Wedding What’s the protocol for bachelorette parties?

[Shoopy]

As the famous MOH of my friend’s wedding, I have the task of putting together the bachelorette party. We talked about the plans and we are going to stay at the Hard Rock in Fort Lauderdale, go to the Improv, and then head over to the bride’s favorite bar for drinks/dancing.

I’m going to pay for the room for her and me to stay in. It’ll have two queen beds (unfortunately suite are sold out) so if need be, two other girls can crash with us.

But what do I do as far as costs go? Do I have to be in charge of paying for everyone’s meal and drinks and hotel room? Do I have to provide transportation for everyone? We originally talked about getting a limo but since we’re staying there I rather have a car at the hotel in order to get home the next day.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Other than paying for the room, all guests should split the cost of the party, including the MOH. You should not pay anymore than the other guests for her dinner, drinks, etc. Inform the guests ahead of time about the costs of the night (let them know the range of dinner prices, cost of ticket etc) and request that they bring xx dollars to cover the cost of the bride''s meal and ticket to Improv. Everyone can choose to buy drinks for the Bride as they wish throughout the night. If the other girls plan on staying i nthe room with you, then they should contribute to that as well. If you want to buy extras like party favors or a cake for the room or a bottle of champagne for your room or something, that''s fine, but the "going out" part should not fall on your pocketbook.


That''s how we do it in my circle at least.

 

[brooklyngirl]

The way it''s done in my circle is that all the costs are tallied up, and are split between those attending the party minus the bride. This way, the organizer is not burdened with the entire cost of the party, and everyone chips in to show the bride a good time.

It is important that the attendees are aware of this, and know what costs they will likely incur.

 

[meresal]

I got invited to one recently, and this is how it was split up...

The costs were split evenly for hotel rooms and some snacks/bottle of champagne for the room. Any other drinks and dinner/meals were up to each person. I think she may have factored in a certain amouitn of money for the brides meals and drinks. Maybe $100/150 or something?

What if you got a limo to take you from the hotel to dinner and the bar (apprx 2 hrs), then take a taxi home; or use a taxi for each destination. You could call ahead and find out the prices, and then just factor them into the overall cost that everyone will split.

 

[Shoopy]

Thanks so far!

Mer-She''s actually not being that way at all which is surprising. She wants to do things economically and she also mentioned paying for some of the stuff herself.

I fully intend on at least paying for her the entire night. The hotel room I would pay for and if anyone else stays in that same room with us, then I would like for them to pay their part. I just didn''t know if it was ok to ask people to pay for something if you''re inviting them to a party.

As for the limo then taxi, unfortunately in Miami taxis are expensive. The commute for me would be easy because its 5 minutes from home but everyone else is about 45 minutes South so they would be looking at the very minimum $100 to get home the next day.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/12/2008 4:52:35 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Thanks so far!

Mer-She's actually not being that way at all which is surprising. She wants to do things economically and she also mentioned paying for some of the stuff herself.

I fully intend on at least paying for her the entire night. The hotel room I would pay for and if anyone else stays in that same room with us, then I would like for them to pay their part. I just didn't know if it was ok to ask people to pay for something if you're inviting them to a party.

As for the limo then taxi, unfortunately in Miami taxis are expensive. The commute for me would be easy because its 5 minutes from home but everyone else is about 45 minutes South so they would be looking at the very minimum $100 to get home the next day.

I'm glad things have gotten better. I bet that is making it alot more enjoyable for both of you!

I guess what I was thinking, is... have everyone drive to the hotel in their own cars (hopefully some that live near eachother could carpool possibly), and then do the transportation (ie, taxi or limo) from the hotel just for that night. Are the Bar and Improv close to the hotel? Are you thinking that some girls are going to want to go home afterwards, instead of staying at the hotel? I don't think it should be your responsibility of how the girls get to the hotel, or the area where you will be celebrating.

ETA: I know it's Miami and you are going to laugh out loud when I type this, but some hotels offer complimentary car service to local restaurants and bars. You could call and see if the Hard Rock offers that?

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:02:20 PM
Author: meresal

I''m glad things have gotten better. I bet that is making it alot more enjoyable for both of you!

I guess what I was thinking, is... have everyone drive to the hotel in their own cars (hopefully some that live near eachother could carpool possibly), and then do the transportation (ie, taxi or limo) from the hotel just for that night. Are the Bar and Improv close to the hotel? Are you thinking that some girls are going to want to go home afterwards, instead of staying at the hotel? I don''t think it should be your responsibility of how the girls get to the hotel, or the area where you will be celebrating.

ETA: I know it''s Miami and you are going to laugh out loud when I type this, but some hotels offer complimentary car service to local restaurants and bars. You could call and see if the Hard Rock offers that?

Oh sorry. The Hard Rock has 17 clubs and about 8 restaurants all part of the hotel. So there wouldn''t be any driving to the clubs/improv. We just have to walk over. My *only* concern is that I''m very anti-drunk driving and I don''t think I would be able to sleep right if I knew someone got trashed and decided not to stay with us. I think at that point I would just drive them home myself.

From what I hear, she wants 7 girls there (not including us). She anticipates that:
~3 will definitely stay
~1 is pregnant and can''t drink and will most likely not stay out too late
~2 will either go home or have their husbands meet them at the hotel to spend the night in a separate room
~1 will not want to stay because her finances aren''t in great shape right now so she won''t want to pay for the room but if she does get too trashed, I will have her stay with us and not pay.

Hopefully that''s the way it''ll pan out. She wants to set it up so that we meet in the rooms and have some champagne and snacks, then head to the Improv so that the ladies that want to leave early still get to drink and have a good time before heading out. And the ones that will stay can head over and party with us.

 

[neatfreak]

I think that you all need to decide what everyone is comfortable with. The most important thing is to TALK IT OVER with the bridesmaids beforehand, find out what everyone can afford, and then go from there. The worst is when the MOH or someone organizes a huge event and expects everyone to split the costs evenly without talking about it with the rest of the bridal party.

 

[Shoopy]

There are no bridesmaids

LOL It's just me. The other 7 girls invited are just friends.

I think what I'll do is send out an email with details and ask them if they would stay with us the entire evening, spend the night, or be there only for certain parts. Tickets to the Improv I might pay for myself because it isn't that expensive and then I figured they could cover the food/drinks for themselves. And at the bar (not really a club although there is dancing) we can each pay for a round or some food or something.

I don't even know how that would go...sending an email with prices. I wouldn't even feel comfortable doing that. I might just send it out one by one and see what the responses are.

 

[katamari]

Instead of including prices, I would just send an e-mail reminding everyone to bring cash so that it will be easiest to "take care of bridesname for the night." I would also make a nod to the itinerary so they remember where all you are going to do and start thinking about how much it will be. You can also link to the menu where you are looking to eat at so that everyone can have the cost in mind.

 

[Haven]

This is how we do it:
The MOH and bridesmaids pay for the hotel room, pre-party alcohol, mixers, and food. We invite everyone to the hotel room for some drinks and apps, and that''s when we open gifts.

Then, all of the guests (bridesmaids and MOH included) pay for their own drinks/food/transportation the rest of the night. They cover the bride''s costs, of course.

I''ve been to bachelorette parties where the bridal party pays for everything for the guests, and some where they pay for nothing. As long as it the expenses are very clear to the attendees beforehand, it should be fine.

I showed up to a bachelorette party once and one of the bridesmaids asked me for $50 the minute I walked in the door. It was for the limo I wasn''t going to ride in, the food and drinks that I had no part in buying (or consuming), and the "toys" that they planned on buying the bride during the toy party that evening.
I could only drop in and stay for an hour, so I drove their on my own, and missed all the drinks and food. I declined to pay as graciously as I could. They were extremely rude about it, but I was not going to get bullied into paying $50 for things I had not agreed to. (Had I known I wouldn''t have spent the $60 on a gift at Victoria''s Secret beforehand, anyway!)

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:42:19 PM
Author: Haven
This is how we do it:
The MOH and bridesmaids pay for the hotel room, pre-party alcohol, mixers, and food. We invite everyone to the hotel room for some drinks and apps, and that''s when we open gifts.

Then, all of the guests (bridesmaids and MOH included) pay for their own drinks/food/transportation the rest of the night. They cover the bride''s costs, of course.

I''ve been to bachelorette parties where the bridal party pays for everything for the guests, and some where they pay for nothing. As long as it the expenses are very clear to the attendees beforehand, it should be fine.

I showed up to a bachelorette party once and one of the bridesmaids asked me for $50 the minute I walked in the door. It was for the limo I wasn''t going to ride in, the food and drinks that I had no part in buying (or consuming), and the ''toys'' that they planned on buying the bride during the toy party that evening.
I could only drop in and stay for an hour, so I drove their on my own, and missed all the drinks and food. I declined to pay as graciously as I could. They were extremely rude about it, but I was not going to get bullied into paying $50 for things I had not agreed to. (Had I known I wouldn''t have spent the $60 on a gift at Victoria''s Secret beforehand, anyway!)

I think this is the best option, considering you don''t know who all is actually going to be there. Obviously it wouldn''t just be the MOH and BM''s (you) paying for the room/champagne/treats, it would be all girls that are staying at the hotel and attending. Maybe you could send a blanket email asking the gilrs to decide wether or not they will be staying the night?

I also agree that the ahead of time notification is very important.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:23:18 PM
Author: fieryred33143
There are no bridesmaids

LOL It''s just me. The other 7 girls invited are just friends.


I think what I''ll do is send out an email with details and ask them if they would stay with us the entire evening, spend the night, or be there only for certain parts. Tickets to the Improv I might pay for myself because it isn''t that expensive and then I figured they could cover the food/drinks for themselves. And at the bar (not really a club although there is dancing) we can each pay for a round or some food or something.


I don''t even know how that would go...sending an email with prices. I wouldn''t even feel comfortable doing that. I might just send it out one by one and see what the responses are.

Sounds like a plan. I think the most important thing is that **YOU** are comfortable with what you are outlaying for the night. If you are cool covering the bride''s portion yourself, you can either ask others to chip in or not, but make sure they know they''ll be expected to pay for their own dinner, etc. Which seems like something they should expect anyway. Just make sure they all know what kind of restaurant you are going to, cost of the show, etc.