Diamond2009
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2009
- Messages
- 6
I am new to this forum but have lurked for a long time and I thought that I would post here even though I am engaged.
The reason I am posting is because I would like a perspective other than my own as I am starting to seriously question my relationship and wonder whether it is really the right thing for us both at this time.
A little background I have been with my FI for seven years and engaged for two years our wedding is planned for next year. We have known each other for many years as our family were close friends and lived in the same district and our fathers went to college together. I am very close to his family and after seven years already feel like am a daugther to his mother and her husband and his father and his wife and a grandchild to his grandparents.
Our current issues which are negatively impacting our relationship include my ongoing stress due to being six months or so off completing my masters, his long work hours (10 - 12 hours per day, 5 days per week)and constant travel for business , the lack of quality time we each have to devote to each other, his seeming lack on interest in making time to do things as a couple and the lack of effort he puts into special occasions such as birthdays, christmas or anniversaries for example this year he did not buy me a birthday present card anything and I admit that I am very resentful over this. His explanation was that we were short of money that paycheck.
I also have difficulty coping with his inability to process his emotions and communicate any realtionship issues he may be having, which causes him to be resentful and then it becomes a bigger issue and he blows up over. This has been an on-going problem throughout the seven years. Sometimes I feel as though we are just going over and over the same issues again and don't seem to be getting anywhere.
I also find that he is very difficult to please be it my grades, manner in which i do general task or cleanliness of our home, it never seems to be good enough for him. I find it difficult to cope because I always feel as though I should or could have done it better and that he will find fault somewhere.
That not to say I am without my problems I am highly emotional and don't handle stress very well.
All of the above issues have been exacerbated by a difficult 18 months family wise for both of us. Within my own family i have dealt with (in chronological order) the loss of my uncle to suicide, my mothers ongoing ill health, my sisters attempted suicide. This year after many years of doctors and test I have been diagnosied with a neurological condition which we are both still comming to terms with, he has lost grandmother in june of this year to kidney cancer and six weeks ago his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was not a good diagnosis and she will have many months of treatment. Two weeks after that my grandmothers who I loved so dearly and has been ill for nearly three years passed away with complications of dementia and congestive heart failure.
Sometimes I am unsure whether our issues are a result of the severe family stress and grief we have both experienced and continue to experience as a result of the past year or two. Or whether they are genuine relationship problems that have just been exacerbated by the stress we are both experiencing.
All advice welcomed. Also if soome poster could offer suggestions that don't necessarily include ending the relationship that would help also.
The reason I am posting is because I would like a perspective other than my own as I am starting to seriously question my relationship and wonder whether it is really the right thing for us both at this time.
A little background I have been with my FI for seven years and engaged for two years our wedding is planned for next year. We have known each other for many years as our family were close friends and lived in the same district and our fathers went to college together. I am very close to his family and after seven years already feel like am a daugther to his mother and her husband and his father and his wife and a grandchild to his grandparents.
Our current issues which are negatively impacting our relationship include my ongoing stress due to being six months or so off completing my masters, his long work hours (10 - 12 hours per day, 5 days per week)and constant travel for business , the lack of quality time we each have to devote to each other, his seeming lack on interest in making time to do things as a couple and the lack of effort he puts into special occasions such as birthdays, christmas or anniversaries for example this year he did not buy me a birthday present card anything and I admit that I am very resentful over this. His explanation was that we were short of money that paycheck.
I also have difficulty coping with his inability to process his emotions and communicate any realtionship issues he may be having, which causes him to be resentful and then it becomes a bigger issue and he blows up over. This has been an on-going problem throughout the seven years. Sometimes I feel as though we are just going over and over the same issues again and don't seem to be getting anywhere.
I also find that he is very difficult to please be it my grades, manner in which i do general task or cleanliness of our home, it never seems to be good enough for him. I find it difficult to cope because I always feel as though I should or could have done it better and that he will find fault somewhere.
That not to say I am without my problems I am highly emotional and don't handle stress very well.
All of the above issues have been exacerbated by a difficult 18 months family wise for both of us. Within my own family i have dealt with (in chronological order) the loss of my uncle to suicide, my mothers ongoing ill health, my sisters attempted suicide. This year after many years of doctors and test I have been diagnosied with a neurological condition which we are both still comming to terms with, he has lost grandmother in june of this year to kidney cancer and six weeks ago his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was not a good diagnosis and she will have many months of treatment. Two weeks after that my grandmothers who I loved so dearly and has been ill for nearly three years passed away with complications of dementia and congestive heart failure.
Sometimes I am unsure whether our issues are a result of the severe family stress and grief we have both experienced and continue to experience as a result of the past year or two. Or whether they are genuine relationship problems that have just been exacerbated by the stress we are both experiencing.
All advice welcomed. Also if soome poster could offer suggestions that don't necessarily include ending the relationship that would help also.
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