wedding party accomodations etiquette

[janinegirly]

so i blocked a bunch of rooms at the hotel we''re having our reception at (reduced rate). I''ve told my bridesmaids since I''d like them to have first dibs. Seeing how there is a rehersal dinner the friday before, 2nights at a hotel could be expensive. Am i asking too much of my bridesmaids? i''m wondering if BM''s are usually expected to foot these bills.

 

[sumbride]

generally it is their responsibility. Can they double up on rooms? If you want to pay for it, it''s entirely up to you, but I think most people expect to pay for their own accomodations. If they were just a guest, they''d be paying for their own room.

 

[janinegirly]

well one is married and the other is single. maybe i can offer for the single girl to stay at my parents place on the friday if she''d like. i just wanted to make sure it was customary to expect wedding party to cover themselves. i don''t want them to get an email from me re: reduced rates and think that''s cheezy!
thanks sum!!

 

[robbie3982]

Like Sum said, it is customary to have BMs pay for their own accomodations. However, I want to spend the night before the wedding with my BMs all in one room so we''ll be paying for a suite for the night before the wedding.

 

[janinegirly]

how about BM dresses, hair, make up? looking at knot, i see people comparing how much they are covering of BM''s dress/make up and I''m not sure if this is standard..

 

[jsc44]

hi, i am new here, but people expect so much these days!! I have spent so much money on destination bachelorette parties and out of town showers that I can''t worry about where people are staying for my wedding. Now, with that being said, if I did not have such wealthy friends, I would probaby offer my apt. for a group of them to stay in.. since I will have a suite on my wedding night and no one will be at my apt... could you do that?

 

[sumbride]

I''m not paying for their dresses as I picked a dress line where almost everything is under $200 and they are older professioinals, i.e. not students. They are picking their own dresses so they can go as high or low as they want within the line.

I may cover their hair-dos. I''m going to ask that they do their own makeup. 3 of them are Mary Kay dabblers so I''m sure they can handle it. If they want to get their nails done, that will be on their own. I''ve always paid for my own nails, hair, etc... as a BM. We are paying for almost all of the meals for the weekend, starting Friday at lunch and going thru Sunday dinner. I''ll also get them gifts and they''ll have welcome bags. I think that''s enough.

 

[janinegirly]

thanks sum, i agree. that''s the route i plan on going too. thanks! you are my etiquette "go to" person!

 

[sumbride]

Ha, well I''m no Emily Post, but I do what I can.

 

[kcoursolle]

I definitely don''t think you are responsible for paying for their rooms. However, I don''t think they necessarily *have* to stay in that hotel either. For example, if they want to stay with other friends or triple up in a cheaper hotel or whatever that should be fine as well.

 

[tanyak]

Date: 1/24/2007 5:30:40 PM
Author: kcoursolle
I definitely don''t think you are responsible for paying for their rooms. However, I don''t think they necessarily *have* to stay in that hotel either. For example, if they want to stay with other friends or triple up in a cheaper hotel or whatever that should be fine as well.

I completely agree.

 

[labbielove]

I agree, we have a similar concern with some OOT guests/groomsmen that are flying to Western NY to be at our wedding from LA, and will have to rent a car, so is already a lot of $ for them. We don''t feel obligated to pay for them to come but will do what we can on this end to be gracious hosts.

We blocked rooms at one hotel and will provide that rate to guests via our website,

but we also stopped by several hotels right nearby and saw the rooms, took info on rates, etc. and will post these on our website as well for anyone wanting an alternative. for instance, there is a brand new Microtel right across from our hotel that is really quite nice, mini-rooms, but they are only $60, include free breakfast, and is sparkling new & clean, and the manager was very gracious about showing us around.

that way, if a single person or couple want to stay there and save money they can, and we can say that we''ve already checked it out,etc.

 

[aquarius_ser]

I''ve been a Bridesmaid several times and I have ALWAYS paid for my own room. The Bride & Groom have enough expenses... you should not feel you need to pay for their rooms.

 

[dani13]

I think when you are asked to be a bm/gm in a wedding, you have to understand and know that if you decide to participate, there are going to be expenses incurred. I have been a bm several times, and that is just the way it is. For my bm''s, I am going to get them a little gift and probably pay for their hair or makeup to get done the day of the wedding, so I will probably spend about $150 on each girl- and I have 4. My sister is the MOH, so I plan on getting her something more special. But for the bride and groom , they do have enough to pay for, and it is not customary that they pay for all of their wedding party''s expenses. It is customary that the bride and groom give a gift of thanks to each person- and if that "gift" is paying for some part of the expenses, e.g. hair, makeup, hotel, etc., then that''s great. But it definitely shouldn''t be expected.

 

[tanyak]

Just to expand on my previous post, if you decide they don''t have to stay at that particular hotel, let them know. I was in a wedding a couple of years ago and some of the BMs were traveling from out of town. One was a bit upset about the price of the room - I think it was $120 dollars a night (she stayed two nights). I told her just to stay somewhere else, but she felt she had to stay where the rooms were blocked. In this case, no wedding events were being held there at all, so frankly I don''t think it mattered where people stayed.

 

[sarie_j]

I agree with everyone else, the only exception may be if you know one of the BM''s might be having financial troubles or simply not have the means to cover the costs. I know that if that is the case then no one should agree to be in the wedding, but everyone here also knows it is difficult to tell anyone that they can''t afford it. As long as that is not the case then definitely they should cover their own costs, I can''t even begin to tell you how much money I''ve spent on other peoples weddings

 

[sarie_j]

Just a funny memory I had -- I work in a hotel that does receptions etc and one of the girls here got married and got her rooms at employee rate which is $29 plus tax (Normally runs around a hundred or so) -- The grooms family and some of her BM''s still complained it was too expensive...