Home What do you say to a dying person??

[LollyBear]

My cousin has acute liver and kidney failure and has asked that they stop all the life support. He''s going to go quickly and I''m waiting for DH to get here so I can go say a final goodbye. I just have no idea what to say! I don''t know him at all but my aunt (who I adore) has asked that anyone close by come down. I''m just afraid that I''m gonna stand there like an idiot or burst out in inappropriate tears (I may not know him but I''m still sad for him, my aunt and the rest of the family).

Please help!

 

[TravelingGal]

Sometimes you don''t have to say anything at all, but just put an arm around to comfort the people you know and love (in your case, your aunt).

In my father''s last minutes, even I didn''t know quite what to say, so I understand how helpless and heartbreaking it is. In the end, I told him quite simply I loved him, was proud of his life, and was proud to be his daughter.

My thoughts are with you SB...seeing someone pass away...well, there are no words.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. Just tell him how you feel about him. I am sure it will not be an easy thing to do. My thoughts are with your family.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

oh how sad, SB! You really don't have to say anything. Just being there speaks volumes!

my half-brother passed away 10 years ago from a similar ailment. He wasn't able to carry on a conversation at the end, but had mentioned earlier when was able to talk that he wanted to go "hearing the voices of those he loved". It was tough to keep that going, but we knew that's what he wanted. Not everyone was able to talk to him (or at all), but everyone there was able to say goodbye. That was HUGE.

My heart goes out to your family. I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

 

[somethingshiny]

SB~ I agree that just being there is enough. If you feel you should say something, maybe something along the lines of "I know we don''t know each other well, but I''m still proud that you''re my family." or "You''ve shown amazing strength." If you''re religious, saying a simple prayer or scripture would be appropriate. And, you probably won''t break out in tears when it happens because you''re planning on being there mainly for support for your aunt ( so in your head you''ve probably prepared yourself), but if you do cry it''s not a bad thing. It''s a very strange and unique experience to watch someone die. You may have an extreme reaction, but you''ll be fine. I''m sorry for your loss and you and your family will be in my prayers.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

This is a very sad event--people usually express their emotions/sadness in crying; it is OK to feel the way you do. You might not have the opportunity to say much or anything at all--and as TG said; sometimes silence works. Your presense speaks volumes.

I might express how important the person was to me--just like that.

Take care--I am sorry for your sadness.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think you just speak from the heart...and even if that means just holding his hand for a minute and praying...you do what feels right for you.

 

[movie zombie]

your presence may mean more than words; your touch may say more than words.

movie zombie

 

[Kaleigh]

I agree, the human touch is so powerful and comforting at a time like this.

 

[justjulia]

Just be.
It''s a nonverbal way to communicate to your aunt that you care. No words are needed.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 9/26/2008 9:15:28 PM
Author: movie zombie
your presence may mean more than words; your touch may say more than words.

movie zombie

I agree, this is so often all that people really want when they are scared or in pain. My sympathies are with you and your family at this time, I know how hard it can be.

 

[VegasAngel]

Dont think about it. You will do whatever comes natural at the time, there is no right or wrong, I''m sorry.

 

[LollyBear]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I was able to read most of your responses before going in and it was very helpful. He isn''t awake (not expected to regain conscientiousness before passing), but he did respond somewhat when I held his hand and told him we all loved him. I could tell having people stop by helped my aunt & cousin (his sis) too. I''m so glad I didn''t let my fear keep me from going and I appreciate your support immensely.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''m glad you were able to give him comfort at this most difficult time. Prayers to you and your family in the days ahead.

 

[AGBF]

Dear StephensBride-

As soon as I saw the name of this thread (which was as soon as I logged on), I clicked on it. It was too late for me to advise you, but that didn't matter. You had done what you had to and people had told you what you needed to hear. Things sometimes work out that way. My mother died a few months ago so this is fresh for me. I would have just said to say, "I love you" or to have given support and comfort by your physical actions if the person was conscious. The truth is that you would be very unlikely to do anything "wrong". Other people said all that.

It is great that Pricescope is here for moments like the one you had. While I am sorry I was not present as an individual to help you, I am glad that the community was available. I hope you heal.


Hugs,
Deborah

 

[bee*]

I''m so sorry to hear about your cousin. I lost a dear friend last year and when I went to the hospice to visit, I was terrified that I was going to be a blubbering mess. I wasn''t though once I got there and I just listened to what she had to say. Also she wanted me to take Amber (my dog) into her and I was allowed, so it gave us something to talk about and it really cheered her up.

 

[UCLABelle]

I loved my grandfather as if he were my father, and when he was ready to pass I crawled next to him at the hospital bed, rested my head on his chest, cried and told him I loved him so much more than he knew and that I was so sorry he was sick. I left and came back twice...to kiss him each time. I promised him I would be back soon. But he died. When I went to say my final respects, the hospital staff had to pull me out of the room.

If I close my eyes, I can remember our last moments together (the smells, the thoughts, the touches...everything).

You are never prepared for those moments...because if I could do it all over again, I would have said things differently.