wedding game plan...opinion?

[lala2332]

A little background: FI would love to have "The Father of The Bride" wedding....elegant and very traditional. My parents said help with house or wedding. Plus we are 3rd year law students. I will have NO TIME to plan such a huge event. but my parents offered to have no engagement type parties and that instead after the marriage they would throw us a very nice cocktail-type party at their home, which is stunning.

Our compromise:

Since most of his friends are from out of town we want everything to be in one trip. So we would get married friday evening and have only family and our friends that would have made up the bridesmaids and groomsmen and their SOs. (Maybe one or two of our parent''s closets friends...that is still being hammered out.) We would only have MOH and BM. And hopefully the wedding would take place in one of the larger area churches'' smaller chapels. We are guessing it will be about 50 people.

Afterwards we would go to a nice restaurant and the In-Laws would pay for this "rehersal dinner" even though instead of the rehersal, we actually had the ceremony.

Saturday, FI would take his "groomsmem" golfing and I would take my "bridesmaids" for mani-pedis and a cute lunch. Then that night we would have a catered, full bar cocktail party reception for about 150 people at my parent''s home. The only big problem is that our backyard is landscaped with different little gardens and so there isn''t one area big enough for a band (which FI really wants). So instead, after the cocktail party...like 11:30-12...we would have rented a couple of limos to take the party crowd (young and old) out to a fun nearby bar, to dance and celebrate to the wee hours.

Do you think this is feasible? How do we word invitations to either and /or both events? I hate to call the cocktail party a reception...but what do we call it then?

any ideas, suggestions, anything is much appreciated. I can pick out shoes and clothes like no other, but this whole planning thing is overwhelming!!!

 

[lala2332]

shameless bump

But seriously....is this crazy trying to compromise for everyone? I''m just so worried that everyone is gking to think we are crazy for breaking it all up. I guess I just need either reassurances that this is not a terrible plan or reasons why this will not work. I value Psers opinions, ESP those that have already been through the drama of planning a wedding.

Thank you so much!!!!

 

[kittybean]

Date: 1/9/2009 4:58:43 PM
Author:lala2332
A little background: FI would love to have ''The Father of The Bride'' wedding....elegant and very traditional. My parents said help with house or wedding. Plus we are 3rd year law students. I will have NO TIME to plan such a huge event. but my parents offered to have no engagement type parties and that instead after the marriage they would throw us a very nice cocktail-type party at their home, which is stunning.

Two thoughts:

1) Just FYI, you will have a lot more time now as a 3L than you will when you''re a newly-minted attorney. For me, the best planning time was right after I took the bar exam. I had a couple months of free time, which was awesome. However, I was doing some of the heavy planning while studying for the bar, which actually turned out just fine. Now, it''s hard to imagine doing a lot of planning when I have an actual caseload and am trying to figure out how the heck to be a trial attorney (and I don''t even technically work "full-time"). In sum, your time is generally a lot more flexible while you''re in school, and IMO, it''s easier to do the planning then. Since I don''t know when your event is, this might not even be that relevant--just disregard if it doesn''t apply!

2) Your plan sounds doable, but realize it will take just as much planning as a huge wedding. Also, check out a recent thread about inviting people to the ceremony only--some people will feel offended if you do this. Is this what you really want? What would be ideal to you? If you feel like you''re compromising too much, I''d say rethink the plan; it''s your wedding, and it''s important that you not feel pulled in a hundred directions and doing it all for other people on your big day(s).

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Honestly? I don''t see anything wrong with your plan. But, it seems to me that it would take just as much time and money to do that as it would to have a full blown wedding for 150 guests.

 

[katamari]

I agree that it will be just as much work (and possibly money), so I would only pursue this if it is what you actually want (not as a compromise). Are there any other old homes/BBs/mansions that host ceremonies and receptions? That way you could find a venue to combine them both. From your post it seems to me that you wouldn''t mind having everyone at the ceremony if it was possible, so why not do it?

And, I also agree with Kittybean that you may have more time now than you think. I am finishing my PhD and I have enough flexibility in my schedule that it makes up for not necessarily having a lot of time.

As for wording, FI and I are eloping and then coming home to a "celebration." After the posts about reception-only guests last week, we decided that calling it a reception might make people see it as a plea for gifts. We figure there are plenty "celebrations" people attend where they don''t bring gifts. But, I agree that wording is difficult for this type of thing.

 

[lala2332]

this way would cost a lot less. My family throws cocktail type parties a lot, so the planning of that would be easy. I actually wanted less people at the ceremony, so more is def. Not an option. I guess I just don't want all the hype of a "wedding-wedding" this way it's a party without allthe expectations of a wedding and reception.

 

[katamari]

It sounds like you and FI are pretty set with the planning, and are ready, then, to go forward and make this your wedding.

I do, though, think that if you are having 50 guests to a church ceremony in the same town as the party celebration, you run the risk of having the other 100 guests misinterpreting your intentions. 50 people is really weddinging to many, so they might not see your choice to delineate the guestlist unless the division is obvious nd transparent. You know your guests best and can hopefully find a way to best articulate your intensions.