What to do when you don''t *love* a gift from your guy?

[rockzilla]

Hoping for some advice from the PSers...my bf gave my my anniversary present last night, it is the Tiffany open heart/ pearl lariat necklace (I''ll try to post a link) The way he packaged it up was really cute...he had been teasing me for ages that he was going to get me a toaster, so he packed it in a toaster-sized box and put in copier paper so it would be heavy. And then when I opened it there was the "little blue box"...so sweet!

The thing is, while I like the necklace, he gave me the regular open heart pendant for our anniversary a few years ago. I really LOVE that one, and this one just seems very similar, not as "substantial" and I don''t *love* it like I did the other one. Last night I told him I really liked it, but when I went to look at it on the Tiffany''s site this morning and saw how MUCH IT COST I was surprised...I guess I feel like a) it is not really an "original" present since he got me a similar one before and b) for the price I should LOVE it.

Maybe this is a little unfair to him...I know he was really excited about it because he kept saying before that he got me a really good gift...and he is certainly trying...I like pearls, I like hearts...I should like the necklace right?

At the same time, I think he might be open to me returning/exchanging it, with him of course. I''m going to try to talk to him about it tonight...any tips on how to approach it?


PS One thing is, he ordered it online, and said he wasn''t totally sure when it arrived...maybe that will help? I do like the online photo better than the necklace in real life

PS2 here is the link: http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?sku=21088927&search_params=t+open+heart+pearl-s+0-p+1-l+-h+-c+-r+-x

 

[FireGoddess]

Hmmm, could you tell him that you really like it, but it''s really similar to the one you already have and were thinking one that was a bit more different would get more wear? After telling him it is a beautiful gift and very thoughtful, etc, of course. And then bring up exchanging it?

 

[Gypsy]

Aww. He was so excited for the present.

But I do know what you mean. FG has some good advice.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Do you think you''d wear the necklace? If so, I''d keep it. It''s very cute and your husband was so excited for it. . .the LAST think you want to do is make him question his taste as he may not feel confident buying you more jewelry in the future (and we wouldn''t want to break a trend

)! lol

If you do decide to exchange it, possibly browse the Tiffany site and find another silver necklace that you are interested in and just mention that you''d like to exchange for another style that would coordinate with other outfits/moods. I would definetly stick with the same store. My DH gave me a necklace a few years back and he was open to me exchanging it especially since I said I wanted to go to the same retailer, showing I loved his taste! lol

 

[WTNLVR]

I guess I''d keep it. I made the mistake of telling hubby 1 too many times I didn''t like my jewelry gifts (they really were hideous) and now he refuses to buy me any jewelry at all. Well, I can pick it out and he pays for it, but just once I''d like a surprise set of earrings or something. So, I think I''d keep this one-it is really pretty. If it was more expensive I would say something though.

 

[kcoursolle]

I might say something like, "Honey, I really love the necklace you got me, but it''s pretty similar to the other one you gave me. I wear that one all the time, and it might be nice to have earrings (or ring, or whatever) to go with it and wear together instead of interchanging the two necklaces. What do you think? Would it be okay if I exchanged the necklace for some earrings to go with the other necklace you got me?"

 

[Beeweaver]

Date: 2/16/2007 7:20:34 PM
Author: kcoursolle
I might say something like, ''Honey, I really love the necklace you got me, but it''s pretty similar to the other one you gave me. I wear that one all the time, and it might be nice to have earrings (or ring, or whatever) to go with it and wear together instead of interchanging the two necklaces. What do you think? Would it be okay if I exchanged the necklace for some earrings to go with the other necklace you got me?''

I was just thinking the same thing! If you don''t love it, why not? My husband knows better than to pick things out for me anymore. I tell him, "When in doubt, get me a spa gift certificate!" He did for Valentines Day and I can''t wait to use it. When it comes to jewelry I really like to pick it out myself. And, I have so much that he wouldn''t even know where to start. LOL!

 

[onedrop]

I like Kcourselle''s advice as well. It indicates that you really appreciated the gift, but to really wear it that maybe he would consider an exchange of a matching piece to something you already have. BTW- the necklace is gorgeous. I was expecting something hideous.

I have a *hideous* gift from my FI buried deep in my closet right now. Loved the gesture, but I''d never ever ever wear that particular piece of jewelry. I didn''t have the heart to tell him I didn''t like it. I just took it looked at it, made a big deal and then buried it.

 

[rockzilla]

Date: 2/16/2007 8:45:37 PM
Author: onedrop
I like Kcourselle''s advice as well. It indicates that you really appreciated the gift, but to really wear it that maybe he would consider an exchange of a matching piece to something you already have. BTW- the necklace is gorgeous. I was expecting something hideous.

I have a *hideous* gift from my FI buried deep in my closet right now. Loved the gesture, but I''d never ever ever wear that particular piece of jewelry. I didn''t have the heart to tell him I didn''t like it. I just took it looked at it, made a big deal and then buried it.

I know! I feel like such a spoiled brat...since it is a pretty necklace! I just can''t wear two necklaces at once (well, I suppose I could...) Anyways, I''ve come up with two "alterna-gifts"....let me know what you think:


Open heart ring....going on the "heart" theme:
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?selectedsku=10902843&sku=GRP00027&search_params=t+-s+0-p+2-l+-h+-c+-r+169+111-x

Pearl bracelet, going on the "pearl" theme:
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?sku=14788824&search_params=t+-s+0-p+1-l+-h+-c+-r+157+115+133-x

Since I don''t have pierced ears rings and bracelets are really the only options...thanks for your help ladies!!

Of course if my boyfriend is resistant at all I will keep the necklace...I think though that after 4 years together we can be open about this stuff. I just don''t want to hurt his feelings cause he is a great guy!

 

[kcoursolle]

Date: 2/16/2007 9:14:08 PM
Author: rockzilla

Date: 2/16/2007 8:45:37 PM
Author: onedrop
I like Kcourselle''s advice as well. It indicates that you really appreciated the gift, but to really wear it that maybe he would consider an exchange of a matching piece to something you already have. BTW- the necklace is gorgeous. I was expecting something hideous.

I have a *hideous* gift from my FI buried deep in my closet right now. Loved the gesture, but I''d never ever ever wear that particular piece of jewelry. I didn''t have the heart to tell him I didn''t like it. I just took it looked at it, made a big deal and then buried it.

I know! I feel like such a spoiled brat...since it is a pretty necklace! I just can''t wear two necklaces at once (well, I suppose I could...) Anyways, I''ve come up with two ''alterna-gifts''....let me know what you think:


Open heart ring....going on the ''heart'' theme:
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?selectedsku=10902843&sku=GRP00027&search_params=t+-s+0-p+2-l+-h+-c+-r+169+111-x

Pearl bracelet, going on the ''pearl'' theme:
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?sku=14788824&search_params=t+-s+0-p+1-l+-h+-c+-r+157+115+133-x

Since I don''t have pierced ears rings and bracelets are really the only options...thanks for your help ladies!!

Of course if my boyfriend is resistant at all I will keep the necklace...I think though that after 4 years together we can be open about this stuff. I just don''t want to hurt his feelings cause he is a great guy!

Love that bracelet, and the ring is cute too! I was just thinking about this...and he may have gotten you a similar necklace because he already knew you liked the other one...does that make any sense??

I think as long as you are nice about this, hopefully he should understand. You''ll be able to get a sense of how to gauge this sort of thing in the future as well.

 

[gail013]

I would really emphasize how much you love that he picked something out for you, and how much you love that he got you jewelry, and take everyones ideas on how to exhange it for something else. You definitely don''t want to ruin your jewelry chances down the road.

 

[ladykemma]

after many years of marriage and wasted money on unwanted gifts going to charity, this is why we give a list of gift selections around birthdays and significant holidays. suggest you do the same?

here, honey, here is a list of gift suggestions for my birthday....

 

[rockzilla]

So, we talked about it last night at dinner, and he totally understood

He said the main thing is that he wants me to be happy with the gift...and I think he felt better when I said it was a practical thing (having 2 very similar necklaces...and also having more necklaces in general than other types of jewelry) than not liking the necklace. He also said he even waited until it was close to the date to buy it, so it will be within the 30-day period if I wanted to return it.

AND he said if I don''t find anything I like at Tiffany, we can get something somewhere else...though that may be a recipie for extreme indecision on my part!

Thanks everyone for your help. Usually he is really good about picking up on things I would really like, but that are just a little bit too expensive for me to justify buying for myself. I think in this case he was trying to play it safe..."She likes hearts, pearls, and tiffany...hey this necklace has all three!" which is actually a logical way to think about it...too bad us ladies aren''t always logical when it comes to jewelry...

 

[SuzyQZ]

I think guys got it really tough... We (women in general) like it when they surprise us with gifts that we just adore. It's got to be a lot of pressure to live up to the "It was the best gift ever, how did he know?" expectations. When a guy doesn't hit the nail "right on the head" it somehow means he doesn't know us or doesn't understand us. I mean, let's face it, guys (some, not all) don't have the best taste to begin with (selection of SO's excluded, of course!). How many of us have counseled them on their wardrobes and gotten them to change their looks?

You seem to have a wonderful, mature, loving and romantic man there. He tried his best and fell just a little short. He isn't taking it personally and really just wants YOU to be happy with something special. He's the cream of the crop, with that kind of attitude. You are so fortunate to be able to tell him how you really feel and for him to accept it and be willing to get it right with no hard feelings. I think it's so sweet that he put your gift in a toaster box. I think THAT speaks volumes about how much he thought about you (read "loves you") and was excited about his little trick to throw you off base.

Sounds like the two of you have a great relationship! Let us know what you exchanged it for!

 

[divergrrl]

I''m glad you guys worked that out nicely. I never know what to do in that situation. My DH''s gifts are getting farther off the mark the longer we are together (8 years).

I usually tell him something specific that I want, and then he makes fun of me for it (nicely, but I can tell in the undertone that he''s a little hurt that he''s not picking out my gifts originally) and says "oh its almost your birthday, where''s your list?".

I just don''t get why he can''t assess my favorite stores, hobbies, and style and go from there. He knows where I shop, he knows what I like...what is the disconnect? For Xmas I really got a lot of "crap" that I have never expressed an interest in, and I just pretended to like it. I know he loves me, and that is all that matters, but sometimes I get a little hurt.

I read somewhere that the closer your man is to you, the harder time he has getting the right gift. Something about being in the newness phase is easier, b/c they default to jewelry/perfume/romantic gifts. I''d love a simple satin chemise from Victorias Secret, but instead I get drawstring lounge pants & tee with the Oregon State University logo on them. (I''m A) not a sports fan, and B) Went to Portland State Univeristy) I feel like a fraud wearing them, because I''m not a beaver or even a beaver fan(now if I loved their football team, that''d be different)/

The funniest gift debaucle ever was my first mother''s day. I told DH I wanted Stila Creme Bouquet Eau de Parfum. So he went to Nordy''s & the girl at the Stila counter talked him into their new "midnight garden" scent. Uhhh...dumb beeeoootch...never talk a guy out of a fragrance purchase that he knows his woman likes.

When I opened the box, I was surprised to see a different scent, but figured "oh I like all the Stila fragrances so far, I''ll be a good sport and love it"...sure enough it was overwhelmingly the one scent I can''t stand: patchouli (smells like dirt on me) so I had to break it to him nicely that I''d like to exchange it.

Well, it took the wind out of his sails all day long. I swear....it''s not MY fault the dumb lady at the counter talked him out of it. Totally ruined our day.

I did exchange it the following week & gave the sales girl & her manager an earful about NOT TALKING men out of a fragrance. Its so personal!! ,

Ya know....on my otherwise perfect (hee hee) hubby, this is one area where he is really clueless. I swear, I listen to him say what he wants (I''d love a pressure washer, chop saw, Playstation, Sony PSP, surround sound system etc) and then I get it for him. Or if I''m clueless, I just ASK.

Geez.

Men are from Mars, women are from the Mall.


j/k

diver...

 

[Skippy123]

Rockzilla,
I went to Costco and saw something almost exactly the same there but in white gold for the same price. It is beautiful!!

 

[onedrop]

Oh cool! Everything worked out. Your guy has a great attitude about it which is key. As for opinions on the exchanged jewelry I like the pearl bracelet. It''s so classic.