What are you trying to change about yourself?

[Puppmom]

So, I am taking baby steps toward improving my life and relationships. What are you trying to change about yourself? Do you have a plan?

I''ll go first:

I have a tendency toward laziness and it''s hard to find motivation sometimes. My plan of action is to establish a schedule and try to stick to it. I''ll build in free time and things I enjoy so I have something to look forward to besides building spreadsheets and doing laundry...bleh!

I also have a short fuse sometimes. Plan of action - nothing yet. I need help with learning to cool down and not get upset over such small things. This is definitely going to be a challenge. I''m going to do some research and, dare I say, read a book about relaxation techniques. I''ve considered meditation but I am VERY easily distracted. Suggestions are welcome!

 

[Maisie]

With relaxation you need to be firm with your thoughts and not let them wander off. Easier said than done but it will work if you keep at it.

I am learning to be true to myself. I find it easy to get caught up in other peoples problems and push my needs aside. I have been advised to read a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I am really enjoying it and I see myself in so much of her writing. I also need to change my weight. I think that will come with the peace and quiet that is coming from getting divorced. I don''t think I have an eating disorder. I think I just haven''t been taking good care of myself.

 

[yssie]

Ugh, just had this conversation with myself last week.



I have a really difficult time understanding and sympathising with - let alone accepting - the validity of opinions that differ from my own on topics I feel strongly about. Politics, religion, kitty-care, debates that come up with friends and family...well, it's my way or the highway. I don't often voice my thoughts, because hard-headedness is not a virtue, but I know I'd do better to actually appreciate the opposing viewpoint rather than just saying to myself "you're so wrong and the only reason I'm not saying so is because I don't want to make a scene".



Baby steps! Now before I just attack anything contentious I will make two lists, one for my thoughts and one for the other person's thoughts. Just lists of the facts, statements, and conflicting opinions - no judgment on my part (or, as little as I can manage). It's only come up once in this past week, and writing everything out didn't make me change my opinion, but it did make me slow down and address everything without that immediate anger and indignance... baby steps.

 

[iheartscience]

Nothing because I''m perfect!

If I *had* to pick something, I''d say I''ve been working on being tidier at home. I''ve been doing pretty well at it, too! Lately I''m the one hassling my husband to clean up instead of the other way around. I told him I bet he liked it better when I was messy and he didn''t argue with me!

 

[allycat0303]

Lots of stuff lately. I think because I just turned 30.

1) To have a little fun. I really feel like I missed out on my youth and I spend WAY too much time overanalyzing and planning.

2) To try and be happy. I''ve always tended toward melancholy due to lots of childhood issues. So I''ve got to learn that I have more then I ever expected. So I have to start being grateful. I try to take a moment to say *breath*. Look at your life. It''s good. Stop being so sad.

3) Trying to be more understanding toward my sister/brother. I''m pretty judgemental about the choices they''ve made in their love lives. Just because it''s not what I would do, doesn''t mean it''s wrong.

 

[wsu12]

I would like to love and accept myself more. I am very critical and judgmental of myself.

I am embarrassed to admit this but I think I have something called body dismorphic disorder. I obsess over my physical appearance and am very hard on myself. This is the first time that I have written or said this to anyone (anonymity of the internet I guess..). My husband and I went out to dinner on Friday night, there was a wait and we had drinks at the bar, our table was ready and he paid the bar tab, when he was speaking to the hostess regarding where I had been sat this is what she said "...you mean the really, really, really skinny girl?". My husband shared this with me upon sitting down and I argued with him that she must have mistaken me for someone else. I''m not sure when I look in the mirror I see myself..I don''t think I ever have.

Also, I would really like to live in the moment and be present. I have been trying to remember this "Someday you will be nostalgic for now". Life is a beautiful thing, I get caught up in the details and miss the big picture.

 

[trillionaire]

I''ve been making the bed.

Baby steps.

I''m also trying to learn to put on make-up, and do better with my hair. I''d like to improve my appearance and presentation. I have a lovely canvass to work with, but I''m awfully nonchalant about caring how I look!

 

[Indylady]

Goals that I have:

to speak kindly and softly
to stand up for myself, or others, but while still speaking kindly and softly
not to get, or be, angry. anger rarely solves problems
not to judge
to think of 70 reasons why someone might be doing something if I do start to judge
not to gossip, not matter how little or how insignificant it may be
to only have friends that I love, and no more
Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14) and to take my time thinking about good things to aspire to

 

[Bella_mezzo]

fsu-that''s a big step to put a name to it! have you tried talking to a counselor or a therapist about it? I know BDD can be really hard to work through and I wish you all the best!

I''m trying to work on losing 25 pounds, getting more disciplined in my life, finding balance between my work and personal life, and living my life in a way that reflects my faith.

 

[wsu12]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:28:23 PM
Author: IndyLady
Goals that I have:


to speak kindly and softly

to stand up for myself, or others, but while still speaking kindly and softly

not to get, or be, angry. anger rarely solves problems

not to judge

to think of 70 reasons why someone might be doing something if I do start to judge

not to gossip, not matter how little or how insignificant it may be

to only have friends that I love, and no more

Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14) and to take my time thinking about good things to aspire to

I copied what you wrote and posted it to my desktop. What nice things, I especially liked thinking of 70 reasons rather than judge. Very kind words.

 

[wsu12]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:31:57 PM
Author: Bella_mezzo
fsu-that''s a big step to put a name to it! have you tried talking to a counselor or a therapist about it? I know BDD can be really hard to work through and I wish you all the best!


I''m trying to work on losing 25 pounds, getting more disciplined in my life, finding balance between my work and personal life, and living my life in a way that reflects my faith.

Bella,
The big step was posting that...I have been holding my breath since I pushed submit. I am scared of being judged and being perceived as vain, which is the farthest thing from the truth. I have never spoken to a professional about it, I just turned 30 so I think it is about time. I have known for some time that I need some help but have been a fully functioning adult so I never have sought any outside help.

Best of luck with your goals..I sincerely hope 2010 is the year they come true for you.

 

[iheartscience]

fsu-I'm sure no one is judging you. I'm impressed you're saying it out loud-I think that's probably a major first step. I hope you get the help you need. I wish you the best!

 

[waxing lyrical]

Eating habits! Just started WW again. And ditto trillionaire on the hair. I hate dealing with mine most days.

 

[jewelz617]

I''m trying to be a better wife. My husband doesn''t say it much, but I know he needs more attention from me.

I am also trying to be less hard on myself and not less stress rule my life.

 

[Lauren8211]

I''m trying to deal with the self-esteem issues that have been ruling my life since I was a little girl. I''ve made so many mistakes in my life because of my serious lack of self-esteem, and I am starting to realize the ramifications of that and how negatively its affecting my life. There are so many things I need to fix, but I know that it all starts with having the confidence to change them, so that''s my first goal. Confidence.

 

[kas baby]

very good question.

a. I''m treating my body better. Not just with the foods I eat and the exercise I get, but also how I think and talk about my body. In fact just today I cut out some processed food from my diet, took a light jog, and wrote down something I love about me on my mirror with dry erase marker.

b. Being grateful for the few true friends I have, acknowledging the many acquaintances, and knowing the differences and values of both.

c. Making the wonderful relationship I have with my fiance better. It''s one of the most important relationships I have and I''d like to make a more conscious effort at appreciating and building it up. example: for one week leading up to our 6 year anniversary in February, we wrote three things each day that we loved about each other- no repeats! It was fun and so lovely to read

 

[Puppmom]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:58:10 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678
I''m trying to be a better wife. My husband doesn''t say it much, but I know he needs more attention from me.


I am also trying to be less hard on myself and not less stress rule my life.

A lot of why I want to change is for the sake of my relationship with my husband. He rarely complains but I know that my short fuse in particular really gets to him. His mother always spoke softly and I come from a load, obnoxious family. When I get mad I *act* mad - I always say how are you supposed to know I''m mad if I don''t act it? I really just don''t know how to do it any other way...yet. I''m working on it.

 

[MsP]

Be more patient--I tend to get fed up very easily and just do things myself. This in turn leads to me being more stressed and being angry that my SO/coworker/etc didn''t do things quickly enough.

I also have made a resolution to wear more heels. Sounds *very* silly, I know. I wear flats--ALWAYS. Just this month I have purchased 3 pairs of Sofft heels, a pair of Cole Haan Nike pumps, and some dansko sandals. I have a bad back but I think I''ve been using this as an excuse not to wear adult shoes.

 

[marcy]

Walk more
Eat less
Spend less
Try to keep stress away
Try not to jump to conclusions
Listen more - talk less

 

[katamari]

I am always trying to improve myself. Right now, I working towards a really big goal and it is causing me to be a little single-sighted and self-focused as a result.

I am extremely caustic and pessimistic. It is a lifelong struggle, but something I do continually work to address.

I am also really trying to be more effective with my time to do some of the things I claim to be too busy to do--working out and cleaning.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

fsu-I think that''s amazing that you wrote it, and doubt that anyone would think you are vain. I think you are brave and it takes a lot of courage and insight for you to write it

 

[kenny]

I'd like to give up personal hygiene, gain weight around the middle, grow long hairs and skin tags in surprising places and look fifteen years older.

 

[Arkteia]

Date: 3/15/2010 7:57:39 PM
Author: Maisie
With relaxation you need to be firm with your thoughts and not let them wander off. Easier said than done but it will work if you keep at it.


I am learning to be true to myself. I find it easy to get caught up in other peoples problems and push my needs aside. I have been advised to read a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I am really enjoying it and I see myself in so much of her writing. I also need to change my weight. I think that will come with the peace and quiet that is coming from getting divorced. I don''t think I have an eating disorder. I think I just haven''t been taking good care of myself.

If you are eating too much, it is probably due to stress - and not giving yourself enough time to relax.

 

[Arkteia]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:00:58 PM
Author: fsu1227
I would like to love and accept myself more. I am very critical and judgmental of myself.


I am embarrassed to admit this but I think I have something called body dismorphic disorder. I obsess over my physical appearance and am very hard on myself. This is the first time that I have written or said this to anyone (anonymity of the internet I guess..). My husband and I went out to dinner on Friday night, there was a wait and we had drinks at the bar, our table was ready and he paid the bar tab, when he was speaking to the hostess regarding where I had been sat this is what she said ''...you mean the really, really, really skinny girl?''. My husband shared this with me upon sitting down and I argued with him that she must have mistaken me for someone else. I''m not sure when I look in the mirror I see myself..I don''t think I ever have.


Also, I would really like to live in the moment and be present. I have been trying to remember this ''Someday you will be nostalgic for now''. Life is a beautiful thing, I get caught up in the details and miss the big picture.

I think to admit to yourself that you have a problem is a hardest thing. Great that you have done it!

 

[Arkteia]

For myself - I am going to subscribe to everything that marcy has said and then some more:

- I want to be a better daughter and mother
- I have to really work on this habit of helping when no one asks you to
- Stop trying to be extra "nice" to people who do not deserve it; pretending to be the nicest is hubris
- Stop discussing others

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/16/2010 1:17:36 AM
Author: crasru

Date: 3/15/2010 7:57:39 PM
Author: Maisie
With relaxation you need to be firm with your thoughts and not let them wander off. Easier said than done but it will work if you keep at it.


I am learning to be true to myself. I find it easy to get caught up in other peoples problems and push my needs aside. I have been advised to read a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I am really enjoying it and I see myself in so much of her writing. I also need to change my weight. I think that will come with the peace and quiet that is coming from getting divorced. I don''t think I have an eating disorder. I think I just haven''t been taking good care of myself.

If you are eating too much, it is probably due to stress - and not giving yourself enough time to relax.

I agree. Stress is a major thing in my life at the minute. I just don''t know how to relax. I can sleep, but its not the same thing is it? I need to learn how to switch my brain off.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:00:58 PM
Author: fsu1227
I would like to love and accept myself more. I am very critical and judgmental of myself.

I am embarrassed to admit this but I think I have something called body dismorphic disorder. I obsess over my physical appearance and am very hard on myself. This is the first time that I have written or said this to anyone (anonymity of the internet I guess..). My husband and I went out to dinner on Friday night, there was a wait and we had drinks at the bar, our table was ready and he paid the bar tab, when he was speaking to the hostess regarding where I had been sat this is what she said ''...you mean the really, really, really skinny girl?''. My husband shared this with me upon sitting down and I argued with him that she must have mistaken me for someone else. I''m not sure when I look in the mirror I see myself..I don''t think I ever have.

Also, I would really like to live in the moment and be present. I have been trying to remember this ''Someday you will be nostalgic for now''. Life is a beautiful thing, I get caught up in the details and miss the big picture.

The first step has been taken! Good for you! Nobody here will criticise you. Owning up that you have a problem is the beginning to solving it. (((hugs)))

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:28:23 PM
Author: IndyLady
Goals that I have:

to speak kindly and softly
to stand up for myself, or others, but while still speaking kindly and softly
not to get, or be, angry. anger rarely solves problems
not to judge
to think of 70 reasons why someone might be doing something if I do start to judge
not to gossip, not matter how little or how insignificant it may be
to only have friends that I love, and no more
Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14) and to take my time thinking about good things to aspire to

I love your goals.

 

[reader]

Better control of weight. I don''t feel the need to overeat so much anymore, and I am hoping that once the weight loss is more visible I do not freak out and start overeating again.

Balance and coordination are two other things I am working on. I have iffy motor skills, and often shy away from doing things just to save the embarrassment of failing in public with things people find easy.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''ve been so hormonal and cranky these last three months. Now that I''m heading into the second trimester I''m hoping things level out and I go back to being the relatively normal HH. In the meantime, I''m working on keeping my mouth shut or leaving the room for quiet time when I''m annoyed. I''m also trying to apologize to my husband when he''s subjected to my bad moods. But it''s so hard because he''s 100% NOT understanding of the situation and my relative inability to control it

I apologize to all of my PS friends if my crankiness has overflowed onto the pages of PS and if I''m more mean than usual. I used to be such a nice person. Now I''m just a Pregosaurus Rex!