What age is appropriate for a plus one?

[ts44]

My fiance and I both have large families, and we''re trying to keep the guest list down to a dull roar. As from the start neither of us wanted to invite young children, we''ve put the age cut-off for invite at 16. I have a handful of cousins who are age 16-18, and my mother is insisting that they do not get a plus one, and that we should only give a plus one to anybody who is over the age of 18. My fiance and I don''t have a preference one way or the other, but we do want to make sure we''re not breaking any kind of rules by restricting younger people from bringing a guest. How have other people handled this, and have there ever been hard feelings? It''s such a small subset of the guest list, that I wonder if I should just forget it and give everybody a plus one despite my mother''s insistence on not doing so.

 

[caribqueen]

Back when I was 16, I couldn't even date(!) so a plus one would've been a best girlffriend. I personally don't think it's necessary to invite a plus one for a teenager especially if they will have cousins and other family members at the wedding.

I would only invite plus ones, if my budget and guest list allowed for significant others such as boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged and of course married. But then again I don't give plus ones as freely as others might. And for the record, there's nothing that says you MUST give a plus one to someone who has a boyfriend/girlfriend. I think it's nice, but it's also nice if you have a never-ending budget.

My 2 pennies.

ETA: I would also accommodate those who are living together. After rsvps and the numbers come down from declines, that's a time when you can evaluate and see if you can add any more (dates) to the guestlist.

 

[emeraldlover1]

We have a ton of cousins and it became a touchy subject for a few. We invited those who were over 18+1 and those that weren''t didn''t get a guest. In the end no one complained. I will tell you that I did invite one of my cousins with a guest knowing that she had only been dating her boyfriend for a few months and while they were still together, he didn''t show up. I was sooooo pissed.

 

[stephbolt]

We only invited my "older" group of cousins with a date. They are 30, 28, and 26, and married, engaged, and with a bf of 4 years respectively. My "younger" cousins between the ages of 17 and 22 (there are 8 of them) were not invited with dates. They will all know each other and we were trying to keep the wedding small. Hopefully there won''t be any hurt feelings.

 

[ilovesparkles]

IMO, the privilege of having a +1 invite should be reserved for those who no longer live at home. I guess it only becomes complicated if there are college students saving money by still living at home. In which case I would make that the cut off, having graduated from high school. The third option, those who receive a separate invite from their parents. Good luck with the deciding, I hated being pressured by the parents!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I don''t know if there''s an appropriate age, so much as an appropriate life-stage. Perhaps college-age and older? Or if you want to whittle down your guest list a bit more, do post-college/22+.

 

[katamari]

I think it is so rare that you just let them decide. Let the ones that cared and the 99.8% of the rest will just come with their family. I guess my thought if I tried to come up with a rule would be to +1 anyone you thought would travel, even if by car, by themselves (or with their date) and not +1 them if you expect they would travel with their parents. I am a very liberal +1er though and am in favor of +1ing anyone regardless of the situation.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/24/2010 8:53:15 AM
Author:ts44
My fiance and I both have large families, and we''re trying to keep the guest list down to a dull roar. As from the start neither of us wanted to invite young children, we''ve put the age cut-off for invite at 16. I have a handful of cousins who are age 16-18, and my mother is insisting that they do not get a plus one, and that we should only give a plus one to anybody who is over the age of 18. My fiance and I don''t have a preference one way or the other, but we do want to make sure we''re not breaking any kind of rules by restricting younger people from bringing a guest. How have other people handled this, and have there ever been hard feelings? It''s such a small subset of the guest list, that I wonder if I should just forget it and give everybody a plus one despite my mother''s insistence on not doing so.

I''ve never really thought about this. Any +1ers that I''ve seen (at my wedding or at others) have been in their 20s. I think I''m going to agree with your mom on this one, Ts.

 

[swingirl]

At my wedding many years ago we did a +1 for my nieces (14-16) and nephew because there weren't many other children invited (none in the family) and I wanted them to have a good time. They brought their girlfriends and the older nephew, college age, brought a date. We had a prime rib dinner and they didn't offer children's plates but it was only a few extra people so the cost was minimal. I am sure it was a memorable event for them as they knew it was a special privilege.

 

[ts44]

Thanks for all the input ladies! I think one of my cousins may be dating somebody, but I feel silly calling up their parents and asking them if "so-and-so is dating anyone, I''m doing my wedding invite list." I am leaning to agree with those who said they would not get a +1, and whomever said to raise the cut-off age that may be a good idea too. I just realized that in a few of the families there are kids that are just under the age of 16, and there may be some hard feelings if only elder siblings are invited! Alternatively, I could just be overthinking this and the kids couldn''t give a rats patootie whether or not they come to our wedding.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I think I agree with the limit being those who receive an invite separate from their parents

 

[Haven]

We only invited dates if people were living together, engaged, or very serious.

It would be very generous of you to invite your young cousins with dates, but it is completely unnecessary, IMO. If I had been invited to *any* family events with a guest before I graduated college I think my mother would have rather painted her face purple for the evening than have me to actually bring a guest. We''re pretty old fashioned when it comes to these things, but I know that when I have children of my own they won''t be bringing guests (if invited) to any family events until after they''ve graduated college. It''s just not necessary at such a young age, in my opinion.

However, I do think it''s wise to invite either all or none of the siblings, that sounds like a good plan.