What makes a childhood a "10"?

[Rosebloom]

I've been thinking about Kenny's thread about how people would "score" their childhood on a scale of one to ten. Hearing the stories has been inspiring and also distressing.

I'd love to hear the collective PS wisdom on what makes a childhood a "10"? Or more realistically, an 8+?

 

[kenny]

I'd guess parents who are happy, unselfish and well-adjusted psychologically.
After spending lots of time with my SO's poor family, I'll add that income level, within reason, is irrelevant to how good a childhood is.

 

[SB621]

Yup for once I agree with kenny. For me a perfect 10 childhood would have been with parents who outwardly expressed their love and affection for me. They would have put me first, taken time to talk to me, teach me and respect me as I grew.

 

[aviastar]

I think Kenny has nailed it.

I voted '10' over in the other thread, not because I had an idyllic perfect fairytale childhood- there are ups and down in every situation. I am blessed and grateful that my ups and down range across the higher end of the scale, and I credit my parents almost completely for it. I was allowed a lot of room to be a creative and sometimes odd little kid, but I was absolutely never allowed to run wild. I just...knew that my parents would back me up, they trusted me, and they loved me no matter what. And I always knew they loved each other, too. There is a hymn we sing at church, "Love is Spoken Here"; that's what made my childhood a 10, we spoke love in our home no matter what.

 

[Circe]

I think fitting in with your peer group is also very important. My parents were pretty good parents, in and of themselves - if I was just going by home life, I would have gone for a 6, maybe. It's the little monsters I spent eight hours of the day with, and the incompetents posing as teachers, who made childhood distinctly sub-par.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I think how well adjusted you are at school plays a large role. I was a good student, had great friends, teachers were awesome, and overall i loved going to school, which is a huge part of being a child. I voted 8 in the other thread only because while I had loving parents who were nurturing and loved each other....they were not openly affectionate to each other or to us. No hugging and kissing etc growing up. It was probably a cultural thing though. My parents were also pretty frugal despite being financially sound, so they did not believe in spoiling us materialistically, they showed their love and attention through quality time spent doing homework with us, spending recreational time with us etc.

 

[CharmedOne]

Re: What makes a childhood a "10"?

For me, I was determined to let my child have a voice and make sure he knew how important it was for me to include him in everything. The way I grew up, it was children should be seen and not heard and that was something I never wanted him to feel. Honesty is a big deal in my household, you can't learn from anything if you can't be honest and most importantly with yourself because when you look in the mirror you should be proud of what you see. There are three things you can't say in my house, Shut up, I don't care and I hate you. I feel like whatever you have too say is important and the other two are just too hurtful and once you say them, you can't take them back.

Family time is so important in my house, it allows us time to talk about whatever we want or just watch a movie together, play games or whatever. A rule I have made in my house since day one is that Sundays have always been family day. No working, no hanging out with friends, just family time. For the past few years the boys spend some sundays on the golf course, which i don't mind at all. It gives them private father and son time. I think you should expose your children to everything and let them decide if its something they want to continue. I did that with school. I put my son in Christian school and when he was old enough, he decided whether to continue or not.

Try not to be judgmental, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes but one huge mistake I think a lot of parents make is that they forget that they were once children too. Bad or good we were all children and we did things the we shouldn't have done. So I like to take a moment and consider that before I do anything rash. I could go on forever but last but not least tell you kids you love them, sure they may know it but trust me, they love to hear it. It may not be a 10 childhood for everybody but my son thinks it is

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I was wondering the same thing. Seems impossible to rate life experiences on a scale. Part of my job is hearing about other people's childhoods. It is horrifying what some people have endured. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain. So much of life is determined by social modeling. I am often in awe how some of my patients have SURVIVED despite their environment, their parents, their lack of resources, lack of education, medical conditions...I was not a happy kid but hearing about other people's horrible experiences has changed my perspective greatly.

 

[GemFever]

I'd guess parents who are happy, unselfish and well-adjusted psychologically.
After spending lots of time with my SO's poor family, I'll add that income level, within reason, is irrelevant to how good a childhood is.

+1. Except I'd add that it also matters that you are comfortable in your social group. So if you are not well off, it helps if everyone in your neighborhood is about at the same level. The house where I spent my happiest childhood years (in Kazakhstan) had no running hot water, no indoor bathroom, and in the winter if it got cold enough, the cold water pipes would freeze so we had no running cold water either (though when that happened, we'd usually go over to my grandma's place, she lived in an apartment building and had all the normal stuff). However, that's how everyone on the street lived, and it was no problem. We had a beautiful back yard where we had fruit trees, tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, a walnut tree... it was an awesome childhood.

When we moved to the States, by chance we ended up in an upper class neighborhood of Atlanta. Since our income level was way, way below everyone on the street and at my school... that sucked. Majorly. I was not happy during that one year in the rich neighborhood. Then we moved into an lower priced apartment complex, and voila! things were fine again.

I'll attach a photo of my street. I love it so Check out the view of the mountains!

 

[04diamond<3]

I'd guess parents who are happy, unselfish and well-adjusted psychologically.
After spending lots of time with my SO's poor family, I'll add that income level, within reason, is irrelevant to how good a childhood is.

This exactly! I can't stand people that aren't happy and are totally selfish and are psychotic that HAVE KIDS!!! Seriously, the dumbest thing ever.

 

[kenny]

Opp, wrong thread.

 

[04diamond<3]

Wow, Kenny. That's horrible. I'm literally sick to my stomach! I'm glad that you've had therapy to help you with all of that. I hope and pray that you can find complete peace and hope that you can reconnect with your sister. I'm sure she needs help recovering too.

 

[Polished]

There's probably lots of things, but one important thing to me is allowing a child to develop a sense of themselves. Encouraging freedom of choice, likes, dislikes, interests, way of being. I've watched my daughter become really confident and make choices that are very aligned with her way of being and not being afraid to voice countering opinions, probably in part because we have encouraged this. In my husband's family it was compulsory to believe in Catholicism and in my family, my father actually chose the degree he wanted me to do. I didn't do it, switching to a different course. However it has taken me longer to realise that I don't have to do things that don't suit me and how important it is to become the person you're meant to be.

 

[Missy]

Having parents who are emotionally there for you. Parents who love and support you unconditionally yet set rules/boundaries so you feel safe. Parents who spend time listening to you, sharing with you and spend time doing things with you. Parents who give you the freedom to be who you are and allow you the process to learn who that actually is.

My parents gave me the self confidence and love I needed to be who I am and that in turn allowed me to flourish with my peers. And as many of you have pointed out relationships with peers are an important part of childhood (and life in general). Individuality is such an important freedom and allowing your child to be who they truly are is a gift for which there is no substitute.

Parents are humans and therefore not perfect and will make mistakes. But that is OK as long as those mistakes come from a place of love and they are willing to learn from them. I am so sorry about the awful (and in many cases unforgivable) experiences many of you have endured during your childhood and I am glad you have come through them so much stronger and happier.