What is your wedding pet peeve?

[ellaila]

First off, great tip about holding the bouquet -- will have to remember that!!

Regarding kids ... hmm. We are having only our nephews and nieces, but then again, we''re having a very small wedding so we don''t really have the room for anyone else so it''s not really an issue for us! But even if we could have more people, I don''t think I would want any other children there other than immediate family. Like others here have said, it then turns into a few hours of parents spending the whole time wrangling their children, which isn''t really fun for anyone.

I feel like a total hypocrite saying that though because I know how much I LOVED going to weddings when I was a kid! But I wasn''t paying for those weddings, so I guess my perspective has changed a bit

And honestly, our dinner is too expensive for me to be able to justify spending that much for food a kid probably wouldn''t even eat anyway!!

Basically, I think the only time it''s necessary to invite kids -- and again, this is just my opinion -- is when it''s very close family. The kids that would be SO excited to see you getting married and to be a part of it. But Great-Aunt Sally''s great granddaughter that you met once? I don''t think so. And your high school friend''s five kids? Naah.

 

[KristyDarling]

Date: 6/16/2006 1:30:05 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 6/16/2006 12:13:47 PM


My personal take is that young kids and babies make wedding events all the more special and family-oriented. Just a warmer, more inclusive feeling overall. There were babies SCREAMING during the most serious moments of my ceremony and DH and I just laughed because we knew that was going to happen. It wouldn''t be a wedding without some kid screaming during the I Do''s.

See....and to me, it''s not a wedding is some kid IS screaming during the ''I do''s. I don''t think young children at a wedding makes it more special or enhances it in any way.


And I do agree.....to each his own. For those that don''t mind screaming kids while exchanging vows, by all means invite kids to your wedding. And for those of us who don''t enjoy it, please respect our wishes when we say ''no children''.


ETA: On a side note.....many of you have mentioned frustration at having abided by a no-children stipulation only to arrive and find kids there. I''d respectfully suggest that this may not mean it was condoned by the bride/groom. It could just as easily be the result of those who were too rude to honor the ''no kids'' request.....foolishly thinking ''oh, but surely that doesn''t mean MY kids''.

Ugh, that''s even worse. It''s understandable when the only kids there are relatives of the B and G, but when it''s parents who blatantly ignore the no-kids request, that is wrong.

If there are kids at a wedding, I think it''s a very thoughtful touch when the bride and groom supply babysitters and maybe even a separate room for the kids to bounce around and wreak their havoc. That way, kids can have a "taste" of what a real wedding is like, and won''t be stressing out their parents or disturbing guests.

 

[selflove]

Date: 6/14/2006 8:16:15 PM
Author: snow_happy
getting dragged up for the bouquet toss! (and for my FI the garter toss) the last couple of weddings we''ve been too both have hit the floor because everyone moved out of the way

That''s seriously the reason I didn''t do a bouquet toss...my female friends are mostly in their 30s-40s and who wants to be in the spotlight (literally) as the "single women"?!

Remember the episode on Sex and the City when they all let if fall on the floor...that would have been my girlfriends! I''d do the same thing!

 

[E B]

Date: 6/16/2006 5:47:32 PM
Author: selflove

Remember the episode on Sex and the City when they all let if fall on the floor...that would have been my girlfriends! I'd do the same thing!

LOL! "Okay girls, see you tomorrow." (Sorry, I'm an SATC nut!)

We're not doing the bouquet toss, nor are we doing the garter toss. My friends wouldn't appreciate the bouquet toss, and I find the garter toss to be kind of "trashy".

 

[selflove]

Date: 6/15/2006 3:33:17 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 6/15/2006 11:57:15 AM
Author: swingirl
My pet peeve is when the bride and groom do not invite children/teens (infants, babies and toddlers should be left home) because they think their wedding is an adults-only party, and children might disturb it plus they don''t want to pay for their dinner. A wedding reception was never meant to be a party just for the couple, it was a gathering of two families who are now supposed to support the couple throughout thier life together. Families meeting families all to honor the couple and to show their support and good wishes.

Interesting enough, within a few years most of these couples have children and then they get it. It is valuable for children to participate in family events so they understand their place in the family and how much support will be their for them when they marry. But that whole family support thing seems to be less important these days and its become all about a big expensive party for me, me, me.

But, hey, that''s just my opinion.

I completely agree with you, Swing. We''ll have at least one baby AND a 4 year old at our wedding. If one of them says something or cries a little during the ceremony, who cares? The mother would take the child out of the ceremony and walk them around the gardens. No big deal.

I wouldn''t think of excluding children. It not only puts parents in a bind, it''s a little anal, if you ask me. Not everything will be perfect anyway, and the giggles/cries of a small child adds to the charm of a family gathering.

My MOH''s baby made some cooing noises at a part in the service that was so perfect...it might have been when the pastor said "Speak now or forever hold your piece" and it was so funny, everyone laughed, and the pastor made a joke about it. It just warmed my heart so much!

I think kids make the party more fun!

 

[Linda W]

We wouldn''t have minded a little screaming either, but the screaming was from the start of our wedding, until the end of our wedding, so it was very annoying to everyone. I didn''t mean to sound like a poop. LOL.

Linda

 

[galeteia]

All I can say is:

Wedding day + me + screaming children = Bridezilla... of RAGING DOOM!

I do NOT like children (although at 8 and older, the smart ones turn into little people, and they are marvelous) and nothing turns me into ''Kate the Axe-Wielding Barbarian Slayer of Innocents'' or ''Kate the Harpy of the Rending Talons'' or ''Kate the Bringer of Bloody Mayhem'' faster than some brat screaming in my ear when I am trying to have a nice dinner out somewhere, or in a theatre, or at work. Or just about anywhere, really.

I''m not saying that all children are screaming brats, but there are plenty of spoiled kids out there trained to scream until they get what they want. I don''t understand why parents don''t evacuate the premises with Shrieky McScreamsalot as soon as s/he starts into their salvo.

And parents ignoring the no-kids stipulation are just rude. I doubt anyone would brave my wrath, personally, but that''s because my feelings on children are well-known among the people who would be attending.

 

[selflove]

Date: 6/16/2006 5:11:52 PM
Author: ellaila
And honestly, our dinner is too expensive for me to be able to justify spending that much for food a kid probably wouldn''t even eat anyway!!

Our site served chicken fingers and french fries for the kids, at either a greatly reduced price or complimentary, can''t remember which.

 

[blueroses]

When my sister was married it was a "no kids" affair. Our cousin had two kids who were, I think 3 and 4 1/2 at the time--they were welcome at the reception but not the ceremony, and frankly, I don''t think she ever forgave my sister. Whatever.

HOWEVER, by the time I get married I will be at LEAST 33 and many of my dear friends (plus my sister!) have kids now. So I think my sisters'' boys will be in the wedding and then I will have a babysitter and room w/ games/toys, or something, at the reception. I guess I''ll have to see how old the various babies are when the time comes to decide about the ceremony. But for ME at this point so many of my closest friends are starting to have kids that I am feeling differently about it than I used to. But a screaming baby in a wedding is HORRIBLE. HATE IT.

Anyway, I totally get both sides of it--it IS about the bride and groom and THEIR day. I also enjoy the families melding part of it.....but not if that includes tantrums in the church!


Also: cake smooshing, the suggestive "put the garter on the girl who caught it" thing. (Bleah. There will be no garter toss for me,) Abject harassment of single women at weddings while their male peers go off scott-free ("when are you getting MARRRRRRRIED, You''re NEXT, blahblahblah"), Brides who are taken hold of my temporary insanity and bite your head off, cash bars (I know, contraversial topic--JMO,) Awful DJs who make it about them and don''t follow what the bride and groom agreed to, grammatical or spelling errors in the program!!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 6/16/2006 5:50:09 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 6/16/2006 5:47:32 PM
Author: selflove

Remember the episode on Sex and the City when they all let if fall on the floor...that would have been my girlfriends! I''d do the same thing!

LOL! ''Okay girls, see you tomorrow.'' (Sorry, I''m an SATC nut!)

We''re not doing the bouquet toss, nor are we doing the garter toss. My friends wouldn''t appreciate the bouquet toss, and I find the garter toss to be kind of ''trashy''.

That was just on TBS again the other nite. I watched it just for that scene. Love that. And for Miranda giving the circle of frogs back to the designer as her wedding present.

 

[glaucomflecken]

My photographer told me about the whole "where to hold the bouquet" thing which I did most of the time but at some points I was so excited and and nervous and concentrating on other things (like walking down the aisle to greet my groom!) that I forgot about that and held my flowers a bit high. So if you see a bride do that maybe its not because she is a "dumbass" but is nervous and didnt pay attention

My biggest "my own wedding" pet peeve was people who RSVP'd and then did not show. Probably more hurtful than annoying.

My biggest "wedding I'm attending" pet peeve is waiting through 3-4 "Dollar Dance" songs. I had never heard of the dollar dance or the "dash for cash" until I had previously lived in Ohio, and its fine if that what the couple wants to do, but it gets really old waiting through a few songs to get back on the dance floor waiting for these dances to be over! grrr. One or two songs is enough!

I don't get annoyed by matchy matchy weddings or brides in certain style dresses or updos or favors because if thats what the bride and groom wanted then that is what we should be happy for them for having. Pet peeves to me are more annoying things that are taking place versus concrete things.

just my humble insignificant opinion, no offense to anyone

 

[blueroses]

I have NEVER been to/in a wedding (and I''m a perennial bridesmaid, so that''s a lot of weddings!!!) w/ a dollar dance. I had never even heard of one until a few years agol.

 

[diamondfan]

I think, just my thoughts on the matter, that it is nice to send a save the date well in advance if you are planning a holiday weekend wedding. I have had occasions come up on long weekends, and as long as I know in advance and it is a good friend or family member, I am glad to go as long as I know in advance and can make the proper arrangements. I think the logic is it gives you and extra travel day and you do not have to take time off work or whatever. If I were local, then I could not got out of town the, but for a close friend or relative I do not mind...so I guess it makes sense if you look at it from that perspective...

 

[ladykemma]

I''m with the "no kids" camp. i like friday evening weddings, grown ups only.

 

[chickflick]

I don''t think it''s the kids who ruin the weddings. After all, they''re just being kids. I think it''s the parents who aren''t respectful of others and don''t take their children out of the church when they start crying or don''t teach them how to behave at functions. I just remember my parents telling us, "Remember- if you can''t behave, we''re leaving!" We knew they meant it.

 

[s00n2bRTrnr]

I have my opinion based on the fact that at my wedding, only one child there isn't family. The friend that I am inviting is a single mother struggling to survive therefore if she wants to bring her daughter, she is welcome to. Though her daughter is like five or six and very well behaved. As for the other children they are my neices and nephews and my sister is going through a divorce therefore is also single and struggling, plus if she'll do it, I want her to be a bridesmaid and my parents will support the kids being there by taking care of them. Both of which--the kids--are also well behaved, four and seven and respect the grandparents when they are asked to be quiet. It's up the parents of those children of course to ask someone to babysit during the ceramony and the reception, but they can at least bring them if they want. I LOVE children therefore they are welcome.

I can respect other's opinions to not have children at their wedding, not putting anyone down for what they want at their wedding, cause yes it is your day, u two don't want kids there that's great. As for me I was lucky to find someone to watch my kids for my b-day nevermind for a seven or eight hour wedding. If I was invited to a "no-kids-wedding," I would have to RSVP no.

 

[E B]

Date: 6/17/2006 10:13:58 AM
Author: chickflick
I don't think it's the kids who ruin the weddings. After all, they're just being kids. I think it's the parents who aren't respectful of others and don't take their children out of the church when they start crying or don't teach them how to behave at functions. I just remember my parents telling us, 'Remember- if you can't behave, we're leaving!' We knew they meant it.

Absolutely! Babies/very small children cry....it's the parents who let them wail through a ceremony that should be frowned at.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/17/2006 12:46:05 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 6/17/2006 10:13:58 AM
Author: chickflick
I don''t think it''s the kids who ruin the weddings. After all, they''re just being kids. I think it''s the parents who aren''t respectful of others and don''t take their children out of the church when they start crying or don''t teach them how to behave at functions. I just remember my parents telling us, ''Remember- if you can''t behave, we''re leaving!'' We knew they meant it.

Absolutely! Babies/very small children cry....it''s the parents who let them wail through a ceremony that should be frowned at.

I fully agree......but then again, if they aren''t there to begin with, there is no one TO cry.......and no hard feelings toward the parents if they ARE knuckleheads and don''t rectify the situation.

 

[Munchkin]

Thanks for the bouquet advice!

Our wedding will be a "no kids" affair. Mind you, I am a pediatric nurse practitioner and FI is a teacher, so we clearly love children. However, I absolutely do not think that a black tie affair in an extremely formal ballroom late on a Saturday night with alcohol is an appropriate setting for children. Children are meant to act like children. However, that kind of behavior simply does not work with a late night, alcohol and a very formal setting.

There are events which are adult friendly, family friendly and child friendly. The wedding listed above could only be considered adult friendly. There are wedding settings that would be great for kids, but that isn't what we are having. I feel it is the discretion of the couple whether or not their wedding is appropriate for children. Plus, there are people out there who don't like kids. They should not have to be surrounded by them on such a personally important day. It genuinely bothers me when people insist their children be invited.

In fact, two of my cousins (who have multiple children) already told me that they are excited to have the night out sans children!

My pet peeve is showing up to a cash bar without warning. (Not simply cash bars, mind you.) Where I am from, practically no one has cash bars. (It does seem to be regional.) So, the one wedding we showed up to that had a cash bar, we were totally unprepared! I know that it obviously wouldn't be listed on an invitation, website, etc! However, we would have loved it if a family member had casually mentioned it beforehand. (We are super close to them.) Seriously, I think we had five dollars between the two of us, and alcohol was $4 and soda $2. (We were staying at the hotel anyway, so we weren't worried about having cash to get home, etc.) We actually took the cash out of the card and replaced it with a checque in the same amount just to be able to buy friends drinks.

I also don't get the money dance unless it is tradition in your culture or region. I knew of one bride who was not of any of the cultures that traditionally have a variation of the dance and is from a region where it is VERY seldom done. She said she was doing it because she wanted "to make money off the wedding."

Munchkin

 

[nytemist]

Hear, hear Galateia!

 

[diamondfan]

Munchin, I agree that it is really dependant on the venue etc. A day wedding that is maybe more casual is different from a black tie affair on a Saturday night. I have three kids, but I have never been the type who felt my kids should come everywhere. I am perfectly happy to leave them when the situation warrants it and I have a better time, frankly!

 

[Kaylyn]

I just thought of another one:

"Well, if you invite this person, you have to invite this person. And once you invite them, you have to have these people, too."

The same works with people helping with the wedding.

"Well, if so and so is carrying gifts, then you have to have their brother do something as well"

"But I don''t like his brother"

"Well, it''s only fair..."

 

[DonaBella]

I have no problem with kids at a wedding IF they are old enough to have self control and are well behaved. Little tiny tots are too tiny to fully understand that they have to be quiet at particular times and have a tendency to chatter on when no else around really wants them to. Too often the parents of these kids want to see and hear the ceremony like everyone else and are oblivious to their own kids'' whining...but the surrounding guests are NOT. That is why too often parents do not take their kid out. I have first hand seen this myself at weddings, funerals and church.

I say if the children being considered are able to manage their own selves and are well behaved, then great, otherwise, it is selfish and takes away the experience for the others who are also there to witness the nuptials. Usually, people with kids that are that whiney, are not that considerate to step out. I have had my fair share of many a wedding that this kind of thing made the pastor stop, make a funny to allow the mom or dad to exit, then resume the ceremony. Not a great way to make a good impression on not only the bride and groom, but the entire mass of well wishers to the happy couple.

If the happy couple has the financial ability to hire some professional babysitters, than, by all means, that''s great. Not everyone has that luxury. I love the idea of the "kids at the reception only". With this, the babysitter cost is lowered, the parents get their happy, little ones back, and no great loss. I personally think that with my own experience of kids not eating much at parties, buying them a meal at the reception may be a waste of money. Maybe it could be arranged to have the kids have chicken fingers or pizza or something else just for them. Again, we are NOT talking babies here.

NO wedding is a good thing for the baby or the mommy. Infants may get startled by the loud microphone used for toasts, the loud laughing, the DJ and the music...not a good combo...

Keep in mind, you bring your kids, you more than likely will be leaving earlier than you want to cuz they tire easily...

 

[Kaylyn]

Date: 6/14/2006 3:34:49 PM
Author: LizzieC

Date: 6/14/2006 2:31:01 PM
Author:LAJennifer
It drives me CRAZY to see brides holding their bouquets as if they were a microphone! I guess holding it that way is what feels most natural - elbow at the waist, forearm angled upward. However, doing this totally covers the beautiful bodice of their gowns. It makes me want to reach into the television screen and push the flowers down to their waists! My sister-in-law did this during her wedding and she feels like it ruined her wedding pictures.

Ok - so what is your wedding pet peeve?

I totally held my bouquet that way! I didn''t realize/notice until I saw the pics... and then I thought WHY was I doing that! I guess it is just the comfortable level! Must warn future brides!!!

I just wanted to thank you girls for mentioning this. Now EVERY wedding photo I see of my friends...I notice that the bouquets seem ridiculously high. I will have to remember not to do this on my wedding day.

It amazes me how I never noticed that before!!!! But it really bugs me now.

 

[Fancy605]

Ohhh I had that bouquet thing DRIVEN into my head in the first wedding I Was ever a bridesmaid for. The Mother of the Bride was VERY particular about everything and gave us a huge speech on carrying flowers. I actually am glad I sat through the lecture because at the less structured weddings I have been in, someone (bride included) has always asked nobody in particular, "Where should I hold my flowers?" I usually keep my mouth shut at other people''s weddings other than to say, "That''s beautiful" or "perfect" or "gorgeous," but in this case I speak up with a, "well you want to show off your dress, right? So you probably want to keep them low." That is always follewd up by the bride or bridesmaids saying, "Like this?" to which I answer, "Hmmm try to Line up your thumbs with your belly button and see if you like that." They usually examine themselves in the mirror and agree and are super excited to have the tumb-belly button reference to remember." It''s really amazing what a difference one teeny thing like that can make.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/16/2006 5:47:32 PM
Author: selflove

Date: 6/14/2006 8:16:15 PM
Author: snow_happy
getting dragged up for the bouquet toss! (and for my FI the garter toss) the last couple of weddings we''ve been too both have hit the floor because everyone moved out of the way

That''s seriously the reason I didn''t do a bouquet toss...my female friends are mostly in their 30s-40s and who wants to be in the spotlight (literally) as the ''single women''?!

Completely agree! When I was single, I used to time it to be "indisposed" in the bathroom during that particular segment of the day.

There was absolutely no way I was going to put anyone else through a bouquet toss. Instead, since my wedding was really small, I made sure my bouquet had enough flowers to cover all the women attending. During our reception (on a tall ship), I dismantled my bouquet and gave every woman (single or not) a rose from it, and I tossed one rose overboard.

 

[Tybee]

Wow!
that''s lovely and so very personal!

 

[galeteia]

I''m not sure if this exactly qualifies, but one thing I can''t stand is seeing photos of brides that look like they''ve been dipped in a huge vat of Tan in a Can. I avoid the sun like the plague, because I am fair and freckly and don''t want wrinkles or melanoma, so I''m not complaining about them using Fake Bake, but if they were going that route, why not go to a professional salon and get it done properly? ''Burnt Ochre'' is a lovely paint colour, but an unflattering shade for skin.

Here they are in a bright white dress, and with orange skin. Ugh.

 

[Fancy605]

Better yet, if they want to be tan, why not get a spray tan and avoid the cancerous rays of the tanning bed? It works for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and all of the Miss America Contestants.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 7/29/2006 11:35:12 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 6/16/2006 5:47:32 PM

Author: selflove

Date: 6/14/2006 8:16:15 PM

Author: snow_happy

getting dragged up for the bouquet toss! (and for my FI the garter toss) the last couple of weddings we''ve been too both have hit the floor because everyone moved out of the way

That''s seriously the reason I didn''t do a bouquet toss...my female friends are mostly in their 30s-40s and who wants to be in the spotlight (literally) as the ''single women''?!

Completely agree! When I was single, I used to time it to be ''indisposed'' in the bathroom during that particular segment of the day.

There was absolutely no way I was going to put anyone else through a bouquet toss. Instead, since my wedding was really small, I made sure my bouquet had enough flowers to cover all the women attending. During our reception (on a tall ship), I dismantled my bouquet and gave every woman (single or not) a rose from it, and I tossed one rose overboard.

You know, to me the toss has always been aimed at the 14 and under crowd in attendance at many of the weddings I have been to. I think it''s cute to toss off the bouquet to a group consisting mostly of your kid sister and little cousins and nieces (etc.). But then again, if you don''t want kids at your reception, then it probably isn''t as cute.

But then again I have also been to weddings where grown women actually heckled over flowers. At one wedding I was in the bride instructed us to keep it away from a specific guest (yikes!) And I have seen it set up so that certain people would get it, which is slightly embarassing.

So it can be cute and light hearted, or it can be over the top and embarassing. And in a few instances it can be fitting. One of my dear friends caught the bouquet at a wedding she was in, and two days later, her b/f proposed to her.