what do you think of this proposal?

[njuneardave]

Hey, okay its my first post here, and i enjoy just reading around at everyone's opinions and such...so i figured i would run my proposal idea by you guys and see what you think.

heres some background: im 21, in college, studying computer engineering. My girlfriend of 2 mths (yes months) is 25 yrs old, and a teacher at a h.s. in my town. i am an associate youth pastor at my church, and we are both very Christianly ppl who love God with all of our hearts. I made a vow last summer (before I knew Jennifer) that I would not kiss another girl until my wedding day. I did this to consecrate myself to God (because I struggled with sexual purity in the past before I became Christian) and to ensure that my relationship with my wife would be based on best-friendship rather than physical aspects (i am a strong believer that physical relationships will at some point in time fizzle out and have nothing to fall back on but emotional relationships are much more lasting). i have stayed true to this covenant even though it has been very hard. so yeah, we have only been dating 2 months but we both know that we are meant to be together. I've prayed and prayed about it (as has she) and we talk about marriage every day we are together. I know she is the one for me..so I don't have a problem after 2 months thinking about spending the rest of my life with her....when ya know, ya know.....ya know? anyway here is my idea:

jennifer loves "Willowtree" figurine collectibles ... if you havent heard of them, they are little carved sculptures that depict life events. she collects them. teaching is a huge part of her life - she loves her kids and she loves teaching them (she teaches 9th and 10th grade physical science and biology). she is a BIT on the shy side, so this proposal might shock her. so here goes: i was thinking about proposing to her at the next upcoming school pep-rally on march 1st. i would sneak into the pep rally (for the regional basketball tournament) and after it is over the principal (who i already met with and confirmed we could do this) will get on the mic and invite Jennifer and her dad down to the floor (her dad is also a teacher at the school). The principal will say something along the lines of wanting to show appreciation to the family service they have shown and would then give her dad a wrapped gift. In that box (which her father will already know what it contains) will be a wood carving of a woman standing still with her hands out that i will carve myself. when he opens it, he will give it to her...she will be a bit confused im sure. then after she sees it, i will come out of hiding and in my hand i will have another carving that i will have carved of a man on one knee. The two carvings will fit together to show a proposal scene. i will walk out and give it to her father and then in front of the entire 2,000 students get one on knee and propose to her. i will prob. unintentionally cry cuz i do that alot =P. then all of the student body will clap and cheer. well thats my idea... oh and something else im thinking of...this is a bit corny and goofy...but that describes 1/2 my personality (goofy) in a nutshell: i was going to MAYBE (tell me what you think) dress up as a knight in armor b/c she has a big thing about her being my princess and how i always treat her like a lady. anyway, we are big family ppl, and all of our family would be there to witness the proposal too.

so i know that is long, but tell me if it is good or not. if not, she also loves the outdoors...so if you could think of a good alternative idea, itd be a help....

THANKS!!!


*edit* oh, and for you diamond connoiseurs, the ring i have picked out is a tiffany-setting 4 prong, 1 ct, F color, SI-1 clarity, PRINCESS (cuz she is my princess) cut diamond in 14k white gold. she said she doesnt like side diamonds or anything b/c it takes away from the main diamond. so yeah, thats the ring

 

[Blue824]

This is just me personally, being quite a shy person, I''d much rather have an intimate and personal proposal on a small scale. Maybe even a simple change of just doing this in front of one of her classes instead of 2,000 hs students? I think the figurines of a man and woman proposing are totally sweet and something you could keep forever though. Like I said, that''s just my personal opinion and you obviously know what she''d be more comfortable with, I was just commenting on that since you emphasized that she was shy. Good luck

 

[heart prongs]

I am a high school English teacher...I adore my students...I would have been horrified if my now-husband had proposed in front of them! Teenagers are wonderful, but they can have absolutely no tact at times! When I showed one girl my very beautiful (and by no means small) Mark Morrell ering, one of my favorite students said, "Oh that''s nice, but I want at least a three carat ring when I get engaged...from Tiffany''s." To which I responded, "Well, good luck with that!" You don''t want to take a chance like that, believe me. The boys will also say things like, "I''m never getting married; only losers get married." Yes, I know, charming! But that''s teenagers for you!!!

I think the important question here is whether you know the girl you are seeing well enough to know whether or not this type of proposal would bother her?

I have to ask, because you felt the need to explain yourself at length, do you really think 2 months is long enough to get to know someone, especially at such a young age? You say that you want your relationship with your wife to be based on best-friendship rather than physical aspects and that you are a strong believer that physical relationships will at some point in time fizzle out and have nothing to fall back on but emotional relationships are much more lasting...

A best friendship develops over time, as should a physical relationship. People who are involved in a happy marriage have a nice combination of both...and the physical part certainly doesn''t have to fizzle. Be assured, I''m not suggesting that you change your beliefs. You don''t have to kiss her before marriage, but just don''t rush into things just so you can kiss her!

"It takes a lifetime to get to know another person." I read these words from Madeleine L''Engle''s The Irrational Season at a friends wedding recently...and I believe them to be true. Trust me, take your time, enjoy dating, really get to know each other...It''s so much fun...and when you do get engaged, you''ll know exactly how you should ask her...because at that point you will really know the woman who is truly your best friend!!!

 

[njuneardave]

hey,

first of all, thanks for the replies and input...they are greatly appreciated and dually noted. i talked to her sister about the proposal (her sister is like her best friend) and she said that she would love it. but yeah, blue, your thoughts were the main criticisms running through my head when i planned this thing...wondering if it was too much for her.

heart prongs....you raise a great point. im sorry to hear about the students and how they reacted to your ring, but some day they will mature and understand things from your side - im sure you know that! and do i know her well enough....this is a fair question and very debatable depending on points of view. from your point of view, the answer is no...2 months is not at all long enough to be with someone and know you want to spend eternity with them. the quote was also a good point. rushing into the proposal wasnt to rush into marriage, however. I must have forgotten to explain, no matter when the proposal date is, we were planning on getting married the week after i get out of college...thats a year and a half. rationality would say: "why propose so soon if you have that long to wait?" rationality would have a good point. and i am still debating on this. but in all honesty, i know that i know that i know that i will spend the rest of my life with her, but i am so thankful for your advice heart prongs b/c i greatly value the opinions of more experienced, wiser people. i am young yes, i have a while until the marriage yes, so why rush the proposal? the only reason i wanted to propose this early was to give her plenty of time to prepare for the wedding arrangements. but a half of a year should be enough in itself anyway though, am i right? i truly want to do this proposal perfectly, and rushing into it without good enough planning doesnt sound like a safe plan. do you have any more advice? How did your husband propose to you, if you dont mind me asking?

thanks a bunch!

God bless

 

[PrincessBride]

All I have to say is...."WOW, 2 months!" You're in for a lot of surprises.

Sounds to me like you want to marry her just to free yourself from this sexual confusion you've been consecrating yourself to. If you marry her, then by all means you can have guilt free kissing and sex.

Good luck!

 

[njuneardave]

no, it isnt like that. like i said in the last reply is that either way...proposal now or proposal 1 yr from now, we are still planning on getting married in a yr and a half. its not for the kissing and sex.

sorry if i came across sounding like im impatient on that subject, but im not...i can easily wait to stay pure.

 

[Shay]

Njuneardave

I understand where you are coming from with your quick proposal as I have many christian friends. I dont think the time means anything as long as you know its right but I am glad to hear about the year long engagement. That is a very good plan. I also commend you on waiting till after your studies, that is a very mature decision.

Your idea with the figurines blew me away. She will have a permanent reminder of that beautiful moment made all the more special because you made them yourself. That said I must say that the idea of the school is a terrible one. I am so sorry but teenagers will more than likely ruin the special moment.

Given that she is a private person I would suggest that you ammend the idea slightly. Involve her family ( family is core to christian ideals and I''m sure she''d appreciate their blessing and involvement).

maybe send her on an errand where she meets various family members. each can give her something and a clue to the next person to visit. Flowers, chocolate etc her mother can have the figuring of the lady and send her to her father who will have the figuring of the man. her final clue can lead her to a park or a family room where everyone involved is waiting for her. That is where you can go down on your knee and give her the ring.

Just an idea

Excuse my involvement I''m a writer and tend to get carried away.

If you want complete privacy then wrap the figurines and give them, to her as gifts to unwrap and when she is done you give her the ring.

Best of luck with your future.

 

[heart prongs]

Dave,

Oh, don't feel bad for me about what that one girl said about her idea of an ering...I thought it was hysterical! I've also heard things like "Wow, your husband must be loaded to buy you a diamond like that!" or "How much did that thing cost?" They're teenagers, it's kinda funny how they have no filtering mechanisms -- every thought that enters their minds ends up coming straight out of their mouths. I tell my husband the funniest stories that begin with "You wouldn't believe what one of my kids said..." every night over dinner. You've got to have a great sense of humor (and thick skin) to teach high school!

To answer your question, we got engaged after 3 1/2 years, and were married after an 11 month engagement so almost five years from first date to "I do!" My husband took me out on our deck that is right across the street from the ocean, got down on one knee, said some amazing things to me about how much I've meant to him over the years, and how I'm his best friend...honestly...it's the hardest thing for a girl to remember because when it's happening you're in total shock! And he asked me to marry him. I said yes, we kissed, we cried and ta-dah...we were engaged! It was so much fun that weekend sharing the news with everyone. I'm glad it was a personal moment between the two of us...I'm not shy, but I am just one of those people who think elaborate proposals are a bit silly! It happened at 6:30 p.m. on Sept. 13, 2003. We were married August 15, 2004, just over five months now! We were able to have our dream wedding and the most amazing two-week honeymoon in Hawaii, all because we didn't rush into things.

We were definitely ready to get married -- emotionally -- before we even hit the year mark as we had been friends forever before we started dating; however, we were much more ready, in all ways, after a few years...It was so nice to have shared history going into an engagement. For instance, how might you both deal with a job loss, deaths in the family, $$$ issues, etc...? And when you do get engaged, there's a lot you go through in those months right before the wedding...it's a very emotional time. When you're engaged you get in arguments over stupid things like getting the guest list from his side of the family, why am I the one making all the phone calls, etc...And I had a fiance who was really helpful... Brides do not always act like themselves, just ask my husband!!! We laugh now about some of the arguments we had during that time, let's just say I'm glad we knew each other extremely well...He is someone whom I had developed an unbelieveable trust and he was the only one who always brought me back to reality by simply saying, "Hun, everything will work out."

Also, the anticipation of the engagement is something to consider. I feel like we had all these awesome talks about life that naturally changed from "I" to "we" from "If I ever get married" to "When we're married" It was fun, and I feel as though we earned our engagement...if he had asked me to marry him after two months, I don't know that I would have appreciated, or even deserved it, quite so much!

...by the way, did you already purchase the ring, if so, we'd love to see pictures...it is a diamond forum after all!!! klr

 

[lethologica]

I''m pretty shy myself and would be mortified yet ecstatic were I put in that position by my boyfriend...

It sounds perfect, if you ignore the fact that she''s shy - it''s a lovely idea, but terrifying to someone even remotely shy.

Sorry

 

[Lord Summerisle]

Sounds like a great idea - so long as you consider and weight up the fact that 99.99999999999999999999% of teenagers engage mouth before brain. And while yes, one day they''ll grow up, in that moment - things can get said that hurt others... while other things could be said that will elevate others... and those kids are going to be around her (at least while she is still teaching there) for 1-5 years...

And for anyone with a hint of shyness... being infront of 2K people would fill them with dread... tho im sure it would all be lost in the moment of realisation.

You know her best... so your the best judge - what ever you do, it will certainly be memorable to her, each of us are different - one person''s heaven is another''s hell.

I wont comment on the time thing.. the 2 month thing... thats your decision... but theres alot to learn about the other person...

But ask yourself - Why the hurry?

 

[njuneardave]

thanks for all of the input guys and girls. i love hearing everyone''s ideas and opinions, and this makes me glad that i asked on here in the first place. i never really thought of her being mortified about the public proposal, but that is because i like to be an entertainer. shay, your proposal idea was awesome...the one involving the entire family....i really really like it.

about the quick descision....its hard to explain the whole situation, and yes, you guys are correct, it is a bit quick. i think i will wait a while before i propose....what would it hurt (especially if i am going to wait until after college anyway)? i think the thing that sparked my early proposal is that she will be going to redding, california to spend the summer with her sister while i will be in huntsville, alabama working an internship. i felt pressed for time (end of the school year was my plans for the proposal) i wanted to secure our relationship i suppose. but i know that if she is the right one that i have nothing to worry about and she will return home in august to be with me again.

heartprongs, your relationship with your husband sounds awesome - congratulations on your catch! i think that was a very nice proposal he gave you! about the relationship issues....we have covered some - both of us will have a secure job when i get out of college: she is a high school biology teacher and i will be working for a company called northrop grumman which is national defense, so job security and money shouldnt be an issue since both are stable jobs. we have done some planning, but you are correct: we need to do much more before we plan on marriage. youre very lucky that your husband was such a steady rock to you during those pre-marital times, that is exactly what you needed. we are both tolerant people, and yeah, like every couple, we have our quaffs, but we are both quick to apologize and make-up. one deciding factor in a good relationship ive always thought was how the two fight: clean or dirty. you know....dirty being bringing up the old past mistakes or really low self-esteem-crushing comments. we are both too considerate to each other to ever say such things....when we argue, no matter how bad it is, all i want to do is hold her hand still. love will conquer everything if it is pure and true - so we should be able to overcome those issues u brought up (i know everyone thinks like this before they are married...but actions are more powerful than words and a person''s true integrity will be tested by fire) we havent gone thru a "real fire testing" yet. maybe after one, i could see how much i do truly love her. (im just agreeing and seeing your side of the opinion here prongs and all others who think i should wait.)

hmmm, i will try to get some picutres of the ring, but the only camera i have is a regular non-digital one from like 1989 heh. ill try my best to find a camera that i can use that would do the ring justice. i might have to return it tho....tonite we were at the mall and looking at rings and she said "okay, the one carat is a bit big...i dont want to be responsible for a stone like that. plus, i think the 5/8 or 3/4 carat looks better on my finger" she wasnt just saying that cuz of the money....she is always open about those things....this is a plus for my bank acct i suppose...but do you think i should really trade it in for a smaller one? it really seemed like she liked the 5/8 carat...she couldnt stop talking about how pretty and petite it was. blah! i think i should get what she wants and not what i want her to have (it would prob turn out bad...just like that original proposal idea)....is bigger always better for diamonds? can u actually have too big of a diamond?

anyway, sorry for the long post...and i really do appreciate all of your inputs!

 

[codex57]

Date: 1/18/2005 4

1

5 AM
Author: njuneardave
hmmm, i will try to get some picutres of the ring, but the only camera i have is a regular non-digital one from like 1989 heh. ill try my best to find a camera that i can use that would do the ring justice. i might have to return it tho....tonite we were at the mall and looking at rings and she said ''okay, the one carat is a bit big...i dont want to be responsible for a stone like that. plus, i think the 5/8 or 3/4 carat looks better on my finger'' she wasnt just saying that cuz of the money....she is always open about those things....this is a plus for my bank acct i suppose...but do you think i should really trade it in for a smaller one? it really seemed like she liked the 5/8 carat...she couldnt stop talking about how pretty and petite it was. blah! i think i should get what she wants and not what i want her to have (it would prob turn out bad...just like that original proposal idea)....is bigger always better for diamonds? can u actually have too big of a diamond?

I highly, HIGHLY doubt she''ll mind the 1 carat size. In fact, once she gets all the compliments from her coworkers, even if she did have doubts, that will quickly change. Plus, you need to factor in teh effect known as "diamond shrinkage."

My girl is petite as well. She didn''t want too big a diamond either cuz she''s not very big and thought it would look awkward and attract too much attention. We did look at some together and she thought a 1 carat was perfect. We then talked about going up to a 1.2 just for "bling" sake. However, just as I was getting down to negotiate the 1.2 ct stones I found, a 1.43 and 1.37 popped up. The difference was so big, that even I got excited (despite the huge price tag).

Anyways, I ended up with the 1.37 cuz the size was just too tempting. When I gave it to her, she fretted that it was too big and was freaking out a little about damaging it and stuff. However, after she started getting compliments from her coworkers, all those fears and insecurities magically dissipated.

As for too big. Yes, I think there''s too big. Comes a point when you start worrying about security, hassle of it falling over cuz of the weight, etc. However, I''d say that 99.9999% of women faced with that problem quickly learn to live with it.

 

[heart prongs]

Good call on deciding to wait Dave...Why not get her a hope chest and present her with the wooden figurines to put in it, saying that you can''t wait to become engaged to her -- someday!! Perhaps right before you two split up for the summer. Not many people do that anymore and I bet she''d love it! She''ll know you''re serious, but wise enough not to be hasty in your decisions.

Oh, and about the fighting...I don''t think we ever even had an argument until maybe a year and a half into our relationship. And, even now, when we do fight...we can''t stay mad at each other for very long. Still, we are both stubborn -- two redheads-- and it happens from time to time. You cannot live with someone and always agree...that would be boring and weird, I think! The key is to take the time to shut up and listen to the other person, walk around in their shoes for a while and don''t always insist on needing to be right! Easier said than done, of course.

And don''t you dare return the ring...1 carat will never be considered too big or too small...besides, girls always say that...we''re just trying to be nice!!!!

klr

 

[PrincessBride]

Dave, that was a very mature decision you''ve made on waiting. As for diamond, a girl never minds a bigger diamond. The fact that she''s okay with a smaller diamond shows that she loves you for just you. You can get her a .80 or .90 carat which looks like a carat, but will actuall save you about $2,000 or more. On the ring, get one with side diamonds, it''ll actually make the diamond look bigger. Just make sure the side diamonds are vey small. It''ll still sparkle just as nice.

Hope everything goes well.

 

[ChapmanLovesHarvard]

WOW what a proposal that would be!

I am also 21, so only 4 years out of high school. I can think back to my high school days and I can''t imagin the kids at my school being rude.. especially if she is a loved teacher at the school (which i am sure she is.) I think it would be a magical moment for her and something that her students would never forget. I am sure all her female students will fall in love. The only thing I would worry about is the fact that the whole school will know about this. It will be the talk of the school, and if she is a private person, who doesn''t like all that attention, that could be a problem. I think you had a good idea talking to her sister, she knows her better than anyone. I would say, however, I am not a huge fan of the dressing up as a knight. It is a cute idea, but a little much and if high school students were going to make fun of anything, this would be what they would make fun of.

Great job! You have put so much thought into this and I am sure whatever you end up doing will be wonderful because in the end it is you proposing to her.

GOOD LUCK!!

 

[BLINGQUEEN]

Date: 1/16/2005 6

7:48 AM
Author:njuneardave
Hey, okay its my first post here, and i enjoy just reading around at everyone''s opinions and such...so i figured i would run my proposal idea by you guys and see what you think.

heres some background: im 21, in college, studying computer engineering. My girlfriend of 2 mths (yes months) is 25 yrs old, and a teacher at a h.s. in my town. i am an associate youth pastor at my church, and we are both very Christianly ppl who love God with all of our hearts. I made a vow last summer (before I knew Jennifer) that I would not kiss another girl until my wedding day. I did this to consecrate myself to God (because I struggled with sexual purity in the past before I became Christian) and to ensure that my relationship with my wife would be based on best-friendship rather than physical aspects (i am a strong believer that physical relationships will at some point in time fizzle out and have nothing to fall back on but emotional relationships are much more lasting). i have stayed true to this covenant even though it has been very hard. so yeah, we have only been dating 2 months but we both know that we are meant to be together. I''ve prayed and prayed about it (as has she) and we talk about marriage every day we are together. I know she is the one for me..so I don''t have a problem after 2 months thinking about spending the rest of my life with her....when ya know, ya know.....ya know? anyway here is my idea:

jennifer loves ''Willowtree'' figurine collectibles ... if you havent heard of them, they are little carved sculptures that depict life events. she collects them. teaching is a huge part of her life - she loves her kids and she loves teaching them (she teaches 9th and 10th grade physical science and biology). she is a BIT on the shy side, so this proposal might shock her. so here goes: i was thinking about proposing to her at the next upcoming school pep-rally on march 1st. i would sneak into the pep rally (for the regional basketball tournament) and after it is over the principal (who i already met with and confirmed we could do this) will get on the mic and invite Jennifer and her dad down to the floor (her dad is also a teacher at the school). The principal will say something along the lines of wanting to show appreciation to the family service they have shown and would then give her dad a wrapped gift. In that box (which her father will already know what it contains) will be a wood carving of a woman standing still with her hands out that i will carve myself. when he opens it, he will give it to her...she will be a bit confused im sure. then after she sees it, i will come out of hiding and in my hand i will have another carving that i will have carved of a man on one knee. The two carvings will fit together to show a proposal scene. i will walk out and give it to her father and then in front of the entire 2,000 students get one on knee and propose to her. i will prob. unintentionally cry cuz i do that alot =P. then all of the student body will clap and cheer. well thats my idea... oh and something else im thinking of...this is a bit corny and goofy...but that describes 1/2 my personality (goofy) in a nutshell: i was going to MAYBE (tell me what you think) dress up as a knight in armor b/c she has a big thing about her being my princess and how i always treat her like a lady. anyway, we are big family ppl, and all of our family would be there to witness the proposal too.

so i know that is long, but tell me if it is good or not. if not, she also loves the outdoors...so if you could think of a good alternative idea, itd be a help....

THANKS!!!


*edit* oh, and for you diamond connoiseurs, the ring i have picked out is a tiffany-setting 4 prong, 1 ct, F color, SI-1 clarity, PRINCESS (cuz she is my princess) cut diamond in 14k white gold. she said she doesnt like side diamonds or anything b/c it takes away from the main diamond. so yeah, thats the ring

Dude, If you know you''re going to cry PLEASE save your beloved the further humiliation and NOT do it that way. Teachers have it hard enough,especially w/high schoolers, so can you imagine the torture coming from these smarty pants teenagers? She''ll never live it down. Plus, she''s shy too! Come on, if you love her like you proclaim do it in a way she''ll treasure always, not shudder

at the thought of.