I''m happy to say that all of you were right and I had almost no reason to be so terrified of "the talk".
I wanted to wait a little longer but just couldn''t after we found out at Easter dinner that his cousin is starting to look to buy a house with his girlfriend and they plan to get engaged before the purchase, so that would be this summer. They are much younger than us and have been dating less time than we have so of course I was a bid upset. I''m happy for them, obviously, b/c they are a wonderful couple and wish them all the happiness in the world it''s just the timing made me a little sad.
So when we talked about their engagement he said he and guys in general never really thought about things like that. Later I told him I wanted to talk to him and I wanted him to think about the things he never thought about. Basically he said what I thought he would say which was that he had thought about it a little, that he didn''t even want to imagine living without me so he knew he wanted to marry me but he''s still working on the problems most guys have with that whole idea (like never having sex with anyone else ever again and becoming a boring married man etc.), which I knew but he does seem to be getting over those.... slowly.
I tried to make sure he knew the last thing I wanted to do was rush him I just wanted to know what he thought and what kind of time-line he had in his mind so we would be on the same page. I knew before and believe in my heart it will happen I just wanted to have an idea of when so when everyone asks me, and they will, I don''t torment myself. I have to admit I did cry and I know it made him feel horrible but I''m just an emotional person and I think I was crying more b/c I was embarrassed that he saw me so emotional about all this.
He admitted that he thought he should wait until after his sister''s wedding (I had guessed he would think that) b/c she often feels like he takes the spotlight all the time, and getting married is a huge thing for her so he wants to just let her have the spotlight throughout this time. I do understand that, and I think it''s very sweet of him that he''s being so thoughtful of his sister''s feelings. Although I do think it''s kinda silly with him being a guy I''m sure him getting engaged would not steal her thunder and she would be very happy for him, but if he wants to wait I support him in that. Her wedding is in October, 7 months away, and when he realized how long their engagement really will be (15 months I think) he knew that was a very long time wait on the side-lines. He did say he didn''t want to have a long engagement, he wanted 2 months (LOL) I told him as long as we could plan what we wanted I am all for a short engagement but I thought 4-6 months was more realistic.
He said he''s just a horrible procrastinator (which is true) and for something that is this scary for him and this important he has to make sure it''s right. He said he''s not good at planning things and he would want the ring and the proposal to be just perfect so it would take time and I can''t argue with that. I did tell him however that it didn''t matter how he proposed that I would love it. I don''t want him to worry about getting the ring right so maybe I will make a ring book for him, but not for a few months b/c I want to respect his decision not to steal focus from his sister.
So it looks like I''ll be on the list for at least the next 6-8 months, but I feel so much better knowing that he wasn''t thinking more like 1-2 years. I don''t have to torture myself anymore I can just relax and enjoy being with him. I do feel like we needed to have this talk to plant the idea in his head or at least bring it forward a bit, so I''m so glad we talked.
Thanks ladies for leading me in the right direction on this one!
I wanted to wait a little longer but just couldn''t after we found out at Easter dinner that his cousin is starting to look to buy a house with his girlfriend and they plan to get engaged before the purchase, so that would be this summer. They are much younger than us and have been dating less time than we have so of course I was a bid upset. I''m happy for them, obviously, b/c they are a wonderful couple and wish them all the happiness in the world it''s just the timing made me a little sad.
So when we talked about their engagement he said he and guys in general never really thought about things like that. Later I told him I wanted to talk to him and I wanted him to think about the things he never thought about. Basically he said what I thought he would say which was that he had thought about it a little, that he didn''t even want to imagine living without me so he knew he wanted to marry me but he''s still working on the problems most guys have with that whole idea (like never having sex with anyone else ever again and becoming a boring married man etc.), which I knew but he does seem to be getting over those.... slowly.
I tried to make sure he knew the last thing I wanted to do was rush him I just wanted to know what he thought and what kind of time-line he had in his mind so we would be on the same page. I knew before and believe in my heart it will happen I just wanted to have an idea of when so when everyone asks me, and they will, I don''t torment myself. I have to admit I did cry and I know it made him feel horrible but I''m just an emotional person and I think I was crying more b/c I was embarrassed that he saw me so emotional about all this.
He admitted that he thought he should wait until after his sister''s wedding (I had guessed he would think that) b/c she often feels like he takes the spotlight all the time, and getting married is a huge thing for her so he wants to just let her have the spotlight throughout this time. I do understand that, and I think it''s very sweet of him that he''s being so thoughtful of his sister''s feelings. Although I do think it''s kinda silly with him being a guy I''m sure him getting engaged would not steal her thunder and she would be very happy for him, but if he wants to wait I support him in that. Her wedding is in October, 7 months away, and when he realized how long their engagement really will be (15 months I think) he knew that was a very long time wait on the side-lines. He did say he didn''t want to have a long engagement, he wanted 2 months (LOL) I told him as long as we could plan what we wanted I am all for a short engagement but I thought 4-6 months was more realistic.
He said he''s just a horrible procrastinator (which is true) and for something that is this scary for him and this important he has to make sure it''s right. He said he''s not good at planning things and he would want the ring and the proposal to be just perfect so it would take time and I can''t argue with that. I did tell him however that it didn''t matter how he proposed that I would love it. I don''t want him to worry about getting the ring right so maybe I will make a ring book for him, but not for a few months b/c I want to respect his decision not to steal focus from his sister.
So it looks like I''ll be on the list for at least the next 6-8 months, but I feel so much better knowing that he wasn''t thinking more like 1-2 years. I don''t have to torture myself anymore I can just relax and enjoy being with him. I do feel like we needed to have this talk to plant the idea in his head or at least bring it forward a bit, so I''m so glad we talked.
Thanks ladies for leading me in the right direction on this one!
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