Wedding Wants

[starrylight]

What did/do you want from your wedding? What to you and your SO is the purpose of the whole ceremony and how compatible are your two beliefs?

 

[lkc84]

Ooh good question

The biggest thing I want out of our wedding is for everyone to have a really good time. Neither of us is particularly religious, so the wedding is more of a celebration of our love and making it legal. We feel like we've made the spiritual commitment to each other years ago. SO's biggest want is a live band and a good time; mine is also good music (100% cosign the band!), awesome photography, and a fun atmosphere for our guests, nothing too stuffy.

From a belief standpoint, we come from different religious backgrounds. I was raised Catholic, SO was raised Baptist/Apostolic. Neither of us really go to church, but I have gone more toward non-denominational Christian, and he leans more Agnostic. It's not an issue at all. We have talked about doing a Christian ceremony officiated by his cousin who is a pastor of a church. He's pretty non-traditional, so should work for us! SO also isn't a huge proponent of marriage in general, he feels we already made the commitment, so why do we need the piece of paper, but is on board to do it because it's so important to me.

What about you?

 

[boysenberry]

Good question. I haven't thought much about the ultimate purpose but I have thought about material wants like x color, or cool centerpieces.

I think for me, I just want it to be a fun party for our friends and family and a memorable start to our marriage. I don't think a wedding is necessary for a marriage, and I don't NEED to declare our love in front of people, so yea mostly the party aspect Plus I'm really into party planning and aesthetics, so I think I might get more enjoyment out of the planning of the wedding than the thing itself. Which is great because the planning will be ~1 year and the wedding will only be a few hours! Now watch me turn into a bridezilla...

As for SO, I fear that for him it is more about making me/his family happy. He is an introvert and doesn't love parties (or a lot of attention) but he has a large family that would be very upset if we eloped or something. We are on the same page about what we want out of our marriage, and I think that is more important ultimately. The party (wedding) is just icing on the cake!

 

[sonnyjane]

Good question!

We eloped to Maui, just the two of us. It was not a secret, but we discussed it with our families and friends prior and explained to them that we just wanted something simple. To us, the only purpose of a wedding is to join the two of us together in marriage, and I actually wanted to just go to the courthouse but he convinced me to do a combo wedding/honeymoon. In hindsight, I'm very glad he convinced me to at least buy a dress and make it a bit more special. We did hire a photographer and I'm very glad that we had those pictures to send out to our loved ones after the fact.

As far the technical part of the ceremony, it was non-denominational, which was very, very important to me and DH was okay with that (he is Agnostic, I am an Atheist).

 

[starrylight]

Personally, I lean towards an elopement or a "private destination wedding" as the whole ceremony doesn't mean much to me. My want list would include semi-formal private vows in front of a photographer and an officiant. Maybe a party afterwards when we get home. I would want it not to be just another day, but the wedding seems to be all about pleasing other people. I also have a decent number of issues with my family so avoiding those would be wonderful.

SO on the other hand, if left to his own devices, would want a small, maybe destination wedding. Then again, I think his version of small is less than 50 people, and I have bad enough stage fright that I think that it would kind of ruin the celebration. Overall, they're not totally incompatible, though I might have to convince him to go say personal vows privately that morning somewhere romantic and then have the official ceremony with just "I do's" afterwards. At least being a LIW, there's still time to convert them to our visions

boysenberry: It's also important to figure out the logistics of how the ceremony will work with respect to making those desires come to life.

 

[Lady5]

Honestly, I could care less to have a wedding but SO insists. He wants to have a big wedding. Instead of putting all that money into one night of my life, I'd rather add it to what I'll be wearing on my finger for the rest of my life! haha

I would just rather not spend a ridiculous amount of money feeding a bunch of extended family members I rarely ever even see. I just see it as wasting our money that could be better spent else where. The only thing that really excites me about the thought of a wedding is the dress and the first dance, which I can still have if we were to elope or something. SO would never go for that though. I guess we'll see what happens. I need a ring first, though! haha

 

[cygnet]

The only thing we've talked about concerning our wedding so far is the religious bit. He and I are both passionate (but tolerant) atheists. His mother is Catholic, but not extremely observant. I do not want to include references to God or anything religious in our ceremony. He wants to have it be a wedding with a religious component because he is afraid his mother will cry if we don't. Though I really don't want it to be religious at all (after all, it's our wedding, not hers), I would be willing to include a few references to God if that's what it takes to make her happy. The thing is, she actually doesn't care. His brother and his future SIL are getting married next summer, and even though they are both Christian, their wedding is going to be entirely secular. FMIL already knows, she doesn't care. So I think BF and his mom should probably have a talk at some point just so that he knows it's really actually okay for us to have a non-religious wedding. It's sweet that he is so worried about his mom's feelings, though.

 

[misscuppycake]

Good question!

We eloped to Maui, just the two of us. It was not a secret, but we discussed it with our families and friends prior and explained to them that we just wanted something simple. To us, the only purpose of a wedding is to join the two of us together in marriage, and I actually wanted to just go to the courthouse but he convinced me to do a combo wedding/honeymoon. In hindsight, I'm very glad he convinced me to at least buy a dress and make it a bit more special. We did hire a photographer and I'm very glad that we had those pictures to send out to our loved ones after the fact.

This right here is my DREAM marriage! I want to elope, hide away, and have the celebration be all about the two of us and only us. Unfortunately, I think s/o and I will have to come to some sort of compromise because he does want his family there. He's also hinted towards wanting friends there (ugh...lol). I'm willing to find a middle ground, but I want something very low key and private.

 

[sonnyjane]

Good question!

We eloped to Maui, just the two of us. It was not a secret, but we discussed it with our families and friends prior and explained to them that we just wanted something simple. To us, the only purpose of a wedding is to join the two of us together in marriage, and I actually wanted to just go to the courthouse but he convinced me to do a combo wedding/honeymoon. In hindsight, I'm very glad he convinced me to at least buy a dress and make it a bit more special. We did hire a photographer and I'm very glad that we had those pictures to send out to our loved ones after the fact.

This right here is my DREAM marriage! I want to elope, hide away, and have the celebration be all about the two of us and only us. Unfortunately, I think s/o and I will have to come to some sort of compromise because he does want his family there. He's also hinted towards wanting friends there (ugh...lol). I'm willing to find a middle ground, but I want something very low key and private.

It was SUCH a great day - so stress-free. Our ceremony wasn't until 5:00 PM, so in the morning we had breakfast, we swam and laid out by the hotel pool, took a nap together, got dressed, then headed to the beach in our rental car to meet our officiant. Afterward we went out to a fancy restaurant (still dressed up) and had an awesome dinner just the two of us to celebrate.

 

[BereniceFrench]

Good question!

We eloped to Maui, just the two of us. It was not a secret, but we discussed it with our families and friends prior and explained to them that we just wanted something simple. To us, the only purpose of a wedding is to join the two of us together in marriage, and I actually wanted to just go to the courthouse but he convinced me to do a combo wedding/honeymoon. In hindsight, I'm very glad he convinced me to at least buy a dress and make it a bit more special. We did hire a photographer and I'm very glad that we had those pictures to send out to our loved ones after the fact.

This right here is my DREAM marriage! I want to elope, hide away, and have the celebration be all about the two of us and only us. Unfortunately, I think s/o and I will have to come to some sort of compromise because he does want his family there. He's also hinted towards wanting friends there (ugh...lol). I'm willing to find a middle ground, but I want something very low key and private.

Misscuppycake: I am in the same situation but reverse. My BF doesn't want a wedding. He would like to just elope or go to city hall. I don't want a big wedding but I do want my direct family and some very close friends to be there. My mom would be upset if she wasn't there at my wedding ... One thing we do agree on: we don't want to spend the money on it! So no matter what it is going to be small and as cheap as possible. Even though I am not sure how that is really possible ...
The most important for me is to get married and have a good time. I do want the dress and a photographer because I want to be able to look at the pictures later! But I don't need anything fancy for the ceremony or the reception. I think BF and I would definitely be more comfortable with something intimate and low key.

 

[Schafenm]

My dream is to get get married with with just us and closest family and friends (maybe 30 top) creekside at the L'auberge de Sedona resort in Sedona, AZ. Not sure if this will happen, SO has some friends that wouldn't be able to afford the trip and he has mentioned having something in New Orleans so everyone could attend. My biggest thing though is it will be cheaper for us to do a small wedding in Sedona than a huge bash here at home. We decided we will really sit down and talk about it this break because soon he will propose and we want to have answers to everyones questions. Also, if we decide for Sedona then I want everyone to have an opportunity to save far in advance to go. I kind of hope we decide Sedona, I know it will be stressful planning something so far away but I am big into pictures (because you will have them for a lifetime) and this place gives the most amazing pictures and views!

 

[audball]

I go back and forth. A part of us wants to just elope, just the two of us, and keep it private/simple/inexpensive.

But then I'm SOOO close to my sisters and I just adore his family, that part of me wants them there. I would NEVER want a big wedding and reception with dancing and drinking...it's just not us. We are very low key.

But I could see doing less than 20. Our immediate families (his parents, sister, brother in law, nephew, brother, sister in law, other nephew, my parents, sister + BF, other sister, brother in law, niece, grandma = 16 total) for family. Maybe a few close friends. Maybe.

But finding any venue options for SUCH A SMALL party seems impossible. Not to mention, we live in FL and almost anything that accommodates small/intimate parties is very beachy. Which also isn't us. And I don't feel right asking everyone to travel to somewhere that is us because a lot of our immediate family don't have the means to afford it.

Thinking about it makes me want to cry to be honest. I just don't know what we'll end up doing.

 

[madelise]

The only thing we've talked about concerning our wedding so far is the religious bit. He and I are both passionate (but tolerant) atheists. His mother is Catholic, but not extremely observant. I do not want to include references to God or anything religious in our ceremony. He wants to have it be a wedding with a religious component because he is afraid his mother will cry if we don't. Though I really don't want it to be religious at all (after all, it's our wedding, not hers), I would be willing to include a few references to God if that's what it takes to make her happy. The thing is, she actually doesn't care. His brother and his future SIL are getting married next summer, and even though they are both Christian, their wedding is going to be entirely secular. FMIL already knows, she doesn't care. So I think BF and his mom should probably have a talk at some point just so that he knows it's really actually okay for us to have a non-religious wedding. It's sweet that he is so worried about his mom's feelings, though.

Lol, I'm a pastafarian as well.. I can't stand anything religious.. which means my very passionately religious mom is not allowed The idea of her praying in tongues for the souls of my guests (my future in-laws are Muslim) embarrasses me. I've heard her one too many times complain on the phone to her "sisters" about how my SO is the spawn of Satan because he prays to a false idol. SO is not religious. HAH! I don't get along with her at all, so it's no loss for me.

 

[madelise]

My wants:

- to elope and honeymoon in Iceland. Get married on the black sand beaches. Go to the Blue Lagoon, and take "Trash the Dress" shots there in the warm water with huge chunks of ice and snow in the background. Catch the Aurora Borealis. THEN come back and deal with drama from family and friends. Yeah. I'm not getting this "want".

- no children. I am likely to get this one. If I don't, I will hire a babysitter and have the kids in a separate area with pizza and coloring books. It's not that I don't like kids-- I love kids. I can't stand their idiot parents that think it's okay to stop parenting at a social event because they want to enjoy themselves.

- booze. I want a champagne toast, and I want my nom nom Stella Rosa. This isn't happening. SO does not want alcohol at our wedding.

- dancing. This is also not happening. Who's going to want to dance without booze? I do not want to watch people dance the funky chicken when I am sober.




I'm losing quite a bit of my "wants". Stupid compromise why can't I be a strong Bridezilla and throw temper tantrums when I don't get my way? Hehe, oh yeah, cus SO won't marry me

 

[pandabee]

I don't think I have ever wanted a big wedding, which is fortunate for S because he wants a small or no wedding...and also lucky for him because my parents are not super traditional Chinese which would mean a HUGE wedding. I do want something small-ish though because by the time we get married we will be well in our careers and at that point I don't see it as fair to ask our parents to pay for an extravagant party.

I do want:
- Tiffany blue bridesmaid dresses
- tiger lilies and plumerias
- not in a church (I'm not religious, S was raised Christian but never goes to church)
- delicious food
- nerdy references...like potion/elixir named drinks, stuff related to prescriptions/pills...etc. I'll have to brainstorm some new ideas since two of my friends who got married this summer already used some of these

...that's really it I think haha. I don't have a whole big idea in my head...just a few details I want. And to keep it smallish. I do want lots of pictures to capture it all!!

 

[pandabee]

mad...sorry to be the party pooper but I understand a bit why your SO doesn't want booze at your wedding...but honestly how many people our age want to go to a dry wedding?

 

[audball]

mad...sorry to be the party pooper but I understand a bit why your SO doesn't want booze at your wedding...but honestly how many people our age want to go to a dry wedding?

It would sure keep costs down.

My Dad is an alcoholic so if we did a full on wedding, I'd be leery about alcohol too. But then again, we're not night time dance reception people so it would likely be some type of brunch/lunch reception where people wouldn't drink as much anyway.

 

[Chewbacca]

Great thread, interesting read!

I want: 100 guests or less, a white dress and a custom suit for SO. We are also a low key couple, which is lucky since we'll be on a shoestring! We want a dinner, but might skip the dancing. My main wants are NO BRIDAL PARTY and a good photographer.

SO wants: The same stuff, but perhaps a bridal party. We have the same taste in general. I think we are both picturing the reception as a big dinner party - like Christmas but bigger!

To us, the point of the whole ceremony is to make a lifelong commitment, and to celebrate with our family/friends. Religion also comes into play for us, it'll be a simple and brief church ceremony. We are on the same page.

 

[audball]

Great thread, interesting read!

I want: 100 guests or less, a white dress and a custom suit for SO. We are also a low key couple, which is lucky since we'll be on a shoestring! We want a dinner, but might skip the dancing. My main wants are NO BRIDAL PARTY and a good photographer.

SO wants: The same stuff, but perhaps a bridal party. We have the same taste in general. I think we are both picturing the reception as a big dinner party - like Christmas but bigger!

To us, the point of the whole ceremony is to make a lifelong commitment, and to celebrate with our family/friends. Religion also comes into play for us, it'll be a simple and brief church ceremony. We are on the same page.

This where I'm stuck. Andrew and I are both religious but are not active in a church where we currently live (mostly due to not having free time on Sundays from school/work...we anticipate finding a new church home now that we don't have so much on our plates). But we don't have an established church here where we live and aren't interested in marrying in either of the churches we grew up in. We like the idea of celebrating with our immediate families, but finding a place to have the ceremony and reception for less than 20 people is HARD. And everything is SOOO beachy in FL. We're not beach people. Sigh. I'm not even engaged yet and I'm stressed about what to do.

 

[Chewbacca]

This where I'm stuck. Andrew and I are both religious but are not active in a church where we currently live (mostly due to not having free time on Sundays from school/work...we anticipate finding a new church home now that we don't have so much on our plates). But we don't have an established church here where we live and aren't interested in marrying in either of the churches we grew up in. We like the idea of celebrating with our immediate families, but finding a place to have the ceremony and reception for less than 20 people is HARD. And everything is SOOO beachy in FL. We're not beach people. Sigh. I'm not even engaged yet and I'm stressed about what to do.

Would you want to be married in a church, or at the venue you have your reception at? Hypothetically speaking, of course. Restaurant? Hotel? Cafe? I completely understand the pre emptive wedding stress! It'll much much easier once you are engaged and can really hammer out the details at length with Andrew!

 

[audball]

Would you want to be married in a church, or at the venue you have your reception at? Hypothetically speaking, of course. Restaurant? Hotel? Cafe?

I think we'd be open to either. Our biggest issue is weather. We're in FL. If we do more than elope (which we'd do out of state due to geographical preference) and stay here in FL so some of our family can/will join us, the weather here sucks. It's hot and humid 90% of the year. You can NEVER predict when it will actually be nice outside. We had some nice weather up and down in November, but now we're in December and it's been warm, humid, and rainy (it normally doesn't rain this time of year, but this just goes to show how you NEVER know). I think we'd want a solid indoor option/plan that we actually LIKED in case the weather sucked. Most backup/indoor options aren't super attractive.

We would seriously have NO MORE than 50 people even if we invited anyone we could think we'd even want to include. I'd say 30-40 is more realistic. If we did just immediate family, we'd be at ~15.

We will have a religious based ceremony either way. Andrew's uncle has married both of his siblings and would be happy to do ours as well if we want (which I think we be nice, again, if we don't elope).

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

I want: elope or extremely small destination wedding. I would love my family (mom, dad, 2 bros + wives and my niece), looking at Hard Rock Punta Cana. Engagement pics at home in our fave place where we live. Trash the dress photos after the wedding at home at the beach where we went on our first date after a dressing up again, glam sesh of course

SO wants: whatever I want...Hard Rock Punta Cana bc he has a friend who as married this year and SO loved the photos and the review his friend gave the resort. He is not close to his family (he only has his dad, but his dad and gf would be invited) he would want his best guy friends there (his chosen family)

We have decided a 1 1/2-2 year engagement. We are paying ourselves no would also like fam/friends to afford to go. It is an all-inclusive so that is a good selling point and talk about NOT DRY weddings there are taps in every room of vodka, beer and something else...oh boy!!!

I have gone to a wedding where one table was not supposed to have a bottle of wine due to drinking issues....and thankfully the bride saw it and deposited the extra bottle at my table...Jackpot!

 

[madelise]

mad...sorry to be the party pooper but I understand a bit why your SO doesn't want booze at your wedding...but honestly how many people our age want to go to a dry wedding?

It would sure keep costs down.

My Dad is an alcoholic so if we did a full on wedding, I'd be leery about alcohol too. But then again, we're not night time dance reception people so it would likely be some type of brunch/lunch reception where people wouldn't drink as much anyway.

He doesn't want booze cus his family is Muslim, and booze is a big no-no to them. I suggested having booze on "my" side, but he says his ghetto family members are going to sneak it, and pretend they didn't know it was booze, and get wasted and act like fools, and blame it on us because they're .. ghetto. He's afraid of the resulting family drama. And he's afraid that my light weighted-ness (I'm DRUNK after 2-3 glasses of dessert 5% wine) would mean I'll start spilling secrets or something. Haha. Which I can see happening. We're both not anal about that stuff in front of most people, since I make an a$$ out of myself quite often.. but we like to keep an "image" in front of his super conservative parents that are very very generous with us. He is the baby of his family, and his parents are very easily heartbroken. Knowing he drinks would be like the apocalypse for them. Hahaha. Ridic but true.

I might request my aunt and uncle do me a solid, and demand the booze for "our" side, though. *I* don't want to be at a dry wedding, not even mine. Alchy is expensive, yes, but it's not really for the financial reasons. Our poor friends

Haha. I can imagine how awkward this dry wedding will be. Tumble weed rolls by. Cheesy jokes aren't funny when everyone is sober. Dancing is atrocious. Oh, what the hell is there to talk about for hours with guests? HAHA


Yes, same page with Audball. Stressing out already.



Chewy: I was on the same page with you re: bridesmaids. No no no, I do NOT want bridesmaids. But omg are bridesmaids ever so helpful with things like signing in, watching the card box, helping with favors, etc. I never thought I wanted bridesmaids until I was/am one. I never realized how much work it takes to be a BM, and how much help BMs are. If you want to DIY a lot of stuff to save $ for the wedding, BMs can be a godsend. Just a thought to toss in

 

[sonnyjane]

He doesn't want booze cus his family is Muslim, and booze is a big no-no to them. I suggested having booze on "my" side, but he says his ghetto family members are going to sneak it, and pretend they didn't know it was booze, and get wasted and act like fools, and blame it on us because they're .. ghetto. He's afraid of the resulting family drama. And he's afraid that my light weighted-ness (I'm DRUNK after 2-3 glasses of dessert 5% wine) would mean I'll start spilling secrets or something. Haha. Which I can see happening. We're both not anal about that stuff in front of most people, since I make an a$$ out of myself quite often.. but we like to keep an "image" in front of his super conservative parents that are very very generous with us. He is the baby of his family, and his parents are very easily heartbroken. Knowing he drinks would be like the apocalypse for them. Hahaha. Ridic but true.

...

Chewy: I was on the same page with you re: bridesmaids. No no no, I do NOT want bridesmaids. But omg are bridesmaids ever so helpful with things like signing in, watching the card box, helping with favors, etc. I never thought I wanted bridesmaids until I was/am one. I never realized how much work it takes to be a BM, and how much help BMs are. If you want to DIY a lot of stuff to save $ for the wedding, BMs can be a godsend. Just a thought to toss in

I'm so sorry With all due respect, that doesn't sound like a magical happy day but rather putting something together that you'll have to tolerate for a few hours. I mean, it's ONLY a couple of hours, so getting through it is certainly possible, but it does suck, in my opinion, to have to put time and money toward planning something like that...

Regarding bridesmaids being a godsend for DIY weddings, as a very recent bridesmaid turned indentured servant for the 3 sleep-free days leading up to my friends wedding, I would implore you to not put all of those things on the shoulders of your bridesmaids. I cried - CRIED - doing the flowers/programs/favors/drinks/place cards for that wedding. It was so much work. I was covered with cuts all over my hands from all the "crafting". I'm happy everything fell into place, but there were 4 very unhappy bridesmaids that wedding week... We all agreed that if we knew what she would have made us do, we would have thought twice about accepting!

 

[Chewbacca]

Aw mad, sounds like a bit of a rock and a hard place scenario! I personally vote for the non-dry wedding scenario. If his 'naughty' family members choose to imbibe, then so be it - it would not be your fault at ALL. Surely it is easy to differentiate between a beer bottle and a soda bottle? I had to laugh at the tumble weed bit.

I'm figuring if I need help, I'll ask people! I've helped plenty-o-brides with tasks from invitations through to a Bachelorette party - without ever being a BM! I'm a DIY control freak anyway.

sonnyjane, indentured servant! Nice turn of phrase. I'm sorry you had to endure that! Aside from the giggle inducing way you put it, it sounds like a 'mare!

 

[boysenberry]

madelise, maybe you could do something like have drink tickets, and only give them to your side? That way even if people sneak in alcohol and get drunk, they can't really blame you for giving it to them since you went out of your way to respect everyone's religious wishes.

Wow I really haven't put much thought into the logistics of wedding planning - and never having been a bridesmaid, I didn't know they had so many duties! I thought forcing them all to wear a dress I choose and taking a billion pictures was bad enough (and ok, someone will probably have to help me go to the bathroom in a large poofy dress :p)

 

[sonnyjane]

madelise, maybe you could do something like have drink tickets, and only give them to your side? That way even if people sneak in alcohol and get drunk, they can't really blame you for giving it to them since you went out of your way to respect everyone's religious wishes.

Ooooooh I like it!!

 

[cygnet]

I like the drink tickets idea, too! It seems like a fair compromise.

Re: bridesmaids, oh dear. I had thought about that a while ago, but then I stopped thinking about it because it seemed too problematic. I am an introvert and G is an extrovert. I have friends, but most of them are sort of "part-time friends." It's not that we only like each other part of the time or anything (we always like each other!) but more that I only feel the urge to socialize once every few months... So I'd feel terribly awkward about asking someone I see twice a year to be a bridesmaid. He, on the other hand, is very social, and he already has 5 guys he'd like to be his groomsmen. Thankfully he has a sister, so there's one, and I have two friends I know will do it, but deciding on two more will be hard. Anyone else ever have this problem? I mean, I do think it would be nice to have a bridal party, but I just feel so awkward about the whole thing.

I loooooove the idea of Tiffany blue BM dresses, though. That will be beautiful, panda!

 

[boysenberry]

I like the drink tickets idea, too! It seems like a fair compromise.

Re: bridesmaids, oh dear. I had thought about that a while ago, but then I stopped thinking about it because it seemed too problematic. I am an introvert and G is an extrovert. I have friends, but most of them are sort of "part-time friends." It's not that we only like each other part of the time or anything (we always like each other!) but more that I only feel the urge to socialize once every few months... So I'd feel terribly awkward about asking someone I see twice a year to be a bridesmaid. He, on the other hand, is very social, and he already has 5 guys he'd like to be his groomsmen. Thankfully he has a sister, so there's one, and I have two friends I know will do it, but deciding on two more will be hard. Anyone else ever have this problem? I mean, I do think it would be nice to have a bridal party, but I just feel so awkward about the whole thing.

I loooooove the idea of Tiffany blue BM dresses, though. That will be beautiful, panda!

I have the same problem in reverse - I am the extrovert and SO the introvert in our relationship. He probably only has 2 people he would really like to be groomsmen, whereas I have many more potential bridesmaids. We sort of talked about it and compromised on 5 each, but he will have to ask some people he isn't super close to and I will have to exclude some friends. Not that I have a lot of very close friends, but I just don't want to risk offending anyone (like if you were all part of the same social circle in college or HS, how can you invite some but not all?) Personally, I wouldn't care if one of my friends didn't ask me to be a BM (less work!) but watching TLC has me afraid that some people take this really seriously and would see it as an insult to our friendship

 

[madelise]

Meh, the drink thing will pretty much be something I have to forgo. I choose colors, I dictate food, I pick vendors.. They pay, they host, I shut up and don't b!tch about the drink thing IRL. That's what LIW is for

Whoever pays has the final say.


I have same prob as you Cygnet. I don't socialize often, since I'm usually stuck studying alone somewhere, and picking up random shifts at work. My free time = SO time. My closest friends think of me as an acquaintance. They prioritize socializing. I don't. Doesn't bother me much. One of my closest friends has already hinted she wants to be my MOH. Okay, she flat out told me, "So I guess I'm your MOH". I yelled at her and told her she's not allowed to appoint herself! But yes, when the time comes, I will be asking her. She's going to be doing all the floral decorations with me. She is a partner for an event floristry company. Another BM is the gal I'm BM for. I'm sure she won't mind helping me out with DIY stuff, since I'm doing them for her. I'll figure out the rest. SO has the same problem. I can only think of 2 people: his best friend, and his brother. But his best friend is also one of those uber-socializers. Like he's in a different country partying all the time. He parties like a celebrity, I swear. I'm sure his BFF thinks of him only as one of his "old friends", not as his "best friend and confidante" the way SO thinks of him.