Well it happened again!

[ktkakes]

when i first started posting on this blog i was trying to cope with my bf''s younger sister getting engaged before me. well it happened again his brother who is my age(26) just proposed to his girlfriend.. im officially crushed. I dont understand i mean we live together he talks about marrying me all the time and yet are we engaged..Nope! i dont get it

It just seems like its happening to everyone but me and im starting to lose hope.. i went to a bridal show yesterday because we had talked bout getting married next march. so i was all excited .. now completely crushed.. when is it gonna be me that gets to send everyone pics of my ring.

Starting to lose hope!!!

 

[poptart]

Have you told him that this waiting is crushing you? What has he said? I remember you talking about this in another thread... but can''t remember what conclusion the two of you came to. Maybe you should tell him you would really love to get engaged GIRL SOON. Not boy soon. Good luck. It will work out!

*M*

 

[ktkakes]

oh we definatley have.. and we have talked about it alot .. its just everytime it happens when its someone around me(really close to me) and they have been dating less time than we have it crushes me.. parts of me know its gonna happen soon.. but i feel like its always everyone but me

i dont know how to separate my feeling of hurt and be happy for the newly engaged people

 

[DMBsGirl]

I know exactly how you feel. About 3 people have gotten engaged recently, all of which I thought would be AFTER me. It really sucks, especially since I''m going to a bridal shower and bachelorette this upcoming weekend for one of my sorority sisters. Everyone will ask me "so when is HE going to propose???? or "When is your bridal shower going to be" My new response is "He wants it to be a surprise so I have no idea when it will happen." I know they''re not trying to be mean, but it really just reminds me that it''s happening to everyone else and not ME!!!! Just hang in there, and lets hope that our boyfriends decide Valentines day would be a good day, lol, or how about tomorrow?

 

[Liquiddazi]

OMG! I completely understand how you guys are feeling. I have known of three people getting engaged within the last month that have been dating for a shorter length of time than my boyfriend & I, two people close to me. To make matters worse, one of these people told me that she would be engaged to her boyfriend before me, two weeks into their relationship. Plus, my boyfriend & I have been talking about marriage and getting married MONTHS before any of these couples. It kills me, my boyfriend & I pretty much know exactly what we are going to do, down to the detail, just not plans & no engagement. At my best friends wedding last weekend, my best friend''s new husband introduced my boyfriend as "soon to be fiance." Also, one of my best friends close friends got engaged and she told me, "I seriously thought you would be engaged before her" and I always have several people asking me this all the time. I finally told me that when it happens, they will be well aware and to stop asking me. Of course, I said it politely.

So just hang in there, especially if he already knows how you feel. March is a long way away & like my mom told me, you only need 6 months to plan a wedding.

I have to keep reminding myself that, especially when my boyfriend keeps telling me he wants to get married THIS August.

 

[MustangFan]

A couple factors, maybe he''s waiting for a significant date in your lives that he wants to propose.
Maybe the timing of one of those dates got screwed up?....
Maybe the ring is being custom made, sometimes it can take awhile with non-online jewelers.

I think these are the hold ups for me, we would have been engaged the 4th of July 2006, but the ring wasn''t ready
when you have a perfect plan that''s hard to top, than you are back to square one, it can be tough for a guy too, it''s hard to plan
a moment that you both do not want to forget for the rest of your lives.

 

[TuesdaysChild]

Oh, Ktkakes, I feel your pain...My boyfriend and I went on vacation with a bunch of other couples last year, and I had it in my head that he was going to propose on vacation. On the last day, one of the other couples came back from a romantic moonlit walk on the beach to tell us they had just gotten engaged. I managed to congratulate them, and I think I looked pretty happy for them, but inside I just felt that crushing disappointment that it wasn''t me...again.

It IS tough to seperate your disappointment and frustration from the excitement you feel for your friends. I always hate that little green monster inside when another friend or co-worker gets engaged, because I truly am thrilled for them and excited to share in their news. I also hate how upset I get with my boyfriend after we find out someone close to us just got engaged. It''s not his fault, he didn''t do anything wrong, he just has a different timeline than these other guys did.

The best way I''ve found to get over that disappointment you''re feeling is to revel in the anticipation. I remind myself that I know it''s going to happen when it''s right for both of us, and for now I can just enjoy that awesome anticipation of not knowing where or when it''ll happen. It helped me get through the days after last Christmas, when I was hearing about everyone who got engaged over the holidays.

Hang in there!

 

[allycat0303]

ktkakes,

How awful! Seriously I can''t imagine how you must feel. I hate that feeling when you know you should feel happy for the new couple, but you can''t help wishing it was you! Has he given you a timeline yet? Have you talked about getting married in March? If he feels the same way about the wedding date, it shouldn''t be long.

Take care!

 

[bee*]

I had that exact same feeling! One of my really good friends got engaged a couple of months ago and D and I are going out longer than them and it just hurt so much! D just couldnt understand why I was feeling like that. I hope that I managed to look convincing too that I was happy for them. Not that I wasnt, its just I kept thinking why wasnt it my turn. I dont have much advice for you as I dont even know how to act myself when it happens, but I can sympathise with how you''re feeling.

 

[caligal]

Oh hon, like I others I''m feelin'' ya! I had 3 of my best friends all get engaged AND married while I was an LIW. And all 3 had been in relationships for months, not the years we had when they were engaged. I felt frustrated, like my relationship was less than theirs, and at times like I was being taken for granted. What helped me immensely was to find out why it was taking so long (money), and to get an ideal date of when... Are you guys talking March 2008? If so, do you have a place in mind? Here''s what I''d focus on this spring.... Research places and come to him right before this March and talk about places and availability (they book up quick!). We did this and had a place for 3 months before I was engaged! The hard part... not having a ring while knowing we were "technically engaged." The great part... easing my worry he really didn''t want to get married. If this is a financial thing- perhaps you can help by treating more dates, suggesting you stay at home?

This may not be the way for you- but in either regard I encourage you to chat some more with him about your thoughts.

 

[ktkakes]

You guys are so great! i dont know where i would be without all your advice. Now that im not as emotionally ill update you on what we have discussed. when he came home from work last night he told me that if he was in his sibilings situations I would have my ring already! His bro doesnt have an apt. or home that he pays rent and such... and he has that extra $$ around.. he got so frustrated because he doesnt understand why i get upset that he told me he was looking at rings on friday!

Im happy for them trust me they are meant for each other . i think its just really hard to see both siblings and two friends all get engaged and only one has been dating longer than us! We definatley are set to be married next march, i have even been to a bridal show...but as you all know what the first thing people do when you say you are planning a wedding do, look at your hand!

I know he loves me and i never knew that my feelings of envy and frustration were making him feel bad. that he was doing something wrong in our relationship! i explained that it wasnt that i was just mad it wasnt us that its supposed to be our turn. I want to be that person to call everyone or send pics of my ring and say "I''m engaged!" i dont know why men have a hard time understanding it more so than women.

please any more advice is greatly appreciated...thanks guys you are all the best!!!

 

[ktkakes]

You guys are so great! i dont know where i would be without all your advice. Now that im not as emotionally ill update you on what we have discussed. when he came home from work last night he told me that if he was in his sibilings situations I would have my ring already! His bro doesnt have an apt. or home that he pays rent and such... and he has that extra $$ around.. he got so frustrated because he doesnt understand why i get upset that he told me he was looking at rings on friday!

Im happy for them trust me they are meant for each other . i think its just really hard to see both siblings and two friends all get engaged and only one has been dating longer than us! We definatley are set to be married next march, i have even been to a bridal show...but as you all know what the first thing people do when you say you are planning a wedding do, look at your hand!

I know he loves me and i never knew that my feelings of envy and frustration were making him feel bad. that he was doing something wrong in our relationship! i explained that it wasnt that i was just mad it wasnt us that its supposed to be our turn. I want to be that person to call everyone or send pics of my ring and say "I''m engaged!" i dont know why men have a hard time understanding it more so than women.

please any more advice is greatly appreciated...thanks guys you are all the best!!!

 

[caligal]

Hi Kate!

Well- you had a good conversation- YAY! Here''s how we got around the "where is your ring" while we were planning and looking at sites. We bought a fake one for $15! It actually became a joke as most places grabbed my hand and examined it with ooh''s and ahh''s. Funny huh? I also know he was relieved when I said I would help financially by staying at home more often and by eventually suggesting we open a line of credit with 0% for a year.

When you feel super frustrated with the wait, do something fun with your guy and think about how special those moments are.