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Home what do you call your inlaws??

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charbie

charbie

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Over the holidays, it came up as to how I would address my new MIL, and was wondering if people call their new inlaws by their first names or "Mom" and "Dad." And also how it came to be, if you''ve had a discussion about it, etc.

I remember for the longest time I just avoided using names, but after a few drinks on C-Eve, talked with my new MIL and she said she would love it if I called her mom. Its what she always called her MIL, and so it will take getting used to, but I''m sure my parents will understand since my mom called her MIL mom too.

ill continue calling DH''s dad by his first name. Both of us have divorced parents, and I''m just not very comfortable with his dad to use the term Dad.
 
My parents are mom and dad.

My inlaws are first name basis. Always have been, even when we started dating. Though to be honest, I rarely address people by their first names unless talking about them or trying to get their attn/ Most of the time, I just talk... and expect you know I''m talking to you when I''ve got eye contact.
 
I''ve been calling them by their first names, if they didn''t like it they haven''t said anything yet
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I had always called them by their first names, but after we got married, his dad asked me to call him Dad. So now his Dad is Dad, which is ok with me because mine is not in the picture. His mom, I still call by her first name not only because his parents are divorced (and she is remarried so cant have 2 people being called dad), but my mom basically raised me alone, and I feel like it would be a slap in the face (to her) to call my MIL that. Also, Im not on those kind of "terms" with MIL anyway.
 
I have parents already. My ILs are called by their first names. If I refer to them in third person, I might say something like "My mother in law makes the best cookies" instead of using a first name, but that''s the only exception to the first name thing.

Calling DH''s parents "Mom" or "Dad" would be hurtful to my parents, I think. Now, if I didn''t have a parental relationship at all and my in-laws had basically taken me in as their own child, maybe "Mom" would be more appropriate...but I just don''t think it''s appropriate to call in-laws the names that are reserved for your own parents.
 
I called DH's father "Mr. Hislast" for several years, and I don't remember when, but I started calling him "Dad" somewhere in the last year or so.

DH calls my parents by their first names. He called them "Mr. and Mrs. Mymaiden" until they told him to STOP THAT, DAMNIT! and that's when he switched to their first names.
 
I actually asked FIL if I could call him and MIL mom and dad at the wedding, and he said he wouldn''t have it any other way. I plan on starting that eventually... It''s still weird to think about it though.
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I am still at a loss on how to do this. He and his sister call their mother a nickname I am not comfortable with. She is divorced but kept her married name, but I still feel wrong calling her Mrs. Smith, though that''s what she goes by. It''s usually "hey you!" His Dad doesn''t care.

He calls my parents by their first names because they requested it. He calls my grandmother grandma, though!
 
I call my MIL by her first name. I always called her that while DH and I were dating and engaged, so I don't see any need to change. Plus, I'm in the camp of "I already have one person I call mom; I don't need another." I think I would find it very weird to call her mom!

ETA: I would honestly feel pretty uncomfortable if MIL came right out and asked me to call her "mom". I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, but I wouldn't feel comfortable calling her that either. Thank goodness she hasn't asked!
 
I''ve often thought about this and wondered how it''s going to change in the months/years to come. It''d be really odd for me to call anyone else Mom and Dad. I''m not close enough to his parents to do that anyway. They introduced themselves to me as their first names, so I''ve just always called them by that.

He calls my parents Mr. and Mrs. E (literally). Dad and Mom refer to themselves in conversation with him as their first names, but he''s never called them by their first names. I don''t think he ever will either, just because he''s always been that polite, and my parents aren''t the type to demand someone call them by their first names. But I just wonder about years down the road - when we have kids, for example, is he still going to call them Mr. and Mrs. E? Haha... I guess we''ll just play it by ear. Whenever I bring it up with him, he seems not a bit concerned.
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I call my FIL by a family nickname that DH and all the kids use and I call MIL by her first name or "grandma" if I am talking about her to the kids ("Grandma is coming over for dinner)...

DH calls my parents Suegro and Suegra which mean FIL and MIL respectively in Spanish.
 
I call them Mom and Dad, not because they are MY parents, but because they are my DH''s, and they are very important to my life now. But I am one of those lucky people that get along fabulously with my IL''s
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Before she passed away, I called my MIL Mrs Mitchell. She did ask me to call her by her first name, but only once we''d been married a few years. I used to write to her a lot, as we didn''t live near us. She was very formal and very keen on etiquette, so Mrs Mitchell it was, even in letters.
 
My in-laws are deceased, I never met my FIL, my MIL died six months after we were married; I refer to them as Dr. LastName and Mrs. LastName. They were both very old fashioned and while she never asked me to call her anything I know had she been of sound mind it would have been her preference (and his had I ever had the chance to know him). My husband calls my parents by their first names.
 
I call my future in laws by their first names, but FI''s grandmother asked me to call her "Grandma", so I do. He calls my parents by their first names as well.
 
I''m not a newlywed, but I call FMIL "mom". She honestly is like a second (or first
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) mom to me. Her husband (not FI''s dad) I just call by his first name.
 
My husband calls my parents "Mom" and "Dad". He calls my stepmother and stepfather by their first names (like I do).

I still don''t know what to call his parents. They want me to call them Mom and Dad, but they never treated me nicely when we were dating or since we got married, and I already have stepparents who I call by their first names - and if I''m not even calling my stepmom "Mom" when I AM close to her, I certainly will not call my MIL "Mom" when she has never been very nice to me.

DH has explained all of this to them and that I do not feel comfortable calling them Mom and Dad, yet they won''t let me call them by their first names and won''t accept anything else or any alternative. They continue to sign cards "mom and dad" even though it makes me uncomfortable. So I don''t call them anything at all.
 
I call them by their first names. Only my Mom is my Mom. Had a discussion with them about it before the wedding.
 
I have to edit my answer because I realized later it was a little strong because I realized that while DH and I do first names for our ILs, grandparents are a completely different story. I call his gparents Grandpa Firstname and Grandma Firstname, and he calls mine Grandma Lastname etc (my family is weird - I''ve always called my own grandparents Grandma and Grandpa Lastname). I don''t really know how that started - I think we just got lazy and took the "your" out of the sentence - (ex: we used to say things like "Is this your Grandma Firstname''s recipe?" - somewhere along the line it just got deleted).
 
Date: 12/28/2009 11:09:52 PM
Author: Elmorton
I have to edit my answer because I realized later it was a little strong because I realized that while DH and I do first names for our ILs, grandparents are a completely different story. I call his gparents Grandpa Firstname and Grandma Firstname, and he calls mine Grandma Lastname etc (my family is weird - I''ve always called my own grandparents Grandma and Grandpa Lastname). I don''t really know how that started - I think we just got lazy and took the ''your'' out of the sentence - (ex: we used to say things like ''Is this your Grandma Firstname''s recipe?'' - somewhere along the line it just got deleted).
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Now I have to ditto that..the same is true for us. Though I switched between first name for his grandma and grandma first name or "grandmaw."
 
I just call them Mom and Dad.
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They love it and I feel like they are my second set of parents. I totally understand how you have to reach a certain comfort level to do so... but I started to after we got married before I felt totally ready to do so. It kind of helped me get used to it and now they really do feel like my parents. If you do one day decide to do so, it will be a very special thing. How wonderful that your MIL wants you to call her mom. Awwww, does she have a daughter? DH's mom doesn't have any so she teared up when I started calling her mom.
 
I too call them mom and dad.
 
Date: 12/28/2009 11:09:52 PM
Author: Elmorton
I have to edit my answer because I realized later it was a little strong because I realized that while DH and I do first names for our ILs, grandparents are a completely different story. I call his gparents Grandpa Firstname and Grandma Firstname, and he calls mine Grandma Lastname etc (my family is weird - I''ve always called my own grandparents Grandma and Grandpa Lastname). I don''t really know how that started - I think we just got lazy and took the ''your'' out of the sentence - (ex: we used to say things like ''Is this your Grandma Firstname''s recipe?'' - somewhere along the line it just got deleted).
Click to expand...
This is exactly the same for us! I have one grandmother that I''m close to and we all refer to her as Grandma LastName (though just "grandma" to her face). DH has one grandfather who is called Grandpa FirstName, so I call him the same. We''re not terribly close to our grandparents though and only see them once every few years, so this doesn''t come up much.
 
I can''t imagine calling my in-laws mom and dad. I call them by their first names.
 
Date: 12/28/2009 1:06:06 PM
Author: elrohwen
I call my MIL by her first name. I always called her that while DH and I were dating and engaged, so I don''t see any need to change. Plus, I''m in the camp of ''I already have one person I call mom; I don''t need another.'' I think I would find it very weird to call her mom!

ETA: I would honestly feel pretty uncomfortable if MIL came right out and asked me to call her ''mom''. I wouldn''t want to hurt her feelings, but I wouldn''t feel comfortable calling her that either. Thank goodness she hasn''t asked!
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My MIL didn''t come right out and say it, we just were talking and I asked now that we were married if she would prefer that I call her mom or Nancy. And we had actually been talking about DH''s grandma who was in the hospital when it came up. DH''s parents are divorced, but she still called her ex-MIL "mom."

I am VERY VERY close with my mom, but I''m sure it doesn''t bother her that I call my MIL "Mom"- especially since my mom loves that my DH calls her Mom.
 
My DH is from the south, so we call eachother''s parents "Ms. "firstname" and Mr. "firstname". Works for us. I don''t think I could call his parents mom and dad.

My mom calls my brother''s wife her "daughter" and she calls my parents "mom" and "Dad" . I think it is kind of strange, but maybe I''ll get over it
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Date: 12/29/2009 1:41:52 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 12/28/2009 11:09:52 PM
Author: Elmorton
I have to edit my answer because I realized later it was a little strong because I realized that while DH and I do first names for our ILs, grandparents are a completely different story. I call his gparents Grandpa Firstname and Grandma Firstname, and he calls mine Grandma Lastname etc (my family is weird - I''ve always called my own grandparents Grandma and Grandpa Lastname). I don''t really know how that started - I think we just got lazy and took the ''your'' out of the sentence - (ex: we used to say things like ''Is this your Grandma Firstname''s recipe?'' - somewhere along the line it just got deleted).
Click to expand...
This is exactly the same for us! I have one grandmother that I''m close to and we all refer to her as Grandma LastName (though just ''grandma'' to her face). DH has one grandfather who is called Grandpa FirstName, so I call him the same. We''re not terribly close to our grandparents though and only see them once every few years, so this doesn''t come up much.
Click to expand...
DH''s grandpa was always Grandpa John, but in his most recent bday card, he said he (DH) was too old to call him Grandpa, to just call him John.
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I laughed. He''s an odd bird.
 
I also felt awkward deciding on what to call the in-law''s. So I asked how they would like me to address them. My MIL said I could call her "mom" or "first name", which ever I felt comfortable with. I chose "first name". My mother insisted my husband call her "ma" which was fine since he didn''t use that for his own mother. He called my dad by his first name.

What ever you do, pick a name can use it. There is nothing worse that not knowing how to address a MIL or FIL and you end up NOT addressing them at all.
 
i call them by their first name. it was super awkward at first since i''m use to addressing people as mrs. first name + mr. first name. but in hubs family, they are use to mrs. last name + mr. last name. however, since i have two other sister in laws, i followed in their footsteps and address the in laws by just their first name.
 
We call each others moms "Mom" for sure. His parents divorced when he was really young, and I''d probably address his dad as "Dad" given the opportunity, but I''ve never seen him in a situation where it seemed necessary. And I think he''s addressed my dad as "Dad" once or twice, but my family''s really small, so it''s usually pretty obvious who we''re talking to. ;)

We started the "Mom" thing with each others moms when we''d been dating a pretty short time, and it was sort of a joke, but not really, but it kind of was? And now it seems pretty natural to just keep it up because my parents always called each others parents "Mom" and "Dad" so it''s not weird to me. Not sure what DH thinks about it.
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