What do you think of vow renewal ceremonies?

[hathalove]

I was curious what you all think of vow renewal ceremonies?

 

[Laila619]

If others want to do them, great, but I don't really get them. When DH and I said our vows, they did not have an expiration date. They were for life. So why would we need to renew them? The vows are good forever.

It's a sweet idea though.

 

[redwood66]

Oh hathalove what a great question and I would love to see others opinions. My DH and I are approaching our 25th in 2 years and I would love to do it because we did not have a big fancy wedding all those years ago. I am not sure he is up for it though - he thinks I am kinda silly to want it. I would do it on the Alaskan cruise we are planning for the 25th so not really a big affair.

 

[monarch64]

I'd rather celebrate a vow renewal than go to a divorce party! I think it's nice to reaffirm your commitment. It seems very romantic. Who wouldn't benefit from more romance in their life, right?

 

[kenny]

Meh.

Not needed.
So people who didn't have a vow renewal ceremony are less likely to not keep theirs?

By all means celebrate your happiness/marriage with a 25th Anniversary event ... but it needs no new and clever name.

You already got married.
Or was that not good enough?


... You asked.

 

[hathalove]

Its been on my mind a lot lately. We got married really young and basically grew up together in our marriage. Well I guess we are approaching 14th and 15th wedding anniversary! So for some of you 25-30 yearers that probably seems like nothing. No matter how wonderful marriage is we have faced many challenges and I feel like we have grown, evolved and are in a way-different but the same people. I don't know. I also don't really want to waste money or anything like that. We do need to plan a romantic trip /family vacation/ something. We need it. I am not sure my dh thinks we need the renewal part... but part of me feels like it would be romantic, delicious and...

 

[mary poppins]

I agree with Laila's point. That being said, it's nice for couples who want to do it. If I were invited to attend within the metro area where I live, I might go. Otherwise, I wouldn't attend unless it were for my parents or grandparents.

Actually, are guests invited or is it usually a private affair for just the couple? I don't even know anyone who's had a renewal ceremony.

For myself, maybe I'd want to celebrate a wedding anniversary in a fabulous way rather than have a vow renewal ceremony. I've never thought about it, really.

Oops, edited to remove question to hathalove because she answered it already while I was writing. Someone already copied though.

 

[alexah]

I'd rather celebrate a vow renewal than go to a divorce party! I think it's nice to reaffirm your commitment. It seems very romantic. Who wouldn't benefit from more romance in their life, right?

I love this!

I went to a 25th Anniversary vow renewal when I was in high school - it was my parents. They got married in the US but my Mom was originally from a Scandanavian country so most of her family and friends missed "take 1" (it was very expensive to fly to/from Europe back then).

So they took the renewal on the road to my mom's home country - and flew out immediately family from the US to join them. She was beyond happy to have her whole (US) family meet the people she grew up with.

It was such a beautiful, uplifting thing to experience. I've never seen my mom so happy. Definitely something none of us will ever forget.

Edited to add that their 50th Anniversary is coming up this year!

 

[Laila619]

I agree with Laila's point. That being said, it's nice for couples who want to do it. If I were invited to attend within the metro area where I live, I might go. Otherwise, I wouldn't attend unless it were for my parents or grandparents.

Actually, are guests invited or is it usually a private affair for just the couple? I don't even know anyone who's had a renewal ceremony.

For myself, maybe I'd want to celebrate a wedding anniversary in a fabulous way rather than have a vow renewal ceremony. I've never thought about it, really.

Hathalove, are you considering having a renewal ceremony?

Yes, ditto. I'd plan a romantic anniversary vacation for two instead of a vow renewal.

 

[hathalove]

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

BUT that is why I wanted to "talk it out" with PSers. Maybe my thinking is off here and it should just be an anniversary celebration?!

 

[mary poppins]

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

BUT that is why I wanted to "talk it out" with PSers. Maybe my thinking is off here and it should just be an anniversary celebration?!

It should be whatever you want it to be. Adding an officiant, cake, new dress, photographer (or staff taking pictures) and fabulous dinner to a trip somewhere special shouldn't be that much extra cost. If a vow renewal really means something to you and your DH is on board with it, go for it!

 

[Gypsy]

I would do one. Maybe for our tenth wedding anniversary.

A private one. I wouldn't invite others.

Sometimes it's nice to affirm to one another

I think it's a personal thing. All that matters is what the people involved think of it. It's not anyone else's business.

 

[packrat]

We've talked about it before and my answer is still the same. I love the idea. Quite frankly, it doesn't take much to get married. STAYING married is the hard part. And *that's* what should be celebrated, in my eyes. You're different, grown, matured, evolved, changed-you're not the same people you were when you got married, why not celebrate that? I celebrate the fact that I've not smothered my husband in his sleep every time our anniversary rolls around. That is LOVE people. You *celebrate* that shit.

 

[Sky56]

I don't know exactly why, but when I first heard of them, I thought it was silly and I still do.

I could see throwing a nice party to celebrate an anniversary, but "vow renewal" just sounds odd to me. I know it's popular.

 

[hathalove]

We've talked about it before and my answer is still the same. I love the idea. Quite frankly, it doesn't take much to get married. STAYING married is the hard part. And *that's* what should be celebrated, in my eyes. You're different, grown, matured, evolved, changed-you're not the same people you were when you got married, why not celebrate that? I celebrate the fact that I've not smothered my husband in his sleep every time our anniversary rolls around. That is LOVE people. You *celebrate* that shit.

This right here!!! You just expressed it better than I did. This is the feeling. STAYING married is hard and we both have come a very long way! Also all the threads about present affection, lack of, expectations, feeling fulfilled, expressing love, feeling good about yourself and feeling good about your partner etc...

 

[armywife13]

My husband and I are considering doing a vow renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary. When we got married 6 years ago, it was just us, my FIL and SIL in a courthouse. It was a very informal event, DH was in his BDUs and I was in jeans and a t-shirt. I would love to do renewal where we could dress up, be surrounded by friends and family, and have a celebration of our marriage.

 

[Gypsy]

We've talked about it before and my answer is still the same. I love the idea. Quite frankly, it doesn't take much to get married. STAYING married is the hard part. And *that's* what should be celebrated, in my eyes. You're different, grown, matured, evolved, changed-you're not the same people you were when you got married, why not celebrate that? I celebrate the fact that I've not smothered my husband in his sleep every time our anniversary rolls around. That is LOVE people. You *celebrate* that shit.

WORD!

 

[packrat]

Lordloveaduck Gypsy just agreed w/me. In caps even. and smilies. Celebrate *that* shit!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Packrat!!! I actually agree with celebrating actually staying together!

I do believe anniversaries are a great time to do something special and remember the commitments made and the storms weathered, etc. But I will have to agree with Laila and others, our vows are good for a lifetime and do not need to be redone. We covered all the contingencies at that time...for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. I can see doing so if a couple separates and gets back together, though.

I think there are many ways to celebrate the marriage without doing a vow renewal such as a party or a trip or a nice piece of BLING!!!

 

[packrat]

Well, we're getting NEW vows. We've outgrown the richer/poorer/sickness/health/forsaking all others. We've moved onto new ground. Currently, when JD gives me the narrow side eye of suspicion when I want him to do something (such as warm up my cold feet on his back or my cold hands inside his shirt or go out in the middle of the night b/c I want a peanut butter twix) I tell him "You *have* to, it was in our marriage vows." He says "Nope, I don't believe it for a second, Ryan never said that" And I say "Ho hooo you weren't LISTENING. *I* heard it and that's all that matters". Sooo now, I'm making vows that run the gamut.

Plus, in all seriousness, there are things we didn't do that I'd've liked to. And I want a new dress.

 

[Gypsy]

Like I said.

What works for one person, isn't right for another. If it's not right for you. Great. Don't do it. But don't judge others for doing so.

We personalized our vows. Since then they've been tested again and again. I personally would love to pledge my vows again to my husband. And I would love him to re-pledge to me. They would have the weight of all that testing. And it would be an affirmation of their endurance.

That would mean more to me than any vacation. Any jewelry. Or party. Or any thing else. I can honestly say that nothing else would mean as much to me.

And that's what matters. Not what anyone else (except my husband) thinks.

And as I said, it would be just the two of us. I wouldn't want anything else. Cause that wouldn't be right for us. Whatever is right for anyone else... that's their prerogative and I wish them well.

 

[MollyMalone]

Since packrat & Gypsy have already expressed my sentiments, I'll simply say there are many things that, from an objective viewpoint, are not necessary. That doesn't mean you should refrain from doing them

 

[4ever]

Honestly? I assume one or both of the people involved have broken their vows (ahem*cheated*). IMO I don't get why else vows would need to be renewed.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I doubt we would ever do it. For me the ritual of marriage and vows holds a special place at the start of a marriage. The innocence and hopefulness of that moment cannot be replicated. I certainly agree in celebrating that we refrained from murdering each other in our sleep these past 7 years but I would choose to celebrate with a different ritual rather than reenacting one that was so meaningful in my past.

I also wouldn't do a PhD renewal or childbirth renewal, the three other most meaningful events in my life!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Do I have to buy her another ring?..

 

[SB621]

I love it! I think it is romantic! I know my DH and I are planning one soon. It will probably be our 8th or 9th anniversary and not the big 10 but you have to work around the military and when he is home. Anyhow I say go for it. We were also married young. We had a semi large wedding and I hated every second of it. This time it will truly be about us. I say do whatever makes you happy!

 

[Indylady]

I think they are sweet and beautiful.

A friend of mine did a vow renewal on her 1st anniversary, complete with a big white dress and tux--in her particular case, it seemed a little much though. I was happy to go and support her and be part of the celebration, but was exhausted from the 7 different wedding related events before and after her wedding (engagement party/bachelorette/bridal shower/henna+classical music night/a second reception/and another event or two that I couldn't make it to)--a 500 person wedding+reception--all in the preceding year. That, ffollowed by the vow renewal a year later, was a exhausting both financially and emotionally (getting excited for every event, writing cards, make up+dress, posing for pictures, dealing and helping manage wedding drama and family members) from taking part in so many wedding festivities. Its the only time I've felt a vow renewal was a bit much; otherwise, I love the idea.

 

[missy]

I think they can be romantic. If your marriage is strong and you are not doing it in an attempt to "fix" things I think it can be a sweet and romantic occasion. Everyone is different and celebrates their love in different ways. No right or wrong way IMO. Only right or wrong reasons.

If we were to do a vow renewal I wouldn't invite as many people as we did to the wedding but only our closest and dearest because I would want it to be an intimate celebration. And I would not want gifts. I might ask people donate to specific charities in honor of our celebration. A number of our friends have done that for special birthdays or anniversaries and I love that idea.

I can't remember the exact number but my parents did a vow renewal on a ship many years ago (they have now been married for 50 years this past December) and no one was with them on the trip. So the vow renewal done by the ship's captain was just for the 2 of them. No other family or friends. It was very romantic and my parents did it because they were celebrating their very special love and marriage. Truly one of the best relationships I have ever seen.

Most likely my dh and I would not do a vow renewal but perhaps an anniversary celebration though I do not see that anytime in the near future. We are pretty low key and private that way. We don't celebrate our birthdays with anyone else but the 2 of us usually and that's how we like it though we do enjoy attending other friends and family's happy celebrations.

 

[JewelFreak]

Meh.

Not needed.
So people who didn't have a vow renewal ceremony are less likely to not keep theirs?

By all means celebrate your happiness/marriage with a 25th Anniversary event ... but it needs no new and clever name.

You already got married.
Or was that not good enough?

+ a million. If a couple feels they need to remind themselves (and others) of their promises years ago, nothing to stop them. But as Miss Manners advises, do it appropriately for their ages & circumstances. Wearing a fancy wedding gown & veil to walk down the aisle reminds me of when I played dress-up in my mother's old party dresses as a child. At 40, 50, or 60, it is to me embarrassing because so needy. A rationale often given is that "we didn't have a real wedding then..." Well, if a minister, a judge, or a JP did it, it was real.

A party in celebration is super, and maybe pledge your love & faith in the future privately between the 2 of you only, on a beach at sunset. Putting on a stage production is more about wanting to be the center of attention, imho.

--- Laurie

 

[pinkjewel]

Well, I guess I'll weigh in here since my husband and I just did a vow renewal 2 weeks ago for our 12th anniversary. Neither of us had ever broken our vows or even gone through a difficult period in our marriage. We had, however, just gone through several highly emotional issues the last few years- my brother's early death in December, my father's the year before, and my husband has recently gone through treatments for 2 different types of cancer (well 3 if you want to count skin cancers, too). If anything, we are closer than ever before and decided it would be a lovely way to celebrate our marriage. We went back to St. Thomas (where we were married originally)- just the two of us on a beautiful white beach with gorgeous turquoise water lapping at our feet. It was truly a beautiful and magical setting and very romantic. The ceremony was short and sweet, with funny personal stories entwined in it. I loved it- I'd do it again (haha)!!! If I could figure out how to reduce the huge photo file size I just got yesterday from our photographer, I'd show you a couple photos.

I'd say if you want one- just do it! It doesn't matter what other people think. It's about you and your husband and as long as he's on board with it (mine agreed because he wanted to give me something to get me out of my depression after my brother died), you are the only two that matter. My husband did gripe about some of the expense , but after the day he said it was totally worth it. The photographer (highly recommend him if you decide to go to either St. Thomas or St. John) took some of the best photos of us as a couple we have- actually I'll change that to the absolute best photos of us- much better than even our original wedding photos- so we're really happy we did it. It was more about celebrating our love than anything else. I know some people think vow renewals are silly- and, in truth, I've seen some that I think are way over the top. I wouldn't have done a big affair with lots of guests, with a big poufy dress and veil(Miss Manners would faint!!) but know some people do. I try not to judge as people may have reasons for wanting a big vow renewal ceremony- no money when they first got married, no ceremony the first time, a bad experience at the first ceremony, etc. So, what's wrong with doing it the way they want for a vow renewal?

So, in answer to your title question- LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!