What do you want to do before you have kids?

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I know not all married couples are planning on procreating, but for those who are or are on-the-fence, do you have a list of things you want to do before creating spawn? And not just a list of the practical things (pay off mortgage/car loan/student loan, get X-amount of savings in the bank, lose 10 pounds, etc) but the fun stuff?

Generally-speaking I'm not a materialistic person and DH & I have minimal possessions, but there's certainly some stuff I want/want to do before we consider having kids.

1. Take one long, fabulous trip... Perhaps 3 or so weeks... Maybe Greece? Germany? Multiple places?
2. Trade in our current vehicles for an SUV & a convertible
3. Gut & remodel our basement & add a 1/2 bath down there
4. Run a 1/2 marathon together
5. Start & finish a fun colored stone project for myself
6. Buy a little piece of heaven up in the Rocky Mountains... even if it's just land and not a cabin.

I'm sure there's more I could add. Most everything is impractical or at least non-essential, but who knows? I don't anticipate that our "fun" will stop once/if we have kids, but chances are I won't splurge on a convertible or a mountain retreat when I'm thinking about paying for college. It's fun to dream

 

[Haven]

My initial response was to write something similar to what you wrote in your last paragraph--that I don't anticipate we will stop doing the things that are important to us once we have kids.

We don't really have a list of anything we'd like to do before we have kids. We try to go on a trip to Europe every summer, and we don't plan on stopping that once we have children. We don't have any big house projects we'd like to do, but we will probably add an addition once we have kids. Or move to a larger house.

I really can't think of a thing! We are really dedicated to doing the things we love to do, so we're constantly focusing on what is important to us and we don't put much off unless we have a very compelling reason. We will definitely continue to go bicycling and hiking and traveling and whatnot after we have kids. Those things are all so important to us that we wouldn't be happy if we gave them up.

 

[megumic]

The only real thing I can think of is sleep more.

To be honest, so many people have told us to wait, do this or that, travel, spend time together, yadda yadda. But the best advice I received about when to have kids, was from my favorite law school professor. He said, "have them early and often, because then you get to enjoy them longer." Which I think is a great and very valid point that nobody ever makes. Kind of off topic, but wanted to throw that in there, since it's kind of become our philosophy on having kids. (Also, FI wants me to add that this may be different if we didn't live together before marriage...also a valid point.)

 

[yssie]

The only real thing I can think of is sleep more.

To be honest, so many people have told us to wait, do this or that, travel, spend time together, yadda yadda. But the best advice I received about when to have kids, was from my favorite law school professor. He said, "have them early and often, because then you get to enjoy them longer." Which I think is a great and very valid point that nobody ever makes. Kind of off topic, but wanted to throw that in there, since it's kind of become our philosophy on having kids. (Also, FI wants me to add that this may be different if we didn't live together before marriage...also a valid point.)

So true megumic!

I have only recently begun to truly accept that our lives as we know them won't be 'over' once we have children - we'll still be us, and we'll still do us things, and we're particularly lucky in that there are four eager grandparents and two sets of aunt and uncles who would delightedly take them off our hands when we want "us-time" to take a romantic trip, etc. I used to want to wait until my 30s, now that the idea of having them isn't quite so terrifying I'm very open to having them earlier.

ETA:
I just asked FI what he wanted to do before we have kids, he said "well it's prerequisite to having them so I think we'll be good"

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I do have a list of boring things I'd like to accomplish before having kids (promotion at work or new job, financial goals, etc.), but for us the major "pre-kids" goals have been met. When we got married our goals were to buy a house, get a second dog (who needed to be at least 2 before having kids) and take at least 3 domestic and 3 international trips.

There are still a lot of places I would like to travel before we have kids. We will definitely travel after having kids, but I know it won't be the same. We had planned to go to Switzerland this summer, but my husband injured himself and we used a lot of vacation taking our dog to various vets this year, so it's not in the cards. I'm hoping we can still go to Scotland this fall.

So yes, there are still a couple of things I'd love to do before having kids, but for the most part we are ready. In fact our future nursery is sitting empty just waiting for us to start trying.

 

[stephbolt]

We have some boring and some fun ones:

Pay off all our cc debt.
Pay off my car.
Move to a better neighborhood (sell our current home and buy a new one).
Take a 2-3 week trip to Europe.
And I want to run a half marathon (just signed up for November!)

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

You know, I must admit that my list has more to do with people saying, "Make sure you do ALL THIS STUFF before you have kids, because it won't happen once they arrive," than my actual desire to do those things (minus the basement reno and the 1/2 marathon).

I'm 24 and DH is 27 and we plan to start trying in two years or so. There's some odd guilt that comes along with wanting to have kids at a younger age. I dread family and friends asking, "So... was this planned? You WANTED kids only 3 or 4 years after marriage?" But.. yeah... we do We love our lives as a two-some (plus animal companions) and see children as adding to our family, not detracting.

We might miss the fun-money, but I'd rather invest it in a child's future than in a handbag collection, anyway

We're watching our 3.5 month old niece right now. My uterus is aching just watching DH care for her

 

[random_thought]

The only real thing I can think of is sleep more.
ETA:
I just asked FI what he wanted to do before we have kids, he said "well it's prerequisite to having them so I think we'll be good"

I nearly peed my pants when I read this! The main thing for us is to TRAVEL! There are many places we want to go. We also want to be able to experience some of these places with children as well But the more romantic trips we'd like prior to having children. I think i'd also like to have my car completely paid off but by that time I'll be 30 and we'd like to start trying before then (like 28 or 29). Guess I better start putting in overtime

 

[Haven]

After reading other people's responses I've realized that we're doing a lot of the things that I guess I would put on the list if they weren't already taken care of. Our only debt is our mortgage and a few student loans, we take a great vacation to Europe every summer, we own a house, our cars are paid for, we live in a great family neighborhood. If we hadn't already done some of those things, they'd be on my list.

I did think of one thing I want to do before we have kids: Redecorate the house. I have a HUGE list of DIY things that I want to do, and I know we won't be as into doing it all once we have kiddos. Oh, and I'll need to clean out the spare bedroom. It is currently my craft room.

 

[diva rose]

My list is:

1. Go on a vacation somewhere romantic where there are no kids - We were thinking the F1 race at Monte Carlo or Maldives.

2. buy a business - still working on that for my DH.

3. for DH - another watch (he loves nice watches) - I'm thinking about getting him either a Rolex or Speedmaster by Omega.
For me - a coloured gem. I was thinking like a 3C asscher cut of some sort to make into a ring.

I would love a pair of diamond earrings 0.5C each - DH thinks 1C each because my earlobes are big.
In our culture, there is a little tradition - for every child you give your husband, you get something diamond related.
So I think I'm going to save the earrings for that occasion.

 

[diva rose]

I would like to add this to my list

The underwater resort in Fiji.

http://www.poseidonresorts.com/poseidon_main.html

 

[allycat0303]

This is another great topic!

1) I want to feel like I have travelled to many places (I've only been to Italy and Mexico so far)
2) Have an idea of where I want to work when residency is done.

I think that is pretty reasonable.

 

[princessplease]

On our list is:
1)Vacation in Fiji in an overwater bungalow
2)Travel to Europe
3)Pay off most if not all of our CC debt
4)Buy a home
5)Ideally, DH would like to finish school, however, seeing as how he's not enrolled yet, that may have to wait.
6)Just enjoy being married!

 

[mayachel]

Hello all, I'm not a newly wed yet-just over a week to go BUT babies are on the brain! A week ago, as I was struggling through studying for a final exam I decided (because I always need back up plans) that if I failed the class it would just mean we COULD have that honeymoon baby. (I would have to wait out a year before resuming the place in my studies, due to the rotation of classes in a small program). It is useful to note that we already have lived together for 4 years and own a home together. DF has a stable job and one of these days I will again too. (Working on my MS) I thought originally I'd be finished this summer, which put us on track for the wedding and baby train next year, but after my first semester I dropped down from the accelerated track to full time. Meg-I love your comment from the law prof. It is so true that the academia/business society is always trying to finish one more degree or one more level of job advancement. There constantly feels like pressure to "get somewhere" when you are surrounded by overachievers and used to being one. So mostly, I want us to get organized. We have been running on 50% for 2 years now in terms of our lives outside work and school. Our house is full of piles of paper and we don't get to see our friends as often as we'd like. With the expectation that that all gets more complicated with kids, I'd like to feel like we have mastered the work/life balance a bit better. I want to be in better physical shape, but that goal is simply a stop gap to get me through the next 6-9 months before it makes the most sense to start TTC. We're no spring chickens either at 29/30 and enough friends with toddlers and babies that we didn't WANT to exclude children from our wedding.

 

[charbie]

i also hope that even as priorities change after kids that we are able to still enjoy doing all the things we love to do. Since DH and I want to have kids soon, the only thing I know we will plan on doing before kids is take one more vacation.

We also already have a house, pets, decent cars and jobs, so at 26 and 29, I feel pretty comfortable to start making them babies!!

I have more of a "things I want to do before I'm 35" list. That includes paying off all our debt but mortgage (we have no credit card debt...so student loans, cars) and my present to myself for paying off my student loans will be buying a boat. I get so many people who say owning a boat is just throwing $ into the water, but I LOVE boating and cannot wait to have a boat.

 

[katamari]

Finishing our educations and getting jobs we both love were the real barriers on our list. DH is still looking for *the* job, so that is a hold up now, but the rest is accomplished here. Realistically, we would love to take two more major trips (Russia/Czech/Croatia and South Africa/Mauritius) and replenish our savings. Less realistically, DH would like to buy a house. Completely impossibly, I would like to earn tenure first. However, because of our age and the realities of our jobs, we have a time where we must start trying whether or not we have met our goals. At this point, it is more a rush to accomplish these goals "or else" than a "when we do, then" situation.

 

[meresal]

Charbie, I'm with you... my "Things to do before ?? age" is more important to me than what I wanted to do before kids.

I don't know if I am allowed to post here, since I already have a little one, but what DH and I realized, is that having a child doesn't stop you from doing all the things you want, it just requires more planning.



ETA: Every single boat owner I know has told me this joke... "The best days of owning a boat, the day you buy it, and the day you sell it." LOL. I still want one as well, but not until we have a slip somewhere. I refuse to tow it all the time. I think that is the worst part, IMHO.

 

[diva rose]

On our list is:
1)Vacation in Fiji in an overwater bungalow

Princess ~ may I recommend this place for the future
I went there for my honeymoon. It is very secluded and romantic. Our fondest memory to this date is our snorkeling experience at Royal Davui. It is amazing and words can't describe how beautiful it is.

We stayed in Villa number 6 - highly recommended - has the best view of the water.
http://www.royaldavui.com/

Fiji only has one resort with over water bungalows:
http://www.likulikulagoon.com/

 

[nkarma]

Getting married in 2 weeks, but my list includes:

Have 100 more hangovers
Either live abroad for at least a year or travel abroad for 6-8 months
I am in the midst of switching careers so get settled in a career I love
Do lots of spontaneous things and try new stuff a lot
Eat at my must dine at before I die restaurants
Skydive
Travel, travel, travel

 

[gwendolyn]

Everything. I'm a weirdo with a broken biological clock. Don't think we'll be having any kids.

 

[pancake]

No list here - but we did want to take a year off work to travel, which we are doing this year!

 

[nkarma]

Pancake - Are you in the US? How easy was it to take time off. I get weird looks when I tell people I want to do that. In the US, you must work and work some more and you are weird if you don't want to.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Everything. I'm a weirdo with a broken biological clock. Don't think we'll be having any kids.

Gwen-I don't think you are weird. I feel the same way. I agree that you can do all things with kids that you can do without as long as you plan them, but after 32 years of planning, I don't want to!

All of my friends have kids and they are mostly gorgeous, rambunctious bundles of joy, but I collapse gratefully into the couch when they finally leave!

Eh! To each his own...

 

[meresal]

WannaB- I menat planning, as in, for a REALLY GOOD sitter!

I'm not really loving the idea of taking an 11 month old with us to Hawaii. I am also about 99% sure that my parents would love a chance to spend a week with the little guy! LOL.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Hi Mere! Believe me, I understand! My DH has two boys that live with us full time so I am very well aware of planning!

We just went to India and the Maldives and my mom had to take a week of vacation from her job, we had to pay airfare for her and my sister to come to our home to watch them, and coordinate with another mom to pick up the kid's school schedules while we were out of town. INSANE!

It was absolutely worth it, but there is NO WAY I am volunteering for any more of that! hahaha!

 

[EmptyLeftHand]

We're going to live in France for a year. The apartment we're going to be renting in is miniscule so there will only be room for the 2 of us (and even then it will be tight!).
otherwise...drink lots of wine, eat pate, and unpasturised cheese, and shellfish, and chocolate mousse made with raw eggs and all the other things that are out-of-bounds for 9++ months! Stock up on the goodies!

 

[gwendolyn]

Everything. I'm a weirdo with a broken biological clock. Don't think we'll be having any kids.

Gwen-I don't think you are weird. I feel the same way. I agree that you can do all things with kids that you can do without as long as you plan them, but after 32 years of planning, I don't want to!

All of my friends have kids and they are mostly gorgeous, rambunctious bundles of joy, but I collapse gratefully into the couch when they finally leave!

Eh! To each his own...

Aw, thanks, hon. I try not to, but I do feel weird about it, as everyone (almost literally) is either about to pop or has already and has a tiny little person or two. It's not even that I have something against kids, because I am a teacher, and a darn good one at that (if I may be so bold!). I don't know what it is, there's just no drive whatsoever to have my own kids, and I know that right now, my job (high school teacher at a special needs school) is so exhausting and emotionally draining that I sometimes wonder if I am doing a good enough job as a wife--as a mother, I'd be absolutely terrible! So, best for all concerned, methinks.

 

[DearBuddha]

1. Finish grad school (done in May!).
2. Travel to S. America and backpack through Europe for one month
3. Buy a house
4. *Ideally* pay off my student loans (but considering this will take me 'til the cows come home, it isn't a 'must-do').

 

[bee*]

The only thing that I really want to do is to finish college and work for a while before/if we have kids (still haven't decided). We've been together 11 years and have travelled extensively together. Our travelling won't stop though when we have kids. We adore going to different places.

 

[STEPHANSON]

i have been married for two years and we have just started TTC and this is what we have checked off our list ...

2 week alaskan adventure trip
buy an investment property
pay off credit cards
do all house improvments and upgrades