What to do before starting a family?

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/12/2008 6:13:40 PM
Author: sunkist

Date: 1/12/2008 4:39:36 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Sunkist, I know you can hardly wait but take it from someone who was in her third trimester in the hotest months of the year, it is a good thing to avoid! I was SO uncomfortable! There were days where I just never left my house!

Ya, and we don''t have A/C in our apartment either!

If I do find myself pregnant during that time of year I may never leave my car... Or I could stay at the mall! So lets see, getting pregnant between March and September would put me in those hottest months. I''d better rethink this...

Where I live July-September are the worst. I got preggo at the end of Jan. My due date was the end of October. I *much* rather be only a few months preggo (or at least until you get uncomfortably big) in the heat and we DO have A/C. You could always lay in front of several fans.

 

[sunkist]

Date: 1/12/2008 7:17:30 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 1/12/2008 6:13:40 PM

Author: sunkist

Date: 1/12/2008 4:39:36 PM


Author: Tacori E-ring


Sunkist, I know you can hardly wait but take it from someone who was in her third trimester in the hotest months of the year, it is a good thing to avoid! I was SO uncomfortable! There were days where I just never left my house!

Ya, and we don''t have A/C in our apartment either!

If I do find myself pregnant during that time of year I may never leave my car... Or I could stay at the mall! So lets see, getting pregnant between March and September would put me in those hottest months. I''d better rethink this...

Where I live July-September are the worst. I got preggo at the end of Jan. My due date was the end of October. I *much* rather be only a few months preggo (or at least until you get uncomfortably big) in the heat and we DO have A/C. You could always lay in front of several fans.

Oh, wait a second. To miss the hot summer months, I DO want to get preggo during March to Sept! We actually do have several fans, Tacori! One in each room of the house.

 

[flutterby]

I agree with everyone else that there is hardly a time you are totally ready. But if there are things you want to do, DO THEM NOW! (i totally agree with jumping on a plan to Europe ASAP!)

My DH and I hadnt even discussed TTC before I got pregnant. We both knew we wanted kids but for many reasons werent sure if we would be able to conceive. Needless to say the BFP was a shocker!! We werent quite ready...i had just quit my job, we were waiting for our townhouse to be built (which we did not design with the thought of having kids!). But we couldnt be happier with our little man. He was born in Sept, I was 31 and DH was 39! It truly was the best suprise ever!!

 

[jcrow]

Date: 1/11/2008 3:02:03 PM
Author: BrightSpot
Hey ladies,

Thank you SO much for your thoughtful responses! Sometimes I worry because I have never been one of those women who always wanted to be a mother someday. In a lot of ways, the prospect sort of turned me off, probably in large part due to my relationship with my mom. I worry that the fact that I''m not chomping at the bit to have a child means that maybe I''m not cut out to be a mom. Shouldn''t you really want it? Everyone says this changes when you actually have a baby...that some instinct kicks in & you suddenly love your child more than life itself. I dunno. I never thought actively about having a child until I met my DH. I really love the idea of creating someone who is part me & part him & to share that experience today. And sometimes I look at him & think about what a great dad he''ll make & go all warm & fuzzy. But it''s still scary.

Did any of you think, ''What happens if I don''t like this whole parenting thing?''

I worry that being scared means I''m not ready, but maybe nobody is every fully ready, as many of you mentioned. I tend to deliberate a lot before making decisions, especially major life changing ones, but maybe I should just take a deep breath & jump into the pool. I don''t feel like my is clock ticking, but intellectually I realize that I should probably get moving on this sooner rather than later.
...

oh brightspot, i could have written this post myself verbatim. i''m so worried about the whole thing. and scared. and i have mom issues too. all that combined... i just don''t know sometimes. but like you said, i think if with anyone i''d have a good shot of doing it all right it''s with dh. he''d be wonderful. his parents are wonderful, which is really good considering my side. and i think our lives would be so empty without a child. i just have a lot of different emotions. i''m turning 28 this year and dh is a year younger. if we''re going to give it a go... it needs to be soon. and by soon i mean by the time i turn 30.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

jcrow, why does it need to be before you are 30? Doctors don''t even worry about your age until you hit 35. Most of the moms in the preggo thread are over 30.

sunkist, the way our insurance is I want to get preggo every jan/feb so I will have to relive those hot summer months preggo again

but if I had a choice I would try to avoid them. You are always hot when preggo, or at least I was, so the winter must be SO refreshing!

 

[BrightSpot]

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful responses!

I should probably go on a prenatal soon. Does anyone have recommendations?

A friend of mine at work just had a baby & said our insurance coverage is great. She wound up having a c-section & only paid around $250 out of pocket for the whole pregnancy/delivery & had a full 3 months of maternity leave. That''s pretty good, right?

Hey, T-Gal, I hope you weren''t offended by any of the jokes about your hole-in-one accuracy.

Thanks for the reassurance. Parenting sounds like such a difficult job, but I guess being committed to being a good parent is more important than always loving your work. I like kids, but I don''t always run to play with them when they''re around. I guess it''s not important to like all kids in order to love your own. For what it''s worth, I think you''re going to make a great parent. Thanks for the warm welcome back to PS. It made me all warm & fuzzy (& I don''t have any hormones to blame!

) I''ve missed you guys...

Kimberly, it does seem like some people have "baby fever" as opposed to the desire to have a child & raise it to adulthood. I definitely think a lot about (what I perceive to be) the challenges of raising a growing person. (Hence all of the worry!) Maybe raising a teenager makes labor seem easy?

Tacori, I''ve heard that the memory (of labor, etc.) fades fast. I guess that''s why we''re not extinct!

That''s great that your DH is so in love with Tessa. (Really, how could he not be? What a doll!) That must warm your heard to see what a good dad he is. Thanks for sending the safe fetus site. It''s super helpful (and kinda scary--I take more OTC drugs than I realized!)

mrssalvo, I guess a lot of these things are personal decisions. For me, soda would be much harder to give up than alcohol. (And there''s much less caffeine in a soda than in a cup of coffee!) Thanks for the babycenter suggestion! I''ll check it out.

curlygirl, thanks SO much for sharing your experiences with having a baby in the city! I definitely think the easy accessability of the city would be great for having a baby! It seems like, in a way, it would be easier to get out & about & get some human contact in the early stages, even if it''s taking a walk around the block or going to Starbucks for a while. It seems like it would be less isolating than living in the suburbs. I do cringe every time I see a woman struggling to carry a stroller down the subway stairs or negotiate the aisles in a cramped deli. It looks so tough to me, but it sounds like you''re able to handle it ok. Do you use your Bugaboo stroller all the time in the city, or do you use the smaller travel one for subways, etc. The big SUV-like types look easy to maneuver in the streets, but seem like they might be harder to handle in cramped spaces/heavy to carry.

Was it ok to have Lily in your room as a baby? Did you miss privacy? What kind of crib did you use? (A full-sized one, or something smaller/portable that could roll from room to room?) Do you think you''ll put up a wall, or is she ok in your dining space? Do you like it better now that she has a centralized area for all of her stuff, or does that matter? We don''t have a dining space, but our bedroom & living room are fairly big, so we could probably put a baby in one of the rooms & drop a wall if needed.

It does seem like things are different/harder (and certainly more expensive) once the tot hits school age. Seriously, $25K for kindergarten? That''s more than I paid per year for undergrad or grad school!

Often, when I make a decision, I tend to think 1,000 steps ahead & if I''m not sure how to negotiate step #839, I''m hesitant to take step #1. This can be paralyzing, though. I think I need to take your advice (& the advice of lots of other lovely ladies) & take things one step at a time. The more I think about it, the more I think maybe it''s better to stay in our apartment for a while (even with future baby) so we can figure out what our needs really are before we go through the hassle & expense of moving. It does seem like having 2 kids is much harder to negotiate in the city than one, but....one day at a time.

I can''t tell you how much I appreciate your help/advice!

Joolskie, your post made me laugh! I guess sometimes I feel like I have to have life all figured out to be a parent, which probably isn''t the case.

You''re right that life doesn''t come to a screeching halt when you have kids. (I need to remind myself of this from time to time.)

Lisa, that''s a relief that you had no trouble conceiving despite having a mom & grandmother who were only children & a mom who had so many miscarriages. Maybe this isn''t hereditary.

Thanks for your email & have a blast in NYC!

pennquaker09, I''m glad to hear all is going well with your surrogacy! When will you officially be a mom?

anchor, there''s definitely time for you & your FI to be fully ready & proceed on your schedule!

phoenixgirl, doesn''t 2010 seem so far away? You probably don''t need to have a baby before 30, but you make a good point about having older grandparents. My grandmother had my father when she was 40 (pretty uncommon back then!) & she passed away when I was 12, but was not really mentally with it for several years prior to that. I wish I could''ve known her better. I hate to admit that until recently I never thought about this in regard to my future kids.

It sounds like you & your hubbie have all of your ducks in a row. Congrats on your new house, getting in shape, etc & to your DH for quitting smoking! That''s also a good point about the desire to live off DH''s paycheck & save yours, but also wanting to take advantage of travel, dinners out, etc now--things that will be tougher to coordinate after kids come along, but are also expensive. DH & I have been pretty good about saving, but maybe we should spend some more money now to do some fun things before we TTC.

Enjoy your upcoming trips & good luck trying when the time comes!

sunkist, I''m glad to hear that some other women''s hubbies are ready to TTC before they were. I thought I was a freak of nature.

It seems like women are often ready before their husbands. Good for you guys for paying off cars, building up savings, etc. That''s exciting that you''re planning to TTC this summer! That''s really right around the corner. You''ll still be a young parent. All of your research should get you ahead of the game & tide you over until it''s time to get started!

Tacori & Sunkist, that''s a good point about trying not to be pregnant (or at least in the 3rd trimester) in the hottest months of summer. That could be miserable, especially in NYC without central air!

msflutter, congrats on Ian! He''s adorable & looks so like your hubbie! I''m glad you guys were able to conceive so easily. Were you able to tweak some of the design elements of your townhouse to better accommodate kids? Ok, I definitely need to plan that trip to Europe soon!

jcrow, it''s so comforting to hear someone else has such similar concerns! It''s definitely a relief to have a wonderful DH & in-laws. (My in-laws are great too!) Have you talked to your DH about your feelings? Also, do you definitely have to have a baby before 30? I think you still have some time to figure this out. (But I''m a procrastinator...

) That''s probably a telling sign if you think your lives would be empty without a child. I like our life now & think DH & I could be happy without a child, but maybe I''d feel differently if I were older or if I''d actually let the opportunity pass.

Anyway, thanks so much to all of you for sharing your thoughts & sorry for the mammoth post!

 

[dani13]

Hi BrightSpot!

There is no question for us....I am 29, and DH is 32, but we are going to wait awhile before we have children. Both of us love kids, and want them eventually very much, but DH is in grad school and wont be done till next year, plus I will probably be changing jobs as well sometime in the near future. Although you can never be 100% ready to have kids I think, we both know that there will be several big changes in our lives within the next 2 years, and we just want to be more settled. Also, we want to enjoy life as a married couple for awhile, b/c once you have kids, its never about you two anymore, its all about them!!!!

Yes, I do worry about age, since I am in the field, I know way too much! Ignorance is bliss!!....I also dont want to be having kids back to back, but I figure whatever is meant to be will be. One of my best friends and my SIL just both had their first babies at 37/38 yrs old. It makes me a bit worried to have children that late in life b/c of all the risks involved, but MH and I figure, we are not going to just have kids now b/c we are scared of what is going to happen if we wait....that wouldnt be right to do either.

For now, we are going to just relax and enjoy married life....I get my baby fix everyday, since I work with preggos and babies from the minute I step through work's door to the minute I leave...So, I think I will be good for awhile....

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 1/11/2008 6:18:50 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Yes MrsSalvo...you''re right! But having a sense of humor sometimes makes you a target of a big joke, which is how I feel from time to time. Hee.

tgal, i hope I didn''t make you feel like a target of a joke

. i actually wasn''t too far behind you, no one shot wonder, but less than 2 weeks later from the first "ok, let''s start trying" is still pretty darn quick. I was just trying to make a friendly reminder that it can happen quick so be sure to be as ready as you can

 

[D2B]

Well, we have one gorgeouse offpring whom we adore.

For us when we were ready to have a child we just knew it. It was time for us to settle down and start a family - we had done all the fun stuff and it was starting to loose its meaning, we wanted something more solid - a family.

But the things we miss about our life, and would recommend you do while you still can.... (meant tongue in cheek, but oh so true) before young children are:

- sponteneous (sp?) travelling - yes, you can travel, but it is a LOT slower and a LOT more organised
- sleeping in late together (unless you have a live in nanny, this will not happen for many many years to come)
- staying up / going out LATE, WITHOUT a care in the world
- staying in bed lazing around all weekend together (again this wont happen for many many many years unless relatives, nanny step in)
- the ability just to do things spur of the moment, go for a movie, dinner, cocktail etc -
- control, if you are a professional who is very much in control of your life - babies / toddlers throw all that out the window -
- the ability just to pop down to the shops quickly - once offspring arrives, every outing is a major event and will take three times as long as planned (I kid you not !!)
- oh and lastly sleep, uninterupted sleep is a joy I still dream about 3 year down the track.

So aside from getting your medical/insurance needs met, and doing plenty of reading about raising children/babies (not just the birth stage), I would recomend to my friends, go out late, sleep in, travel where and when it takes your fancy, and enjoy one on one time with your partner

But when your toddler gives you a big cuddle and kiss, or you watch them sleeping peacefully, or they giggle and laugh at something, show you a new thing they discovered and the thousands of other little thing they do - they are so worth it.

So bright spot if you want to travel do it now, because travel without kids is a whole different type of travel. This is the time to travel to far flung places, be romantic, spontenious and splurge to much on frivelouse things. enjoy it.


Sorry about the dodgy typing, my keypad is not working properly.

Best of luck

D2B

-

 

[Tacori E-ring]

D2B I loved your list! So true and our parenting journey has just begun!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Um, my husband and I are in the "almost ready to start" point, too.

I''m taking prenatal vitamins to help make my body healthy for a baby. Since we went off the pill, too, I''ve been really trying to be careful about what I eat (partly to get some weight off before baby weight comes on, and partly because I think of what it is I''d like to have, and whether it would be good for a baby or not, too). I eat the recommended number of fruits and veggies each day now, and it really has made me feel better, and I think what you take in is what the baby becomes used to, too.

Paul and I have talked a lot about how long to wait to have a baby, and somehow, I think you just know when the time is right in your lives. Paul and I seem to have settled into married life now (except for the fights over the bathroom!!), and now we''re getting ready to settle into a house, and to us, that time seems like the right time to begin a family.

Financially, I also wanted to be sure "crazy debt"-- credit cards were paid off and gone, so we wouldn''t have that to deal with once we took on a mortgage. I don''t think a couple can ever be completely ready financially, though. So many couples seem to wait, based on this, and then regret it. We have good jobs, and part of it is trusting that we''ll get through anything, together.

I''m interested, too, to hear what others have to say about how they "prepared" for baby making time.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh yeah, I changed my insurance to cover prenatal and birthing and all that, too. And I added the extended time off thing (what''s that called, something like short term leave?) so, if I do go back to work, I''ll have more time off with the baby first.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Here was my list: visit the doc (I know, obsessive compulsive), start prenatal vits, stop drinking (I figured there would be a few weeks before I knew), limit coffee (I am an addict, so I cut down to 1 tall a day), stop taking the pill. I am in Canada, so no worries about health insurance, etc. However, we did sock away my bonus to top up my salary during mat leave (My employer topped me up to full pay for 4 months, and then I was given the pathetic amount the government provides for the next 5 months. My husband then did 2 months, which was fully paid by his employer).

I think a lot of the stuff in the books/on the web is a little crazy. You can''t live in a little bubble while you are pregnant. So, use your own best judgment. For example, I ate cheese, deli meat, and continued to colour my hair. In my view, these activities were as risky to me and my baby as driving to work. A girl needs to live!!!

My husband and I were married for 5 years before my little man arrived. We did a few European vacations and travelled, which I think is important too.

Once pregnant, try to think about delivery and what you will do when the baby arrives (it is clear that you are). Consider a doula for delivery - awesome!!!

Good luck!!!

 

[jcrow]

Date: 1/13/2008 7:47:47 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
jcrow, why does it need to be before you are 30? Doctors don''t even worry about your age until you hit 35. Most of the moms in the preggo thread are over 30.

sunkist, the way our insurance is I want to get preggo every jan/feb so I will have to relive those hot summer months preggo again

but if I had a choice I would try to avoid them. You are always hot when preggo, or at least I was, so the winter must be SO refreshing!

just MY personal timeline. i''m one of those planner people. must have a plan. haha.
i know it doesn''t always work out that way, but ya know...

 

[AmberWaves]

I'm back! I am really enjoying all these viewpoints and advice, thanks to Brightspot for posting this, it helps to read these replies. I am with Jcrow in the before 30 idea, and since I'm turning 29 this November, we figured we'd start trying this year. I no longer worry as much about our apartment, I'm sure many have had babies in a one bedroom apartment.

My husband is probably the sweetest, gentlest, and patient person I know. He's a teacher and coach for kindergarten to 8th grade, and also a special needs math teacher. If there is anyone I'd trust with a baby, it'd be him. Lucky for me, he's nearly as excited about TTC as I am! Because his schedule is so busy, we've decided to start TTC in the late summer months: Aug/Sept/Oct. If all goes to plan, I'll be heavily pregnant in the early summer months, right? In So. Cal, the later it gets in the summer, the hotter it is, I think. If we have the baby in the summer, I'll have more time with hubby helping, and more time for the family to spend with us.

While I'm super excited about TTC, I'm trying not to think about the college fund for the kids. It helps to take it month by month, and squirrel away money every paycheck for baby needs. My insurance is being changed, and I'm going off the pill at the end of May. I will start prenatals soon, and have my prenatal dr. visit (mostly because I have bad asthma, and worry about what kinds of meds I'll be allowed to take) soon, as well.

Thanks again Brightspot for this post!!

ETA: in response to the post with the list of things to do, I feel happy to know that it's a good thing we no longer have lives NOW! We have a dog who is only an inside dog, and we're always coming home early from things to be with him, take him out very early in the AM, and basically we have ceased our partying, because of him. We love him, and do it for him. Also: the husband wakes up super early in the Am to take the dog out, even on weekends. We have our schedule made up: I get the late night/middle of the night tasks, and he takes the early am shift. When we got the dog as a 8week old, there was plenty of times I'd wake up in the middle of the night, take him to use his puppy pads, and put him back in the crate, soothing him so he could go back to sleep. It was almost like having a baby back then.

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 1/15/2008 12:03:30 PM
Author: BrightSpot


curlygirl, thanks SO much for sharing your experiences with having a baby in the city! I definitely think the easy accessability of the city would be great for having a baby! It seems like, in a way, it would be easier to get out & about & get some human contact in the early stages, even if it's taking a walk around the block or going to Starbucks for a while. It seems like it would be less isolating than living in the suburbs. I do cringe every time I see a woman struggling to carry a stroller down the subway stairs or negotiate the aisles in a cramped deli. It looks so tough to me, but it sounds like you're able to handle it ok. Do you use your Bugaboo stroller all the time in the city, or do you use the smaller travel one for subways, etc. The big SUV-like types look easy to maneuver in the streets, but seem like they might be harder to handle in cramped spaces/heavy to carry.

Was it ok to have Lily in your room as a baby? Did you miss privacy? What kind of crib did you use? (A full-sized one, or something smaller/portable that could roll from room to room?) Do you think you'll put up a wall, or is she ok in your dining space? Do you like it better now that she has a centralized area for all of her stuff, or does that matter? We don't have a dining space, but our bedroom & living room are fairly big, so we could probably put a baby in one of the rooms & drop a wall if needed.

It does seem like things are different/harder (and certainly more expensive) once the tot hits school age. Seriously, $25K for kindergarten? That's more than I paid per year for undergrad or grad school!

Often, when I make a decision, I tend to think 1,000 steps ahead & if I'm not sure how to negotiate step #839, I'm hesitant to take step #1. This can be paralyzing, though. I think I need to take your advice (& the advice of lots of other lovely ladies) & take things one step at a time. The more I think about it, the more I think maybe it's better to stay in our apartment for a while (even with future baby) so we can figure out what our needs really are before we go through the hassle & expense of moving. It does seem like having 2 kids is much harder to negotiate in the city than one, but....one day at a time.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help/advice!

Bright Spot, I hear ya on the suburban isolation thing. DH and I say that all the time. I can't imagine having to get into a car to drive to a mall or a park or even to go to someone's house, just so she can have some stimulation. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad, it's just a foreign concept to me! Even when I was home on maternity leave, it was so easy to just throw her in the stroller and go to Starbucks or the bank or Duane Reade! Or to my favorite park (Madison Square). Just for sanity and peace of mind, I had to get out every day and it was so easy--plus she was born in May so we were blessed with good weather!

The Bugaboo is awesome. She actually slept in it in our room in the beginning because it has a bassinet!!!!! For the subway, if I'm by myself I just wear her in the Baby Bjorn. I haven't done the stroller by myself--DH is always with me because it really is ridiculous to have to carry a baby in a stroller up and down the stairs--seems soooo dangerous to me. I just found a thing in Time Out NY Kids that lists all the subway stations with elevators and sadly, there are not that many that we use. We did get a smaller Maclaren Volo for traveling but I haven't used it on the NYC streets yet. It's a good stroller though but I do think it's sad that after spending $800 on one stroller, we still had to get another one!

Regarding the privacy sitch, like I said she was in the stroller in our room for the first 12 weeks. It was fine with me. There was really nothing exciting going on in there, if you know what I mean! I actually liked having her in there but she was a loud sleeper so it kind of affected my sleep. But once we moved her out, we were able to sleep better. I don't know if we'll ever really put up a wall! We keep talking about it but haven't made any moves towards actually getting it done!! One of our neighbors actually put up these sliding doors to divide up their studio and they look really good so we may do something like that: www.slidingdoorco.com But we actually are doing fine without any sort of divider in there for now. She sleeps through everything which is good because we're usually up watching tv in the living room while she's asleep in her crib and it doesn't affect her at all--another bonus to having a city kid! It's never really quiet so she has learned to sleep through sirens, dogs barking, car alarms, televisions, noisy neighbors, etc. Can you tell I'm really pushing the idea on you?!

Anyway, it is very easy to get ahead of yourself and try to plan out the entire future but try to stay grounded and take each day as it comes. Keep your apartment--you'll figure out all the logistics once the baby becomes a reality. For now, take deep breaths and enjoy yourself. All that worrying and anxiety will cause wrinkles! I'm here for you if you need more advice!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/15/2008 1:08:58 PM
Author: mrssalvo

Date: 1/11/2008 6:18:50 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Yes MrsSalvo...you''re right! But having a sense of humor sometimes makes you a target of a big joke, which is how I feel from time to time. Hee.

tgal, i hope I didn''t make you feel like a target of a joke

. i actually wasn''t too far behind you, no one shot wonder, but less than 2 weeks later from the first ''ok, let''s start trying'' is still pretty darn quick. I was just trying to make a friendly reminder that it can happen quick so be sure to be as ready as you can

LOL brightspot and MrsS...I didn''t mean it that way. I meant that I have a sense of humor about life in general, and therefore when I got preggo, I felt kind of like I was the target of a big COSMIC joke, i.e.. the universe was saying, "Ha! You''re so laid back about getting pregnant, we''re gonna get you on the first try. Deal with that, sucka!"

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 1/16/2008 2:37:50 PM
Author: TravelingGal

LOL brightspot and MrsS...I didn''t mean it that way. I meant that I have a sense of humor about life in general, and therefore when I got preggo, I felt kind of like I was the target of a big COSMIC joke, i.e.. the universe was saying, ''Ha! You''re so laid back about getting pregnant, we''re gonna get you on the first try. Deal with that, sucka!''

cool, i''m glad you didn''t think we thought that about you

 

[sunkist]

Date: 1/16/2008 11:53:36 AM
Author: AmberWaves

ETA: in response to the post with the list of things to do, I feel happy to know that it''s a good thing we no longer have lives NOW! We have a dog who is only an inside dog, and we''re always coming home early from things to be with him, take him out very early in the AM, and basically we have ceased our partying, because of him. We love him, and do it for him. Also: the husband wakes up super early in the Am to take the dog out, even on weekends. We have our schedule made up: I get the late night/middle of the night tasks, and he takes the early am shift. When we got the dog as a 8week old, there was plenty of times I''d wake up in the middle of the night, take him to use his puppy pads, and put him back in the crate, soothing him so he could go back to sleep. It was almost like having a baby back then.

Amber, I know, we feel like raising a puppy is sort of like training wheels for raising a kid! Actual parents probably laugh at that, but I felt like a wreck when I couldn''t sleep in anymore and couldn''t sleep through the night and couldn''t go out for the evening on a whim just cause my baby puppy was at home! When I got our puppy it was a very spur of the moment thing and when I got home and had to start taking care of the pup, it was such a stressful thing for me. I figure when I become pregnant, at least I''ll have 9 months to prep myself

 

[AmberWaves]

Sunkist, that''s totally it.

The mothers can totally mock me!! I remember when I was nannying for a preemie (she was about 2.5 months premature), while the parents were in Vegas, it was just insane. I''ve never had to be a "mother" before, and I was only 17- the middle of the night diaper changes and feedings, trying to soothe the poor girl- it was insane! DH and I talk about how easy it is for me to wake up constantly in the middle of the night, and be able to go right back to sleep, only to wake up again easily. I''m lucky that I really only need 4/5 hours of sleep and I''m okay. I actually used to work on 4/5 hours sleep per night a few years ago- and it wasn''t because I was partying, I just couldn''t go to sleep any earlier, I wouldn''t be able to sleep at all. I have a weird internal clock, I think.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Amber you are lucky you can do fine on little sleep. The first month or so when Tessa was nursing every 2 hours was KILLER. You start timing it at the start of the session not end. So I would only have 1 hour between them. I was a zombie.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 1/17/2008 3:22:45 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Amber you are lucky you can do fine on little sleep. The first month or so when Tessa was nursing every 2 hours was KILLER. You start timing it at the start of the session not end. So I would only have 1 hour between them. I was a zombie.

I know - I wish I could operate on 4 hours sleep!!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/17/2008 3:28:52 PM
Author: LitigatorChick

Date: 1/17/2008 3:22:45 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Amber you are lucky you can do fine on little sleep. The first month or so when Tessa was nursing every 2 hours was KILLER. You start timing it at the start of the session not end. So I would only have 1 hour between them. I was a zombie.

I know - I wish I could operate on 4 hours sleep!!!!

Me too! Even now I only get *maybe* 4 hours straight sleep (if I am very lucky). Usually 2-3 hours at a time. No amount of naps can make up a good night''s sleep. Plus there is her noises waking me up or checking to make sure she is still breathing....one day I will be able to sleep well again....maybe in 18 years.

 

[AmberWaves]

Tacori, I''m a total lurker on the pregnant Pser thread, and I love reading all the tips and stories, and I hope to be as much of a trooper as you! I truly respect all the mothers and mothers to be, I hope I take to it as much as you did!

 

[lumpkin]

I haven''t read thru the other responses, so I hope I''m not repeating what everyone else said.

I knew I was ready when I was at lunch with a bunch of coworkers and they were talking about their kids. We had been married seven years at that time and had not planned on ever having kids. That day I just knew that our lives would not be complete without kids and I really hoped we wouldn''t have trouble if we decided to try. I started thinking about teaching our kids to read, doing homework together, having family outings, Christmas and birthdays, watching them graduate from college, get married and have kids, and also all the hard things you go through with children. I had just turned 34 and knew we would need to start pretty soon if we were going to. My husband was not so sure but definitely thought there was a possibility. Within a month I was pregnant. Not trying to be -- we just weren''t careful once or twice and I was convinced that at my age it would take at least six months. Boy were we in for a shock!!!

I think you just KNOW when you are ready. You know you are up for whatever challenges lie ahead, and if you don''t know how to deal with something, you know you can figure it out or find the answer. For me it was like a door opened with a lot of new possibilities.

Fincancially, unless you are really wealthy, you are never ready. If you wait until then, you''ll wait forever. HOWEVER, its best if one of you has a super stable career and you know you can provide a stable home. It was also very important to me to make sure my marriage was stable. My mother married four times, divorced three. The best gift you can give your kids, aside from love and guidance, is a stable marriage, IMO. It''s the foundation for everything else.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/17/2008 4:12:45 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Tacori, I''m a total lurker on the pregnant Pser thread, and I love reading all the tips and stories, and I hope to be as much of a trooper as you! I truly respect all the mothers and mothers to be, I hope I take to it as much as you did!

Awww...thanks Amber. That means a lot to me. I think you will be amazed by what you are able to do. I guess I took the approach that there is not much I can do to prevent certain things so it is easier to go with the flow. I don''t have a super easy baby and that''s ok. Nor did I have an easy labor and recovery though that memory is starting to fade. But I love my little monster anyways. It isn''t her fault that she is fussy. She is a baby. I just remind myself that daily

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 1/12/2008 4:39:36 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Sunkist, I know you can hardly wait but take it from someone who was in her third trimester in the hotest months of the year, it is a good thing to avoid! I was SO uncomfortable! There were days where I just never left my house!

AMEN! ETA, I had my first in October and was absolutely miserable in August and September. I worked in an old elementary school building that had changed over to a city building when there were no longer enough kids in the boundary to keep it open. My office had its own window unit air conditioner and I had it on full blast all the time, and I was still hot! My coworker was out on medical leave or I would not have been able to do that. My boss joked that if it wasn't cold enough to hang meat in my office it was too hot for me, and she was not far off! I had my second baby at the end of June. June is a fantastic month to have a baby. The baby keeps you warm all winter.

 

[Pandora II]

FI and I have a bit of a nightmare.

We need a bigger house before we can start a family. We can afford a bigger house (you are talking $700k for a 3 bed flat in a not-nice part of London, in a nice part it''s about $1.2 million) in a not so great area IF we are both working full-time. By house I mean a small 3 bed flat, no garden or anything like that.

But, if I am on maternity leave, he can''t manage the mortgage on his own - and the childcare costs after I go back to work would eat up a huge amount, so same situation.

I''ll be 36 when we get married and I can''t see us being able to begin to afford kids for another 3 years at least.

It makes me so angry when I see my next-door neighbour who is 18 with 2 kids, no partner, 3 criminal convictions and never worked a day in her life. Our taxes are paying for her house, her kids and her income and we can''t afford a family.

The only positive is that all my female blood-relatives have 4 kids each, many in their late 30''s, 40''s - my sister has 2 so far - and none of them have TTC for more than 2 months. Hopefully I will have a decent chance even if I am leaving it late.

Sorry, bit of a vent there, but I only found out the figures for the mortgage repayments this week, so I''m feeling a bit down.

 

[sunkist]

Date: 1/17/2008 4:23:26 PM
Author: lumpkin

Fincancially, unless you are really wealthy, you are never ready. If you wait until then, you''ll wait forever. HOWEVER, its best if one of you has a super stable career and you know you can provide a stable home. It was also very important to me to make sure my marriage was stable. My mother married four times, divorced three. The best gift you can give your kids, aside from love and guidance, is a stable marriage, IMO. It''s the foundation for everything else.

Lumpkin, I totally agree with you! I think all children deserve to be born to faithful, loving parents who have made vows to eachother. That''s one thing that as parents you can actually have control over. Money comes and goes and is not always reliable. Vacations are nice but aren''t necessary. Even large homes are nice, but other things can be arranged. But if parents are commited to eachother and the vows they made to eachother, their family can make it through anything.

 

[kellyfish]

Eat out at all of the nice restaurants you can think of....babysitters are not that easy to come by post baby. Sleep in as much as possible. Enjoy just being in bed and watching movies. Read books leisurely. Work late without guilt. Work out without guilt. Travel without guilt.