Weird Time

[SuiteLady]

I broke up with him a couple of weeks ago, but we still see each other and talk on a daily basis. I have been told that I should apply "rules" and such to make him "do something". Actually, I am rather content with the status of the relationship. I think that I will be ready to see what''s out there in the dating world in a couple of months.

I can''t believe that I am so matter-of-fact about this!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If it works from you...and you''re not trying to "win" him back or anything "undercover"...and you''re happy, then why would you change anything? To appease other people?

You sound incredibly mature, and I wish you the best as you move forward with you life...

 

[sammyj]

Date: 2/23/2009 8:34:55 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

You sound incredibly mature, and I wish you the best as you move forward with you life...

I agree. It sounds like you are comfortable with your decision to break up and only you can know what''s best for yourself. I hope you still stick around PS!

 

[misskitty]

Date: 2/23/2009 8:34:55 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

I also agree with this. Best of luck, and I hope you''ll still post here!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Manipulation (i.e. creating rules to make him "do something") will always backfire, so you are definitely doing the right thing so long as you are doing what is healthy for you. No contact is a great tool for a person who needs to heal after a breakup (talking/seeing the other person sort of feels like salt in the wound), but if you can both maintain a great friendship without it being painful for either party, then that''s fantastic! Sometimes you just realize that you''re better off as friends--congrats on doing what is best for you!

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Date: 2/23/2009 8:34:55 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
If it works from you...and you''re not trying to ''win'' him back or anything ''undercover''...and you''re happy, then why would you change anything? To appease other people?

You sound incredibly mature, and I wish you the best as you move forward with you life...

I also agree with this...you have always sounded like you had a good head on your shoulders based on previous posts. I wish you the best in moving forward and please stick around.

 

[tlh]

I may be the only one that disagrees.

YOU WERE THE DUMPER, MAKING HIM THE DUMPEE. Of course you are comfortable just being friends. YOU DUMPED HIM. He may be misguided with your friendship and think that you are/may get back together.

I''ve been in this boat many times. I am not friends with exes, out of respect for their mending heart. They will hold on hope, long after you''ve moved on. Because as the dumper, you''ve thought about breaking up, before you did so. So, you''re cool with it. They are just now dealing with the news. Be careful that you aren''t stringing him along. You may think you aren''t... but you might be... just be mindful.

 

[Bia]

If it''s working for you, then you''re doing the right thing. As long as there are no mixed messages.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/24/2009 11:49:20 AM
Author: tlh
I may be the only one that disagrees.

YOU WERE THE DUMPER, MAKING HIM THE DUMPEE. Of course you are comfortable just being friends. YOU DUMPED HIM. He may be misguided with your friendship and think that you are/may get back together.

I''ve been in this boat many times. I am not friends with exes, out of respect for their mending heart. They will hold on hope, long after you''ve moved on. Because as the dumper, you''ve thought about breaking up, before you did so. So, you''re cool with it. They are just now dealing with the news. Be careful that you aren''t stringing him along. You may think you aren''t... but you might be... just be mindful.

I''m kinda with tlh on this. I feel like as long as HE''S cool with this, and isn''t trying to get you back/use it as a way to stay close to you because he''s still in love with you, then it''s okay. But if you feel like even though you''re okay, he''s doing that, I would take a few steps back.

 

[KatM]

Date: 2/24/2009 3:42:33 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/24/2009 11:49:20 AM
Author: tlh
I may be the only one that disagrees.

YOU WERE THE DUMPER, MAKING HIM THE DUMPEE. Of course you are comfortable just being friends. YOU DUMPED HIM. He may be misguided with your friendship and think that you are/may get back together.

I've been in this boat many times. I am not friends with exes, out of respect for their mending heart. They will hold on hope, long after you've moved on. Because as the dumper, you've thought about breaking up, before you did so. So, you're cool with it. They are just now dealing with the news. Be careful that you aren't stringing him along. You may think you aren't... but you might be... just be mindful.

I'm kinda with tlh on this. I feel like as long as HE'S cool with this, and isn't trying to get you back/use it as a way to stay close to you because he's still in love with you, then it's okay. But if you feel like even though you're okay, he's doing that, I would take a few steps back.

i agree. unless he understands that there is no chance that anything might happen, it's likely going to feel confusing and cruel to him.

 

[SuiteLady]

Oh yeah. I totally see what you all are saying. It does have the propensity to be messy and I see some things that I am not feeling with our current situation. The fact that I may or may not be dating someone else has eaten him alive. I had to institue"no contact". I love him and I know that he loves me. We are both blindsided by where we are and it is incredibly fuzzy.

Ultimately I just need a moment to myself to sort where I am and what I need.

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/25/2009 2:35:45 PM
Author: SuiteLady
Oh yeah. I totally see what you all are saying. It does have the propensity to be messy and I see some things that I am not feeling with our current situation. The fact that I may or may not be dating someone else has eaten him alive. I had to institue''no contact''. I love him and I know that he loves me. We are both blindsided by where we are and it is incredibly fuzzy.

Ultimately I just need a moment to myself to sort where I am and what I need.

You know when you can know if you can be friends.... After a lot of humping with another person, both of you, and then you are cool to be friends. But, I usually find the ex who wanted to remain friends, is less okay with it, when my naughty bits are being naughty with someone else.

But yeah, time off usually helps. Best wishes!

 

[gwendolyn]

Good for you by acting on what you think is best and sticking to it, even if it means you can''t really contact each other. Hopefully you''ll get the time to achieve the sort of clarity you''re looking for. Best wishes!