Well, a bit of a disappointment for me....

[lumpkin]

Surprisingly, not for my husband. He likes the job he has now even though, IMO, his boss is a nightmare and he continues to be on probabtion for a long time yet to come and the money is, shall we say, beneath his skillset.

I got to talk to the man who contacted my husband about offering him another position much closer to home and for more money in a field he is perfect for. My husband went on the interview and was kind of meh about it, but always glad to have new opportunities. We just got word that the job is going to someone else. My husband is okay with it. I cried! I think hubby didn''t give it his all and perhaps his ambivilance towards it came through.

He likes his job even though it doesn''t pay as well and he spends a lot more time driving to and fro, but he does have great coworkers and he likes the work itself. He thinks in the long run he''ll be better off. I have my doubts, but I''ve been known to be VERY wrong about jobs on occassion. I hate not being in control!!! Isn''t that AWFUL!!! I can''t believe I''m such a control freak -- I never thought I was.

Thank you all who sent PS fairy dust our way. I''m sure that things have worked out as they are supposed to even though I would like to think that ******I****** always know best.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m sorry the job didn''t pan out for your husband. Something will come up that he''ll be excited about and then he''ll give it his all. It''s great that he likes his coworkers and the work he''s doing. It could be worse.

 

[lumpkin]

Thank you, Zoe. I know you''re right.

 

[Sparkster]

Date: 2/7/2008 6:26:58 PM
Author:lumpkin
Surprisingly, not for my husband. He likes the job he has now even though, IMO, his boss is a nightmare and he continues to be on probabtion for a long time yet to come and the money is, shall we say, beneath his skillset.

I got to talk to the man who contacted my husband about offering him another position much closer to home and for more money in a field he is perfect for. My husband went on the interview and was kind of meh about it, but always glad to have new opportunities. We just got word that the job is going to someone else. My husband is okay with it. I cried! I think hubby didn't give it his all and perhaps his ambivilance towards it came through.

He likes his job even though it doesn't pay as well and he spends a lot more time driving to and fro, but he does have great coworkers and he likes the work itself. He thinks in the long run he'll be better off. I have my doubts, but I've been known to be VERY wrong about jobs on occassion. I hate not being in control!!! Isn't that AWFUL!!! I can't believe I'm such a control freak -- I never thought I was.

Thank you all who sent PS fairy dust our way. I'm sure that things have worked out as they are supposed to even though I would like to think that ******I****** always know best.

He likes his job and quite frankly, that's the most important thing you should remember. Would you prefer him in a job where he earns a lot of money and hates his job. My FI has been in a situation like that before and he was absolutely miserable. He was stressed and unfortunately, our relationship suffered because of it. I would rather have a happy but poorly paid FI than a miserable rich FI.

I know it sucks to be in your current position, but don't worry, things will work out for the best. He may not have got the job, but there's a reason for that - it's because there's a better one out there waiting for him.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My husband has a great job with great benefits along with extreme stress, and he HATES it! Truthfully, if your husband is happy with his job, he''ll probably live longer! I wish my husband had known what kind of stress his job would eventually entail, and we happily would have settled for less money. As it is, we are just praying for an early retirement package so he can escape!

 

[somethingshiny]

DH finally has a job that he loves and it is so good for our marriage. He doesn''t have great hours or benefits, but he likes to go to work. That is a blessing beyond measure.

 

[Sparkalicious]

I''m sorry you are disappointed, Lumpkin. On the upside, if your husband is happy with his job, at present, that is more than a lot of other people can say ... Goodness knows how hard it is on an individual, let alone a marriage, when someone is not happy with their job.

I know it is cliche, however, everything does happen for a reason. The perfect job opportunity for both your husband and your family could be just around the corner. This door closing could be opening up another, more interesting door full of opportunities for you.

With regards to being a control freak ... Embrace it. We can''t be perfect all the time, can we?

I still have no idea why I can''t control everything. It''s just not fair.

Don''t worry about it ... I always remind my bf that I have more endearing qualities and that my control freakedness can come in quite convenient for us at times.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am sorry to hear about your disappointment. But, be thankful that your DH has a job he enjoys doing--with the job market the way it is, things could be worse--ya know?

 

[lumpkin]

I don''t want my husband to be miserable at his job for the sake of more money at all, nor for any reason, and actually I was hoping the job he was up for would offer LESS stress. He likes his coworkers and the work, but the environment is tense and his boss flies into fits and rages several times a week. He comes home and talks about it for at least an hour every day. Personally, I wouldn''t work there if I had a choice. So when this opportunity presented itself, I was disappointed that he wasn''t that into it.

Also, I want to go back to work. I NEED to. I had hoped that with him near by it would afford greater flexibility for me to do that because we have school aged kids. I also wanted him to be near by so that when the kids have events at school he could be there on the important ones. He missed one last week because he didn''t want to provoke his boss by asking, even though he''s got over a week of vacation and his computer was with the IT department for maintenance and he couldn''t even be productive while he was there (they use laptops).

 

[lauralu]

ooooooooooooooo lumpkin. I can sooooooooooooooooo relate. I can feel your pain. We are going thru a very simular situation. Ours Differs in alot of ways. However the wanting your hubby closer, wanting to be able to have more flexability with your career, More flexiability with the kids schedules instead of always being the one to have to deal with it all. Yes I do understand how it feels and what you are going thru. I know you must have felt so hopeful about this new job op for him and you.

Hopefully in time he will find something that fits more of what he is looking for as well. I just figure at some point if the job op is close, than it is worth it for him , you and your family for him to take it if it is offered. Everyone in the "long run" will be happier I would think.

Good luck and hang in there.......I know you don''t want him to be miserable. However you don''t want to be either. Heres hoping for a happy medium soon for everyone.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/8/2008 10:21:25 AM
Author: lauralu
ooooooooooooooo lumpkin. I can sooooooooooooooooo relate. I can feel your pain. We are going thru a very simular situation. Ours Differs in alot of ways. However the wanting your hubby closer, wanting to be able to have more flexability with your career, More flexiability with the kids schedules instead of always being the one to have to deal with it all. Yes I do understand how it feels and what you are going thru. I know you must have felt so hopeful about this new job op for him and you.

Hopefully in time he will find something that fits more of what he is looking for as well. I just figure at some point if the job op is close, than it is worth it for him , you and your family for him to take it if it is offered. Everyone in the ''long run'' will be happier I would think.

Good luck and hang in there.......I know you don''t want him to be miserable. However you don''t want to be either. Heres hoping for a happy medium soon for everyone.

Thank you for your kind post. You were able to articulate my feelings better than I was!

I vasilate from feeling like a control freak and feeling disappointed. I wouldn''t want him to tell me where I should work, but at the same time, if my situation were preoccupying me, I would jump at a better opportunity, KWIM? But, to him the devil he knows is better than the one he doesn''t. And maybe he''s right. His boss won''t be there forever, he won''t be on probation forever and there may be more security in the long run. OTOH, maybe I''m right. But it''s water under the bridge for now, so I''ll move on and work on developing my own career assuming he''ll be at his current job when I''m ready to run with mine. Like everything else, this too will pass.

 

[Ellen]

lump, I''m sorry for you, but I truly believe things work the way they do for a reason. So just believe that.


If nothing else, it''ll keep you from going mad.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/8/2008 11:07:37 AM
Author: Ellen
lump, I''m sorry for you, but I truly believe things work the way they do for a reason. So just believe that.


If nothing else, it''ll keep you from going mad.

I fear it''s too late for that! Haha!

Whenever I tell hubby he''s driving me crazy he tells me it''s an awfully short trip.

 

[qtiekiki]

I am sorry that you are disappointed. I agree that it''s better off that your DH has a job that he loves and enjoy go to. DH''s BIL have a high paying job that stresses him out incredibly. It really shows when he comes over for dinner and kind of take it out on DH''s sis. He gets upset really easily and would yell at SIL over little things. I think it''s horrible.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/7/2008 10:43:33 PM
Author: Sparkalicious
I''m sorry you are disappointed, Lumpkin. On the upside, if your husband is happy with his job, at present, that is more than a lot of other people can say ... Goodness knows how hard it is on an individual, let alone a marriage, when someone is not happy with their job.

I know it is cliche, however, everything does happen for a reason. The perfect job opportunity for both your husband and your family could be just around the corner. This door closing could be opening up another, more interesting door full of opportunities for you.

With regards to being a control freak ... Embrace it. We can''t be perfect all the time, can we?

I still have no idea why I can''t control everything. It''s just not fair.

Don''t worry about it ... I always remind my bf that I have more endearing qualities and that my control freakedness can come in quite convenient for us at times.

I thought I responded to this, but apparently I didn''t hit the submit button! ARGH! Apparently I can''t even control my own fingers all the time!!! Hehe! I had to chuckle at this part of your post because people with control freak personalities are not usually my favorite people, yet here I am, Queen Control Freak. Let''s hope I have some other endearing qualities as well, or at least redeeming qualities, LOL!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/8/2008 11:31:16 AM
Author: qtiekiki
I am sorry that you are disappointed. I agree that it''s better off that your DH has a job that he loves and enjoy go to. DH''s BIL have a high paying job that stresses him out incredibly. It really shows when he comes over for dinner and kind of take it out on DH''s sis. He gets upset really easily and would yell at SIL over little things. I think it''s horrible.

I''m sorry to read that part especially. I feel for your SIL.

I agree, too, I wouldn''t want my hubby to work at a job he hates so he could be highly paid. I just wish that less money did equal less stress, and I''m not sure it does for him. There are aspects of his workplace that are very stressful. The fact that he makes less just adds insult to injury. But apparently he doesn''t see it the same way I do, and since he''s the one who has to go there every day, it has to be his choice to make a change or not.

 

[qtiekiki]

Date: 2/8/2008 11:44:28 AM
Author: lumpkin

Date: 2/8/2008 11:31:16 AM

Author: qtiekiki

I am sorry that you are disappointed. I agree that it''s better off that your DH has a job that he loves and enjoy go to. DH''s BIL have a high paying job that stresses him out incredibly. It really shows when he comes over for dinner and kind of take it out on DH''s sis. He gets upset really easily and would yell at SIL over little things. I think it''s horrible.

I''m sorry to read that part especially. I feel for your SIL.


I agree, too, I wouldn''t want my hubby to work at a job he hates so he could be highly paid. I just wish that less money did equal less stress, and I''m not sure it does for him. There are aspects of his workplace that are very stressful. The fact that he makes less just adds insult to injury. But apparently he doesn''t see it the same way I do, and since he''s the one who has to go there every day, it has to be his choice to make a change or not.

I feel bad for her too. DH and I had been containing ourselves from getting involved and telling him a piece of my mind. But that''s a whole another thread on its own.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/8/2008 11:49:36 AM
Author: qtiekiki


I feel bad for her too. DH and I had been containing ourselves from getting involved and telling him a piece of my mind. But that''s a whole another thread on its own.

I have no advice, but I empathize. If it''s really bad I hope you can help her.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/8/2008 11:29:59 AM
Author: lumpkin

Date: 2/8/2008 11:07:37 AM
Author: Ellen
lump, I''m sorry for you, but I truly believe things work the way they do for a reason. So just believe that.


If nothing else, it''ll keep you from going mad.

I fear it''s too late for that! Haha!

Whenever I tell hubby he''s driving me crazy he tells me it''s an awfully short trip.

Sounds like something mine would say.

 

[lumpkin]

I wonder if my hubby is only half kidding when he says it sometimes, LOL. That''s the scary part.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I agree with Ellen... I feel sorry for you. I think it is so sweet that you want to push your husband towards excellence...and all of your reasons are so valid and ligit. But obviously he has his reasons for staying...some people preform better under stress...and maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel you don''t know about yet. Regardless, share with him your honest feelings--not a candy coated, glossed up version...and then, support him.

Who knows, maybe he really did love the job, but didn''t get his hopes up ergo not expressing the happiness you''d expect...and isn''t openly mourning the missed opportunity because he''s slightly embarassed he didn''t get the job, and knows how badly you wanted him to get it. I would just put your arms around him, kiss him on the cheek and tell him how endlessly proud of him you truthfully are!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/8/2008 1:44:50 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I agree with Ellen... I feel sorry for you. I think it is so sweet that you want to push your husband towards excellence...and all of your reasons are so valid and ligit. But obviously he has his reasons for staying...some people preform better under stress...and maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel you don''t know about yet. Regardless, share with him your honest feelings--not a candy coated, glossed up version...and then, support him.

Who knows, maybe he really did love the job, but didn''t get his hopes up ergo not expressing the happiness you''d expect...and isn''t openly mourning the missed opportunity because he''s slightly embarassed he didn''t get the job, and knows how badly you wanted him to get it. I would just put your arms around him, kiss him on the cheek and tell him how endlessly proud of him you truthfully are!

That''s the best advice of all!

We talked about it over our lunch phone call. He made some excellent points that I hadn''t considered (and some didn''t even know) about the company being very new, the facility not even having a lunch room, very small company, lots of supervisors for the amount of staff, etc. He has acknowledged that if a better opportunity came along he would be very interested, but that one didn''t do it for him. I feel sooooooo much better knowing that. He does have a tendency to want to stay where things are familiar even if it''s not a great place, and he reassured me that he is working to change that, and if his job becomes truly miserable he would find a way to make a change. Knowing that makes me realize that my real disappointment was thinking he would not make a change for the better just to stay with the familiar. (Well, and there is that whole closer to home part. Never underestimate the worth of a short commute!)

Thanks for letting me ramble on and on about this. It has been my constant preoccupation for two weeks. Time to let it go.