What happens when the wedding is called off?

[StacylikesSparkles]

So in the last two months, I know of two weddings that have been called off, one of which I was a BM. What happens are you call off the wedding? I was speaking with a bride who called off her wedding and she mentioned she is getting some flack from her BM's about how they expected her to reimburse them for the dress they bought. Is this common? To me, it never even crossed my mind to ask the bride and groom who's wedding I was going to be in to have my money back for the dress. It's non-returnable and isn't something I will be wearing, ever. I just figured that they must have a TON more important things going on in their life to ask them to pay for the dress I ordered. What is the right thing to do in this case?

 

[yennyfire]

That's a tough one. I'm not sure what Miss Manners would say, but my take is that the bride should offer to reimburse her bridesmaids..it would be the right thing to do. However, if she doesn't offer, it would be in extremely bad taste to ask her...in that case, I'd just let it go, especially if she's a good friend.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Thanks, Yenny! This definitely makes sense to me and seems fair. When my friend (not the wedding I was in) mentioned that she is being hounded a little by one or two of her bridesmaids to reimburse her, I just thought that was a little odd. I won't be asking the bride for money from the wedding I'm in, so I felt kind of bad that she is being asked by her BMs.

 

[Niel]

i would NEVER bring it up if I was a BM and the wedding was called off, but if I called of the wedding, I would feel it important to reimburse the BM. If my SO called it off though, I dont think id feel the same way. I think maybe it depends on who is doing the calling off? And what the situation is. Did I cheat on my FI and he found out so he left me? You'd bet your bottom dollar my BM would expect i pay them back. Did my SO meet another gal and run off? i think id have a lot more on my mind, and i would hope my friends that were close enough to be in my wedding party would understand.

 

[TaylaBrewer]

i would NEVER bring it up if I was a BM and the wedding was called off, but if I called of the wedding, I would feel it important to reimburse the BM. If my SO called it off though, I dont think id feel the same way. I think maybe it depends on who is doing the calling off? And what the situation is. Did I cheat on my FI and he found out so he left me? You'd bet your bottom dollar my BM would expect i pay them back. Did my SO meet another gal and run off? i think id have a lot more on my mind, and i would hope my friends that were close enough to be in my wedding party would understand.

I totally agree, it depends on the circumstances. Generally if I were the bride and the wedding were called off, I would feel obliged to repay the expenses that my bridesmaids had spent getting ready for my cancelled wedding... It just seems fair. However, if I called off the wedding because my fiance cheated on me, I probably wouldn't feel like losing money on top of a relationship. In that case, let him pay for it all since it was his "fault".

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Thanks, ladies! I certainly appreciate the different perspective. I guess if I were the bride in either situation (called off the wedding OR my FI called it off) I would be so wrapped up in figuring things out that reimbursing the BM wouldn't even have crossed my mind. Thus why I was a little taken aback when my friend mentioned a few of her BMs are asking her for the money. It just seems tacky to me to straight out ask during a time of upheaval.

 

[JulieN]

What terrible friends.

 

[CaprineSun]

What terrible friends.

I agree. Having to call off a wedding must already be a stressful and taxing process in itself--- but, then, instead of having friends support you, they are demanding their money back? That's pouring salt on a gaping wound, IMO.

 

[luvsdmb]

Some places will allow you to exchange bridesmaid dresses for something else, if the wedding is called off.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

What terrible friends.

I agree. Having to call off a wedding must already be a stressful and taxing process in itself--- but, then, instead of having friends support you, they are demanding their money back? That's pouring salt on a gaping wound, IMO.

Right?! I thought so too! I think my friend is planning to do a little house cleaning in the friends department, which to me is a very smart thing!