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Wedding gifts

Discussion in 'Bride World Wide & Grooms Grooves' started by Munchkin, May 2, 2006.

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  1. Munchkin
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    by Munchkin » May 2, 2006
    Hello all. I was reading a post on The Knot about about what people typically give for showers/weddings. One woman's reply just didn't make sense to me, but I didn't want her to fell like I was attacking her if I questioned it. So, I thought I would run it by my pscope friends.

    It seemed like the majority of people who replied wrote that they typically give a registry gift for the shower and cash at the reception. Many brought up the "pay for your plate" method of gauging the actual dollar amount.

    One woman wrote that she usually gives a gift at the wedding, but not from the registry. The way she wrote it was as through she intentionally did not buy gifts off the registry. I guess I simply don't understand that rationale.

    Do any of you habitually buy non registry gifts for a couple? Is there a reason why? I have always purchased shower gifts off the registry, because I figure they are created for that very purpose. Is there an argument out there for not doing that?

    I am aware that this isn't a big deal, but It made me wonder.

    Munchkin

    I edited b/c I realized I signed my Knot name!
     
    


    


  2. SoonIHope
    Ideal_Rock

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    by SoonIHope » May 2, 2006
    I think generally it''s best to buy all presents off the registry (so you know they''ll like it, they don''t get multiples, and they can return/exchange it if they have to or it''s broken) unless you are ONE THOUSAND PERCENT POSITIVE that they will like whatever you get them. My parents, for example, don''t like how impersonal registry gifts are, so for close relatives they always give something a little more unique and artsy and personalized, but if it''s someone they don''t know really really well, they just do registry. I think that''s a pretty good rule of thumb. Only buy off the registry if you knowwwwwww you have similar tastes, and you aren''t getting an alternate version of something they already registered for. Cash I think is also fine if you want, and some people prefer it, but I personally feel more weird about that (even though they obviously know how much their registry gifts cost, it seems more like a "gift" to me than "here''s some money" -- but I realize a ton of people would rather have the cash...) I think that''s all my thoughts on the subject! [​IMG]
     
  3. LizzieC
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    by LizzieC » May 2, 2006
    I don''t understand the not buying off the registry either. Unless you''re a parent, or a best friend, or a sibling or something and as albi said, you KNOW that they''ll like it. Truth be told I''d rather everyone (even close friends and fam) buy off the registry! That''s what it''s there for!
     
  4. Odilia
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    by Odilia » May 2, 2006
    For me it depends on who is getting married. For close friends or relatives, I like to give something more personal than cash or even something on the registry. Something that they will remember was specially from me. I do try to make sure it's something they'll like, though! [​IMG] For someone I don't know as well/a more casual friend, I more likely just do the registry, or maybe cash, leaning toward cash the less I know the person. Or sometimes I do a cash/gift combo; that way I didn't spend too much on the gift since it wasn't something they asked for, but still they get something more memorable/personal, whereas they still have mostly the cash to use as they wish. And personally, I appreciated all three types of gifts that we received: cash, registry, and things that were unique ones not asked for. To me it would have been boring if we got all cash or registry gifts. Some of the best gifts we got were not on the registry, and often the most memorable. For one couple who got married recently (close friends), I really thought about what I could get that would be special, and after they got it, they said it was one of their favorite gifts.

    Incidentally, one reason people might not use the registry is if they don't know where the couple is registered (this is possible) or live in a part of the country where they don't have the store where you're registered (and don't use internet - e.g. elderly relatives). There could be various reasons.

    Munchkin: before I sign off: Did you ever post any clear pictures of your ring? I remember it sounded beautiful in the description, and I always wanted to see photos!!
     
    


    


  5. Munchkin
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    by Munchkin » May 2, 2006
    I emailed Leigh about getting clear photos, and he said it would be fine. I emailed him info about the ring so he could find the photos...and I never heard back. I had forgotten all about that! I should look into that again.

    Munchkin
     
  6. ocbride2007
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    by ocbride2007 » May 2, 2006
    I agree... I would generally stick to the registry unless I knew there was something more personal that they would love. When my fiance''s sister got married, one of their friends bought them an x-box. It was cool, because they knew it was something they would enjoy more than another set of knives.

    However, I can see an instance where maybe there is nothing left on the registry in your price range, and you decide to get something different. In that case, I would get something from the same store as the registry, because they should still be able to exchange it for something you like.

    As for the cash gifts - my fiance is Vietnamese, and in their culture pretty much everyone brings cash as gifts. There''s not really a gift table at all, there is usually just a box for the cards (or little red envelopes) or the wedding party will walk around and greet every table, accepting the envelopes personally. I really prefer this way, because the money usually pays for at least the catering and receptions site, and some people even make a profit from their own wedding!! So basically, the guest''s gifts to the couple is paying for the wedding. In my opinion, so much better than a gravy boat.
     
  7. SoonIHope
    Ideal_Rock

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    by SoonIHope » May 2, 2006
    Yeah, my fiance is Chinese, so pretty much all of his family will be giving us red envelopes, not presents. I grew up with a very strong "cash or gift certificates are impersonal, ALWAYS get a unique gift specific to the person''s taste" bias, so it''s a little weird for me! But I''m sure I won''t be saying that when I have a big wad of cash after the wedding... [​IMG]
     
  8. laine
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    by laine » May 2, 2006
    I tend to stick with registry or cash. I agree that registries can seem impersonal, so I try to add something to it to make it a little more special. I did a bottle of wine with the wine glasses that one couple registered for, and added some cake decorating stuff to the cake pans off another registry.

    I figure its enough to make them think it was sweet, and know that I cared enough to make a little effort, but still gives them what they want.
     
  9. jcrow
    Ideal_Rock

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    by jcrow » May 2, 2006
    wow- laine, that sounds perfect! i must remember that for future occasions!

    what i do i get on the registery only. i try to find a "complete" gift (not a pan, or a glass) that''s in my pricerange.

    i''ve wondered if people do cash gifts still, besides it being a cultural thing. i would rather just cash gifts. i basically did a registery so that i wouldn''t get random gifts that i don''t need. I am already set-up and so is FI, so we are upgrading what we do have.
     
  10. Munchkin
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    by Munchkin » May 2, 2006
    jcrow - By me (Northeast) it seems as though people typically do a registry gift at the shower and cash for the wedding. My parents always had a set cash range for specific relationships. (IE the closer we were to the couple, the larger the check.) My FI was raised on Long Island and introduced the "pay for your plate" mentality" to me. I guess I now practice a combination of the two. But, yes, cash is definitely still given! (and appreciated!)

    When I was in grad school, I would actually gave couples the cash gift a few days/week before the wedding, in case anything unexpected came up. We were all poor grad students, and they scrimped for every penny spent on their weddings. Just in case they hadn''t budgeted for a tip, etc., I thought it might help if I could give them some early "petty cash."

    Laine- I love your personal touch! It sounds like a great marriage between personal thought and registry purchases!

    Munchkin
     
    


    


  11. jcrow
    Ideal_Rock

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    by jcrow » May 2, 2006
    awesome. i''m in the south. i really am not expecting cash, but it''s nice to know it may come our way.
     
  12. froufrou
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    by froufrou » May 3, 2006
    HA! My mother is one of those people who would probably not buy from the registry because she thinks that "her choices'' are better than anyone else''s so whatever the couple picked isnt "really" the best thing for them, so then she picks out something that would have been the "right" choice to get. i went shopping with her at Bed Bath and Beyond for a wedding gift and she kept complaining that she''d rather get them something "nicer" that is not on their registry but i convinced her to just buy from the registry...people are weird sometimes. i prefer to just give money because when i get married i think i''ll prefer to just get money.
     
  13. FireGoddess
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    by FireGoddess » May 3, 2006
    I always buy from the registry - a smaller gift for the shower and a bigger one for the wedding. If the couple hasn't registered or the registry is full I either give cash or a gift certificate to the place they've registered, or to another store they like.

    I should add that y'know, you're grateful for any gift but some of the (sorry if I sound rude) stupid crap that people gave me off registry was so useless or not my taste that I really wonder why they bothered. I did register for a reason - I need and LIKE these things. A lot of it was so random I couldn't even return it. That's the worst.
     
  14. tanyak
    Shiny_Rock

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    by tanyak » May 4, 2006
    I live in the South, so cash gifts aren''t common here at all. I usually buy things off of the registry because I figure that''s what people want. But I do know somebody who doesn''t like to buy off of registries - I can''t remember her reasoning. The only problem is she had a standard non-registry gift - some sort of spice rack - so it''s not like she was personalizing the gift for each couple. I know of at least four couples she gave it to.
     
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