Wedding Attire Etiquette Question!

[oranges]

Hi everyone!
I was invited to a wedding as by boyfriend's guest (he's in the wedding) and immediately started looking for a dress for the occasion. On google, I came across some "rules" about wedding dress codes and apparently it's disrespectful to wear black to weddings! By wearing black, apparently, you are showing disapproval for the union of the bride and groom ... is this just a bunch of nonsense? If I didn't "approve" why would I be there supporting the couple. I just don't understand. Anyway, I found a very gorgeous dress that is gray with a black criss-cross pattern, and I would LOVE to wear it, but I don't want to be "rude" to the bride and groom. There are seriously too many rules for weddings--it baffles me.
So, has anyone ever heard of this rule? What would you guys do?

 

[elrohwen]

I think that's a pretty old fashioned rule - these days, brides are even putting their bridesmaids in little black dresses! It's certainly not poor etiquette at this point, and black always looks chic. Heck, I wore a white dress with black flower pattern to a wedding - looks like I was breaking two rules (while I wouldn't recommend wearing a mostly white dress - this one was mostly black).

 

[Octavia]

I think it depends on the area you're in and the culture of the bride and groom, but people have been in black at every single wedding I've attended. I don't like to wear all-black to weddings, personally, although I did one of the times I was a bridesmaid because that's what the bride chose! I think black-and-grey would be fine, though. Also, I think a little black dress with colorful heels, necklace, scarf, or other accessory is very chic.

 

[TooPatient]

I pushed a button and my post disapeared. Quick summary:

Black is okay

not okay:
all (or mostly) white or cream
exact color of bridesmaids dresses (if you know what they are wearing -- otherwise don't worry)
skimpy (mini-skirts, super-low-cut tops, see through...)


ETA:
I agree with Octavia.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Black is only rude in a wedding if it looks like you are going to a funeral. A friend told me about a wedding she went to where the groom's former mistress (affair during his first wedding) showed up in full funeral attire, including a hat with black veil and black gloves. Now, that was rude!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Black is only rude in a wedding if it looks like you are going to a funeral. A friend told me about a wedding she went to where the groom's former mistress (affair during his first wedding) showed up in full funeral attire, including a hat with black veil and black gloves. Now, that was rude!

I wonder if this person was invited or she showed up of her own volition just to add a special flavor to the event?!?

 

[zoebartlett]

I don't follow that "rule." I figure that black goes with everything, and it's usually what I wear to weddings.

 

[radiantquest]

Black is fine. I am a MOH and my dress is black. Well and so are all the bridesmaids dresses

 

[stepcutgirl]

I'm putting my bridesmaids in little black dresses! I think it's fine.

 

[tigian]

I think that is an outdated rule. I see black dresses at every single wedding I've gone to. I think it is more rude to wear a white dress or something too skimpy.

 

[oranges]

thank you all for your replies!!!! i really appreciate it.
i'm so happy that black is fine... I was worried since i wore a strapless black dress to my cousin's wedding too. honestly there are just so many wedding etiquette things that people need to follow that I don't know which ones are important and which ones are just fussy and silly.
also, while i'm at it... how short is too short for a dress? would you consider "finger tip" length acceptable? so many of the cute dresses are rather short... I don't want to look like a tramp but I would hate to buy something frumpy-- i'm 20, I would feel weird in a knee lenth cocktail dress.

 

[Octavia]

I do think fingertip length is too short. You should never have to worry about what's going to be exposed if you bend over! For me, fingertip is about 8" above the knee, and I would never wear a dress to a wedding that was more than about 3" above the knee. I might be on the conservative side. But I was in a wedding this past weekend and the wedding scheduled in the church before it ran late, so we crossed paths with them. The bridesmaids' dresses for that wedding were about fingertip length...and one of those bridesmaids did bend over to fluff the bride's dress and we could see things we really didn't want to. Ick. My recommendation is, when you have the dress on, bend forward from the waist. Check your rear. If you're a person of ordinary sensibilities, you'll know if it's too short...

 

[kenny]

Your dress should be no more revealing than the bride's.

 

[oranges]

octavia, thanks for the advice.. i think that i have long arms my finger tips are ~5 inches above my knees. i think i'll go longer than finger tip---upon reflection, that's pretty darn short. anyway, dresses look a lot longer on shorter girls (I'm like 5'4.5) than the 5'10 models in the pitures.

kenny, that picture is hilarious.... wonder how awkward the father/daughter dance was at that wedding

 

[kenny]

kenny, that picture is hilarious.... wonder how awkward the father/daughter dance was at that wedding

I want to see the pic of her throwing the bouquet over her shoulder.
BOIOIOIOIOINGGGGGG!

 

[oranges]

kenny, that picture is hilarious.... wonder how awkward the father/daughter dance was at that wedding

I want to see the pic of her throwing the bouquet over her shoulder.

I don't!!!!!

 

[soocool]

My MIL showed up all in black and despite that my marriage of almost 21 years is thriving while her relationship with her son and grandaughter (my DD) is dead.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think that is an outdated rule. My BM dresses were black! I will agree with steering clear with white/cream/light silver/light pink (basically any shade a wedding dress comes in) and overly revealing dress. I think the second is more culturally related though. I went to a wedding in South America and WOW. Those ladies love to show off their bodies. No one seemed to bat an eye but had it been a stateside wedding...the gossip would have been crazy.

 

[Haven]

It really depends on the couple's social circle. Are they very traditional? Old money?
I wouldn't wear black to certain people's weddings, especially those of the most formal, traditional families I know.

 

[Haven]

I think the second is more culturally related though. I went to a wedding in South America and WOW. Those ladies love to show off their bodies. No one seemed to bat an eye but had it been a stateside wedding...the gossip would have been crazy.

This reminds me of the Greek weddings we've attended. The tighter and shorter the better, it seemed.

 

[gemgirl]

Black is only rude in a wedding if it looks like you are going to a funeral. A friend told me about a wedding she went to where the groom's former mistress (affair during his first wedding) showed up in full funeral attire, including a hat with black veil and black gloves. Now, that was rude!

You've got to hand it to her. That witch (exchange the "w" for a b) had brass!

 

[gemgirl]

I've worn my Jones New York "little black dresses" to weddings before. I think a LBD is rather elegant with pearls, great earrings and a sexy pair of pumps or sling backs. Just never wear the same color as the bride or the bridesmaids.

My husband's mother heard that her future daughter in law was getting married in Ivory, so she went out and got a formal gown that was covered in Ivory lace from neck to feet. Now THAT'S rude!