What is it about gossip...

[canuk-gal]

I think sometimes we talk about others to reinforce our own feelings or perceptions about ourselves.

I don't know if it's healthy or not, but I do know that I learn a lot about myself when I take the time to really reflect on what it is that makes me want to gossip about others. It's kind of an unpleasant exercise, but DH and I talk about this a lot. I don't gossip with anyone other than my husband and my very closest friends. I absolutely refuse to gossip at work. (I learn a lot about others, too, based on what they have to say about other people.)

For example: When we have threads in BWW lamenting how RUDE people are, what we are really saying is that we are lovely, thoughtful, and ever so considerate.
Or, when my cousin spends an hour venting about how his father is the most self-centered human being on the planet, what he is really saying is that HE is not self-centered.
Or, when we complain about the IDIOTS and MANIACS on the road, what we are really saying is that we are extremely capable, crafty, and skilled drivers.

I think there's another kind of gossip, too, and that is that we also tend to be irritated by, and thus moved to gossip about, the characteristics we dislike about ourselves that are also evident in others. For example, as I got older I realized that back in high school I had this fear of being thought of as low class or crass. (I got this from my grandmother.) Guess what I most often gossiped about in others? You got it: their behaviors that I perceived to be low class or crass.

Basically, I always think that our gossip has everything to do with ourselves, and nothing to do with the people we purport to be discussing. One major and unexpected benefit that comes from my marriage has been having someone who is close enough to me to give me feedback when I habitually focus on certain things while gossiping. It's not easy to hear, but I've learned a lot about myself in the process. You could say the same for my husband, too. It's really interesting, how little insight we can have into what our own behaviors reveal about ourselves.

Interesting perception (as usual) Haven! Or should I say erudite, as my DH and his colleagues gossip at work more than I would have imagined (and more than I am comfortable with) and what do/does they/he always talk about? Work, jobs, job descritpions, and RANK. I know it does open a window into "his soul" b/c it seems to parallel what he talks, personally/to me, about himself. . Insecurities come to the fore in gossip.

cheers--Sharon