What has/can turn you into a Bridezilla?

[caribqueen]

I ask this question because I''ve found myself borderline Bridezilla a few times in this whole wedding planning process. It''s become even more so stressful the closer that our wedding draws near.

I get so excited to open our RSVPs and they''re starting to come in like 6 - 7 each day, as we get closer to our deadline.

One of them today came from my FI''s cousin and she changed the 1 reserved seat to 2! She is a college student and NOT in a relationship. On top of that, I found out that the 2nd seat was for her to bring her mother who is no longer married to her father who will be at our wedding with his current girlfriend. Her mother was not invited to the wedding because she was related to FI only by marriage (when they were married). Can you believe the nerve of people?

Luckily for me, I asked FI to take care of it so that I wouldn''t have to open my mouth. I feel like people can really push a bride to the edge if we let them.

 

[missy]

I was quite fortunate in that my whole wedding planning process was without drama or aggravation. In fact, the wedding organizers at our reception hall said I was the calmest and most laid back bride they have ever dealt with but after reading PS for a while I can see lots of things that would have turned me into a bridezilla LOL

The most important thing to remember is that you are marrying the love of your life and beginning the most exciting adventure (aka life) together as a married couple and that is the only important fact to hold dear as others may drive you crazy. Don't let anyone aggravate you and remain calm and cool. It is your day and it will be wonderful no matter what people do or say.

You cannot control what people do but you can control your reaction to them.

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!

 

[princessplease]

My SIL....trying to change things so they''re her way....she''s not even IN the wedding, her kids are flowergirls. It got so bad that I had to call the florist to put a password on my file so that whenever someone calls, they have to give the password, like calling your bank or something. I was 99% certain she would call and change things so her 7 year old daughter, who is a FG, can have a BM bouquet (she told MOH that "all hell will break loose" on wedding day if her 7 y/o does not have a BM bouquet)

The florist must''ve thought I was out of my mind, lol!

 

[JulieN]

Date: 4/5/2010 5:36:00 PM
Author:caribqueen
I ask this question because I''ve found myself borderline Bridezilla a few times in this whole wedding planning process. It''s become even more so stressful the closer that our wedding draws near.

I get so excited to open our RSVPs and they''re starting to come in like 6 - 7 each day, as we get closer to our deadline.

One of them today came from my FI''s cousin and she changed the 1 reserved seat to 2! She is a college student and NOT in a relationship. On top of that, I found out that the 2nd seat was for her to bring her mother who is no longer married to her father who will be at our wedding with his current girlfriend. Her mother was not invited to the wedding because she was related to FI only by marriage (when they were married). Can you believe the nerve of people?

Luckily for me, I asked FI to take care of it so that I wouldn''t have to open my mouth. I feel like people can really push a bride to the edge if we let them.

No, things never cease to amaze me!

 

[missy]

Date: 4/5/2010 6:32:54 PM
Author: JulieN

Date: 4/5/2010 5:36:00 PM

Author:caribqueen

I ask this question because I've found myself borderline Bridezilla a few times in this whole wedding planning process. It's become even more so stressful the closer that our wedding draws near.


I get so excited to open our RSVPs and they're starting to come in like 6 - 7 each day, as we get closer to our deadline.


One of them today came from my FI's cousin and she changed the 1 reserved seat to 2! She is a college student and NOT in a relationship. On top of that, I found out that the 2nd seat was for her to bring her mother who is no longer married to her father who will be at our wedding with his current girlfriend. Her mother was not invited to the wedding because she was related to FI only by marriage (when they were married). Can you believe the nerve of people?



Luckily for me, I asked FI to take care of it so that I wouldn't have to open my mouth. I feel like people can really push a bride to the edge if we let them.

No, things never cease to amaze me!

Huge ditto to this. The behavior of some people never cease to amaze me

PrincessPlease, unbelievable re your SIL
What makes people feel so entitled??

 

[sunnyd]

I was pretty cool until the day of the wedding. My BMs were taking forEVER to get ready when I hadn''t even put on my dress yet! We didn''t get a chance to do any pics together because there was no time.

I went kinda ''zilla on them. Oops.

 

[RaiKai]

Nothing actually did.

We found the planning process quite easygoing and enjoyed it.DH handled most of the planning and we both agreed to not get obsessed over details.

We were not worried about a "perfect" wedding - just one that reflected us and we all could enjoy. We actually turned a lot of stuff over to others (invited guests to participate in ceremony how they wanted without telling us beforehand, had resort pick out chair covers and other details, etc). And expected that there might be some surprises along the way!

The wedding day was easygoing and fun.

There were definitely some surprises (like non delivery of flowers) but I just adapted to the flow and enjoyed the spontaneity of things.

We had limited drama from family but as DH and I are both rather undramatic we nipped it in the bud quite calmly too.

I just don''t think a wedding is worth getting stressed over, and particularly not straining relationships over. At the end of the day it is really about you and your partner, the vows you enter into and the marriage that follows. The rest is just gravy.

I would not make for good television!

 

[legallyspoiled]

Trivial details that you spend months planning and perfecting somehow end up being a "big deal." If you forget that they are just small details, the stress levels should come down.

I am prone to being a bridezilla because I need people to be on time and things to be done the way I requested them to be done when you said that they would be done. The worst thing that you can do is a) keep me waiting on my day or b) tell me you are gonna do something and then not do it.

I was dubbed a grad-zilla when I graduated law school by my family. They said I was so mean and being a complete %&*@!. In my own defense, I had family coming in on Thursday, I had to be packed and out of my apartment on Friday, graduation and reception was on Saturday, and I had to drive 12 hours on Sunday to make it to Houston on time to start bar prep on Monday morning.

My tolerance level was very low. I don''t think that I was being mean. I was just being very direct. If you couldn''t or didn''t want to help, I didn''t have time for pleasantries. I just didn''t. I think they just weren''t use to seeing me like that.

I do not want to be like that for my wedding. I want to enjoy it and all of my family and friends surrounding me. I hope that hiring a super duper wedding planner and leaving most of the details up to her works! I really really want to be a happy blushing bride.

 

[jcarlylew]

hmm

right justified vs "it is not in the middle enough"
wanting to wear a veil
not wanting a 3rd passed dish
wanting an evening ceremony
being okay with 2 preggo bridesmaids

oh, wait, you asked for reasons WHY i was a bridezilla, not everything my mom accused me a being a bridezilla for... silly me

Actually i turned into a zilla when everyone expected me to do the planning, but then criticized every choice i made. NOT COOL.

 

[PumpkinPie]

caribqueen and princessplease - wow! incredibly rude people - it`s amazing what people turn into around a wedding..I`m sorry you`ve both had to deal with this kind of stress!

 

[princessplease]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:08:00 PM
Author: Maevie
caribqueen and princessplease - wow! incredibly rude people - it`s amazing what people turn into around a wedding..I`m sorry you`ve both had to deal with this kind of stress!

Thanks. I''m trying to ignore her crazy wacky a** lol!

 

[caribqueen]

It''s plain sad because honestly, to tell you the truth, up until this part of my planning, everything else has just fallen into place and been pretty easy. These people are just crazy.

How would my FI''s cousin like it if when I met her I said, "oh you''re the one who changed the number of invited people on the RSVP card?" I won''t do it because it''s tacky. If only people would use discretion and think before they did things.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:49:08 PM
Author: princessplease

Date: 4/5/2010 9:08:00 PM

Author: Maevie

caribqueen and princessplease - wow! incredibly rude people - it`s amazing what people turn into around a wedding..I`m sorry you`ve both had to deal with this kind of stress!

Thanks. I''m trying to ignore her crazy wacky a** lol!

do I remember previous threads about this woman? If it`s the one I`m remembering, you`re a better person than me to be able to take the high road she does sound pretty nutty

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:17:43 PM
Author: caribqueen
It''s plain sad because honestly, to tell you the truth, up until this part of my planning, everything else has just fallen into place and been pretty easy. These people are just crazy.


How would my FI''s cousin like it if when I met her I said, ''oh you''re the one who changed the number of invited people on the RSVP card?'' I won''t do it because it''s tacky. If only people would use discretion and think before they did things.

well I`m glad to hear this is the exception in your planning Just chalk this one up to unfamiliarity with etiquette (easier to feel calm about than someone just being super rude) and hopefully this will be the last of the craziness

 

[MagsyMay]

One aspect only. FMIL.

Think it''s any coincidence if ya take out the "I" is reads FML?

 

[kittybean]

The dry cleaners'' gigantic mess-up while "cleaning and pressing" my dress. Think pinholes in silk charmeuse (which can run like pantyhose!) + iron marks + stretching out the top of my dress to the point that my bridesmaid had to sew me into the dang thing to prevent a wardrobe malfunction. The owner of the place got a major chewing-out from a seriously irate bride the day before her wedding.

 

[Deelight]

The people who ordered my dress and told me I would not need extra length then refused to change it - so I called the wholesaler and got it fixed - my one and only true bridezilla momment

I was polite and nice though

 

[SAPHIRINA]

I''m in the early stages of wedding planning, but already some things are setting me off. In particular, after news of my engagement spread like wildfire among friends and family, I have people I haven''t talked to in ages coming out of the woodwork and basically inviting themselves to our wedding. Saying things like "Oh, I can''t wait to celebrate, when''s the big day?", or "Such great news, I''m definitely going to make it!". Uh... did I invite you?! We didn''t even announce our date to anyone but parents yet, invitations have not been ordered and guest list not yet finalized! Some of the people we are planning to invite have been saying the same, so now I am really reluctant to send them invitations. We don''t want a very big wedding - 50 guests max, as we both want to share our day only with those who are big parts of our lives - close friends and relatives.

Has anyone dealt with this? How did you handle it?

 

[missy]

Date: 4/6/2010 5:37:24 AM
Author: Saphirina
I''m in the early stages of wedding planning, but already some things are setting me off. In particular, after news of my engagement spread like wildfire among friends and family, I have people I haven''t talked to in ages coming out of the woodwork and basically inviting themselves to our wedding. Saying things like ''Oh, I can''t wait to celebrate, when''s the big day?'', or ''Such great news, I''m definitely going to make it!''. Uh... did I invite you?! We didn''t even announce our date to anyone but parents yet, invitations have not been ordered and guest list not yet finalized! Some of the people we are planning to invite have been saying the same, so now I am really reluctant to send them invitations. We don''t want a very big wedding - 50 guests max, as we both want to share our day only with those who are big parts of our lives - close friends and relatives.


Has anyone dealt with this? How did you handle it?

Congratulations on your engagement!!

Do not allow other people''s expectations to dampen yours of your special day. If you feel you need to comment when people start inviting themselves to your wedding just say that you and your darling fiance are keeping the wedding small and intimate. Mainly family but thank them warmly for their good wishes. Don''t let others bad manners upset you. Just be warm and polite because most people are happy for you and probably just get excited and forget their good manners in the moment.

Congrats again!!

 

[laughwithme]

The ONLY thing that I''ve gone Bridezilla over was the font we used on invitations. I love Scriptina, and FI thought (thinks) that its hard to read. He was saying no, we can''t use Scriptina. But the way the invites are designed, you basically HAVE to use that font and its so, so, so pretty. So anyway, I threw a pouting fit on the floor (I overdid it a little on purpose because I needed to make a point!) and eventually he gave in. The Bridezilla lasted all of 10 minutes.

Other than that, this wedding planning has been awesome and so fun. Don''t want to ever do it again, but this one time has been such a blast with no real hiccups!

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 4/6/2010 5:37:24 AM
Author: Saphirina
I''m in the early stages of wedding planning, but already some things are setting me off. In particular, after news of my engagement spread like wildfire among friends and family, I have people I haven''t talked to in ages coming out of the woodwork and basically inviting themselves to our wedding. Saying things like ''Oh, I can''t wait to celebrate, when''s the big day?'', or ''Such great news, I''m definitely going to make it!''. Uh... did I invite you?! We didn''t even announce our date to anyone but parents yet, invitations have not been ordered and guest list not yet finalized! Some of the people we are planning to invite have been saying the same, so now I am really reluctant to send them invitations. We don''t want a very big wedding - 50 guests max, as we both want to share our day only with those who are big parts of our lives - close friends and relatives.



Has anyone dealt with this? How did you handle it?

We invited under 20 people to our wedding (16 attended). We only wanted people close to us there (be it family or friend) and no replacements for those who did not make it. We have large families so this meant a lot of familly was excluded - even members close by blood.

For one we told people to let us do the announcements, we told those we invited to keep the details private...and we told those not invited that we were keeping it small and intimate. If we knew them fairly well we would say directly they would not get an invite. We were polite but firm about what we wanted in a wedding.

Honestly people reacted very well. We had tremendous support for a small wedding - most expressed "it''s the way to go" anyway. Even those not invited. Who knows what they said out of earshot but I don''t worry about it.

And the wedding was awesome!

 

[sammyj]

Date: 4/5/2010 6:50:06 PM
Author: sunnyd
I was pretty cool until the day of the wedding. My BMs were taking forEVER to get ready when I hadn''t even put on my dress yet! We didn''t get a chance to do any pics together because there was no time.

I went kinda ''zilla on them. Oops.

This will be me. I think I''ve been pretty laidback so far. Of all things in life I am most anal about being on time, and I know I''ll have to let that go of that on the day of the wedding...which will be the hardest thing ever! I am making up a loose timeline for my BMs and i think I''m going to let them know that I may be ''zilla-fied on the day-of and how they can help me not reach that dreaded place (e.g. be on time or at least not ridiculously late)... I should probably get started on my deep breathing exercises now.

 

[pinki]

I''m very "Big Picture" and haven''t had any moments yet. I''ve also been fortunate as well to have family that stays out of my wedding planning, only offering help and not giving opinions, and I have an amazing MOH who has been so on top of Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party planning that it''s been such a relaxing, enjoyable experience. I just realize that when my guests look back on the day no one will even notice 50% of the detail I''m putting into the day, so if one thing is messed up, who cares. I also gave myself 1.5 years to plan so that helped to de-stress everything as well.

As for guests rsvp''ing for 2 instead of 1, I don''t think that people are inherently evil. I believe that she is young and has never been married before and doesn''t understand the implications of adding her mother. I know that I''ve pulled a wedding foul once or twice in my life because I didn''t understand what it meant to the bride and groom until I planned my own wedding. Keep in mind that as you said, she''s a college student and doesn''t understand what it means to bring someone, not that she pondered for days on a way to irritate you. I''m really not trying to be mean here, but think that when things like this happen, you should look at them from the other person''s perspective so that you understand where she''s coming from before you over react over it and potentially damage relationships over something relatively trivial.

Saphirina - People are just excited for you and assume that they''ll be invited. All you have to do is nod and smile, say thanks and leave it at that. Once you set your invite list, if they''re not on it explain that you''re on a budget and wish that everyone could be there but that you just can''t afford it. People understand. They know how expensive weddings are and that you need to focus on family and closest friends first. I don''t think they''re being pushy and demanding that they''re invited, they''re just trying to share in your happiness and good news. If they get upset about not being invited it''s on them, not you. Don''t worry about it, you can''t make everyone happy.

Cj

 

[Nov2109]

I think to sum it up, petty BS such as:

People(Parents, siblings, BMs and other family members) thinking this day is anything other than celebrating and supporting myself and FI.

Using my wedding as leverage to get their way. (I have a very wealthy extended family, I''m pretty sure they all hate each other but still talk to one another so they don''t get written out of the will). I can''t tell you how many times I have found out people who supposedly care about me have said if you don''t do this then we wont go to Nov''s wedding.

Having an issue with every single thing possible, just to have an issue, bringing it to my attention just to get me upset.

Other than that I''ve been pretty level headed.

Oh and an 8 year old getting chocolate on my dress in the dress shop while getting alterations. We wont go down that road, but I almost killed her.

 

[zoebartlett]

I can''t say that I turned into Bridezilla but we did have a couple of last minute additions to our final number of guests attending our wedding and reception. Two unrelated family friends approached my mom about 2 weeks or so (maybe 3?) before the wedding and asked if they could bring a family member who was visiting them from out of town during the time of our wedding. I was pretty annoyed at one of our family friends for asking, but I never said anything. My mom took care of it, and she ended up telling both family friends that they could bring their family member. In my mom''s opinion, if our friends felt that they had to ask (it must have been kind of awkward for them too), it was only right that we say yes. I don''t think I agree, but whatever. It was fine in the end.

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 4/6/2010 9:29:58 AM
Author: pinki
As for guests rsvp''ing for 2 instead of 1, I don''t think that people are inherently evil. I believe that she is young and has never been married before and doesn''t understand the implications of adding her mother. I know that I''ve pulled a wedding foul once or twice in my life because I didn''t understand what it meant to the bride and groom until I planned my own wedding. Keep in mind that as you said, she''s a college student and doesn''t understand what it means to bring someone, not that she pondered for days on a way to irritate you. I''m really not trying to be mean here, but think that when things like this happen, you should look at them from the other person''s perspective so that you understand where she''s coming from before you over react over it and potentially damage relationships over something relatively trivial.

Cj

It''s definitely not something to lose sleep over and it has been handled. But you can only make so many excuses for people. I know she didn''t try to irritate me on purpose and that''s not the point.

A college student knows what it means to add someone to their RSVP card. When her father asked her why she changed the number, her reply was that there was no number on the RSVP card. NOT TRUE because my mother and I had a system to check ALL of them before they were sealed. I showed the card to my FI and he verified that someone had in fact changed the number from 1 to 2. This is a part of planning a (big) wedding, I know, but at some point, common sense has to kick in.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:56:31 PM
Author: MagsyMay
One aspect only. FMIL.

Think it's any coincidence if ya take out the 'I' is reads FML?

Haha! it took me awhile to get that!

Ditto! My FMIL is driving me crazy...
To my fiance:
"Since you guys probably already have sex, what color wedding dress is Jaylex planning on wearing?"

his response:
"red

"
ha ha. i love him.


So is my mom.
"Mom, Mr Jaylex and I are moving out next month (a year before our wedding)".
"fine. Go shack up with your boyfriend. but I won't be attending your wedding because I don't support your decision"

Then I reminded her of everything she did for my stepsister who lived with her fiance before their wedding last year.

"Mom, you payed for a third of *****'s wedding, took 3 days off of work to move her and her fiance two hours away using your company delivery trucks, furnished their entire apartment..."

her response: "That's different! She's not my daughter!"

I can't win lol.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 4/6/2010 9:33:44 AM
Author: Nov2109
I think to sum it up, petty BS such as:

People(Parents, siblings, BMs and other family members) thinking this day is anything other than celebrating and supporting myself and FI.

Using my wedding as leverage to get their way. (I have a very wealthy extended family, I''m pretty sure they all hate each other but still talk to one another so they don''t get written out of the will). I can''t tell you how many times I have found out people who supposedly care about me have said if you don''t do this then we wont go to Nov''s wedding.

Having an issue with every single thing possible, just to have an issue, bringing it to my attention just to get me upset.

Other than that I''ve been pretty level headed.

Oh and an 8 year old getting chocolate on my dress in the dress shop while getting alterations. We wont go down that road, but I almost killed her.

You''re a better woman than I.

 

[Nov2109]

jaylex....They got the chocolate out! I wasn''t really that mad that she got something on it, she wouldnt listen to me when I asked her not to touch my dress and her mother was actually praising her telling her she was doing a good job as I just kept repeating sixteen hundred dollars of satin and lace please put my dress down. I finally raised my voice and told her to get her hands off my dress, and then there it was, a chocolate stain from her grubby kid hands! I was more mad an 8 year old wouldn''t listen to an adult! Brat! And yes, the child was a relative of mine.

I too have dealt with the FILs not wanting us to live together before the wedding...they got over it, we have a house now too and they keep asking us what they can help with. Parents are funny people. Good Luck!

 

[LabRatPhD]

The thing I am becoming Bridezilla about is my gown. My worst fear happened (alterations can''t be done in the way that was promised) so now we are trying to work out something with the boutique. I am so frustrated - it''s the only thing that has elicited any emotion out of me regarding the wedding!