What If No One Noticed?

[Imdanny]

Sure thing. I have no problem being honest and direct about your question.

I hated it when people noticed my Audi. I hated it with a passion when people did anything other than give me nice, well meaning, and one time compliments. That was nice. That I understood. That I could handle.

Nobody noticed my JLC watch. Heaven. People always noticed my Rolex. That sucked big time. "Is it a real Rolex?" If you can't tell a real Rolex from a fake one you should keep your mouth shut. It's nothing for a watch person to tell the difference. It's a stupid, rude question.

Nobody knows my ring is Cartier. I don't and never will tell them.

I might be rare in this regard. I don't know. But I hate it when people are into "names". I've been very lucky to have some luxuries in my life. The truth is I wish I'd had less and been more conservative but what's done is done. But I will never change my mind that "status symbols" are not for me to get "tagged" with. My experience is that it makes you the target of envy.

I buy what I want, what suits my lifestyle, and my values. The key word is "my". I like it when people share my interests, but to me "status symbols" will always be BS. Just because someone is fortunate enough in life to be able to earn or be given a "status symbol" doesn't symbolize anything noteworthy IMO.

So needless to say, wanting people to be impressed by a "symbol" is nothing something I understand. It's nothing something I want. It's not something I welcome. It makes me angry, actually, when people make assumptions about my "status" based on what I have.

You know, it works in the opposite way, too. Wear some thrift store clothes out on errands on a Saturday sometime and see if you don't get treated like a purse snatcher. People are way too into image and spend far too little time thinking about substance.

 

[Lulie]

It's hard to be gazed longingly around here. I'm not disappointed because it isn't important to me.
It extremely common to see ladies at starbucks wearing sweats/zero make up sporting large rocks.
I can't tell the difference between a good bag vs fancy bags, just not my thing
I appreciate top quality shoes though, comfort is very important to me.
While the car matches the house, I honestly don't care what people think.

 

[yssie]

You know, it works in the opposite way, too. Wear some thrift store clothes out on errands on a Saturday sometime and see if you don't get treated like a purse snatcher. People are way too into image and spend far too little time thinking about substance.

Interestingly enough the most comfortable and flattering LBD I've ever owned was $25 at the Rack. Four years later I'm accepting that it'll have to be retired soon and am scouring the web for another..

 

[Autumnovember]

Honestly, no, it would not take away from the experience for me.

Anything I own is because *I* love it. I could honestly care less if people didn't notice my jewelry, my car, or anything else that I value and love. It's just an added bonus if someone else likes it too.

Plus, there are tons of things that I own that are very far from status symbols and I love it all the same.

I'm with Deco, I love looking at other peoples things. I love looking at other peoples shoes, watches, clothes, etc. Could care less if its name brand though. I saw a sales woman wearing a watch that I really, really liked and I went ahead and told her I liked it. And I bought the same one a half hour later, haha.

 

[Autumnovember]

i don't own any status symbols.

What about your Lange & Sohne watch (es)? Is your memory starting to fail you? You'd better look back at Suze Orman's advice

IMO,it is not a status symbol b/c 99.99% of the people on the street will not reconize the brand. IMO,a gold Rolex watch = status symbol...

Agreed.

 

[mogster]

This is such an interesting question to think about! A jumble of thoughts:

• I have a group of friends who aren't money-conscious and who don't notice status symbols. When I hang out with them, I feel very relaxed and comfortable. I have another group of friends who are money-conscious and do notice status symbols. When I hang out with them, I feel self-conscious. For example, I gesture a lot when I talk, and when I am around them, I turn my left palm up more so that I'm not wildly waving my ring around lest they think that I'm trying to show it off.

• I think I shop to impress...myself...? Growing up, my mother beat it into us that we were poor (we weren't actually ) and so what I lacked in quantity of purchases, I made up for in quality. I loved the research and the joy derived from the feeling that I purchased something of quality. I categorically refuse to buy clothes or accessories that have logos because I believe that I should be paid for advertising for the designer and not the other way around. I love walking around feeling like a million bucks in fitted clothes or with a well-constructed handbag. And I think people are far more impressed by that than designer logos.

• I like to mystify people. My fiance and I recently purchased a SFH in a nice suburb that's so totally unrealistic for our peer group. A majority of my work wardrobe is from Banana Republic. I have what looks like a honkin' engagement ring. People ask what I do for a living. Admin. What does your fiance do for a living? Also an admin. You see the cogs in their brains turn trying to piece together a financial narrative of us. What they don't know is that my future in-laws gifted us with an ENORMOUS down payment (which I always mention but I don't specify the amount). I shop for clothes twice a year at BR's seasonal 30%-40%-off-everything sale (can't find petite-sized clothes anywhere else that fit as well). A one carat diamond with halo on a 3.5 finger will look pretty honkin' to the average person.
  
  It amuses me when people think we're poor-ish (we look young and are casual dressers) because we're not. And it also amuses me when people think we're rich, because we're certainly not that either. The only thing that definitively indicates financial wealth to me is the bottom line in someone's bank account/assets. And, even then, who cares?? I'd rather impress people with my good tastes rather than with overt wealth.

 

[Jennifer W]

Mogster, I get a little of that too - a couple of my friends think I'm struggling a bit financially because I don't really spend on the consumer items they favour. We don't have a great big TV. I chose the car I wanted to drive twelve years ago, and I still want to drive it. I wear very old, comfortable clothes outside of work, and I don't have styled hair or wear makeup very often. I probably look a little shabby in my leisure time. My status symbol items are, in truth, passing towards vintage status now. I bought them to last a lifetime, and well, they're doing fine on that front. I don't think you could even call them status symbols anymore, actually.

It interests me that the people who think I'm hard up seem themselves to be struggling to meet their own financial commitments - new car payments, a bigger house, more shopping, all adds up. If you bought them with a credit card, and don't pay the balance in full every month, are they still status symbols? I have one friend who has been through insolvency procedures, and still thinks I'm poor, because I have an old car. She has actually offered me cast off consumer goods when she's upgraded them (as if, the only thing stopping me from buying these items was cost, because they are intrinsically desirable and I must want them...).

 

[princesss]

I'd love my diamonds just as much if I was the only one who ever saw them.

I don't bother with expensive bags or shoes - I haven't found that branded stuff is all that durable and it's infinitely more aggravating when they do fall apart. Granted, I haven't and would never buy the *really* big-name brands, so maybe I just wouldn't know

I drive a Pontiac Vibe and I love it. We're borrowing it and I've already declared that when the owners return next year and we give it back, I'll be getting another standard.

I buy red KitchenAid appliances and Republic of Tea teas because I like a few products especially, and I like collecting things in sets - even if deep down I think Twinings Earl Grey tastes better.
My electronic gidgets are all simplistic and out of date. I do have bit of a Thing for cameras, and I upgrade my P&S pretty regularly and have a bunch of off-label stuff for it. I'm staying far, far away from DSLRs - they would not be good for my purse!


I do love owning a full complement of silver flatware, it's just so utterly luxurious, and I love when people notice and comment on it

Just buy Twinnings and stick the tea bags in the Republic of Tea containers!

 

[snoopkat]

Some of my clothes are for my friends (I dress much better and put in more effort when I'm going out for a girls night than on date night with Mr snoopkat) but my bling is definitely for me.

 

[rubybeth]

It interests me that the people who think I'm hard up seem themselves to be struggling to meet their own financial commitments - new car payments, a bigger house, more shopping, all adds up. If you bought them with a credit card, and don't pay the balance in full every month, are they still status symbols? I have one friend who has been through insolvency procedures, and still thinks I'm poor, because I have an old car. She has actually offered me cast off consumer goods when she's upgraded them (as if, the only thing stopping me from buying these items was cost, because they are intrinsically desirable and I must want them...).

This sounds so familiar to me. We have some 'friends' who are really into expensive things, both as status symbols and because they simply want 'the best' (i.e. the most expensive) but they are in debt up to their eyeballs. I don't envy their BMW or their new car, their fancy electronics, or her $500 shoes. Especially not because they are currently living with his parents, since they can't 'afford' their own apartment with their high debt payments each month.

 

[KittyGolightly]

I do love owning a full complement of silver flatware, it's just so utterly luxurious, and I love when people notice and comment on it

That is one status symbol I would just *love* to have.

 

[Haven]

I do love owning a full complement of silver flatware, it's just so utterly luxurious, and I love when people notice and comment on it

That is one status symbol I would just *love* to have.

Oooh, me too!

My jeweler recently made a full set of custom silver flatware for a customer. It was amazing. They designed the pieces together, and he called me in to take a look. This has been something I've wanted to do ever since.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Wow, that must have been incredbile!

 

[yssie]

I do love owning a full complement of silver flatware, it's just so utterly luxurious, and I love when people notice and comment on it

That is one status symbol I would just *love* to have.

Oooh, me too!

My jeweler recently made a full set of custom silver flatware for a customer. It was amazing. They designed the pieces together, and he called me in to take a look. This has been something I've wanted to do ever since.

Princess - but that would be cheating, and it isn't mind clean


Kitty - it was a wedding gift from DH's grandmother Since we moved I've been trying to phase out the stainless - we're not totally there yet, dishwasher-safe cutlery is just too practical to give up!

Haven - WOW. That really must have been incredible!! Is this Burdeen's?
And oh my, the pricetag must've been pretty incredible too..!

 

[TravelingGal]

Everything about me doesn't inspire much notice. Car, clothes, bag, shoes, nope. Jewelry - it's pretty much for me. My watch is nice by my standards, but only watch fiends would know what it was. My three stone ring is the first thing that is getting a LOT of attention (my necklace was my only other piece that really did) and this is new for me. I'm actually finding it kind of disconcerting since my jewelry had never gotten attention before. But on the positive side, it seems to happen when I travel to other parts of the country and not at all where I live in L.A., so that is fine by me!

 

[kenny]

There are 3 things, the owner, the observer, and the object.

The object functioning as a status symbol may or may not happen in the mind of either person.

If it does not happen in the mind of either person then it is not a status symbol ... to them.
Now if a third person walks into the room and percieves that object as a status symbol then the object IS functioning as a status symbol.

Once again, like beauty, it's all in the mind of the beholder.

I join the chorus of those who say I buy it for my own enjoyment or for its inherent quality.

ALSO, I do love it when someone also enjoys my fine piano or well-cut diamond - but it is not MEEEEEEE they are finding to be groovy.
It is the objects.
I feel the fine objects confer no status onto me.

 

[Haven]

Yssie--Yes, it was Burdeen's. I've never seen anything like it, it was such a cool project. His client wanted a full set of silver that she could pass down to her children one day, and they designed the pieces together and everything. All I could think was, "WANT! WANT! WANT!" Maybe if we win the lottery one day, right? I mean, can you imagine designing your own custom set of silver? And being a part of the entire process?

My favorite thing about Burdeen's is they always have really interesting projects going on. It's definitely like a candy store for a PSer!

 

[yssie]

Yssie--Yes, it was Burdeen's. I've never seen anything like it, it was such a cool project. His client wanted a full set of silver that she could pass down to her children one day, and they designed the pieces together and everything. All I could think was, "WANT! WANT! WANT!" Maybe if we win the lottery one day, right? I mean, can you imagine designing your own custom set of silver? And being a part of the entire process?

My favorite thing about Burdeen's is they always have really interesting projects going on. It's definitely like a candy store for a PSer!

It must have been *such* an amazing project!!

I just tried searching their blog but there's nothing on it there. Phooey.

 

[Haven]

I'll tell Matt there's a demand for details! Maybe they'll write something up on it.

Now I'm dreaming about my own set of custom silver flatware.

 

[yssie]

I'll tell Matt there's a demand for details! Maybe they'll write something up on it.

Now I'm dreaming about my own set of custom silver flatware.

Well... when you think about it... all you'd really need is two custom place settings, for you and DH...

 

[iLander]

Those were all interesting answers, very helpful.

Let's continue to explore the nature of desire, the reason for wanting things;

Some of you mentioned having previously owning luxurious items, things others consider status symbols. Some of you mention you currently own status symbols.

Was there a person who influenced you (some of you mentioned that) to desire these things?

If you've moved past certain items/brands, what eventually made those items unimportant to you (since they seem to be in the past for many)?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Wow, custom sterling flatware...imagine that!

Never do I consider buying things with the thought that they might impress someone. I do not have status symbol cars, clothes, purses. I do have some high quality things that others rarely see...things like sterling flatware, fine china, Waterford crystal..which are only used on special occasions; new house with a lot of nice new furniture and accessories which were bought at bargain prices because I live in furniture making country; and my jewelry.

My jewelry is solely for my own enjoyment. I try hard to make my jewelry be conservative enough that it isn't going to stand out too much in the places I go. No one outside of PS would know that my wedding band is from Tiffany's, nor would any of them know that any of the other branded items I have (Mikimoto, Beaudry, etc.) are anything special. I just don't think that people who aren't into jewelry really notice! I chose an Ebel watch over a similarly priced lower end Rolex just because I liked the looks better and didn't want the obvious status symbol. I now only buy high quality jewelry because I want it to become heirlooms for my children and grandchildren. I am enjoying the hunt for high end/high quality jewelry on ebay and other sites because I love bargains! I balance that out with the other times that I pay to buy retail or have something custom made.

I will make one exception. Jewelers have noticed I have a fine quality diamond and I think I get better service. My diamond isn't large, but I am sure they see plenty of poor quality diamonds. And I will admit, I like it when the sales people at Tiffany's take me somewhat seriously.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Okay, I just saw your next question which was posted while I was writing my other answer.

I had an aunt who never married or had children, and we were like her kids. She always took me shopping at the nicest clothing stores and she also bought me nice pieces of jewelry. She was the one who started giving me sterling flatware and then started my daughter a set when she was born. She sent me to Europe, etc. My family was basically middle class, but she taught me to enjoy finer things. She was like a second mother and best friend rolled into one, and she was generous to a fault. She spent very little on herself as I look back. But never did she really teach me to want status symbols, it was really to appreciate fine quality.

 

[Haven]

Good questions, ILander.

When I was in high school I purchased two Coach handbags, and now that I look back on it, I think I bought them because of what they seemed to mean to others and not because I had some deep desire to own them. (I know Coach isn't exactly a status symbol, but it's relative--I was in high school, and for us it was. Kind of in the same way those big chunky Tiffany charm bracelets are so important to so many HS kids. At least, they are around here.)

I spent $250 on one larger Coach bag, and $99 on a smaller one. (For reference--I spent $1,000 on my nine-year-old Blazer when I turned 17, so these purses were BIG and FANCY items to me.)

How did I move past this to the point that fancy handbags are no longer important to me? For me, I just grew up and in the process I came into myself and realized what was really important to me. I have no problem with people who love fancy handbags, I relish in reading a good MadameBijoux thread like the next girl! But for me, things in general just became less important when I became an independent adult.

I think this started in undergrad. I spent those four years in what felt like a heightened/elevated experience of life--I spent my time studying things I LOVED, interacting with really interesting people, and traveling as much as my meager budget could afford. I was exposed to so much, and in that process I worked pretty hard to iron out what was really important to me, and what was fulfilling, because I had this aching feeling that this hyper-life might go away once I graduated and I didn't want it to. I wanted to keep on doing what I was doing, just out in the real world.

For me, that meant having a lot of freedom to do and experience, and I realized I don't really care much for things if their acquisition gets in the way of all that doing.

I also just have a natural desire to create beauty in my home and work environments, so that means I need to surround myself with things that *I* find to be beautiful. I take more pleasure out of that than I do out of recognition from others.

 

[Autumnovember]

Those were all interesting answers, very helpful.

Let's continue to explore the nature of desire, the reason for wanting things;

Some of you mentioned having previously owning luxurious items, things others consider status symbols. Some of you mention you currently own status symbols.

Was there a person who influenced you (some of you mentioned that) to desire these things?

If you've moved past certain items/brands, what eventually made those items unimportant to you (since they seem to be in the past for many)?

Ok...some "status symbols" that I own which, by the way, I really hate categorizing it like that, are my car, ring, and 1 pair of shoes.

The person who has influenced me? My husband. With the exception of my car, I don't desire to have more of these things though. Has he made me desire loving nice things? Definitely but I also love a lot of really cheap stuff too.

More than anything though, I really enjoy just loving what I own because I only buy what "speaks to me." Status symbol or not.

Besides my car, there is no specific brands that are considered status symbols that I'm stuck on. And even so, some people may not consider my car a status symbol...depending on who you ask.

I love anything that sparkles and that one pair of high end shoes I own are exactly that. Unless you're a high end shoe lover or a sales person at Neiman Marcus, I doubt anyone would have any clue about the pricetag on them. And that's fine by me!

Honestly, I rather eat an awesome meal at my favorite restaurants 1000 times than have status symbols.

 

[decodelighted]

Was there a person who influenced you (some of you mentioned that) to desire these things?
If you've moved past certain items/brands, what eventually made those items unimportant to you (since they seem to be in the past for many)? [/b]

I think my maternal grandma started my "fashion bug" by telling me tales of what was currently chic in New York city or Paris or "in her day". Then I was one of the poorest kids at a fancy private school envying the real gold Add-A-Bead necklaces & Lacoste/Polo fashions & other Prep attire of my fellow students. Eventually I ended up working for Vogue magazine in NYC -- underpaid & oogly-eyed at all of the super luxury around me. It was a double edged sword as it made me *desire* certain status objects ... yet it also taught me how to fake that look at 1/5 the price. When I started making "luxury goods" $$ -- I did splurge on some of the things I'd wanted. Including a Tiffany watch & a Gucci bag & a shearling coat. Still have 'em & they've held up -- but I think I realized they weren't life-changers. My life was my same old life. And then I started saving all my extra $ for a house. Oh, and my first "luxury car" was a TOTAL LEMON. That'll teach anyone, right!?

 

[FrekeChild]

Hmmm...

I don't really think of myself as having status symbols.

I get plenty attention from teenage boys and younger men about my car, but I think that has more to do with the rarity of it than anything else.

I have a few pieces of Tiffany jewelry, Aqua by the yard (earrings bracelet and necklace), sapphire and tsavorite stacking bands, and a trefoil key (wedding present), but they are some of Tiff's less...signature items, and do not call attention to the fact that they are Tiffany.

I own some nicer bags, Kenneth Cole, Kate Spade, Tommy Hilfiger, B. Makowsky, and one Coach that belonged to my mom. None of them have large logos or any large signature elements to them (the Coach is a black leather messenger bag-from the 90s or so). I bought them for their various colors, Tommy is teal, Makowsky is bright green, Kenneths are brignt cobalt-y blue, pewter and purple, Kate is a bright aqua blue. Oh and a couple fossils (brown, seafoam and white).

Now shoes are where it gets a little bit different, because I adore shoes. But the vast majority of them are bought on sale if they are higher end, Magrits, Emilio Pucci, Kate Spade, Casadei, etc. And those aren't the terribly recognizable brands, such as those with the bright red sole...

And jewelry. But I keep it varied too, and most of it is custom made, albeit in silver.

Basically, I buy exactly what I like. If it has a large logo, I probably won't buy it. I don't need people to know that I paid $ or $$$$$ for what I have on me. If it's a color bag I like (that I don't already have) I might buy it. If it's a pair of shoes I like the look of, I'll probably buy them. If it's a gem/jewelry item that strikes my fancy, I'll buy it.

If anyone asks about my jewelry, I often tell them it's silver and gemstone, and they instantly dismiss it as being costume when they hear silver!

I don't consider anything I have to be purchased as a status symbol, but I can't alter the perception of someone who might think it is.

Biggest influence on me? My mom. She was the youngest of ten, grew up in a 2 bedroom house with 1 bathroom. She wore Walmart sweats 90% of the time, rocked a 1.5ct diamond, and had a custom built home (with 1 more bathroom than there were people living in it) in an exclusive area of town. She was and is the least pretentious person I know, and put her money where she wanted it, not where other people could see it. (Footnote: because of her usual attire, people often thought the rock was a fakey - 1.5cts is fairly large for our area.)

 

[Missy]

Good question iLander. Growing up we were firmly middle class. My dad worked for himself and my mom was a SAHM. We had a decent house and took vacations and we were never wanting for anything but we were never one to "keep up with the Joneses" if you kwim. My mom and dad never bought anything based on the "status" symbol label and only bought what they thought was a good value and what we would enjoy. My family is the opposite of what one would call status symbol obsessed. My sister and I knew the value of a dollar growing up and my parents worked hard to give their family a "good" life and materialistic things were truly never important.

However, my dad did buy some rather luxurious high end jewelry pieces for my mom (they were a very romantic couple and my dad was very generous that way and he had a love of beautiful jewelry for my mom) and you might think that influenced my jewelry preferences but at the time I couldn't care less. Jewelry was not even on my radar till I started dating my dh and he began buying me some lovely pieces. In fact, I never wore jewelry at that time though I certainly had jewelry from gifts etc from my family throughout the years. My ear piercings had actually closed up by the time I was dating my dh.

Anyway, fast forward to now and I am somewhat of a jewelry fanatic (but I don't care about name brands for anything) and I think that has to be thanks to my dh. It was before I even found PS but I will say PS has certainly added fuel to my fire LOL. So my greatest influence for the finer things in life would be my dh. He has a taste for all things beautiful and quality is the most important factor for him. Though he does like certain high end pieces he doesn't care if it has the "name" or not. He can tell quality and that is what he purchases and occasionally makes with his own hands.

 

[yssie]

This is a really interesting topic!

When I was in HS I wanted a Tiffany heart charm bracelet and a NorthFace backpack just like the most popular girls had. I never got the bracelet - it's not my style at all, and it lost its appeal when I graduated and the association with popularity disappeared. I got the backpack in college and thoroughly enjoyed it, though it certainly wasn't a status symbol any more!


I think there are status symbols that are for everyone else, and there are personal status symbols, and for me the two don't often coincide.

My parents are very much the quantity over quality type wrt "wearables" - clothes, shoes, bags. They splurge on quality in food and electronics, and in jewellery, though even then they're the sort to buy a suite of fifteen nice-but-not-spectacular opals rather than the set of two/three exquisites for the same price, and I'd have chosen the smaller set.


I do have lots of personal status symbols - though I am having some trouble distinguishing between status symbol, brand loyalty, and a strange predilection for collecting things in sets.

I have a Canon P&S and I take pleasure from knowing that almost all my "camera stuff" is also Canon. I could've bought most of it elsewhere and saved quite a bit without sacrificing quality - or getting better quality - and it's not like anyone else knows or cares what brand my spare batteries are! I did compromise on B&W filters... and I wasn't happy about it.

I want a piece by MC2 one day. The quality is indisputable, but I won't deny that the exclusivity and prestige have personal appeal - it doesn't matter that absolutely noone I know would have any clue who they are or why it's special, *I'd* know. Personal status symbol.


Well, I guess it depends on how you define "everyone else". Here on PS MC2 is a status symbol, as are LM, VC, the other VC, HW, Cartier... So I guess part of the question is: what exactly is a status symbol? Is it by definition something that you want only because someone you respect/admire/envy has it?

 

[Skippy123]

Well I do think some people care or else everyone wouldn't be sporting name branded clothes with big brand signs??? I don't know; I see fb posts saying, hey I got a new LV bag, new Mercedes, etc. . .

I think it is fun to be able to splurge and buy some things that are name brand. I like craftsmanship so I will go for a high quality splurge once in awhile, but I do it more for me.