We should be ecstatic about our trip, but...

[DonaBella]

My DH and I are getting ready to leave for our long awaited trip to the Caribbean, but instead of looking forward to it, we are snippy, short with each other, moody, argumentative, to name a few adjectives. To complicate matters, the clientele my husband services are all needing him every waking hour so when he is home, he is still working and cannot take time away to converse with us(me and the kids) or do anything with us(after I finish this, even though its late, I promised the kids bowling and we couldn''t get a lane earlier so we are headed there for an hour or so of bowling). I respect and honor his need to keep our finances intact and clients satisfied, but it is at a great sacrifice of his health, decent sleep, etc.

We even crammed in a marriage counseling session this afternoon because I made a major decision regarding our oldest daughter and I felt it was best said to him in a safe place that would have no interruptions or distractions and that was at the therapist''s office. He is not able to see why I am so worked up. I have had to deal with organizing flower deliveries, doctor appts, cooking, shopping for travel needs, on top of dealing with last minute errands for my hubby or business related. Our 15 yr old is ADD and is depressed so I had to meet with the family that would be staying in our home to solidify details regarding the day to day dealings of our family. DH thinks I am layering unnecessary burdens on my shoulders and making a bigger deal of things than they really are.

Listen, I run a family of 8 kids, with 3 adult kids who sometimes are here and one who refuses to help in any way possible so I have to pick up the slack ALOT. My son with ADD shares this disorder with two other brothers, so that is 3 kids that I have to make sure have meds first thing in the morning before school, take those three to school, come back, get 2 elementary kids off to school with a decent breakfast, and then turn my attention to either going to the gym for me, make phone calls and/or get into the shower to get out the door to deliver flowers or do family errands.

I am sorry this is long but I really needed to vent...

I feel much better after sharing what I had to share with DH in session today what I did and we swore not to make those issues concerns right now and I am totally fine with that. I am concerned with his snippiness and him not being willing to recognize my right to be concerned about home issues. That''s my realm and I am not sure how to proceed from here. At this rate, we won''t even be speaking by the time we leave for the airport on Tuesday!

 

[diamondsrock]

I think the stress of vacations is underrated. Last time husband and I went somewhere we got into a huge fight 2 days before because we were both so stressed out. I was so busy with work and home I felt like I didn''t have time for the vacation and planning for it was so much hassle. I think that stress is causing all of your issues to come out at once. That''s what happened with us. We ended up patching things up and going on the trip but I still remember the arguments and stress and the fact that we couldn''t cancel because the room was already paid for. I can relate to you!

 

[Momoftwo]

We''ve been married almost 25 yrs and we almost always fight either right before vacations, holidays, etc or at the beginning. I think the pentup stress from organizing makes us a little bonkers at times. It makes you appreciate the vacation more.

 

[partgypsy]

Sounds like you two are overworked and stressed out (and need a vacation)
I would not hold onto any hard feelings once you are on vacation, but use the time to reconnect, relax, and rejuvenate, after all, that''s what a vacation''s for.

good luck and have a good time!

 

[Mara]

Planning for a vacation can be stressful leading up to it...so much to do! But once you are out there, all the cares just fade away and you can enjoy each other without worrying about anything else. Keep an open mind. Good luck!!

 

[Kaleigh]

We always seem to fight right before we go away. The stress of planning everything and hubby trying to tie up all the loose ends of his business etc... But once we get there and can relax we always have a great time and really enjoy some alone time. Have a wonderful trip and enjoy this time with your hubby.

Happy Anniversary!!!

 

[icekid]

here''s something else to think about- (we''re learning psych!)- but i''ve heard this a couple other times through med school too in talking about relationships.

But often people tend to fight right before they are going to do something intimate that should bring them closer together (vacation). This way, you''re not letting the person get TOO close to you- closer than you''re comfortable with. I tend to do this sometimes and it''s something I have to be cognizant about. Obviously I don''t want to push my FI away- not a good thing!

I hope you have a relaxing vacation!

 

[monarch64]

My husband and I always seem to get into it as we''re getting ready to go to weddings! No matter how much I try to make sure we are both prepared beforehand, (clothing, gift, card, etc.) he INEVITABLY thinks of some little detail he needs me to take care of while I''m rushing to get my makeup and hair finished. We share a bathroom, so this only fuels the fire. I swear he does it on purpose, because no matter how many times I''ve tried to talk to him about it (oh, it also happens when we go out to dinner while we are on his annual industry meetings--both situations are where I''m required to spend more time in the bathroom than usual), he STILL finds something to pester me with! It''s like he tests my patience, and if I don''t react in a completely positive manner the blank hits the fan.

I think there may be some merit to icekid''s psych theory!

 

[Patty]

Deanne, it sounds like pre-trip stress. Just enjoy yourself once you get going. You''ve been looking forward to this trip for a long time now. HAVE FUN!