What life changing event have you experienced?

[missy]

Have you ever experienced something in your life that forever altered it for better or worse? If so what was it and how did you deal with it at the time and how did your perspective about it change over time?

 

[Wewechew]

I was kicked in the abdomen by one of my horses when I was 14. ICU for three weeks, up on the floor another six. A year later I had to have major reconstructive surgery to repair some damage that was done. That one moment literally changed the trajectory of my entire life.

At the time I just dealt with it. When you are in a situation like that, at least for me, it was all about survival... which probably includes some denial about what I was going through at the time.

23 years later I can say I wouldn't change a thing. There are so many life lessons I've learned because of that one moment, that I don't know who I would be if it hadn't happened.

 

[lyra]

I've talked about my family losses. I don't think I've ever mentioned WHY my dad's sudden passing was so hard to ever get over. I was 23. My family didn't tell me about his passing for 3 days. They told my inlaws, my husband (who was away from home), and even the manager where I worked. The shock of that realization was impossible to get over. I felt tremendous guilt and couldn't quite forgive anyone for not telling me. I don't know why they thought that was the better option, I still don't understand it. I would have been devastated, but I would have handled it. I might even have handled it better, having those 3 days to grieve and not care about anything. Big mistake, it changed my life forever, and made it much harder to accept to be honest.

 

[AprilBaby]

Got early pancreatic cancer 3 years ago. My first thought was that I had 3 weeks to live. Got a resected pancreas and I’m fine but it made me think about what is really important in life. So far so good but it’s possible it could reoccur.

 

[Calliecake]

Oh @lyra ,I’m so sorry. Did they ever tell you why they did this? If this is too personal a question, please don’t answer and I apologize for asking. I’m trying to wrap my head around how anyone could think this would be the right thing to do and am at a loss.

Life gives all of us tough things to deal with at times, sometimes multiple things at a time. We have to deal with them, pick ourselves off and move on. Keeping something like this from people you love is just wrong.

I agree @Wewechew. We learn from the difficult things. They do shape the people we become and make us stronger.

 

[lyra]

@Calliecake I think they just wanted to wait until my husband got home, but it made it so much more dramatic and traumatic. When I left work that day, they looked at me differently, and I noticed. When I got to the bus stop near home, my husband was there, which he never did. So it became a conspiracy of sorts. Doubly so, because it also meant no one had faith in me to handle myself. So I felt guilt and shame as well as overwhelming grief. It only added to everything, thinking no one trusted me in any way. I would never do that to anyone. Delaying grief also delays healing. ETA: the agreement itself was made between my family and inlaws.

 

[missy]

I've talked about my family losses. I don't think I've ever mentioned WHY my dad's sudden passing was so hard to ever get over. I was 23. My family didn't tell me about his passing for 3 days. They told my inlaws, my husband (who was away from home), and even the manager where I worked. The shock of that realization was impossible to get over. I felt tremendous guilt and couldn't quite forgive anyone for not telling me. I don't know why they thought that was the better option, I still don't understand it. I would have been devastated, but I would have handled it. I might even have handled it better, having those 3 days to grieve and not care about anything. Big mistake, it changed my life forever, and made it much harder to accept to be honest.

Lyra, I am so sorry. A terrible error on their part.

So it became a conspiracy of sorts. Doubly so, because it also meant no one had faith in me to handle myself. So I felt guilt and shame as well as overwhelming grief. It only added to everything, thinking no one trusted me in any way. I would never do that to anyone. Delaying grief also delays healing. ETA: the agreement itself was made between my family and inlaws.

This is 100% on them and completely their error in judgment. I am so sorry they put you through this.

 

[missy]

Got early pancreatic cancer 3 years ago. My first thought was that I had 3 weeks to live. Got a resected pancreas and I’m fine but it made me think about what is really important in life. So far so good but it’s possible it could reoccur.

I am glad you beat it and are still here with us and fingers crossed no recurrence happens. I know you are vigilant in your follow up care. Sending buckets of healing vibes and good thoughts your way.

 

[missy]

I was kicked in the abdomen by one of my horses when I was 14. ICU for three weeks, up on the floor another six. A year later I had to have major reconstructive surgery to repair some damage that was done. That one moment literally changed the trajectory of my entire life.

At the time I just dealt with it. When you are in a situation like that, at least for me, it was all about survival... which probably includes some denial about what I was going through at the time.

23 years later I can say I wouldn't change a thing. There are so many life lessons I've learned because of that one moment, that I don't know who I would be if it hadn't happened.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but not always. You took a traumatic situation and came out of it stronger. You rock. And I completely get what you are saying about it being all about survival in the moment. Our past does influence who we become, who we are. It is part of us.

 

[Bron357]

I had a life threatening medical emergency when I was 17. I had a drug interaction and my blood pressure went to 280/ 180. I had already lost consciousness and went into cardiac arrest. I had no pulse for 3 minutes. It was assumed I had had a stroke and was transferred to Intensive Care. My parents were told it was sit and wait to see if I regained consciousness to assess the outcome. I woke up very confused hooked up to countless machines with multiple lines in me and wondered if I had been in a car accident (my ribs were so painful). And I remember thinking “why are my shoes still on, I’m in a bed”.
it was astonishing to all that I survived without any significant brain damage.
and yes, I did have an “out of body experience” that some talk about and 40 years later Im still not sure what to make of that.

 

[AprilBaby]

I’ve been reading a lot lately about out of body experience and it is totally facinating!

 

[GliderPoss]

I just found out one of my closest friends for the past year is a pathological liar... most of what I know about this person is complete bulls*t and they have questionable morals and motives.

If I didn't have trust issues already after my marriage breakup, I sure as hell do now!

 

[LemonMoonLex]

I’ve been reading a lot lately about out of body experience and it is totally facinating!

Look up "Astral Projection".

Id say having one as an adult which triggered a ton of memories about having them constantly as a child altered the course of my life forever. When you experience it first hand and become 100% certain there's life after death it truly changes how you view everything.

I dont know exactly how it works but I know our pineal gland has something to do with it. I still have yearly spontaneous OBEs/astral projections.
And since that instance I've also developed clairaudience and clairvoyance. I truly believe that I had an awakening of some sort. Like we all are capable of using another sense, a sixth sense if you will and for whatever reason mine opened itself that year.

I know many wont know what to make of my post....trust me my experiences still puzzle me to this day

 

[dk168]

I had experienced a divorce, loss of a parent, loss of a partner, new jobs, relocations, and a medical condition.

The worst and most stressful was relocation that involved selling one property and buying another.

Just grinned and bear it, and managed it as well as I could, remembering that I don't have to do it again if I don't want to. That was 13 years' ago.

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@Calliecake I think they just wanted to wait until my husband got home, but it made it so much more dramatic and traumatic. When I left work that day, they looked at me differently, and I noticed. When I got to the bus stop near home, my husband was there, which he never did. So it became a conspiracy of sorts. Doubly so, because it also meant no one had faith in me to handle myself. So I felt guilt and shame as well as overwhelming grief. It only added to everything, thinking no one trusted me in any way. I would never do that to anyone. Delaying grief also delays healing. ETA: the agreement itself was made between my family and inlaws.

i hope they did it with love in their hearts at least
seems to me they underestimated your strengths
im very sorry about your Dad


i hope your extended family are nice to you
don't feel quilt, you have nothing to be quilty over
who cares if you would have got upset because you lost your Dad
he's your Dad and no matter what your reaction to his passing it should be understandable - especially by family

 

[mom2dolls]

Lost my mom to sudden heart attack in August 2007 and my husband at the time walked out on my two daughters and I in January 2009. In a different state with no job, no money. I was a stay at home mom for seven years. He moved back to California and would wait at the atm for his direct deposit to go in so he could withdraw the money. I didn't think I would survive it honestly. There are a few months that are foggy during this period of time.

 

[Catmom]

I had a mini stroke in 2008 which they found was caused by a hole in my heart and an Atrial Septal Aneurism[think Tedy Bruschi and Bret Michaels]. I was told I was lucky I didn't have a full blown massive stroke. A wake up call for sure as to how fleeting and precious life really is. My entire perspective on life changed. I try and stay positive and in the moment. I've cleared my life of negative people and items that don't make me happy. We had been debating whether to buy a vacation home in FL and after I had my heart fixed we went out and did just that. Life is too short not to enjoy it to it's full extent.

 

[missy]

Lost my mom to sudden heart attack in August 2007 and my husband at the time walked out on my two daughters and I in January 2009. In a different state with no job, no money. I was a stay at home mom for seven years. He moved back to California and would wait at the atm for his direct deposit to go in so he could withdraw the money. I didn't think I would survive it honestly. There are a few months that are foggy during this period of time.

I'm so sorry. Losing one's mother is one of the most traumatic things IMO. I remember very clearly how my mom suffered when my grandma died. Her health went into a downward spiral. It was a horrific time. I am so sorry and glad you made it through. (((Hugs))).

 

[missy]

I had a mini stroke in 2008 which they found was caused by a hole in my heart and an Atrial Septal Aneurism[think Tedy Bruschi and Bret Michaels]. I was told I was lucky I didn't have a full blown massive stroke. A wake up call for sure as to how fleeting and precious life really is. My entire perspective on life changed. I try and stay positive and in the moment. I've cleared my life of negative people and items that don't make me happy. We had been debating whether to buy a vacation home in FL and after I had my heart fixed we went out and did just that. Life is too short not to enjoy it to it's full extent.

Oh my goodness @Catmom thank goodness you survived. How freaking scary and yes nothing like a near death experience to put life into a different light. Good for you for clearing the negative out of your life and embracing the positive and doing what makes you happy. Life is too short not to make the most of it and be happy. Enjoy your beautiful vacation home where it is warm and lovely!

 

[missy]

I had experienced a divorce, loss of a parent, loss of a partner, new jobs, relocations, and a medical condition.

The worst and most stressful was relocation that involved selling one property and buying another.

Just grinned and bear it, and managed it as well as I could, remembering that I don't have to do it again if I don't want to. That was 13 years' ago.

DK

@dk168 you are so strong and came through even stronger. I am so sorry for all that loss and pain you experienced.

 

[missy]

I had a life threatening medical emergency when I was 17. I had a drug interaction and my blood pressure went to 280/ 180. I had already lost consciousness and went into cardiac arrest. I had no pulse for 3 minutes. It was assumed I had had a stroke and was transferred to Intensive Care. My parents were told it was sit and wait to see if I regained consciousness to assess the outcome. I woke up very confused hooked up to countless machines with multiple lines in me and wondered if I had been in a car accident (my ribs were so painful). And I remember thinking “why are my shoes still on, I’m in a bed”.
it was astonishing to all that I survived without any significant brain damage.
and yes, I did have an “out of body experience” that some talk about and 40 years later Im still not sure what to make of that.

Wow, life (and death) still so filled with mystery and questions. Thank goodness you made it through and did so intact mentally and physically.

I just found out one of my closest friends for the past year is a pathological liar... most of what I know about this person is complete bulls*t and they have questionable morals and motives.

If I didn't have trust issues already after my marriage breakup, I sure as hell do now!

People sure have a way of beating us up and making us question everything. One bad apple. Glad you got out of that relationship and hope you never have a similar experience. May all your friends from hereon in be true and good.

 

[Matata]

I was 5 yrs old the first time I saw my dad punch my mother. That's the moment I realized that the only person I could rely on in life was myself.

 

[dk168]

@dk168 you are so strong and came through even stronger. I am so sorry for all that loss and pain you experienced.

Thanks missy, sh1t happens to the best of people as they say.

One either collapses in a heap and cries "Why me?", or sticks two fingers up to whatever up there and says "**** you!" and carry on.

I guess I am in the second camp, as life does go on.

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@mom2dolls. @Catmom. and @Matata. another group hug in order

my mum had a heart valve replacement at a stage in her life - if we had had a crystal ball - she probably shouldn't have
when she was nearing the end of her dementia journey everything in her was wearing out and forgetting how to work, except her heart

the doctor told my sister she could go on for years in basically a vegetative state
anyway she had been on a very good quality life supporting meal replacement for quite a long time and the doctor asked if maybe we would like it withdrawn
my sister who batteled depression and has major problens with discussion making had mum's power of attorney but didn't know what to do so she asked me to make the decision on my own

i know in theory it was the right thing to do, Gary said it was starving mum to death but she was still feed and watered

however i do feel bad because she seemed to enjoy the high nutrient drink and mum was a foodie

recently Gary's DIL had very bad complication from alcoholism with her liver and was in ICU for a couple of weeks
she said one of the 'drinks' was awful tasting like flour and water and the other was much more palatable and i do wounder about the drink mum was being given

i hate to think it tasted like flour and water

anyway i feel like making that decision was the first real adult decision i had made in my life (at 45)

it's not that i wanted mum to die but her suffering was horrendous and it was being prolonged

i have very mixed feelings about it

 

[missy]

Thanks missy, sh1t happens to the best of people as they say.

One either collapses in a heap and cries "Why me?", or sticks two fingers up to whatever up there and says "**** you!" and carry on.

I guess I am in the second camp, as life does go on.

DK

Same. There really is no other (good) option. Cra* happens. What we do with it is what matters. That saying making lemonade out of lemons. It's the only way. And when there is no lemonade to make we drink what is available and carry on waiting for the day we can enjoy lemonade again. Keep on going through the proverbial storm because surely and eventually it will clear.

 

[missy]

I was 5 yrs old the first time I saw my dad punch my mother. That's the moment I realized that the only person I could rely on in life was myself.

@Matata I cannot imagine and I am so sorry. That has to be one of the toughest lessons one has to learn in life. I know we don't know each other but from your posting here I feel an affection for you and want only the best for you in life. You have my utmost respect and admiration. You are a strong, smart and courageous woman and we are all better for "knowing" you here.

 

[missy]

@mom2dolls. @Catmom. and @Matata. another group hug in order

my mum had a heart valve replacement at a stage in her life - if we had had a crystal ball - she probably shouldn't have
when she was nearing the end of her dementia journey everything in her was wearing out and forgetting how to work, except her heart

the doctor told my sister she could go on for years in basically a vegetative state
anyway she had been on a very good quality life supporting meal replacement for quite a long time and the doctor asked if maybe we would like it withdrawn
my sister who batteled depression and has major problens with discussion making had mum's power of attorney but didn't know what to do so she asked me to make the decision on my own

i know in theory it was the right thing to do, Gary said it was starving mum to death but she was still feed and watered

however i do feel bad because she seemed to enjoy the high nutrient drink and mum was a foodie

recently Gary's DIL had very bad complication from alcoholism with her liver and was in ICU for a couple of weeks
she said one of the 'drinks' was awful tasting like flour and water and the other was much more palatable and i do wounder about the drink mum was being given

i hate to think it tasted like flour and water

anyway i feel like making that decision was the first real adult decision i had made in my life (at 45)

it's not that i wanted mum to die but her suffering was horrendous and it was being prolonged

i have very mixed feelings about it

I am so sorry Daisy for the loss of your mother and you made the only decision you could have. You gave your mom peace from being in a vegetative prison. Gentle (((hugs))).

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I am so sorry Daisy for the loss of your mother and you made the only decision you could have. You gave your mom peace from being in a vegetative prison. Gentle (((hugs))).

thank you dear missy
my mum needed to go be with Dad
they had been apart too long
in my mind the good parts of my mother were already in heaven with my dad,
my sister who is an angry atheist actually found comfort in that thought
the most worst thing was when mum forgot our last name and dad's name and she stopped wearing her ER and wore grandma's one all the time - i guess she could remember it because they remember all this really old stuff from when they were children
when i saw mum the last time she looked dreadful - it wasn't even like she looked like grandma, i have been told than menory will become less prevalent

 

[missy]

thank you dear missy
my mum needed to go be with Dad
they had been apart too long
in my mind the good parts of my mother were already in heaven with my dad,
my sister who is an angry atheist actually found comfort in that thought
the most worst thing was when mum forgot our last name and dad's name and she stopped wearing her ER and wore grandma's one all the time - i guess she could remember it because they remember all this really old stuff from when they were children
when i saw mum the last time she looked dreadful - it wasn't even like she looked like grandma, i have been told than menory will become less prevalent

Yes, I understand your sister finding comfort in your parents being reunited despite her being an atheist. In times of life and death sometimes we fervently hope for something we might not rationally believe to be true.

I am an agnostic and I also find comfort in the thought that there might be a heaven and one day we can be reunited with our loved ones. My Francesca, my Billy, Butch, Buster, Oscar, Apache, Casey, Damien, Cornelius, Rocky, Sammy, Jesse, Harley, Adam, Eve, Mickey, Minnie and some others. And my dear Grandma and even my grumpy Grandpa. I miss them all. Some more than others but I would so love to see all of them again one day and be together again. Heartbreaking losing a loved one. Just heartbreaking. I wish we could all live forever in harmony and love and peace.

Losing one's memory is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and their family.

 

[Catmom]

@mom2dolls. @Catmom. and @Matata. another group hug in order

my mum had a heart valve replacement at a stage in her life - if we had had a crystal ball - she probably shouldn't have
when she was nearing the end of her dementia journey everything in her was wearing out and forgetting how to work, except her heart

the doctor told my sister she could go on for years in basically a vegetative state
anyway she had been on a very good quality life supporting meal replacement for quite a long time and the doctor asked if maybe we would like it withdrawn
my sister who batteled depression and has major problens with discussion making had mum's power of attorney but didn't know what to do so she asked me to make the decision on my own

i know in theory it was the right thing to do, Gary said it was starving mum to death but she was still feed and watered

however i do feel bad because she seemed to enjoy the high nutrient drink and mum was a foodie

recently Gary's DIL had very bad complication from alcoholism with her liver and was in ICU for a couple of weeks
she said one of the 'drinks' was awful tasting like flour and water and the other was much more palatable and i do wounder about the drink mum was being given

i hate to think it tasted like flour and water

anyway i feel like making that decision was the first real adult decision i had made in my life (at 45)

it's not that i wanted mum to die but her suffering was horrendous and it was being prolonged

i have very mixed feelings about it

I'm so sorry about your Mom. It's so hard to make those decisions and hindsight is always 20/20. Just recently went through it with my 90 year old MIL. There are a lot of things that should have been done differently if we had known the time was so short.