only child. I have a lot of younger siblings including three sisters, one niece and three nephews.

I'm guessing anything I accumulate jewelry-wise over my lifetime will probably go to my niece who is also my goddaughter. Even if I gift things to my sisters in the meantime, I'd ask that they eventually give them to my niece. This might change if I have other nieces in the future. Generally I don't believe in passing jewelry down to male family members, as that's, so often, how things *leave* a family.

Two of my sisters currently wear passed-down heirloom wedding bands from both sides of my family -- as stacked RHRs. I have an heirloom engagement ring that I wear sometimes as a RHR. None of these things actually belong to us. They still all belong to my mother, who divided HER mother's things with my aunt, and also controls my material grandmother's things as well. I've never seen a graceful "inheritance" of any item. There are always squabbles and a reluctance to let go. Probably because you're being asked to decided these things at such an emotionally charged time -- when someone passes. I wish MORE people would gift their beloved items to their beloved family members BEFORE they pass on. It must be hard to do though, as the items hold a lot of sentiment for the OWNER.


ETA: I also agree with the idea of spending $$ on travel & *shared experiences* (learning new skills, adventures, celebrations). I'm happy with my current jewelry collection. Sure, there are always a *few* more things I'd like -- but, for instance, this year is a "vacation" year for us. No gifts for each other, no big purchases ... just the trip. Now lets see if I can REALLY come home totally empty-handed. HA!!!

 

[KaeKae]

This thread is a good reminder for me to do what I've been thinking about for years: go through my jewelry and write up a little bit about the history of the piece and any details I have about it (ie: carat weight, gems...)

I have two daughters, a neice, a god-daughter and the god-daughter's sister (my fairy god-daughter?) who I would like to leave my things to. I haven't done anything because I can't decide what should go to who. My ering to DD1 or DD2? GMa's ering to DD or DN? GD and I share a birthstone, so leaving her an amethyst is good..which?

I know I have to do this, because I don't want my DDs to have the same experience I did after my maternal gmother died. After she passed, my mom took possession of her jewelry with every intention of going through it with her only sister, to divide between themselves and give a piece to each niece and SIL. Well, one year after Nanna died, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She passed one year after that. Believe it or not, I wound up doing the job with my aunt, a cousin and my uncle's wives after my mother's funeral. I was 13!

So, thanks to the OP for starting this thread...you've reminded me of something I want and need to do.

 

[swingirl]

My jewelry will be divided up amongst my son and daughter, as they are equal. I hope to do that before I die and once I am gone I really won't care what they do they the stuff. But I know they'll both appreciate having a piece of our family history.

 

[Sizzle]

My daughter will get all of my blings. She's a sentimental sap so no way she'd sell it unless very hard up. Funny because the other day I started having an allergy attack and took off all my jewelery incase I had to go to the hospital and told her to make sure no matter what NO ONE else got anything! Selfish right. I dont' want anytthing shared with anyone else unless I have other biological children. I have two step daughters, but they weren't raised with our around me so I don't think they would have a senitimental attachment to my blings!

 

[elrohwen]

I'm an only child and not close to my extended family. DH has one sister and isn't close to his two cousins, so we have a small family group going. Hopefully we'll have one kid some day and I plan to leave my things to him/her. My ering stone has been in DH's family for 3-4 generations, so I hope whoever inherits it understands how special it is. It has traditionally been passed down to the men of the family, since it was set in a man's ring, but we'll pass it to our kid no matter the gender. I'll also receive my mom's current ering, which she recently had made from my grandma's ering stone, so that'll be in our family for 3 generations. As much as I appreciate jewelry, I doubt I'll have much more than some studs and maybe a few extra pieces - it's fine with me if those get sold after I'm gone as long as the heirlooms stay in the family.

I'll be receiving all of my parents things when they pass, but honestly there won't be much. My mom hates clutter and loves to throw things out, so I imagine she'll have ditched most of their things by then and probably moved into a smaller house. She also hates clutter enough that she won't want me to hold on to any of her stuff out of sentimentality, other than her ring. I feel the same way - I don't want somebody else to be left with my crap if they don't want it. It's just old furniture and junk anyway!

 

[kelpie]

I have, in fact I'm buying or having rings made with each of my nieces in mind. If I have kids someday surely I'll want them to get some great pieces too, but I like to think my baby nieces were touched I was thinking of them all a long. I may give them up to them at an important milestone like finishing college or getting married. The oldest is only 4 so I don't have to think about parting with anything for a while. I have always had the idea in my head because my mom always said she needed another ring so each daughter could inherit one.