Wedding Ring Question--Jewish Tradition

[Haven]

Hi, Everyone,

So the ering is STILL not ready, so technically I''m still a LIW. However, BF and I were just talking about our wedding bands, and I am embarrassed to admit that when we picked out my ering (and the intended eternity wedding band) I completely forgot about a law in our religion (Judaism) that the wedding band must be made of solid, uninterrupted metal, or, in other words: NO DIAMONDS (AND ESPECIALLY ETERNITY BANDS) ALLOWED!

This is embarrassing because my father is a member of the Jewish clergy, so I should know better!

Anyway, I have my heart set on a shared prong eternity band to go with my ering, so here is my proposal:

What do you think if we use my grandmother''s wedding band for my wedding ring during the ceremony, and then I would wear it on my right hand afterwards, and then wear my ering and a matching eternity band on my left? I love the idea of using my grandmother''s ring, we''re very close and my grandfather died thirty years ago so she no longer wears her band. Would this be strange? In the end, I''d have a wedding band that I''d wear on my right hand, and an ering and matching eternity band on my left.

Have any other Jewish brides done something like this?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''m not jewish, but I am having two bands. I wanted an eternity band, but also wanted a band that matched my fiance''s. When I was speaking with the jeweller about having both rings done, he assumed I was jewish because he said that many jewish brides have two rings for the reason you mentioned. I think it''s a good idea to have two rings and the ring you''ll be using for the ceremony is your grandmother''s makes it that much more special.

 

[Independent Gal]

I was just talking about this recently with a Jewish friend of mine who was married this summer. She had this dilemma and her Rabbi said that one usual way is for the groom to symbolically ''buy'' a family ring (like grandma''s) for a dollar or some such and have the ceremony with that, then ''sell'' it back after the ceremony.

So, no it wouldn''t be strange. It would actually be completely NORMAL! The only thing is that the groom must symbolically buy the ring, or your grandmother must make a formal gift of it to him. That''s what my friend was told.

 

[Haven]

Thanks, ladies! I feel so much better about the situation now.

Indy--that''s really interesting, my father didn''t mention anything about the groom buying the ring, but I''ll ask him. Thanks!

 

[Independent Gal]

I just looked into it (cause it''s interesting!) and apparently the reason is that the ring which the groom gives the bride (and traditionally it''s only the groom giving a ring, not vice versa) is supposed to be a GIFT of something of value, which is placed on the bride''s index finger. So the groom needs to technically ''OWN'' the ring, because otherwise he can''t make it a gift to you. So if your grandma officially gives it to him (or symbollically sells it) then he can give it to you, but she can''t (technically) give it to you and then have him sort of... give it to you again. See?

But I''m sure you can fudge a lot of that stuff. It''s probably old fashioned anyway!

 

[AceP]

haven, if this helps, my plan is to get a plain platinum band to get married in and treat myself to an eternity band, too - but not for the ceremony. i figure i''m going to want to have a plain band, too, sometimes. and, when i''m not in the mood to wear my e-ring (imagine!) i really like the look of a plain band stacked with an eternity band. can''t go wrong with more options, i say! and i also think the symbolsm of an unbroken band is pretty poignant.

 

[Balaban]

Hi, Haven and everyone. I wanted to concur with Independant Gal and elaborate on a few technicalities. I don't know how traditional you are in your religious observance, or what demonination you belong to, but traditionally (halachically) the way it works is as follows:

The groom has to be giving the bride a gift, which must be something he owns and is worth a certain minimum value. Like Independant Gal wrote, this does not have to be a ring. It could be an apple or a jacket or anything else. However, the tradition is to use a ring. When a ring is used, it should be without piercings or stones. (So even though the requirements are very broad for the symbolic gft necessary for the marriage to take effect, once you're using a ring, it should be of that kind.) Because the ring is a gift, the groom must own the ring. If you want to use your grandmother's ring, your fiance-to-be should buy it from her - even for just a dollar, like Independant Gal said. But after that, he absolutely cannot sell it back to her (or to anyone else), since it is no longer his to sell, it is yours.

Another solution - one a bunch of my friends have done, and like what AceP wrote - is for the groom to simply purchase an inexpensive metal ring to use for the ceremony. Afterwards, you can wear whatever ring you would like to (a lot of my friends have wound up wearing these ceremony rings when they travel, go to the beach, etc).

One other thing: although the wedding band is usually gold for Jewish ceremonies, it does not have to be; it can be any metal (mine is actually going to be platinum).

I hope this is helpful, and sorry for any repetition with other postings. Let us know what you decide to do

 

[diamondfan]

I am Jewish. I think it means you could just use a plain band for your ceremony, and then wear whatever you like at a later point. But I am not particularly religious so I am not sure if you are comfortable with that compromise.