Well now I don''t know what I want

[FutureMrsC]

So I called my bf over to my computer to look at a new ring design and he says to me, okay you have until the end of February to decide on what you want. Feb.??? I pried a few more details out of him... He wants me to pick the actual ring out and let him know where to buy it. So I ask well what''s my price range. He hesitated and then said keep it under $1,500. Now not to be a brat, because how big our budget is honestly doesn''t matter, but I do feel a little strung along. When we first looked over 2 years ago the budget was $4,500... but I know he was expecting better financing options from the stores we visited. We didn''t look again until about 6 months ago with a smaller budget of $3,000, when he sprung on me in front of the jeweler that he was at least another year away from purchasing. And now, he really seems serious to purchase something and the budget is $1,500... He''s probably just really excited that he finally was able to put some money away, and he did say to me in this conversation that if I want to go much over that budget he won''t be able to propose as soon as he''d like to. But, instead of being excited for my hopefully soon engagement, I''m kind of daunted because I''ve been playing with rings that all price out to about $3,500 and cutting that more than in half... well... it''s like starting 2 years of ring hunting/designing all over again. I suppose I better act fast before the budget gets slashed again!

 

[E B]

I'm sorry he sprung an entirely different amount on you. I think many guys don't get just how much we research to find the perfect ring.

That being said, you can find a beautiful stone for around $1500!

So, what are you looking for? Can we help you find anything in particular?

ETA: Another thought might be contributing some $ toward your ring (if you found something you LOVE that's more expensive), if it's okay with your boyfriend.

 

[FutureMrsC]

I tried the I''ll help pay for it route a long time ago... but that didn''t go over very well. I haven''t tried bringing it up again, mostly because I don''t have the funds currently myself.

I''m tempted to say we should wait, but the longer we put it off, the more things creep up that continue to put it off. And he is awful at bating and teasing me about having stuff up his sleeve, that when the reality comes out it just crushes my whole spirit about engagement. I don''t want to become bitter and not enjoy it when it happens.

I looked at alternative gems quite some time ago but did not find anything appealing as I really want a white stone.

I had my heart set on a bezel set diamond halo with diamond bands. The stone sizes we tried in it were around a .6ct, ideal cut rounds, H and above, clarity varied. I also found a setting I liked that was a simple plain solitare that channel set the stone, but the store we were at was all smoke and mirrors with their diamond selling. I did however get to try some plain solitaires with various stones for size and a .75ct looked the most flattering.

Realistiacly I don''t think those options are available if this is what he wants to do right now.

 

[E B]

Are you and your boyfriend comfortable buying online? If so, you can go with a vendor that has an upgrade policy.

One idea might be to buy a .50-.60ct solitaire (in a temp setting) with the budget, and then when you have the funds, put the stone in your dream halo setting.

 

[allycat0303]

Uhmmm...well, the budget of $4500 was financing, so I don''t know if that was a good budget to begin with. As much as you can, I think it''s good to use money that you''ve put away and not use store credit for a purchase of this magnitude. Although I can understand why you are disppointed that the budget it smaller, I think that your man might have had expectations and reality was a bit different. In any case, I think you can definitely work with what his budget is.

That being said, I thnk there are alternatives if you want to be engaged now. You like diamond halos, etc., would you be willing to get the band that goes with the ring first and the ring later? ( a kind of reverse thing)

Have you looked at some of the rings at Fay Cullen? I don''t know, but I FLIPPED for a ring a girl on PS had a white stone with the sapphire halo like this.

http://www.faycullen.com/engagement_rings/800/c1230r3ds.html

I think it''s gorgeous, original, and a SHOWSTOPPER! I figure if you can''t afford a large stone, then having something no one else has is the way to go. But that''s just me. Incidently I have a white diamond, white halo, but I''m loving those colored halos.

Which particular shape stone are you intrested in? I think as Ebree said, online a 0.55-0.6 stone is a definite possibility.

However, I would say that if you''re really young ( you didn''t mention your age) then waiting is another possibility. It all comes down to if you would rather be engaged now, or have a nicer ring.

Good luck!

 

[FutureMrsC]

Oh don''t get me wrong, I''m fine with the budget he gave me knowing his and our current circumstances. I guess just because of the 2 other numbers he''d thrown at me I had been imagining a differnt style ring. Like I said, it''s just very daunting at the moment to pick something new with such a short time frame after mulling over what I wanted for so long already. Honestly, until yesterday I thought he already had a ring he picked out himself due to his teasing.

I haven''t warmed up to the idea of temp settings or upgrades quite yet. I do think our engagement happening sooner rather than later is more important. Life''s too short to put marriage on hold over wanting a more elaborate setting. Two years of "pre-engagement" discussions is more than enough for me.

Getting a wedding band to serve as both is an idea I might like. Thanks for the suggestion. He thought it was weird I''d have two rings in the first place, so he might go with that too.

 

[firebirdgold]

You might want to look at http://antiqueengagementrings.com, Check out page 8 in engagement rings. Our budget wasn''t terribly big either but I really wanted something unique that I wouldn''t upgrade in the future. I adore the ring he got from them! I also love the compliments I get on how unique and sparkly it is.

They have pretty high turn over so if there isn''t anything up at the moment that you like, it may change in a week or two. Also, don''t forget, if he buys online from a store that isn''t physically located in your state then he won''t have to pay sales tax. That actually raises the budget a bit.

 

[anchor31]

Oh, how I remember being in your shoes... What worked for us was that I picked the shape, size and specs of the centerstone I knew would fit his budget and we went to shop together for the setting. It worked out perfectly, and when he saw how thrilled I was with it, he bumped his budget by $1295CAD, letting me pay $665CAD of it.

Good luck!

 

[MustangFan]

My boyfriend and I faught and argued when we first started looking at rings
I was showing him pictures of stone in the $3k range and he got overwhelmed and said to be honest I looking to spend 3k for everything
My heart sank because I thought that I was helping him out and being cautious at what I looked at.

I think it might take a few months of serious ring looking and the budget will adjust

That night he shot my hopes and dreams down I started to cry and he said this is the way I am... I know in reality that I''ll end up spending around $5k
He asked his friend how much he spent, so he knew he had to be somewhere around in that ball park.
In the end, he ended up spending over $5k

and he still jokes about it, Hey I don''t want to hear you ever complain. I bought you a much larger stone than what you were expecting to get.
My sapphire is 3.17 cts, I was looking at 2cts and smaller

Hang in there, the budget will probably grow maybe not back to $4500, but most guy don''t understand carat size until they see it on your finger, they are visual and don''t understand what they are paying for until they can see the difference

 

[dmbfan]

First of all I wanted to tell you that you named scared me at first. My students used to call me Mr. C because my last name is on the tougher end. Second, I looked at you previous post and you were looking for info on a 3 stone ring and thats what I had for my GF if I ever got a chance to propose. I can tell you that with some patients (which with the timing you may not have right now) you can find some rings for that amount.

I was able to get this with a similar budget:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/probably-not-what-you-want-to-see.55158/

So I bet if you give us some ideas on what you like, some of us would help with some searches.... not like everyone here doesn''t have an addiction to dimonds.

 

[FutureMrsC]

The Antique Engagement Ring site is really neat, there are a lot of rings I''d be very happy with. Thank you for sharing that with me, I''m definetly forwarding that on to him.

Your ring turned out gorgeous too dmbfan! I don''t doubt the fact he can find something in his budget I''d be happy with. Maybe I can talk him into checking out PS... I''ve blabbed about it to him for a long time, but he''s just no that into ring research.

Little update. I think through an e-mail conversation while at work my bf and I got to the root of the bigger issue. I know I''ve been all over the place with my likes and dislikes on styles. I''ve been trying to leave the door wide open for him to select what''s right for both of us, but throughout our search he''s been very passive, coy and sometimes just plain dis-interested in front of any jewelers. That always left me upset that he was just playing with me and not serious about becoming engaged. In all reality it was probably more about his budget than any feelings towards me. Well, lately he has been pretending like he has been up to things which I thought meant he had picked something out, but turns out he just saved some cash and was ready for me to pick something out and let him know.

That being said, I left the choice in his hands to do what and when he felt it was right. If he needs my help I''m available, but I refuse to do any more calling, showing, dragging him along and go through the whole process again just because the budget has been more finalized. He can take me along if need be, but I think it needs to be his turn to put something into picking out a ring instead of me just turning in the receipt to him.


I really ramble alot. Thank you all for your caring posts. I''ll let you know.

 

[psaddict]

If you like the .6-.75 range of stones, I don''t think you''ll be disappointed with what you can get for $1,500! I did a quick search online and found a bunch of nice stones that are around .6 to .65 for $1,400... and if you saw a simple solitaire setting you like, it wouldn''t add on much to the price. Later you could change the setting to a halo (unless you decided in the meantime you like solitaire better!)

good luck!

 

[ladykemma]

for that budget i would look at estate rings, like "mel's antique jewelry" on ebay

edited to add there is a platinum 5-stone in old mine cuts in your price range. drool.

 

[Larissa]

I know that you say that you aren't disappointed with your budget, just that it had changed, so my post may not relate to you at all.

The guy I dated before DH and I were pretty serious. We went engagement ring shopping a couple of times with the budget rings he always headed to being around $4,500. My dream gowing up was the beautiful step-cut asscher. However, with the $4,500 it wasn't in the books so I grew really attached to at least .75 oval cut solitare on platinum band. We broke up before the engagement ever happened.

Approx 2 years later current BF (now DH) and I started discussing engagement. With the budget being "no more than $2,000". I liked the guy better and have no regrets in that department, but just being further way from my beautiful ascher and not even close to my > .75 oval in platinum was hard.

We don't do "upgrades" in this house apparently. DH thinks it horrid that my mother doesn't wear her original .28 round after 33 years of marriage. And we got into a discussion on Saturaday that he doesn't understand how I'm so practical, money saving, level-headed in every other area of my life, but I not only like jewellery but the really really really expensive have-to-be-nearly-perfect-in-quality ascher cut diamonds and vivid blue sapphires.

It sucks to get your budget lowered (even if by a different guy) and have to rethink the entire process.

In the end my ring cost around $1,500 for .47 carat round center with .12 on each baguette set in 14K white gold. I bought from an online estate jeweller as that's what seemed to have the best deal.

I never wanted white gold...or round (which I like the sparkle of but find boring)...or that size stone on my size 7.25 finger. Even if we had the money I'll likely never get another ring.

 

[tangoecho]

Date: 2/11/2007 3:45:54 PM
Author: Larissa


I never wanted white gold...or round (which I like the sparkle of but find boring)...or that size stone on my size 7.25 finger. Even if we had the money I''ll likely never get another ring.

Oh Larissa, this makes me feel so bad for you!

I can understand not being able to afford a larger stone so making due with whatever budget going in. But to think that years down the line you couldn''t upgrade, is sad. I sincerely hope that he changes his mind with time or that you can convince him how to use the original diamond in another way such as earrings.

FutureMrsC - I''m glad to hear you''ve left it in his hands. He might surprise you with something bigger than you think. But even not, you trusting him with this important decision has got to make him feel good about himself. And I agree - even if it meant a smaller stone, I would rather be engaged now rather than 2 years down the line since it seems you''ve already been waiting a while.

I can''t wait to hear what happens FMrsC!

 

[FutureMrsC]

You are right Larissa, the right guy is more important than the right ring. I''m partial to asschers too and the emerald cut, but the look i''d want to achieve with an asscher or emerald was way out of even the initial budget. I''ve never talked upgrades with him, he probably has never heard of such a thing.

Perhaps your guy will change his tune and see that an upgrade or new engagmeent ring gifted on a significant anniversary can mean as much, if not more after all those years together, as the initial engagement ring did. A chance for a second proposal and to recommit your vows, a little second honeymoon... seems like a perfectly good thing to me. Could even go the "practical" route and start saving a little bit now and then into an anniversary fund to share on the milestone.

 

[ScubaStog]

I saw your post and feel your pain; however, I have to say look at ebay! My fiance found my 1.2 ct. cushion (J, SI1) for $1700, the stone is beautiful and we had a local jewelry wholesaler make the micropave halo setting (you can see my ring on my pic), the total cost was $3000, so you can get your dream ring on a very tight budget, you just have to hunt a little harder for it. But the ebay seller let him pay for it in 3 installments and then sent the ring in a solitaire setting, the pic attached to this response. Good luck! PS. Only buy from an ebay seller with lots of positive feedback on diamonds!

 

[Larissa]

Well, crap! I didn''t mean to make you guys feel sorry for me. It''s really not a big deal. I simply don''t wear my ring unless we are going out and he asks after it. Since I can''t appreciate the ring it lives in the jewellery box with the excuse that it was sized for my ring hand and I bang it around a lot since I''m right handed (which he has, unfortunely, taken to mean the stone is too big on more than one occassion). He''s aware that I wish we could have had a bigger budget. I take it out sometimes, put it on, and admire it in front of him since that seems to be important to him.

If you''ve left it up to him then I''m sure that he''ll pick what he thinks would be perfect for you! And if you aren''t fond of it you can always chose your own wedding band. That''s one area that he has given up in. I have 2 wedding bands that were used in the ceremony and have another 3 I wear as wedding bands. They tend to keep my mind off my engagement ring!!