What do you think of push presents?

[bludiva]

i have a really negative connotation with that term...of materialistic women married to wealthy men who want a very expensive piece of jewelry or similar as reward for fulfilling their part of the marriage contract. not saying that is fair or real but that's what comes to mind. i'm sure people have been giving thoughtful things to mamas when babies were born for millennia but the term "push present" is to me

 

[Jambalaya]

The term is definitely vulgar.

I read somewhere that the "push present" of yore was an eternity ring.

 

[Mekp]

When I gave birth, both times the gift I got was my baby. I was happy with that.
I don’t really get it, I don't think everything needs a gift, but if it makes other people happy then they should go for it.

 

[MamaBee]

My babies were born way before men bought push presents. I don’t like the term either and I’m older. I did, however, give my daughter-in- law a pair of earrings in the birthstone for each child. It was an I love you present…not a push present..Eek! The last baby was born in the middle of the pandemic..She deserved a medal in my opinion..

 

[eapj]

Full disclosure I don’t have kids but the term push present is tacky and gross to me. And I think it’s the expectation of an expensive gift that gets to me (just like over the top proposals and insanely expensive weddings and baby moons and the like). I think marking an important occasion is great but expecting something extravagant is not. So much keeping up with the Jones’s in today’s world.

And women can buy their own stuff if they want it and can afford and don’t need a man to gift it to them. Or an occasion to do it.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I had kids almost 20 years ago, and I don't think it was a "thing" back then to receive a push present. I was really sad (cried all day) that my dh didn't make my first mother's day super special, especially since my firstborn was born 5/1 and My first Mother's day went by without much acknowledgement. in hindsight it was probably postpartum hormones and the fact that the being a first time parent himself, my dh just completely forgot....each Mother's Day after that was thoughtfully celebrated and that is enough for me.

 

[Jambalaya]

If I had had a baby, I probably would have been too wrapped up in it to care much if I got a present or not. It's not that anybody needs such a gift. But if my partner had got me one, I would have been extremely touched, all the same.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I think I've already answered the question a few years back...

Hate the term, like the sentiment. It's not a new concept to me. Both my grandmothers got jewellery gifts when they had their children ( Europe, 1940ies) and AFAIK at least one of my great grandmothers (Europe, 1916) . So the concept doesn't strike me as newfangled at all. Term is horrible though..

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Hell yeah I got a push present. I got several actually. I kept claiming presents randomly until DS was enjoyable to raise (I don't like babies. If they were born at 2yrs I would have had more).

 

[FL_runner]

Vulgar
that's a great word for it

Agree, the term is awful.

A thoughtful gift to commemorate a child being born is lovely, though. Its not something that was done in my family or social circle, and didn't even know it was a "thing" until after I had my first and people mentioned it casually. I never received a new-baby type gift but would not have expected one.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

I suppose if you read too deeply into it, a push present could have negative connotations, but that could be said about a lot of things.

I think it's a nice gesture, since pregnancy, labor, delivery, and breast feeding doesn't seem easy. The non-birthing parent definitely has it a lot easier in that regard.

The best present is presence. For both parents to be there to share the responsibilities, and above everything else to love the child.

DH tells me there are no push presents in my future since the baby would be my push present. I don't disagree with him and actually don't have anything on my wish list.

Since I am a sentimental person, I do regret not buying wedding jewelry (aside from rings) simply because I didn't think of it. I don't want to regret not getting a push present in the future. While I don't have any material wants, I kind of want something nice to remember and mark the occasion. I'm a bit of an all or nothing person especially when it comes to jewelry, if I buy/get something I want it to be nice. Perhaps a Cartier love bracelet or Chanel purse, but likely I won't wear it often and will be a waste of money other than it's sentimental value.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

The term is definitely vulgar.

I read somewhere that the "push present" of yore was an eternity ring.

I wonder if my dad knew that
his mum was long gone by the time i came along and he wasn't over my close with his sisters
maybe mum's mum schooled him up or an older person at his work ?
Or maybe it was common in their social circle?
I just wish i had known that the eternity ring was for that reason and mum had told me about it before leaving it to me when she died ?
Why didn't she tell me ? (As opppsed to the guilt trip to make me be good because i was so little and sick and it was an effort to keep me alive my will to live never once mentioned )

 

[PinkAndBlueBling]

If a man wants to buy something for the occasion, fine, but I cannot stand women who expect a present. I find that to be materialistic. You're getting a baby, ffs. I never thought I deserved a gift for having a baby. I'm really over the "I deserve a gift" crap for everything.

 

[Jambalaya]

Oh, I think that's a little harsh, PABB! Pregnancy, birth, and nursing (if chosen) are BIG deals! I think a gift is a lovely token of appreciation (providing that gift fits with finances).

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Oh, I think that's a little harsh, PABB! Pregnancy, birth, and nursing (if chosen) are BIG deals! I think a gift is a lovely token of appreciation (providing that gift fits with finances).

I think its nice and thoughtful when its a quietly done thing
Not splashed all over social media like its the norm
Pity the regular working Joe Dad trying to navigate all this on minimum wage

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

My "present" was when my epidural didn't work as designed, and my DH helped me with a bedpan during hour one billion in labour. Yes, TMI, but that was mind blowing to me.

Two weeks later I got an emerald cross tucked into my favorite perfume package. Completely out of the blue. Or green. Mind blowing x 2.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

HI:

My "present" was when my epidural didn't work as designed, and my DH helped me with a bedpan during hour one billion in labour. Yes, TMI, but that was mind blowing to me.

Two weeks later I got an emerald cross tucked into my favorite perfume package. Completely out of the blue. Or green. Mind blowing x 2.

cheers--Sharon

Adding this to an already long long list of why i dont want a baby

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I love when jewelry commemorates a special life event, a baby joining a family (in whatever way it happens) is certainly worthy of commemorating!

 

[Jambalaya]

I think its nice and thoughtful when its a quietly done thing
Not splashed all over social media like its the norm
Pity the regular working Joe Dad trying to navigate all this on minimum wage

Yes, indeed, about the minimum wage. IMO a new-mother gift should only be considered when finances permit. And it doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful - and something that she can always keep. That's what I would have liked, anyway.

 

[MamaBee]

Adding this to an already long long list of why i dont want a baby

Strange thing @Daisys and Diamonds is you forget the pain enough to do it again. Crazy but true..

 

[canuk-gal]

Adding this to an already long long list of why i dont want a baby

WOT, the emerald cross?

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Strange thing @Daisys and Diamonds is you forget the pain enough to do it again. Crazy but true..

Mother nature is cruel that way

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

WOT, the emerald cross?

 

[Jambalaya]

Show us, show us! We want to see the push presents!!!!

Ahem - new-mother gifts, I mean.

I think some men have always bought new-mother gifts for their partners. It's the catchy and somewhat horrifying moniker "push present' that popularized it and gave the concept a bad name.

 

[MamaBee]

Mother nature is cruel that way

 

[Lookinagain]

I have never heard that term other than on this forum. I have several female employees who have had children while employed in my office and they have never mentioned that term either. When I first read it on here I wasn’t really sure what it meant but when I figured it out I did think it was kind of gross.
when I had my child it never dawned on me that I should be given a present for giving birth. We had a child as a mutual decision. I happen to be the one capable of carrying the baby. But I didn’t feel like it was a sacrifice that should be rewarded. I had an easy pregnancy so no suffering there and I did have to have a C-section because she was breech but that wasn’t really a big deal either as far as recovery. Childcare was shared so I don’t feel like I sacrificed there either. It never crossed my mind to expect a gift. Finances had nothing to do with it. I got flowers (from several people) but honestly couldn’t tell you if my husband was one of them.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I have never heard that term other than on this forum. I have several female employees who have had children while employed in my office and they have never mentioned that term either. When I first read it on here I wasn’t really sure what it meant but when I figured it out I did think it was kind of gross.
when I had my child it never dawned on me that I should be given a present for giving birth. We had a child as a mutual decision. I happen to be the one capable of carrying the baby. But I didn’t feel like it was a sacrifice that should be rewarded. I had an easy pregnancy so no suffering there and I did have to have a C-section because she was breech but that wasn’t really a big deal either as far as recovery. Childcare was shared so I don’t feel like I sacrificed there either. It never crossed my mind to expect a gift. Finances had nothing to do with it. I got flowers (from several people) but honestly couldn’t tell you if my husband was one of them.

The first time i heard of the rather gross and valgur term was in the horrible English Exspress online reading a story about a new ring the Dutchess of Cambridge was wearing

 

[kenny]

So, if the doctor must assist the delivery with a forceps or a vacuum extractor does mom get a "pull present, or a suck present"?

 

[Snowdrop13]

So, if the doctor must assist the delivery with a forceps or a vacuum extractor does mom get a "pull present, or a suck present"?

The mum still has to push quite a bit to help the doctor get it out, though!

 

[Lookinagain]

The mum still has to push quite a bit to help the doctor get it out, though!

that implies that mothers who give birth via c-section don't deserve this present because they didn't "push". So what is the gift for? Pushing? I think the whole concept of this type of present is offensive to women. I'll just leave it at that.