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"Sad Cat Diary" ---Cat lovers will totally get this!!! Really funny!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk
What is in YOUR cat's diary?
- Thread starter stracci2000
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amc80
Ideal_Rock
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Rockinruby
Ideal_Rock
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Too funny! 
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LOL. 
My kitties diaries would go as follows.
Dear Diary,
my humans are constantly rubbing my belly and kissing me and hugging me. When will this torture stop? OMG and picking me up and cradling me and whispering nonsensical words in my ear. One day I will shock the hell out of them and tell them just what I think of their baby talk. But for now I must endure this torture and endless baby talk.
Dear Diary,
I love sharing the litter dust all over the home. It aggravates my humans to no end. The male human is constantly vacuuming which is quite annoying to us and one day we will kill that vacuum. Or the male human that insists on using it every day. The female human is much more agreeable as she doesn't seem to care about vacuuming or cleaning of any kind. We like her.
Dear Diary,
Why do our humans insist on feeding us the crap they do while they eat what looks like delicious food and drink? Instead we get day old water and food that looks and smells like dog food. Little do they realize we lick their food when they are not looking.
Dear Diary, why do the humans take our poop from our litter box. It is not theirs to take and if their poop didn't look and smell so bad we would show them how it feels to have their poop stolen out from under them.
Dear Diary, why didn't my mommy like it when I pooped in the bathroom sink the other day? Doesn't she realize what an honor it was bestowing that on her that way? She is always using her bathroom sink and I thought that nice little surprise would cheer her up.
Dear Diary, why are our humans so often using that torture equipment that makes them seem as stupid as hamsters on a hamster wheel? Especially the human female going up and down and up and down moving her arms in that motion to some awful loud and unmelodious music. Has she lost her mind? Why do they constantly torture themselves that way? It doesn't look like they are having any fun at all so what is the point? It makes a nice cushion to lay on however and shed lots of hair that also seems to frustrate them for some reason.
Dear Diary, what is this Roomba thing and why is it following me around annoying the crap out of me. And hitting into walls all the time. Not very smart yet still it has a place in this family for what reason I cannot imagine. It also doesn't seem to eat any food or drink our crappy water. One day we will destroy it but for now hope it bashes itself into a zillion tiny pieces all over the house.
Dear Diary, when I left my poop in the middle of the living room so my mommy and daddy didn't have to take it from my litter box where was the appreciation where was the love? Instead the human mommy yelled to the human daddy across the room look what they did now... You are very welcome.
Dear Diary, why do our humans always use this rolling thing to remove our hair from their clothes? Don't they appreciate our sharing our hair all over the place. They should pay homage to us and honor the fact we are gracing them with our royal presence and sharing our hair with them. All over. And while we are at it why do they seem upset when we attack the furniture specifically the couches and chair and table arms. We are honoring them with our attention and adding interesting detail to what is otherwise boring and plain furniture. Take that couch. Take that antique table and chairs. Ooh look at those pretty and deep markings we just created. Works of art.
My kitties diaries would go as follows.
Dear Diary,
my humans are constantly rubbing my belly and kissing me and hugging me. When will this torture stop? OMG and picking me up and cradling me and whispering nonsensical words in my ear. One day I will shock the hell out of them and tell them just what I think of their baby talk. But for now I must endure this torture and endless baby talk.
Dear Diary,
I love sharing the litter dust all over the home. It aggravates my humans to no end. The male human is constantly vacuuming which is quite annoying to us and one day we will kill that vacuum. Or the male human that insists on using it every day. The female human is much more agreeable as she doesn't seem to care about vacuuming or cleaning of any kind. We like her.
Dear Diary,
Why do our humans insist on feeding us the crap they do while they eat what looks like delicious food and drink? Instead we get day old water and food that looks and smells like dog food. Little do they realize we lick their food when they are not looking.
Dear Diary, why do the humans take our poop from our litter box. It is not theirs to take and if their poop didn't look and smell so bad we would show them how it feels to have their poop stolen out from under them.
Dear Diary, why didn't my mommy like it when I pooped in the bathroom sink the other day? Doesn't she realize what an honor it was bestowing that on her that way? She is always using her bathroom sink and I thought that nice little surprise would cheer her up.
Dear Diary, why are our humans so often using that torture equipment that makes them seem as stupid as hamsters on a hamster wheel? Especially the human female going up and down and up and down moving her arms in that motion to some awful loud and unmelodious music. Has she lost her mind? Why do they constantly torture themselves that way? It doesn't look like they are having any fun at all so what is the point? It makes a nice cushion to lay on however and shed lots of hair that also seems to frustrate them for some reason.
Dear Diary, what is this Roomba thing and why is it following me around annoying the crap out of me. And hitting into walls all the time. Not very smart yet still it has a place in this family for what reason I cannot imagine. It also doesn't seem to eat any food or drink our crappy water. One day we will destroy it but for now hope it bashes itself into a zillion tiny pieces all over the house.
Dear Diary, when I left my poop in the middle of the living room so my mommy and daddy didn't have to take it from my litter box where was the appreciation where was the love? Instead the human mommy yelled to the human daddy across the room look what they did now... You are very welcome.
Dear Diary, why do our humans always use this rolling thing to remove our hair from their clothes? Don't they appreciate our sharing our hair all over the place. They should pay homage to us and honor the fact we are gracing them with our royal presence and sharing our hair with them. All over. And while we are at it why do they seem upset when we attack the furniture specifically the couches and chair and table arms. We are honoring them with our attention and adding interesting detail to what is otherwise boring and plain furniture. Take that couch. Take that antique table and chairs. Ooh look at those pretty and deep markings we just created. Works of art.
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Dear Diary,
I was most displeased when the annoying barking offender took my preferred resting pillow outside, and dry humped it in the dirt, and left it out there in the cold where my human friend was forced to throw it away. And now, the barking offender has the audacity to expect me to move from her preferred resting pillow. Not gonna happen, annoying barking offender ... NOT ... GONNA ... HAPPEN!
Till I decide to get up and eat again,
King Charles
I was most displeased when the annoying barking offender took my preferred resting pillow outside, and dry humped it in the dirt, and left it out there in the cold where my human friend was forced to throw it away. And now, the barking offender has the audacity to expect me to move from her preferred resting pillow. Not gonna happen, annoying barking offender ... NOT ... GONNA ... HAPPEN!
Till I decide to get up and eat again,
King Charles
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LOL JoCoJenn. So cute.
Dear diary, why does mommy get up so early even on Sundays. And what exactly is a weekend anyway?
Dear diary, why does mommy get annoyed when I take a nap in the guest bathroom sink? She is so particular. I think she's just jealous because she cannot fall asleep anywhere, anytime. It is a great skill and I am quite good at it. Poor humans. They don't know how to just *relax*.
Dear diary, why does mommy get up so early even on Sundays. And what exactly is a weekend anyway?
Dear diary, why does mommy get annoyed when I take a nap in the guest bathroom sink? She is so particular. I think she's just jealous because she cannot fall asleep anywhere, anytime. It is a great skill and I am quite good at it. Poor humans. They don't know how to just *relax*.
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JoCoJenn|1457294368|4000647 said:
Thanks JoCoJenn. Your fur babies are adorable too and yes I am super jealous of how they can just relax and sleep wherever and whenever. It is a talent I have never enjoyed and last night was a perfect example. I was tossing and turning and sweet Francesca was so tolerant (she sleeps in my arms) and just kept waking up as I moved her and fell right back asleep each time. While I remained wide awake for hours and hours.
Stracci, LOL. And your sweet Phrixus is beautiful.
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Dear Diary,
Why must our humans insist on blocking our much needed energy source with those thin curtains? We will attempt, once again, to
get them down and leave the rods in a state that will no longer allow them to be used. Humans never learn...le sigh.
Signed,
Cats in need of the big ball of energy's warmth
Why must our humans insist on blocking our much needed energy source with those thin curtains? We will attempt, once again, to
get them down and leave the rods in a state that will no longer allow them to be used. Humans never learn...le sigh.
Signed,
Cats in need of the big ball of energy's warmth
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Dear Diary, Why must the fur monster insist on washing my face? Does she not understand that I already washed my face 20 times before the sun came up, and that her awful breath serves only to induce another pile of vomit that she will disgustingly but happily clean up (after I wash my face again, of course)?
Fed up,
King Charles
Fed up,
King Charles
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missy|1457354493|4000940 said:
Thanks; quick question for you since you have a few cats ... do any of them come and scratch at your pillow/blanket near your head in the morning ... as if to say "it's time to get up." Charlie was an indoor/outdoor cat when I adopted him, so he has his claws still. In the mornings, and sometimes the VERY early morning, he comes up to my pillow, and sort of scratches/drags his claws along the pillow a couple times, pauses, then does it again as if he's trying to get me up to go feed him ... or move over so he can have a little extra room to spread out. I've never had a cat do that before, but he seems to know it gets a reaction, so he does it at least a couple times each week. He is not, however, fond of when I do it to him when he is napping.
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JoCoJenn said:missy|1457354493|4000940 said:
Thanks; quick question for you since you have a few cats ... do any of them come and scratch at your pillow/blanket near your head in the morning ... as if to say "it's time to get up." Charlie was an indoor/outdoor cat when I adopted him, so he has his claws still. In the mornings, and sometimes the VERY early morning, he comes up to my pillow, and sort of scratches/drags his claws along the pillow a couple times, pauses, then does it again as if he's trying to get me up to go feed him ... or move over so he can have a little extra room to spread out. I've never had a cat do that before, but he seems to know it gets a reaction, so he does it at least a couple times each week. He is not, however, fond of when I do it to him when he is napping.
As a matter of fact Francesca (the only kitty we allow to sleep with us long story) wakes my dh every morning by going over to him and climbing onto him. 8 lbs of dead weight is enough to wake my dh. However if that doesn't do it she starts meowing rather loudly. As in time to wake up and feed me human servants lol. Interestingly enough she usually sleeps with me as I cuddle her all night but in the morning it is my dh she goes to wake first. Usually around 430/5AM.
All our cats have their nails but they usually never use it on us though accidentally we have gotten scratched. Usually they stick to area rugs and furniture and scratching posts. We would never declaw a cat as it is very cruel and painful. As if your nail was being ripped down from your fingernail to your knuckles. Cats use their claws for more than just protection. They get immense pleasure from kneading and flexing their claws in and out.
But I digress. Cats are very social animals and very smart and each has their unique personality. I could easily become a crazy cat lady I think but I resist.
Its not easy though, I wish I could rescue them all.
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missy|1457367011|4001035 said:As a matter of fact Francesca (the only kitty we allow to sleep with us long story) wakes my dh every morning by going over to him and climbing onto him. 8 lbs of dead weight is enough to wake my dh. However if that doesn't do it she starts meowing rather loudly. As in time to wake up and feed me human servants lol. Interestingly enough she usually sleeps with me as I cuddle her all night but in the morning it is my dh she goes to wake first. Usually around 430/5AM.
But I digress. Cats are very social animals and very smart and each has their unique personality. I could easily become a crazy cat lady I think but I resist.
That's cute that Francesca does that. I love a cat that likes to cuddle. Charlie has his moments, but usually waits to climb into bed until the dogs are zonked out. And I know what you mean about becoming a crazy cat lady. I'd have a dozen if I could. I just hate having a litter box, and am so appreciative that Charlie prefers to do his business outside so I don't need to keep one unless we go away for a few days (he'll use one if he has to).
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Dear Diary,
I likes to pee in sink when water running. Mom duzn't like it. She plays mean wif me. I puts my butt down to pee, she turns water off; my butt goes up; she turns water on. She keeps dis up long time. So when my feets are soaked, I jumps in litter box to pee. Feets get coated wif litter and I runs thru house spreading litter allll over. Haaaaaaaaaa!
I likes to pee in sink when water running. Mom duzn't like it. She plays mean wif me. I puts my butt down to pee, she turns water off; my butt goes up; she turns water on. She keeps dis up long time. So when my feets are soaked, I jumps in litter box to pee. Feets get coated wif litter and I runs thru house spreading litter allll over. Haaaaaaaaaa!
Rockinruby
Ideal_Rock
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Dear diary,
I am now convinced that I am the only creature with superior intelligence in my chosen home. I watched for weeks before determining this was the best place to choose to live. I constantly saw the man carrying in bags of food. The woman would feed me chicken and talk in a soft voice. I let them think they were enticing me to stay. The only drawback is the number of animals that congregate around these two humans.
The girl dog especially irks me. She never chases me. She is always sweet to me despite the traps I put out to trick her into being mean to me in front of the humans. The humans constantly rave about how smart the dog is. How can this be? The dog is obviously under the illusion that she is brilliant. It is sad to watch from my perch. The dog dumbly follows the humans wherever they go. The humans say they are training her. She is 9 and still goes to dog training classes. If she is so smart then why is she still going to school? She obviously will never graduate at this rate. The humans teach her silly tricks like putting a ball through a hoop. What nonsense is this? When she does it the humans scream with excitement and feed her lots of delicious meaty tidbits.
Meanwhile I go hungry and am punished daily. My bowl that was constantly filled is now gone. My captors only feed me the tiniest amount of tasteless gruel. All because the supposed "animal doctor" says I need to watch my weight. I am convinced he is only out to get me because I scratched him previously. He obviously recognized me as having superior intelligence so felt he must control me before the humans noticed. I must work harder to discredit this so called animal doctor and the dog. Ahhhh, the sun is starting to warm my fur. I feel so drowsy...starting to relax....I can hear the crisp metallic sound of the Tuna can opening....
it's all a dream....
I am now convinced that I am the only creature with superior intelligence in my chosen home. I watched for weeks before determining this was the best place to choose to live. I constantly saw the man carrying in bags of food. The woman would feed me chicken and talk in a soft voice. I let them think they were enticing me to stay. The only drawback is the number of animals that congregate around these two humans.
The girl dog especially irks me. She never chases me. She is always sweet to me despite the traps I put out to trick her into being mean to me in front of the humans. The humans constantly rave about how smart the dog is. How can this be? The dog is obviously under the illusion that she is brilliant. It is sad to watch from my perch. The dog dumbly follows the humans wherever they go. The humans say they are training her. She is 9 and still goes to dog training classes. If she is so smart then why is she still going to school? She obviously will never graduate at this rate. The humans teach her silly tricks like putting a ball through a hoop. What nonsense is this? When she does it the humans scream with excitement and feed her lots of delicious meaty tidbits.
Meanwhile I go hungry and am punished daily. My bowl that was constantly filled is now gone. My captors only feed me the tiniest amount of tasteless gruel. All because the supposed "animal doctor" says I need to watch my weight. I am convinced he is only out to get me because I scratched him previously. He obviously recognized me as having superior intelligence so felt he must control me before the humans noticed. I must work harder to discredit this so called animal doctor and the dog. Ahhhh, the sun is starting to warm my fur. I feel so drowsy...starting to relax....I can hear the crisp metallic sound of the Tuna can opening....
it's all a dream....
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Dear Diary,
Why do my human companions insist on putting a damper to my kitten-like behavior? I realize they are tired, worked all day, and elevated me to my food bowl at least a dozen times, and probably just want to go to sleep. But it was their idiocy to wait until now to change the sheets, which as you well know, means play time for me. Do they not understand that it's my sole job to scurry around under the top sheet, and inspect every inch of the fitted sheet for intruders? It is, after, for their own safety.
Unappreciative maggots, they are!
Sincerely,
King Charles a.k.a "Hunter Denied"
Why do my human companions insist on putting a damper to my kitten-like behavior? I realize they are tired, worked all day, and elevated me to my food bowl at least a dozen times, and probably just want to go to sleep. But it was their idiocy to wait until now to change the sheets, which as you well know, means play time for me. Do they not understand that it's my sole job to scurry around under the top sheet, and inspect every inch of the fitted sheet for intruders? It is, after, for their own safety.
Unappreciative maggots, they are!
Sincerely,
King Charles a.k.a "Hunter Denied"
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Dear Diary,
Mama made her usual egg sandwich for breakfast. My sisters and I sat around her and watched her eat. Every so often, one of us would lean ever so slightly closer to mama's sandwich to catch a whiff. It smells DELICIOUS! Whenever one or two or all three of us crane our necks to get another whiff of the sandwich, mama yelps "NO...!" We love when she yells "NO...!" because that's human for "GO...!" and that's when my bold sister "the gavon" will step forward, and try to bite the sandwich from the other side, facing mama - just like Lady and the Tramp, but with an egg sandwich in between them instead of pasta! The littlest one of us tried to copy "the gavon" and stepped towards the sandwich, and when mama yelled "no", the littlest one of us responded with "ya-OHHHH!". "The gavon" wasn't having it - "ya-OHHHH!" was clearly an affront on mama, so "the gavon" had to bop the littlest one on her head to encourage her to step back and sit back down.
Oh, was that the clatter of the spatula against the pan? That means "the gavon" is licking the coconut oil out of the pan. She does that to encourage mama to run, because she knows mama is all about indoor fitness.
Mama made her usual egg sandwich for breakfast. My sisters and I sat around her and watched her eat. Every so often, one of us would lean ever so slightly closer to mama's sandwich to catch a whiff. It smells DELICIOUS! Whenever one or two or all three of us crane our necks to get another whiff of the sandwich, mama yelps "NO...!" We love when she yells "NO...!" because that's human for "GO...!" and that's when my bold sister "the gavon" will step forward, and try to bite the sandwich from the other side, facing mama - just like Lady and the Tramp, but with an egg sandwich in between them instead of pasta! The littlest one of us tried to copy "the gavon" and stepped towards the sandwich, and when mama yelled "no", the littlest one of us responded with "ya-OHHHH!". "The gavon" wasn't having it - "ya-OHHHH!" was clearly an affront on mama, so "the gavon" had to bop the littlest one on her head to encourage her to step back and sit back down.
Oh, was that the clatter of the spatula against the pan? That means "the gavon" is licking the coconut oil out of the pan. She does that to encourage mama to run, because she knows mama is all about indoor fitness.
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