What do you expect from your SO on your birthday?

[MissStepcut]

My birthday is in a week, and I've already reminded my SO several times because I'm just so worried he'll forget and let me down (as in, buy a hastily selected gift from a department store near our home the day-of). I realized I might have some outsized expectations for my birthday.

What do you expect? A cake? A gift? Dinner out? Do you pick out your own presents?

 

[Maisie]

I give my hubby a list of things I would like and he picks from that. We also go out for dinner together or with the children depending on whether the youngest is in the mood for behaving!

 

[stephbolt]

DH and I have birthdays three days apart at the beginning of December. Neither of us really cares to make a big deal out of it with it so close to the holidays so we typically go out for a nice dinner on the weekend closest to our birthday, and maybe get each other cards on the actual day of. This year DH brought me flowers and cookies as well which was a sweet surprise.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I expect to sleep in, have my feet rubbed, and have dinner made for me! Usually every night fir a week, my birthday tends to be a multiday celebration of my fabulosity,

 

[MissStepcut]

I expect to sleep in, have my feet rubbed, and have dinner made for me! Usually every night for a week, my birthday tends to be a multiday celebration of my fabulosity,

Haha... if only my birthday wasn't always in the thick of finals week!

 

[Skippy123]

Hey you and I have the same birthday, along with Beethoven and I am sure many other fabulous peeps!!!

Well my hubby use to let me plan where I wanted to eat and whatever I wanted to do starting from breakfast to dinner! Since we have twin boys I probably will just be taken out to lunch. I use to hate finals being on my birthday but that usually meant the last final of the semester so I tried to look at it that way, which is more glass is half full!!! Hopefully your last final is one your birthday?

eta: oh I get to pick my own present. Hubby picks his own too! It works best for us! He does surprise me with flowers!

 

[Kaleigh]

My tag line says it all.

Piece of cake and a candle...

 

[marchesa6989]

birthday? more like birthweek! hahaha

no but in all seriousness, some good food and wine always goes down a treat. and to save everyone the stress of choosing a present/receiving a bad present i think its good to give a selection of options and let them choose. win/win! plus giving a variety of things that you will like in different price ranges avoids disappointment and any potential awkwardness (although since it's an SO there shouldn't be too much of that hopefully)

 

[yssie]

- Gift (which I've usually been not-so-subtly angling for for some time by then)
- Cake or cookies
-

 

[mrs taylor]

extra lovin' and that's about it for what I expect.

 

[marchesa6989]

-

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

[vc10um]

Our birthdays are some of our biggest holidays! We both expect (and receive!) the same thing:

~Both take the day off work if it's a weekday.
~Special homemade breakfast in bed (this year I got smoked salmon eggs benedict and he got huevos rancheros and homemade granola)
~A fun activity during the day (I've chosen the zoo and putt-putting, this year he chose to go see a documentary)
~A nice dinner out

Plus a card, and MAYBE a small trinket...but that's not necessary. We buy stuff for each other throughout the year as it catches our eyes, so we don't really worry about gifts. Plus, we usually choose pretty pricey places for dinner.

 

[monarch64]

A parade!!!



I'm kidding (mostly.) I do expect a *little* fuss, though. He's one of those people who just doesn't understand adults celebrating birthdays and he absolutely abhors others making a big deal out of his, so if he's ever asked in casual conversation when his birthday is, he just states the month and will change the subject if further pressed for a specific date. I feel less rigid--I think it's nice to have one special day of the year when people go a bit out of their way to wish you good things, or just to recognize that you've existed for so many years. I really love cake (and the icing on top!), so I especially enjoy that part of birthdays and he's made sure to order a special cake for me for the past couple of birthdays since we've been together. Other than that, I don't request gifts BUT I don't turn them down! He knows jewelry is always a safe bet, and things that I typically wouldn't spend money on myself, like spa appointments, concert tickets, etc.

Wouldn't a parade be fun, though? Not a city-wide thing, just in your neighborhood. I think it would be hysterical!

 

[diamondringlover]

My birthday is on Dec 30...right between Christmas and New Years...I been ripped off for years Ok with that being said usually most of my birthday presents I get at Christmas...but the hubby usually takes me out to dinner and he usually sends me roses for my birthday.

 

[Haven]

- A handwritten note
- Some sort of fuss to make me feel special.

He gave me the note only this year, and then we ended up having dinner at my mom's with my uncle and his unruly children. It was really the worst birthday I've ever had. I told him, and hoped he would do something to make up for it, but didn't.

I used to love my birthday, but DH really doesn't like his own birthdays and therefore doesn't put much effort into mine. Over the years it's made me sort of dread my own birthdays, because I know I'll be disappointed but I also feel like a total brat if I say anything to him about what I really wish he'd do. I am 31 after all, it's not like I'm 12.

I think it's really nice when a couple makes a big deal out of birthdays, if that's what one or both of them likes. I hate to say it, but my ex (who was pretty much horrible at everything else) always made me feel like the most important person in the world on my birthday. I really loved that. My parents were big on birthdays, too.

Oh, now I'm all down that DH doesn't do much for my birthday! I'm going to bring it up over dinner tonight.

 

[laine]

Nothing.

Ok, not nothing, I want him to wish me happy birthday and maybe make dinner, but that's about it.
We don't do gifts for birthdays or Christmas--we just don't really need or want anything. Anniversaries we pick out something together, no surprise gifts.

 

[Circe]

- A handwritten note
- Some sort of fuss to make me feel special.

He gave me the note only this year, and then we ended up having dinner at my mom's with my uncle and his unruly children. It was really the worst birthday I've ever had. I told him, and hoped he would do something to make up for it, but didn't.

I used to love my birthday, but DH really doesn't like his own birthdays and therefore doesn't put much effort into mine. Over the years it's made me sort of dread my own birthdays, because I know I'll be disappointed but I also feel like a total brat if I say anything to him about what I really wish he'd do. I am 31 after all, it's not like I'm 12.

I think it's really nice when a couple makes a big deal out of birthdays, if that's what one or both of them likes. I hate to say it, but my ex (who was pretty much horrible at everything else) always made me feel like the most important person in the world on my birthday. I really loved that. My parents were big on birthdays, too.

Oh, now I'm all down that DH doesn't do much for my birthday! I'm going to bring it up over dinner tonight.

Aw, Haven, I'm really, really sorry to hear that. I sympathize completely: my husband is very similar.

For me, birthdays are incredibly special days, and basically, tied for first place with my other two favorite holidays - Halloween and New Year's Eve, in that order. My "expectations" are generally ... hm. A card with a personal message: a present, usually chosen together or discussed; and, ideally, a celebration with friends/family (cake and champagne optional). My husband gets this, in theory, but he processes it very differently, so feels like cards are silly and needs to be reminded, thinks choosing your own gift sort of sucks the specialness out of it, and treats the social gathering aspect of it a little casually. My own worst birthday was either my 29th (last minute gathering of people I didn't know too well in the town he'd lived in for years that I'd just moved to where I didn't know anybody at a crappy bar) or my 32nd, this year (where, despite my insisting I really didn't want a party for once, he and my best friend demonstrated that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and put together a truly depressing gathering of people I'd fallen out of touch with; it was like a bad simulacrum of one of my usual celebrations). But he's got other excellent qualities to make up for it, and he does try, so ... yeah.

MissStepCut - what would your ideal be? Do you have a set of baseline desires? Have you guys celebrated b-days together before (and if so, how have they gone)? 'Cause I feel like loved ones can be politely nudged - I know my husband works better if I gently lay out guidelines - and the worst times come around if I'm trying to be oblique to protect his feelings ("I'm not saying you'd forget, but ...") or if I stay quiet for fear of appearing demanding. Communication of one's desires isn't a demand: it's a mitzvah! I say this as much to myself as to anybody else.

 

[Dancing Fire]

NOTHING!!...

 

[Amys Bling]

- Gift (which I've usually been not-so-subtly angling for for some time by then)
- Cake or cookies
-

Haha - you stole my lol. DH and I joke about that- not really a joke though.

- A nice dinner date out
- good wine and dessert
- something thoughtful from DH
-

 

[Amys Bling]

- A handwritten note
- Some sort of fuss to make me feel special.

He gave me the note only this year, and then we ended up having dinner at my mom's with my uncle and his unruly children. It was really the worst birthday I've ever had. I told him, and hoped he would do something to make up for it, but didn't.

I used to love my birthday, but DH really doesn't like his own birthdays and therefore doesn't put much effort into mine. Over the years it's made me sort of dread my own birthdays, because I know I'll be disappointed but I also feel like a total brat if I say anything to him about what I really wish he'd do. I am 31 after all, it's not like I'm 12.

I think it's really nice when a couple makes a big deal out of birthdays, if that's what one or both of them likes. I hate to say it, but my ex (who was pretty much horrible at everything else) always made me feel like the most important person in the world on my birthday. I really loved that. My parents were big on birthdays, too.

Oh, now I'm all down that DH doesn't do much for my birthday! I'm going to bring it up over dinner tonight.

aww Haven! When is your birthday? we will be sure to celebrate it here

 

[slg47]

I tell FI what I expect so as to avoid disappointment. Usually we just go out for a nice dinner and he'll get me a card.

 

[MissStepcut]

MissStepCut - what would your ideal be? Do you have a set of baseline desires? Have you guys celebrated b-days together before (and if so, how have they gone)? 'Cause I feel like loved ones can be politely nudged - I know my husband works better if I gently lay out guidelines - and the worst times come around if I'm trying to be oblique to protect his feelings ("I'm not saying you'd forget, but ...") or if I stay quiet for fear of appearing demanding. Communication of one's desires isn't a demand: it's a mitzvah! I say this as much to myself as to anybody else.

Sorry your last birthday was so uncomfortable. I so know what you mean about people you'd fallen out of touch with... the problem with being the celebrated guest is you can't dip out early when you're not feeling comfortable.

The problem is that we are in the thick of finals, and I know he hasn't gotten me anything yet. I made a suggestion, but I know he didn't follow through on it (since thing I wanted is still listed on DB). I just have a sinking feeling of impending disappointment, because if he was going to get me something thoughtful, he would have had to do it before finals, and he didn't.

He's just not open to being communicated with right now. "Finals season" is a solid month of stress and not communicating or doing anything remotely decadent. So I guess I could wait until after finals season to bring it up, but then we're parting ways for the Christmas holiday, and then it will be January, and the moment will have come and gone. And if I say now, "Chinese take-out to the library isn't a birthday present, you know that, right?" he'll run down to Macy's and buy some random pair of earrings that's close to a cash register so he can hurry back to working.

It's worth noting that his birthday is during finals season too, so while I'm trying not to keep score here, it does invite comparison.

 

[mrswahs]

My birthday was last week. We adopted a cat the day before my birthday (best present ever) and hubby gave me a gift card to a spa for a spa day. Mani/pedi, facial and shampoo/blow out. I work really hard during the fall between my ft job, teaching part time, and working all of the Redskins home games as well as Towson football, so it's nice to be able to have a day to myself for pampering.

 

[MissStepcut]

It's helpful to see that a lot of people just do dinner. I know that's what SO's expectations are as a giver and receiver, and seeing that it's common is helpful. I'm not even sure what I am looking for from him, to make up for a childhood of snowed-out birthday parties?

 

[mary poppins]

Nothing.

Ok, not nothing, I want him to wish me happy birthday and maybe make dinner, but that's about it.
We don't do gifts for birthdays or Christmas--we just don't really need or want anything. Anniversaries we pick out something together, no surprise gifts.

This. I expect DH to acknowledge my birthday, even if it's just to say "happy birthday." We buy each other things throughout the year if we feel like it, so I don't expect a gift for my birthday or the holidays. For birthdays, we usually go out to dinner. And we have a no card policy for every occasion, including our anniversary. However, we exchange anniversary gifts. I established a nice anniversary bling precedent, and I make the selection based on the budget he sets (he has input on items, I make final decision).

 

[pregcurious]

Gift from a list I've provided, and cake. I too would get the random gift from the department store the day-of if I didn't provide a list. I wish sometimes my husband would be more thoughtful about it.

 

[Rhea]

I love cake!! I don't expect it, but it's nice Sometimes he bakes me one!

I do expect a card, a nice meal (in or out). Iit's nice if I get a gift or if he has something planned for us to do together but I don't expect those.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I just expect him to spend the day with me (if it's not over a weekend, I expect him to spend the evening with me) and make me feel special.

 

[Pandora II]

DH is pretty good at birthdays and always puts a lot of thought into them - occasionally they don't come off (one xmas present he tried to have something made for me and could find a way to do it... so I got the folder of all the designs and plans. While it would have been nice to have had the actual thing, he'd put so much time and effort into the project that I was more than happy just with the designs).

My birthday, our wedding anniversary and our meeting anniversary are all in the same fortnight so we do a dinner to celebrate all 3.

For my birthday, he normally takes me to see the latest Harry Potter film at the Imax in London and we go for sushi afterwards (and get a babysitter!). My birthday is the beginning of August so it works well for HP - although he has to come up with something different next year now they have finished!

I always get a card and a nice present - I never guess in advance what they are...

This year he had a pair of earrings made for me. I messed up on of the stones in my Gemmology practical exam and so one earring is the stone it actually was (a brown zircon) and the other what I made the mistake with (brown scapolite). Now I can never mess them up again!

Last year it was some beautiful boxes in Japanese paper, a set of origami papers, a bone folding knife and a book on origami.

Another year he gave me a card telling me I had 3 hours to pack for 3 days and get to Waterloo station - when I got there he gave me a guide-book to Bruges and Eurostar tickets for a long weekend. He'd even booked me a day off work.


He's much more difficult as he's a late November birthday and so as it's close to xmas, he buys himself things he needs all year so I often struggle!

This year I took him to a Rum Festival (he's very into high quality rums), cooked him a low-carb cake (semi-success) and did a sea-food dinner. Present-wise, I gave him a handmade covered cheese platter from Mucheleney Pottery (a famous Bernard Leach studio pottery) which I knew he had been coveting for some time, a £50 cheese voucher and a pair of sterling silver collar stiffeners with 2011 hallmarks (well, those were officially from Daisy).

The weirdest present I ever bought him was probably an African Pygmy Hedgehog...

 

[packrat]

My birthday falls at the time of his trapping season so I get a Happy Birthday, sometimes he'll have the kids make cards. I get to pick a place to eat, sometimes I get a cake. Mostly I do like I do any other day...clean the house, take care of the kids etc. Sometimes I'll pick something out for myself.